Artificial Sweetener, or Why Emily Needs to Stop Watching Bridget Jones' Diary
Title: Artificial Sweetener, or Why Emily Needs to Stop Watching Bridget Jones' Diary
Fandom: RPF
Characters/Pairings: Jared Padalecki/Zooey Deschanel, Emily Deschanel, Chad Michael Murray/Kenzie Dalton
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer:Don't own them, but I'm pretty sure they own me.
Note: To ship, or not to ship, that is the question
As she walked into Jared’s house, Emily couldn’t help but think that Bridget Jones was definitely right. The only thing worse than a smug married couple was lots of smug married couples. Not that Zooey and Jared were married yet, thank god. She would have a hell of a time explaining that to mom and dad considering her sister had neglected to tell them that she was even seeing someone, but it now that she was here, and seeing Jared and Zooey (and now Jensen and Eliza) together in the flesh, Emily was beginning to see just how alone she really was.
Hell, even Brennan was managing to get laid these days, which was definitely the icing on the cake. But she was determined not to let it bother her, Zooey and Jared had invited her over for her party, and so a party girl she would be.
Even if her love life sucked and Bridget was possibly right about another thing: the loveless, (aka Emily) were going to die, miserable and alone only to be discovered days later half eaten by wild dogs.
Needless to say this was a less than encouraging thought, which she quickly pushed aside as she plastered on her best I-can-mingle-and-I’m-thrilled-about-being-in-a-room-full-of-perfect-strangers-smile.
“Drinks are out back near the grill,” Jared told her, pointing the way.
“Grill?” Emily blurted awkwardly, shooting her sister a panicked look.
“Oh, don’t worry, Em,” Zooey said reassuringly. “I got you some of those veggie kabobs you like. I even cooked them before we started flinging the dead cow on the grill. You’re safe, I promise.”
“You’re the best.” Emily kissed her little sister’s hair before smiling at Jared. “Go, you guys, be good hosts. I’ll just go mingle with the beautiful people.”
Emily made her way to the punch bowl, taking a sip of something fruity she prayed to god was alcoholic. She settled in on Jared’s tree swing, wiggling her toes and squinting at freshly applied pale blue nail polish. Just as her stomach started making embarrassing grumbling noises, a semi familiar face plopped down on the grass next to her.
“Nice shoes,” he commented, looking up at her with a grin.
“Thank you, they’re new,” Emily said, sliding an arm around her tummy self consciously to muffle any more gurgling.
“And so are you,” he said with his mouthful of hamburger. He held out a hand awkwardly before wiping it on his pants and holding it out again. “I’m Chad.”
“Emily. Uh, Zooey’s sister,” she added awkwardly.
“I knew there was a certain family resemblance,” he said, his grin still in place. “You’re the older one, right.”
“Right,” she confirmed, narrowing her eyes as she tried to place him. “Chad…Chad…oh right, you’re Jared’s friend.”
“That would be me. Has Zooey been talking about me?”
“She sure has.” In a stay the hell away from him at all costs sense, her brain added. “And we watched you the other night.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “You sure, because I’m sure I’d notice two hot chicks spying on me in the middle of the night.”
“Not like that!” Emily said quickly, trying to ignore the blush that was starting to creep into her cheeks. “In a movie. We were having a Jared marathon and House of Wax was on the bill.”
He smiled. “And the verdict?”
“I liked it,” she admitted. “Course, Zooey wanted to turn it off as soon as her little snuggle bunny bit the big one, but I told her we had to watch the whole thing.”
“Let me guess, was because you wanted to see my bright and shiny face some more?” he said hopefully.
Emily fought the urge to snort and say hardly, but as she looked over at Chad, she wasn’t entirely sure what he said wasn’t true. Sure, he was an egotistical jackass, but there was something, well, charming about him. He was like that arrogant quarterback or class president who everyone wanted, but never got, even though lord knows he was sleeping his way through half the class.
Guys like that were never Emily’s type, but we never fall for our type, now do we? Opposites attract, similarities repel.
Unless, of course, we’re talking about a pair like Zooey and Jared. Emily couldn’t help but smile as she watched them making drinks through the sliding glass door. Jared’s arms were wrapped around Zooey’s waist, and he was whispering something into her ear. Judging from the look on her sister’s face, it was probably something good…or at least very naughty.
“Yeah, they’re disgusting, aren’t they,” Chad chimed in, interrupting her thoughts. “But she’s good for him, I haven’t seen Jared this happy in a long time, maybe even before Sandy.”
Emily glanced over, watching him lick some ketchup of his finger. “Sandy’s the ex, right?”
“Yeah, nice girl… until the end.”
“Does he still talk to her?”
Chad smiled a little. “Yeah, but, you don’t have to worry about your sister when it comes to Jared. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t cheat.”
“You’re the best friend, isn’t it your job to lie for him?”
“Touché,” he said ruefully. “And Jared doesn’t need people to lie for him, because he never does. God, you really are Bones, huh?”
“You watch Bones?”
“You don’t have to say it like that! And yeah, may have caught it once or twice.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, I caught that one, where you solved that crime, with that guy…”
She laughed. “Oh yeah, think I remember that one.”
“So uh, Emily was it?”
“Yeah?”
He leaned in a little closer, his lips brushing her earlobe. She couldn’t tell if it was an accident or not, but his words were definitely chosen after some careful thought…from his downstairs brain, at least. “What do you say we have a little party of our own? This one kinda blows.”
Her eyes widened, but she took a deep breath, channeling some of Brennan’s inner cool. “I don’t know what kinda party you’re thinking, but there’s not gonna be any blowing here or there. Not interested, screw boy.”
Chad made an audible croaking sound just as a sweet looking blonde girl in a sunflower sundress appeared. “Hey, Chad, got you another beer.” She tilted her head to the side, giving Emily the unspoken, but universally acknowledged once over that every girl uses before they decide whether another girl is a threat to their relationship. “So whose your new friend?” she said with enough artificial sweetener to give all three of them cavities.
Apparently Emily had passed the slutty threat test with flying colors.
“Oh, this is Emily,” he said smoothly. “Emily, this is Kenzie, my fiancé.”
Emily grimaced.
Correction, two smug couples and one smug almost married couple that included one hell of a sleazy boyfriend.
“Kenzie,” she said with a smile. “That’s a nice name. Your boyfriend was just telling me all about you.”
Chad started to squirm and she couldn’t help but grin as she patted the spot between them. “Have a seat, think we have a lot to talk about.”
Fandom: RPF
Characters/Pairings: Jared Padalecki/Zooey Deschanel, Emily Deschanel, Chad Michael Murray/Kenzie Dalton
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer:Don't own them, but I'm pretty sure they own me.
Note: To ship, or not to ship, that is the question
As she walked into Jared’s house, Emily couldn’t help but think that Bridget Jones was definitely right. The only thing worse than a smug married couple was lots of smug married couples. Not that Zooey and Jared were married yet, thank god. She would have a hell of a time explaining that to mom and dad considering her sister had neglected to tell them that she was even seeing someone, but it now that she was here, and seeing Jared and Zooey (and now Jensen and Eliza) together in the flesh, Emily was beginning to see just how alone she really was.
Hell, even Brennan was managing to get laid these days, which was definitely the icing on the cake. But she was determined not to let it bother her, Zooey and Jared had invited her over for her party, and so a party girl she would be.
Even if her love life sucked and Bridget was possibly right about another thing: the loveless, (aka Emily) were going to die, miserable and alone only to be discovered days later half eaten by wild dogs.
Needless to say this was a less than encouraging thought, which she quickly pushed aside as she plastered on her best I-can-mingle-and-I’m-thrilled-about-being-in-a-room-full-of-perfect-strangers-smile.
“Drinks are out back near the grill,” Jared told her, pointing the way.
“Grill?” Emily blurted awkwardly, shooting her sister a panicked look.
“Oh, don’t worry, Em,” Zooey said reassuringly. “I got you some of those veggie kabobs you like. I even cooked them before we started flinging the dead cow on the grill. You’re safe, I promise.”
“You’re the best.” Emily kissed her little sister’s hair before smiling at Jared. “Go, you guys, be good hosts. I’ll just go mingle with the beautiful people.”
Emily made her way to the punch bowl, taking a sip of something fruity she prayed to god was alcoholic. She settled in on Jared’s tree swing, wiggling her toes and squinting at freshly applied pale blue nail polish. Just as her stomach started making embarrassing grumbling noises, a semi familiar face plopped down on the grass next to her.
“Nice shoes,” he commented, looking up at her with a grin.
“Thank you, they’re new,” Emily said, sliding an arm around her tummy self consciously to muffle any more gurgling.
“And so are you,” he said with his mouthful of hamburger. He held out a hand awkwardly before wiping it on his pants and holding it out again. “I’m Chad.”
“Emily. Uh, Zooey’s sister,” she added awkwardly.
“I knew there was a certain family resemblance,” he said, his grin still in place. “You’re the older one, right.”
“Right,” she confirmed, narrowing her eyes as she tried to place him. “Chad…Chad…oh right, you’re Jared’s friend.”
“That would be me. Has Zooey been talking about me?”
“She sure has.” In a stay the hell away from him at all costs sense, her brain added. “And we watched you the other night.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “You sure, because I’m sure I’d notice two hot chicks spying on me in the middle of the night.”
“Not like that!” Emily said quickly, trying to ignore the blush that was starting to creep into her cheeks. “In a movie. We were having a Jared marathon and House of Wax was on the bill.”
He smiled. “And the verdict?”
“I liked it,” she admitted. “Course, Zooey wanted to turn it off as soon as her little snuggle bunny bit the big one, but I told her we had to watch the whole thing.”
“Let me guess, was because you wanted to see my bright and shiny face some more?” he said hopefully.
Emily fought the urge to snort and say hardly, but as she looked over at Chad, she wasn’t entirely sure what he said wasn’t true. Sure, he was an egotistical jackass, but there was something, well, charming about him. He was like that arrogant quarterback or class president who everyone wanted, but never got, even though lord knows he was sleeping his way through half the class.
Guys like that were never Emily’s type, but we never fall for our type, now do we? Opposites attract, similarities repel.
Unless, of course, we’re talking about a pair like Zooey and Jared. Emily couldn’t help but smile as she watched them making drinks through the sliding glass door. Jared’s arms were wrapped around Zooey’s waist, and he was whispering something into her ear. Judging from the look on her sister’s face, it was probably something good…or at least very naughty.
“Yeah, they’re disgusting, aren’t they,” Chad chimed in, interrupting her thoughts. “But she’s good for him, I haven’t seen Jared this happy in a long time, maybe even before Sandy.”
Emily glanced over, watching him lick some ketchup of his finger. “Sandy’s the ex, right?”
“Yeah, nice girl… until the end.”
“Does he still talk to her?”
Chad smiled a little. “Yeah, but, you don’t have to worry about your sister when it comes to Jared. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t cheat.”
“You’re the best friend, isn’t it your job to lie for him?”
“Touché,” he said ruefully. “And Jared doesn’t need people to lie for him, because he never does. God, you really are Bones, huh?”
“You watch Bones?”
“You don’t have to say it like that! And yeah, may have caught it once or twice.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, I caught that one, where you solved that crime, with that guy…”
She laughed. “Oh yeah, think I remember that one.”
“So uh, Emily was it?”
“Yeah?”
He leaned in a little closer, his lips brushing her earlobe. She couldn’t tell if it was an accident or not, but his words were definitely chosen after some careful thought…from his downstairs brain, at least. “What do you say we have a little party of our own? This one kinda blows.”
Her eyes widened, but she took a deep breath, channeling some of Brennan’s inner cool. “I don’t know what kinda party you’re thinking, but there’s not gonna be any blowing here or there. Not interested, screw boy.”
Chad made an audible croaking sound just as a sweet looking blonde girl in a sunflower sundress appeared. “Hey, Chad, got you another beer.” She tilted her head to the side, giving Emily the unspoken, but universally acknowledged once over that every girl uses before they decide whether another girl is a threat to their relationship. “So whose your new friend?” she said with enough artificial sweetener to give all three of them cavities.
Apparently Emily had passed the slutty threat test with flying colors.
“Oh, this is Emily,” he said smoothly. “Emily, this is Kenzie, my fiancé.”
Emily grimaced.
Correction, two smug couples and one smug almost married couple that included one hell of a sleazy boyfriend.
“Kenzie,” she said with a smile. “That’s a nice name. Your boyfriend was just telling me all about you.”
Chad started to squirm and she couldn’t help but grin as she patted the spot between them. “Have a seat, think we have a lot to talk about.”