What is this? I have a livejournal? :D (permanent account, too!)
So, I guess I should say that I haven't died. To be fair, I do work with clients who have indeed died and lived to talk about it. One even woke up on a slab in the morgue, saying, "Where are my clothes?" To which I replied (after he told me about this), "Well, you came into this world naked the first time anyway. Seems rather apropos, doesn't it?"
I had reached a point where I didn't feel depressed (but really was), wasn't happy, but simply... alive. But being alive isn't the same as living, really. I didn't feel sad, angry, frustrated, creative, happy, or anything else - I was numb emotionally. My 1-2 beers a month became 4-6 a day. The physical pain increased, although the migraines weren't constant like they used to be.
I even lost complete interest in dancing and music and my daily walks. :( (My temporary physical handicap obtained at my sister's wedding didn't help, because it just reminded me of the constant cycle, every year, on crutches, on how my ankle is just shot. And then there was my mom, telling me that clearly this is a sign of being too fat for my own feet. Thanks Ma. But I wouldn't be too fat for my own feet if you hadn't given me the same damn autoimmune thyroiditis that you, your six sisters, grandmother, great-grandmother, and many various cousins all have! /still bitter)
So I took up crocheting in self-defense of burnout, because I wanted to be talented and admired for my creativity and keep my hands busy busy busy. I felt useless and fat at the time, barely off the crutches I had been stuck in and still not able to move far on my foot/ankle, so I thought this would be a great thing to do when not being able to move. (t took me five flipping hours to get a single basic chain down. when my roommate came home and asked me what I did that Saturday, I grumbled, "I learned how to crochet. >:("
And once I got the hang of it, I was really good. :D So between June 23rd, 2012 (the day I bought the starter kit at Walmart and got to work) to now, I made three baby blankets, one (almost completed) queen-sized wool blanket, twelve matching sets of hats and scarves, two toys, two random hats, and one deformed potholder. Crocheting has been my only interest in the last six months; one of two joys (the second joy being my cat, especially when he decided to be really darling and cute and pounce on my yarn - I just didn't have the heart to tell him no). I sat in front of a turned-on TV for background noise, and that was the meaning of my entire life.
But something changed Christmas Day while driving home for Christmas. inspiration hit me like a bolt of lightning! All l my creativity came zooming back. My eight hour round-trip drive turned into a nonstop brainstorming session. I started writing like a madwoman when I returned from the family ranch on December 26th. I wrote five thousand words in less than three hours, in a single sitting in front of my computer. Thoughts and ideas have been flying through my mind, fully-formed and uniform.
It's like all my energy, my love, my creative processes - everything! - had been stoppered up inside of me, and on Christmas Day, the cork popped free! My prayers* had been answered!
Today is January 3rd, and I have written 35000 words in the last week. (WHY DIDN'T THIS STRIKE ME DURING NANOMO????)
(Okay - I'm probably really manic, but that's okay, because I've never been self-destructive with my mania - No sex, no drugs, no gambling, no overspending, nothing - minus the fast driving, but everyone does 80 MPH around Montana, okay? Otherwise it takes forever to travel from Point A to Point B. But it means my house will get clean now!)
I hope things stay perked up. I really missed my old self. :D (Also... also, I am happy and pleased to announce to the entire world that I am writing THE FIRST, SO FAR THE ONLY, Shimura Danzo/Inuzuka Tsume (Naruto) story IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. BECAUSE I AM THAT AWESOME, THAT SPECIAL, AND AM THE QUEEN OF CRACK.
(*By prayers, there's this special devotion to the Holy Infant Christ Child that requires a prayer to be said 15 times each day from November 30th to December 25th. As a reward for this devotion, it is promised that the devoted will obtain a special grace on Christmas Day. I did this devotional, and I truly believe this special grace is the return of my inspiration/energy/creativity/something. But I don't think God intended me to use it for writing an epic novel filled with smut, child prostitution and abuse, and many other things that would make Father and the Church frown at me.)
I had reached a point where I didn't feel depressed (but really was), wasn't happy, but simply... alive. But being alive isn't the same as living, really. I didn't feel sad, angry, frustrated, creative, happy, or anything else - I was numb emotionally. My 1-2 beers a month became 4-6 a day. The physical pain increased, although the migraines weren't constant like they used to be.
I even lost complete interest in dancing and music and my daily walks. :( (My temporary physical handicap obtained at my sister's wedding didn't help, because it just reminded me of the constant cycle, every year, on crutches, on how my ankle is just shot. And then there was my mom, telling me that clearly this is a sign of being too fat for my own feet. Thanks Ma. But I wouldn't be too fat for my own feet if you hadn't given me the same damn autoimmune thyroiditis that you, your six sisters, grandmother, great-grandmother, and many various cousins all have! /still bitter)
So I took up crocheting in self-defense of burnout, because I wanted to be talented and admired for my creativity and keep my hands busy busy busy. I felt useless and fat at the time, barely off the crutches I had been stuck in and still not able to move far on my foot/ankle, so I thought this would be a great thing to do when not being able to move. (t took me five flipping hours to get a single basic chain down. when my roommate came home and asked me what I did that Saturday, I grumbled, "I learned how to crochet. >:("
And once I got the hang of it, I was really good. :D So between June 23rd, 2012 (the day I bought the starter kit at Walmart and got to work) to now, I made three baby blankets, one (almost completed) queen-sized wool blanket, twelve matching sets of hats and scarves, two toys, two random hats, and one deformed potholder. Crocheting has been my only interest in the last six months; one of two joys (the second joy being my cat, especially when he decided to be really darling and cute and pounce on my yarn - I just didn't have the heart to tell him no). I sat in front of a turned-on TV for background noise, and that was the meaning of my entire life.
But something changed Christmas Day while driving home for Christmas. inspiration hit me like a bolt of lightning! All l my creativity came zooming back. My eight hour round-trip drive turned into a nonstop brainstorming session. I started writing like a madwoman when I returned from the family ranch on December 26th. I wrote five thousand words in less than three hours, in a single sitting in front of my computer. Thoughts and ideas have been flying through my mind, fully-formed and uniform.
It's like all my energy, my love, my creative processes - everything! - had been stoppered up inside of me, and on Christmas Day, the cork popped free! My prayers* had been answered!
Today is January 3rd, and I have written 35000 words in the last week. (WHY DIDN'T THIS STRIKE ME DURING NANOMO????)
(Okay - I'm probably really manic, but that's okay, because I've never been self-destructive with my mania - No sex, no drugs, no gambling, no overspending, nothing - minus the fast driving, but everyone does 80 MPH around Montana, okay? Otherwise it takes forever to travel from Point A to Point B. But it means my house will get clean now!)
I hope things stay perked up. I really missed my old self. :D (Also... also, I am happy and pleased to announce to the entire world that I am writing THE FIRST, SO FAR THE ONLY, Shimura Danzo/Inuzuka Tsume (Naruto) story IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. BECAUSE I AM THAT AWESOME, THAT SPECIAL, AND AM THE QUEEN OF CRACK.
(*By prayers, there's this special devotion to the Holy Infant Christ Child that requires a prayer to be said 15 times each day from November 30th to December 25th. As a reward for this devotion, it is promised that the devoted will obtain a special grace on Christmas Day. I did this devotional, and I truly believe this special grace is the return of my inspiration/energy/creativity/something. But I don't think God intended me to use it for writing an epic novel filled with smut, child prostitution and abuse, and many other things that would make Father and the Church frown at me.)