I want to feel everything when everything feels wrong

[minus_four]

You know what? I'm just not going to.

I don't feel like I'm strong enough to keep myself from falling, but I am. Simple as that. I feel like shit, I'm scared and I feel fifteen again, but I'm in control. I won't let shit control me.

I'm predictable, sure, but I still have a choice. Sure, it's hard. Sometimes it feels fucking impossible but that doesn't mean anything. If I really want to give up I should just do it. But I don't. I know I don't, so I'm gonna deal, I'm gonna get the fuck back up again and be okay. I'm going to find my moments and live them because I've made it this far and I am not throwing it all away no matter how tempting it is to fall back into the familiar.

Go on, and pull yourself up.

~

I always dream about things that are on my mind. Finding something I've lost, doing something I've always wanted to.

Last night I dreamt of forgiveness for something that wasn't even my fault.

~
And I don't know why, but my thoughts feel like they mean more when I write them in here.

Maybe I just feel like I mean a little more.