Just Prompts: Letters from Rehab for Dean and Lisa
Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why
- Reasons Why by Nickel Creek
There would be a letter arriving at the address that was considered Ben's temporary address, being Beth and Dean's home - since Lisa insisted that it not be where she was actually staying because of the fear of Jeff finding them. The envelope was from the rehab facility to the attention of "The Parents of Benjamin Braeden".
Inside was a letter first from Dr. Goodman, reminding them of the mid-point intervention meeting set on February 11th. This was for Dean and Lisa to get a chance to talk to Ben and tell him what his problem did to them and for him to try and start opening up to them as to his reasons why he had turned to his addiction. It wasn't mandatory, but the meeting was very helpful in helping the rehabilitation in almost 80% of their cases.
The second letter was one in Ben's handwriting, written in a green pencil:
This week I was told to write a letter home. Not about anything in particular, but just to write. Doctor Feel Good thinks it's probably one of those ways to open up a healthy line of communication. I doubt he ever tried to do it with a green pencil while sitting in a main room while two people are screaming while four others are gathered around a television watching Teletubbies at top volume.
I really don't know what he's expecting me to write. I'm not going to sit here and start crying, writing about all my problems. They're my problems and last time I checked, I'm 26 and don't need to tell my mommy and daddy everything that goes on in my life.
I know I made a few mistakes. And I know I've worried you a lot. But I've gone through a lot... more than you can ever know. And it took away the pain. I didn't plan on being an addict, I mean, who the hell takes a hit and goes oh, I think I'm going to keep going with this and get hooked and screw up my life! It doesn't happen like that.
It just happened. And yeah, maybe moving in with Shelia wasn't my best move, but at least she cared about me. Jeff made it clear I wasn't wanted, and there was no way it would stop. And yeah, I was mad at you Mom because you didn't stop it, but I knew it wasn't your fault after awhile. I wasn't blind. I saw your bruises too.
One thing just came after another and I don't know when it happened. I didn't even think it was bad until Dean came barreling in, trying to "save" us. After all, that saving almost ended me up with being killed, so I'm not really all that sure I'm grateful for it. At least where I was, I was safe and secure and knew what I was doing.
You realize that I lost my dream job with all this. I was one of the top mechanics in Indiana on classic cars. And yeah, all that money in my bank account is from my job, Mom. I don't deal. Sometimes I just had to help Shelia do her shit, but I never once made it my life. I refused to sell.
I'm not going to be able to get that job back now with this on my record, or any job for that matter. No one hires ex-crackheads but McDonalds and Walmart. And I'm too good and too damn pretty to end up working there.
Do you know how hard it is going on day after day, just wanting someone to acknowledge your pain and help you? Shelia offered me that hand, and I took it. And if I had to go back to that day I met her, I'd gladly do it again. I don't regret it, and I'm sure you think I should but i don't give a damn.
I just wish I didn't have to be in that situation. We were happy once, before moving into that house in Cicero. After that whole... incident... back in 2007. After that, things just slowly started to fall apart for me. School sucked, then Jeff showed up...
Then Dakota... she never was able to adjust after the kidnappings. Kate and I tried, but obviously I didn't love her enough because she still killed herself no matter what Kate and I tried to tell her. And I'm sorry, but you can't just tell a 15 year old boy that his first girlfriend dying is something that'll heal over time. I still remember finding her that morning and hearing Kate's screams.
We could never be normal after that. Kate's mom let he go off to that private school in California, and I knew I'd never see her again. None of the other kids got us, and between all that, the beatings... Shelia was a godsend to me and I would have followed her anywhere just to feel her touching me gently and telling me things were going to be ok.
I needed that more than the drugs. And, no offense, but I didn't know how believe you anymore Mom, because it never was true with you. I'm sorry, but you had been telling me that since I was 12 the first time Jeff took a belt to me, and it didn't stop. Only got worse.
So what now? I don't care what Dean thinks, he isn't going to be able to protect us forever. This isn't some little monster in the night, but it's a real human being who has connections and friends and will eventually find us. And you're going to try and tell me again that everything's gonna be ok, but I know it's not.
You can't make me believe anything different. And there's no way I can trust either of you to protect me. You want me to start believing in your two, then you need to actually show me why I should. Words aren't going to do shit.
But if it'll make you happy, I'll stick around. If nothing else to wait around for Elle to get out of here as well. I'm pretty sure we can help take care of each other enough. Anyway, I'll be seeing you in a few days I hear and I'm out of paper. So I'm done and hopefully this'll make Dr. Feel Good get off my case for a few more days. Later - Ben
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why
- Reasons Why by Nickel Creek
There would be a letter arriving at the address that was considered Ben's temporary address, being Beth and Dean's home - since Lisa insisted that it not be where she was actually staying because of the fear of Jeff finding them. The envelope was from the rehab facility to the attention of "The Parents of Benjamin Braeden".
Inside was a letter first from Dr. Goodman, reminding them of the mid-point intervention meeting set on February 11th. This was for Dean and Lisa to get a chance to talk to Ben and tell him what his problem did to them and for him to try and start opening up to them as to his reasons why he had turned to his addiction. It wasn't mandatory, but the meeting was very helpful in helping the rehabilitation in almost 80% of their cases.
The second letter was one in Ben's handwriting, written in a green pencil:
This week I was told to write a letter home. Not about anything in particular, but just to write. Doctor Feel Good thinks it's probably one of those ways to open up a healthy line of communication. I doubt he ever tried to do it with a green pencil while sitting in a main room while two people are screaming while four others are gathered around a television watching Teletubbies at top volume.
I really don't know what he's expecting me to write. I'm not going to sit here and start crying, writing about all my problems. They're my problems and last time I checked, I'm 26 and don't need to tell my mommy and daddy everything that goes on in my life.
I know I made a few mistakes. And I know I've worried you a lot. But I've gone through a lot... more than you can ever know. And it took away the pain. I didn't plan on being an addict, I mean, who the hell takes a hit and goes oh, I think I'm going to keep going with this and get hooked and screw up my life! It doesn't happen like that.
It just happened. And yeah, maybe moving in with Shelia wasn't my best move, but at least she cared about me. Jeff made it clear I wasn't wanted, and there was no way it would stop. And yeah, I was mad at you Mom because you didn't stop it, but I knew it wasn't your fault after awhile. I wasn't blind. I saw your bruises too.
One thing just came after another and I don't know when it happened. I didn't even think it was bad until Dean came barreling in, trying to "save" us. After all, that saving almost ended me up with being killed, so I'm not really all that sure I'm grateful for it. At least where I was, I was safe and secure and knew what I was doing.
You realize that I lost my dream job with all this. I was one of the top mechanics in Indiana on classic cars. And yeah, all that money in my bank account is from my job, Mom. I don't deal. Sometimes I just had to help Shelia do her shit, but I never once made it my life. I refused to sell.
I'm not going to be able to get that job back now with this on my record, or any job for that matter. No one hires ex-crackheads but McDonalds and Walmart. And I'm too good and too damn pretty to end up working there.
Do you know how hard it is going on day after day, just wanting someone to acknowledge your pain and help you? Shelia offered me that hand, and I took it. And if I had to go back to that day I met her, I'd gladly do it again. I don't regret it, and I'm sure you think I should but i don't give a damn.
I just wish I didn't have to be in that situation. We were happy once, before moving into that house in Cicero. After that whole... incident... back in 2007. After that, things just slowly started to fall apart for me. School sucked, then Jeff showed up...
Then Dakota... she never was able to adjust after the kidnappings. Kate and I tried, but obviously I didn't love her enough because she still killed herself no matter what Kate and I tried to tell her. And I'm sorry, but you can't just tell a 15 year old boy that his first girlfriend dying is something that'll heal over time. I still remember finding her that morning and hearing Kate's screams.
We could never be normal after that. Kate's mom let he go off to that private school in California, and I knew I'd never see her again. None of the other kids got us, and between all that, the beatings... Shelia was a godsend to me and I would have followed her anywhere just to feel her touching me gently and telling me things were going to be ok.
I needed that more than the drugs. And, no offense, but I didn't know how believe you anymore Mom, because it never was true with you. I'm sorry, but you had been telling me that since I was 12 the first time Jeff took a belt to me, and it didn't stop. Only got worse.
So what now? I don't care what Dean thinks, he isn't going to be able to protect us forever. This isn't some little monster in the night, but it's a real human being who has connections and friends and will eventually find us. And you're going to try and tell me again that everything's gonna be ok, but I know it's not.
You can't make me believe anything different. And there's no way I can trust either of you to protect me. You want me to start believing in your two, then you need to actually show me why I should. Words aren't going to do shit.
But if it'll make you happy, I'll stick around. If nothing else to wait around for Elle to get out of here as well. I'm pretty sure we can help take care of each other enough. Anyway, I'll be seeing you in a few days I hear and I'm out of paper. So I'm done and hopefully this'll make Dr. Feel Good get off my case for a few more days. Later - Ben