Suicide Note; Chapter 05 (Part III)
Don't know if the title of the chapter is misleading or not...
Here's another update.
Character development ahead.
Suicide Note
Chapter Five (Part III)
Abuse
Sharon listened to the Toyota idle unevenly as Laura hurried down the hill with suitcase and a rolling bag in tow. She reached the car, opened the liftgate, and threw the two bags into the truck.
It was early afternoon, and they had decided to go away for the weekend. Laura had hinted she had made reservations at some hotel and that Sharon would love it. She had just agreed, still riding the wave of sweet infatuation from their kiss on the campus grounds.
That and she wanted to escape away from Amanda after all that had happened.
“Are you taking your entire room with you?” Sharon leaned over her shoulder and looked at Laura, who was loading up her things. She had crawled into the truck and looked up. The loose dress hung from her body, revealing her beautiful breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra underneath.
“Sorry, I just never know how to dress this time of year,” Laura replied as she climbed out. She slammed the tailgate then jumped into the passenger seat. “It's cold one day, hot another.”
Sharon sighed. “You've made me feel unprepared.”
Laura leaned over the console and kissed her cheek. “You're about my size, you can wear the things I brought. In fact I'd love to see what you'd look like in them.”
“So, where are we going?” Sharon asked as she backed out of the parking space. Midterms were over and a lot of students had already left the campus. The lot looked deserted; they were one of the last to leave.
“There's a nice bed and breakfast at Rockpoint,” Laura replied. “Just take the coastal highway north once we get out of Hillsboro and I'll tell you exactly how to get there.”
“Bed and breakfast?” Sharon asked as she pulled out of campus and the shadows played across the windshield. The light was blinding her and she put on her sunglasses. That was a lovers' retreat, wasn't it? She wondered what Laura was up to.
“Don't worry,” Laura said, reclining in her chair. “I don't plan on seducing you or anything. I just want us to get to know each other better without anything getting in the way.” Her expression softened as she looked over at Sharon. “This is my first chance to really get a good look at you,” she said.
“Same here,” Sharon said, trying to steal glances away from the road and at Laura.
“What do you think so far?” Laura asked, turning her attention at the trees whizzing past the window.
“I feel like I've known you for a long time... It's like getting to know an old friend all over again,” Sharon said. “And it'd be nice to do that by ourselves...”
“So getting Amanda into the picture was a bad idea?” Laura exhaled on the window and traced some random symbols on the glass with her finger.
“I'm so sorry,” Sharon said. She felt a cold sweat slick over her back, yet her face was burning. She opened the sunroof and the cool wind came whipping in at their hair.
“Why are you sorry?” Laura asked. “It should have been me waiting for you in that room.”
“I just wanted my first time to be...”
“Don't think about it too much,” Laura said. “How you look means people will always want to fuck you. But it really doesn't matter much if you're not in love. I've never been in love until now...”
“You sound like someone I used to know,” Sharon said as she slowed down as they passed through Hillsboro. She stopped under one of the few red lights in town and waited for it to change.
Friday was much warmer than the day before when she had gone to the sea. The clouds were moving over the sun quickly and the air was fragrant with blooming flowers and trees. She took a deep breath of the sweet winds.
“Really?” Laura asked. “I'm sure you loved her, didn't you?”
“But she didn't love me,” Sharon replied. “Or at least not how I wanted her to.” She pulled forward when the light changed and headed out of town for the winding country roads.
The fields and trees had changed color and were glowing vibrantly in the golden late afternoon sunlight. Sharon watched the play of shadows rush over the windshield and over Laura's face as they sped up and the air coming in through the sunroof turned into a tumult.
“That's unfortunate,” Laura said. She seemed much more subdued and withdrawn. “But you can't always fault someone for just wanting to have sex at times...”
“Laura, I'm really sorry.”
“What for? You had your fun and I'm glad that you managed to find a release in her. Unless you love her... Is that what you want to tell me?” Laura smiled menacingly.
“I just feel terrible.”
“Don't,” Laura said. “Although it'd break my heart if you left me.”
“This is not how I imagined our relationship to start.”
Laura looked at Sharon then reached over to her and stroked her hair. “Is that what you want, lovely? A relationship?”
“Why wouldn't I?” Sharon said, suddenly turning to her. She was shocked to see Laura like this-so honest. She seemed naked without all these artificial walls of confidence and much more lovely than before.
Laura laughed and sat back up, readjusting her chair. She smoothed out her skirt that had been dancing on the stray breezes in the cab.
“What's so funny?”
“It's nothing, I just forgot what it felt like to be with someone so... honest.”
“Is that a bad thing?” Sharon asked.
“Hardly,” Laura giggled. “It's just so pleasant to have someone worth holding on to in this fleeting world.”
Sharon fell silent.
“I've been shuffled from one boarding school to another my entire life,” Laura said. “I don't have any family to speak of. So I've learned to fill the void of love with other things.”
“Does it work?”
Laura tried not to laugh. She turned her attention back to her window and started to play with her bangs. “Briefly. Then I'm stuck with someone who makes me feel empty inside.”
“I thought that you just used people and threw them away,” Sharon said.
“Who told you that?”
“Chrissie.”
“Hmm...” Laura started off. She seemed to be thinking something over. Sharon watched her from the corner of her eye as she tried to focus on the road. “I've never disguised my intentions, if that's what you want to hear.”
“Then...”
“If you think that you're just another notch on my bed, don't,” Laura said. “I already told you how I feel. And in all honesty I'd prefer if you had some means of skepticism towards me.”
“I'd like to think I wouldn't need any of that,” Sharon said.
“That's why I like you,” Laura replied. “But, then, what do you like about me? Is it because I remind you of this girl?”
Sharon took a deep breath. The fields were so fragrant and the air was so crisp. She wanted to lie down in the tall plants and just hold her as the clouds passed over them. Laura desperately wanted to get to know her, get inside her soul, touch the innermost parts of her. Yet the sexual auspices of their first interaction had left a bad taste in her mouth.
No, I just feel guilty for fucking her girl toy, she thought.
“Well?” Laura asked.
“It's silly, but you do remind me of the first girl I loved.”
“How is that silly?”
“Because she treated me like shit,” Sharon said. “And I'd be a glutton to go after someone like that again.”
She wondered why she would have the nerve tell Laura something like this-considering that it might hurt her feelings to be compared to Elise. There was something to Laura's attitude that just made Sharon want to pour out her soul to her, even if it seemed to be against her best judgment.
“What was her name?”
“Elise,” Sharon said. “Can we drop this?”
“If you want,” Laura said. “But I'd prefer you telling me more about her.”
Sharon paused briefly, trying to gage Laura's intent. Was she serious, did she really want the truth. At this point all she had to go on was to be honest.
“We didn't have the best of relationships,” Sharon said after a long pause. “I don't want us to turn out the same way.”
“If that's what you want, dear, then I guess I should hear everything about her-so that I don't make the same mistakes,” Laura said with a smirk.
“I doubt that,” Sharon said. “You already said that you want to fall in love with me. That's more than she ever did.”
“Are you sure that she never loved you?” Laura asked. “It seems that our memories are hardly that accurate. More often than not certain things stand out or get exaggerated. She probably made you feel a certain way when you two parted... And that colored your perception of all of the actions and poisoned your memories.”
“Maybe, but does that change the outcome?”
“It may change how you see people like her,” Laura said.
Here's another update.
Character development ahead.
Suicide Note
Chapter Five (Part III)
Abuse
Sharon listened to the Toyota idle unevenly as Laura hurried down the hill with suitcase and a rolling bag in tow. She reached the car, opened the liftgate, and threw the two bags into the truck.
It was early afternoon, and they had decided to go away for the weekend. Laura had hinted she had made reservations at some hotel and that Sharon would love it. She had just agreed, still riding the wave of sweet infatuation from their kiss on the campus grounds.
That and she wanted to escape away from Amanda after all that had happened.
“Are you taking your entire room with you?” Sharon leaned over her shoulder and looked at Laura, who was loading up her things. She had crawled into the truck and looked up. The loose dress hung from her body, revealing her beautiful breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra underneath.
“Sorry, I just never know how to dress this time of year,” Laura replied as she climbed out. She slammed the tailgate then jumped into the passenger seat. “It's cold one day, hot another.”
Sharon sighed. “You've made me feel unprepared.”
Laura leaned over the console and kissed her cheek. “You're about my size, you can wear the things I brought. In fact I'd love to see what you'd look like in them.”
“So, where are we going?” Sharon asked as she backed out of the parking space. Midterms were over and a lot of students had already left the campus. The lot looked deserted; they were one of the last to leave.
“There's a nice bed and breakfast at Rockpoint,” Laura replied. “Just take the coastal highway north once we get out of Hillsboro and I'll tell you exactly how to get there.”
“Bed and breakfast?” Sharon asked as she pulled out of campus and the shadows played across the windshield. The light was blinding her and she put on her sunglasses. That was a lovers' retreat, wasn't it? She wondered what Laura was up to.
“Don't worry,” Laura said, reclining in her chair. “I don't plan on seducing you or anything. I just want us to get to know each other better without anything getting in the way.” Her expression softened as she looked over at Sharon. “This is my first chance to really get a good look at you,” she said.
“Same here,” Sharon said, trying to steal glances away from the road and at Laura.
“What do you think so far?” Laura asked, turning her attention at the trees whizzing past the window.
“I feel like I've known you for a long time... It's like getting to know an old friend all over again,” Sharon said. “And it'd be nice to do that by ourselves...”
“So getting Amanda into the picture was a bad idea?” Laura exhaled on the window and traced some random symbols on the glass with her finger.
“I'm so sorry,” Sharon said. She felt a cold sweat slick over her back, yet her face was burning. She opened the sunroof and the cool wind came whipping in at their hair.
“Why are you sorry?” Laura asked. “It should have been me waiting for you in that room.”
“I just wanted my first time to be...”
“Don't think about it too much,” Laura said. “How you look means people will always want to fuck you. But it really doesn't matter much if you're not in love. I've never been in love until now...”
“You sound like someone I used to know,” Sharon said as she slowed down as they passed through Hillsboro. She stopped under one of the few red lights in town and waited for it to change.
Friday was much warmer than the day before when she had gone to the sea. The clouds were moving over the sun quickly and the air was fragrant with blooming flowers and trees. She took a deep breath of the sweet winds.
“Really?” Laura asked. “I'm sure you loved her, didn't you?”
“But she didn't love me,” Sharon replied. “Or at least not how I wanted her to.” She pulled forward when the light changed and headed out of town for the winding country roads.
The fields and trees had changed color and were glowing vibrantly in the golden late afternoon sunlight. Sharon watched the play of shadows rush over the windshield and over Laura's face as they sped up and the air coming in through the sunroof turned into a tumult.
“That's unfortunate,” Laura said. She seemed much more subdued and withdrawn. “But you can't always fault someone for just wanting to have sex at times...”
“Laura, I'm really sorry.”
“What for? You had your fun and I'm glad that you managed to find a release in her. Unless you love her... Is that what you want to tell me?” Laura smiled menacingly.
“I just feel terrible.”
“Don't,” Laura said. “Although it'd break my heart if you left me.”
“This is not how I imagined our relationship to start.”
Laura looked at Sharon then reached over to her and stroked her hair. “Is that what you want, lovely? A relationship?”
“Why wouldn't I?” Sharon said, suddenly turning to her. She was shocked to see Laura like this-so honest. She seemed naked without all these artificial walls of confidence and much more lovely than before.
Laura laughed and sat back up, readjusting her chair. She smoothed out her skirt that had been dancing on the stray breezes in the cab.
“What's so funny?”
“It's nothing, I just forgot what it felt like to be with someone so... honest.”
“Is that a bad thing?” Sharon asked.
“Hardly,” Laura giggled. “It's just so pleasant to have someone worth holding on to in this fleeting world.”
Sharon fell silent.
“I've been shuffled from one boarding school to another my entire life,” Laura said. “I don't have any family to speak of. So I've learned to fill the void of love with other things.”
“Does it work?”
Laura tried not to laugh. She turned her attention back to her window and started to play with her bangs. “Briefly. Then I'm stuck with someone who makes me feel empty inside.”
“I thought that you just used people and threw them away,” Sharon said.
“Who told you that?”
“Chrissie.”
“Hmm...” Laura started off. She seemed to be thinking something over. Sharon watched her from the corner of her eye as she tried to focus on the road. “I've never disguised my intentions, if that's what you want to hear.”
“Then...”
“If you think that you're just another notch on my bed, don't,” Laura said. “I already told you how I feel. And in all honesty I'd prefer if you had some means of skepticism towards me.”
“I'd like to think I wouldn't need any of that,” Sharon said.
“That's why I like you,” Laura replied. “But, then, what do you like about me? Is it because I remind you of this girl?”
Sharon took a deep breath. The fields were so fragrant and the air was so crisp. She wanted to lie down in the tall plants and just hold her as the clouds passed over them. Laura desperately wanted to get to know her, get inside her soul, touch the innermost parts of her. Yet the sexual auspices of their first interaction had left a bad taste in her mouth.
No, I just feel guilty for fucking her girl toy, she thought.
“Well?” Laura asked.
“It's silly, but you do remind me of the first girl I loved.”
“How is that silly?”
“Because she treated me like shit,” Sharon said. “And I'd be a glutton to go after someone like that again.”
She wondered why she would have the nerve tell Laura something like this-considering that it might hurt her feelings to be compared to Elise. There was something to Laura's attitude that just made Sharon want to pour out her soul to her, even if it seemed to be against her best judgment.
“What was her name?”
“Elise,” Sharon said. “Can we drop this?”
“If you want,” Laura said. “But I'd prefer you telling me more about her.”
Sharon paused briefly, trying to gage Laura's intent. Was she serious, did she really want the truth. At this point all she had to go on was to be honest.
“We didn't have the best of relationships,” Sharon said after a long pause. “I don't want us to turn out the same way.”
“If that's what you want, dear, then I guess I should hear everything about her-so that I don't make the same mistakes,” Laura said with a smirk.
“I doubt that,” Sharon said. “You already said that you want to fall in love with me. That's more than she ever did.”
“Are you sure that she never loved you?” Laura asked. “It seems that our memories are hardly that accurate. More often than not certain things stand out or get exaggerated. She probably made you feel a certain way when you two parted... And that colored your perception of all of the actions and poisoned your memories.”
“Maybe, but does that change the outcome?”
“It may change how you see people like her,” Laura said.