i wanna stay inside for good.
i figure its time to update.
today is new years. one of my least favorite events. new years means ringing in january, which means a big downer for me. i dont know why but ever since i can remember ive always hated january. sounds dumb, but i dread it. and i guess i have good reason to be down. a lot of things have happened recently that have just weighed heavy on me.
i had been so proud of myself for doing so well through out the beginning of winter, and things were running smoothly and very well. yeah... okay. i should know by now from past experience that things dont always remain the way you want them to. i cant look at either of my best friends in the same way anymore. maybe in some respects im overreacting in some situations, in others i know i'm not. i've been in one of those moods where i just shut myself off. i dont want to communicate with anyone. but to the other extreme sometimes im so upset that all i want to do is get out of the house and distract myself. i really dont know what to do with myself.
how is it so that everything seems to be better than they ever were and i was so proud of how much we had overcame, only to wake up one day to the worst words i would ever think be directed toward me. sure, there have been things in the past that have really upset me, but i hate when extreme things like this happen. when you see something coming at least you're prepared. i was made to feel like i've done something so wrong and so horrible that i can never be forgiven, but i'd love to know what that thing is.
i'm rambling.
emma and i are talking and hanging out again and i really cant express just how happy that makes me. it is soooo nice to sit down and talk to her and be able to work things out. she has been there with me through so much, and she is one of the few that knows the real me and knows me inside and out for who i am. my good and my bad. right now she seems to be the only one in my life that knows that. the other has promptly excused himself out of my life. thank god for friends. but at the same time, what a headache they give me sometimes.
work sucks. my hours are getting cut so much. so much drama is going on there. i hate my manager. she causes so much unneeded shit... and she's doing a lot of wrong and immoral things that i wish i could get her fired for, but i just cant be so lucky. i need to find a new job or we need to get a new manager. she pretty much disgusts me, and that takes a lot. i'd like to think i'm pretty open minded.
now is just not a good time of the year for me. it seems to be when everything happens to me and not the good things either. i hope i deal with everything a lot better than i did last year. i imagine i will.
i just talked to bryce too. im making an appointment to get the outline done for my next tattoo. the only thing i have been so excited about in a long time. i have it to look forward to at least.
since the other day im not even looking forward to john mayer. what kind of a birthday gift is it if the one person i wanted to go with so bad has decided im a bad person?
fuck.
give me new york city. i need to leave.
today is new years. one of my least favorite events. new years means ringing in january, which means a big downer for me. i dont know why but ever since i can remember ive always hated january. sounds dumb, but i dread it. and i guess i have good reason to be down. a lot of things have happened recently that have just weighed heavy on me.
i had been so proud of myself for doing so well through out the beginning of winter, and things were running smoothly and very well. yeah... okay. i should know by now from past experience that things dont always remain the way you want them to. i cant look at either of my best friends in the same way anymore. maybe in some respects im overreacting in some situations, in others i know i'm not. i've been in one of those moods where i just shut myself off. i dont want to communicate with anyone. but to the other extreme sometimes im so upset that all i want to do is get out of the house and distract myself. i really dont know what to do with myself.
how is it so that everything seems to be better than they ever were and i was so proud of how much we had overcame, only to wake up one day to the worst words i would ever think be directed toward me. sure, there have been things in the past that have really upset me, but i hate when extreme things like this happen. when you see something coming at least you're prepared. i was made to feel like i've done something so wrong and so horrible that i can never be forgiven, but i'd love to know what that thing is.
i'm rambling.
emma and i are talking and hanging out again and i really cant express just how happy that makes me. it is soooo nice to sit down and talk to her and be able to work things out. she has been there with me through so much, and she is one of the few that knows the real me and knows me inside and out for who i am. my good and my bad. right now she seems to be the only one in my life that knows that. the other has promptly excused himself out of my life. thank god for friends. but at the same time, what a headache they give me sometimes.
work sucks. my hours are getting cut so much. so much drama is going on there. i hate my manager. she causes so much unneeded shit... and she's doing a lot of wrong and immoral things that i wish i could get her fired for, but i just cant be so lucky. i need to find a new job or we need to get a new manager. she pretty much disgusts me, and that takes a lot. i'd like to think i'm pretty open minded.
now is just not a good time of the year for me. it seems to be when everything happens to me and not the good things either. i hope i deal with everything a lot better than i did last year. i imagine i will.
i just talked to bryce too. im making an appointment to get the outline done for my next tattoo. the only thing i have been so excited about in a long time. i have it to look forward to at least.
since the other day im not even looking forward to john mayer. what kind of a birthday gift is it if the one person i wanted to go with so bad has decided im a bad person?
fuck.
give me new york city. i need to leave.