i'm addicted to the joy that those little things, they bring
Today I give up. Today I let go. Today I quit. It's not worth it. Disappointment. Constant.
I'll isolate my heart. Which in itself is a disappointment 'cause I have so much to give. But I'll learn to give to myself.
Officially one week till opening night of Vagina Monologues. HELL WEEK! I've come to terms with that I hate the melody I had written, so I'm starting over again. It's a tough situation, but I need something more challenging, something I can feel passionately for. Haha so yeah hell week is gonna be INTENSE. But the more I labor the more fruitful the outcome. I want my heart in it. I want to do my best. Part of doing my best is looking my best, so I'm also on a veggie, fruit, and brown rice eating plan. Oh, and special K! And I'm actually enjoying it. I might start playing soccer with my assistant manager, but for now I'm doing my version of jazzercize, haha. My extra motivation: todd wants me to do more modeling soon.
This jerkoff old white dude came into work today and my coworker Manny was helping him at the window next to me. The asshole asked Manny if he spoke Spanish, and Manny said "haha well I try" (even though it's his native tongue) and the old gross man who keeps staring at me says "Yeah well I bet that helps when you work with beautiful Mexican girls". EW. He kept giving me the perv eye and talking out of his ass. I hear him once again say something about "beautiful Mexican girls" and this time he must have seen my look of disgust because he says to Manny "Haha she didn't like that too much". But does it stop him? No. More looks. More dickface comments. How irritating. But I do give him credit for getting my ethnicity right, pretty much.
My hands are healing much better this week. Work is forcing them to suck it up, all the counting and typing and writing and shit. I use my hands a lot, and it's been really weird being handicapped, having them be so weak and such. Glad to have my strength back. I can almost give myself good back rubs again.
Which brings me to my back, which isn't healing better this week at all. I don't know what to do. Doctors are worthless, I know that much. But I can't afford acupuncture, nor a massage. So I'm gonna let time and stretching solve the problem, I just gotta hope it works.
Every female I've dated has contacted me this week (most after a long hiatus). I wonder why. The world is so funny like that. I find so much comfort in coincidences. And again I wonder why. And Rosie from LA has a boyfriend now. ? . I think it's her ex. Oh ex's...so much fun aren't they?! As we all grow older they just get more and more complicated. Ew just wait till it's ex wives/husbands and there are potentially kids involved. Oh what I wouldn't give to be asexual....myra will only get me so far...
I have a strong distaste for santa cruz lately and I'm not sure how to cope.
It's already Friday, February is over in less than a week, apparently there's a party at my house tonight(technically) that I was just now informed of (cool! just gotta clean), alex munoz is in town this weekend and we're gonna kick it, yay! Damn I need to go to bed and hope some kind of musical inspiration finds its way to my voice for this damn monologue full of jibberish. CUNT CUNT CUNT. Tra la la. Tra la fuckin la.
I hate how my mind always tries to void what I feel. I'd like to fill that self created void with a lover, a poor decision indeed. And I hate my mind for even entertaining the thought 'cause it only fucks with me more.
It's gotten pretty late, and I haven't gotten any of the cleaning I intended on doing done, what a surprise! Soy un perdedor.
ahhh i feel so crazy right now and i don't know why. i need a release. "right now i feel like a bird, caged without a key"
...gotta have that soul...
I'll isolate my heart. Which in itself is a disappointment 'cause I have so much to give. But I'll learn to give to myself.
Officially one week till opening night of Vagina Monologues. HELL WEEK! I've come to terms with that I hate the melody I had written, so I'm starting over again. It's a tough situation, but I need something more challenging, something I can feel passionately for. Haha so yeah hell week is gonna be INTENSE. But the more I labor the more fruitful the outcome. I want my heart in it. I want to do my best. Part of doing my best is looking my best, so I'm also on a veggie, fruit, and brown rice eating plan. Oh, and special K! And I'm actually enjoying it. I might start playing soccer with my assistant manager, but for now I'm doing my version of jazzercize, haha. My extra motivation: todd wants me to do more modeling soon.
This jerkoff old white dude came into work today and my coworker Manny was helping him at the window next to me. The asshole asked Manny if he spoke Spanish, and Manny said "haha well I try" (even though it's his native tongue) and the old gross man who keeps staring at me says "Yeah well I bet that helps when you work with beautiful Mexican girls". EW. He kept giving me the perv eye and talking out of his ass. I hear him once again say something about "beautiful Mexican girls" and this time he must have seen my look of disgust because he says to Manny "Haha she didn't like that too much". But does it stop him? No. More looks. More dickface comments. How irritating. But I do give him credit for getting my ethnicity right, pretty much.
My hands are healing much better this week. Work is forcing them to suck it up, all the counting and typing and writing and shit. I use my hands a lot, and it's been really weird being handicapped, having them be so weak and such. Glad to have my strength back. I can almost give myself good back rubs again.
Which brings me to my back, which isn't healing better this week at all. I don't know what to do. Doctors are worthless, I know that much. But I can't afford acupuncture, nor a massage. So I'm gonna let time and stretching solve the problem, I just gotta hope it works.
Every female I've dated has contacted me this week (most after a long hiatus). I wonder why. The world is so funny like that. I find so much comfort in coincidences. And again I wonder why. And Rosie from LA has a boyfriend now. ? . I think it's her ex. Oh ex's...so much fun aren't they?! As we all grow older they just get more and more complicated. Ew just wait till it's ex wives/husbands and there are potentially kids involved. Oh what I wouldn't give to be asexual....myra will only get me so far...
I have a strong distaste for santa cruz lately and I'm not sure how to cope.
It's already Friday, February is over in less than a week, apparently there's a party at my house tonight(technically) that I was just now informed of (cool! just gotta clean), alex munoz is in town this weekend and we're gonna kick it, yay! Damn I need to go to bed and hope some kind of musical inspiration finds its way to my voice for this damn monologue full of jibberish. CUNT CUNT CUNT. Tra la la. Tra la fuckin la.
I hate how my mind always tries to void what I feel. I'd like to fill that self created void with a lover, a poor decision indeed. And I hate my mind for even entertaining the thought 'cause it only fucks with me more.
It's gotten pretty late, and I haven't gotten any of the cleaning I intended on doing done, what a surprise! Soy un perdedor.
ahhh i feel so crazy right now and i don't know why. i need a release. "right now i feel like a bird, caged without a key"
...gotta have that soul...