bad joke of the day
So today we had to drive to Milton, Ontario (about 2 hours-ish from here) for my uncle's sister-in-law's funeral. Barb had been diagnosed with end stage colo-rectal cancer this January and we knew that this was coming, rapidly. Anyway, we've been under a severe snowsquall warning since last night. And i will admit, that some of the drive to and from Milton today, was NOT fun. And i can really say this because i took my car and drove. Sharon, why you would want to expirience an Ontario winter is beyond me. It took us 1 hour and 28 minutes (yes, i timed it) to cover a distance of highway that normally takes less than 20 minutes because visability and road conditions were so bad. And where i'm dog sitting, i may not be getting out to go to work on Tuesday, unless something changes. I don't think that they could get a plow down the road right now it's that bad! Today is December 5 and here is today's joke:
Fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant...
"I finished the Oreo's."
"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
"Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
"Get your *own* ice cream."
"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
"Got milk ?"
"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
"Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."
"Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!"
"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."
see you tomorrow!
ps-Happy 2nd Birthday to Ty and Tessa; Chris and Tony`s adorable twins! They are currently on vacation with all the kids in Austrailia! I am so jealous!
Fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant...
"I finished the Oreo's."
"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
"Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
"Get your *own* ice cream."
"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
"Got milk ?"
"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
"Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."
"Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!"
"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."
see you tomorrow!
ps-Happy 2nd Birthday to Ty and Tessa; Chris and Tony`s adorable twins! They are currently on vacation with all the kids in Austrailia! I am so jealous!