"This is side one. Flip me over."
Am I really just sad for not being able to just let go? Thinking of it, that was about six years ago now and I can't let go of it, not really. It's like, burned into my memory but I don't know if it's a choice.
Maybe I want to remember the pain and the fear and the hell, because what else have i got to define myself by?
That scares me. The amount of stuff in my life that I put in the category of 'not my choice, just happened, won't happen again, I had to do it' is just really terrible. All my fucking excuses.
It's not like it hurts that much anyway.
And then I passed out. I thought I was gonna chill out on the sofa for a bit and get up again but I didn't. Instead I got stupidly cold until 5am or so when I woke up and went into my own bed (which is like, across the hallway lol). So, sorry if I was talking to you and went away.
David went past to go to the bathroom at 5 and said he saw the computer was still on. I'm just glad he's not nosy 'cause really, I had no reason to be sleepin' on the couch except for the reason it was lol. He just thinks I was awake all night, which he knows I do actually do sometimes. He thinks I'm crazy and is telling me to go back to bed before I die though lol.
I am hungover though tbh, which is hardly surprising. Buuuuuuuut, I could have done/been worse so it's cool.
"we'll get through it". Yeah, we will. Flip over the page and start writing your future.
EDIT: Actually, I need to write fic. don't know what though. I think I might write happy fluffy cuteness in the form of date!except-not-a-date-because-it's-not-obv!ryden. oh boys.
Maybe I want to remember the pain and the fear and the hell, because what else have i got to define myself by?
That scares me. The amount of stuff in my life that I put in the category of 'not my choice, just happened, won't happen again, I had to do it' is just really terrible. All my fucking excuses.
It's not like it hurts that much anyway.
And then I passed out. I thought I was gonna chill out on the sofa for a bit and get up again but I didn't. Instead I got stupidly cold until 5am or so when I woke up and went into my own bed (which is like, across the hallway lol). So, sorry if I was talking to you and went away.
David went past to go to the bathroom at 5 and said he saw the computer was still on. I'm just glad he's not nosy 'cause really, I had no reason to be sleepin' on the couch except for the reason it was lol. He just thinks I was awake all night, which he knows I do actually do sometimes. He thinks I'm crazy and is telling me to go back to bed before I die though lol.
I am hungover though tbh, which is hardly surprising. Buuuuuuuut, I could have done/been worse so it's cool.
"we'll get through it". Yeah, we will. Flip over the page and start writing your future.
EDIT: Actually, I need to write fic. don't know what though. I think I might write happy fluffy cuteness in the form of date!except-not-a-date-because-it's-not-obv!ryden. oh boys.