Don't Know...
I'm in an awkward state right now. I feel like I'm in the most fucked up love triangle ever. And I'm contradicting myself. It's a long story, which I don't feel like explaining, but mostly I'm afraid of how I feel for Jordan...I don't want it to be serious becuz love that comes at two different times is usually heart breaking. I'm not in love with Jordan, not even close, but I know that given time enough (months, years even) I might be. He's so sweet to me, just really good with me but it's really casual and not permenant which I like. I emailed ** yesterday, saying congratulations. I went to Tually with Sara! I miss her sooo much, we've been friends since 6th grade, she's one of the most important people in my life, and she's the funniest person I know. We went and saw a movie, it was great, being with her was great. If she was a lesbian, she'd be my perfect mate. Everything about her is everything I want in the person I want to spend most of my time with. She's beautiful, very beautiful, smart, driven, funny, outgoing...just everything, a really unique person and I'm glad to know her. I talked to Jobey today, he's doing good, I miss talking to him and Kris, my little canadian buddies lol. Jordan called me last night, as sweet as usual and he's sposed to call today. Not yet though. I've been up since 10, I'm never up before 1 on a Sunday, but my dad woke me up early to do my chores. Crazy! I'm not even dressed yet, I'm such a bum. But yeah, I feel like there's something I should be doing, but I'm not and I'm afraid it's quiet important and that I'll regret not doing it. Lol, I just read that Gwyneth Paltrow named her baby Apple, that's cute! Jordan wants a son named Oi. Now everyone I've talked to says that sounds really dumb, but I think it's absolutely adorable. Sure, unless he has a winning personality or something else to set him apart, he's gonna be made fun of some. I want a daughter named Foehn (Fo-en). Jordan says he doesn't want a daughter becuz they're complicated, he said that what if the mother leaves and he has to explain periods and things. I said that the mother prob'ly won't leave Jordan, unless he pushes her away. I haven't talked to anybody about "kids" and what not, since I was with **. Sad day! Anyways, I think I'm gonna go, later!