bad joke of the day
So today at work was L-O-N-G...I'll back things up for a minute. My grandma that has been in the hospital since September 15 was supposed to go into a retirement centre today until we found a long-term nursing home bed. Well, yesterday she fell out of her wheelchair (we're not sure of the how part) and broke her hip, pelvis and elbow, though she is saying that her knee and ankle hurt really bad too. So yeah, it's been a long 24 hours. I got about 4 hours sleep last night and then worked almost 10 hours today. Plus i have a 9 hour shift tomorrow. Today at work though, we had some raw bread dough left so i 'borrowed' it and made small dough balls, stuffed them with chunks of apple, rolled the balls in melted butter and sugar and cinnamon and piled them into a pan. The we baked them. Holy yummy, Batman! I have to make 12 pans of them tomorrow. It costs us about .57 cents to make a pan of this creation and we're selling it for $4.99. gotta love markup.
And afterwork, i went and looked at the Pontiac Torrent. Well, i fell in love with it. It's a beautiful vehicle but according to my mother, it's too: expensive, fancy, whatever for me to get. It's way cheaper than what i have been looking at, it's fully loaded and it's only a 2009. She makes me nuts. Today is October 15 and here is today's joke:
Top 14 Fun Things
to do in a Public Bathroom
14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.
11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
4. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
see you tomorrow!
And afterwork, i went and looked at the Pontiac Torrent. Well, i fell in love with it. It's a beautiful vehicle but according to my mother, it's too: expensive, fancy, whatever for me to get. It's way cheaper than what i have been looking at, it's fully loaded and it's only a 2009. She makes me nuts. Today is October 15 and here is today's joke:
Top 14 Fun Things
to do in a Public Bathroom
14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.
11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
4. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
see you tomorrow!