I have a blog
and this isn't it.
I My blog is about my daughter. I get to share all of the pictures of my princess as she grows and talk about all of the cute things that she does. I do have to say that she is the highlight of my life, and so it only makes sense that she is the highlight of my writings as well.
Sometimes I have have these thoughts that I want to put out there, but I don't necessarily want them to be associated with my daughter.
I just finished reading the book "Death: The Final Stage of Growth" by Elisabeth Kubler Ross. It was a gift from my Maternal Grandmother, who knew Ms. Ross personally. Grandma could sense my discomfort and uncertainty about life and death. My Paternal grandmother recently passed away unexpectedly, leaving me with my first real taste of first hand loss. I wouldn't necessarily recommend the book...it wasn't bad, but it just didn't address my concerns or feelings. I mean, if we were all give a death sentence and 6 months to process, say goodbye and prepare for our death...maybe death wouldn't be what it is to me. I guess we will never know, not that it matters since that is not the way of this world.
Sometimes I read the news and I am so overwhelmed by the happenings on Earch that I just can't fathom moving on. I find myself obsessed with the heartache of others, and completely unable to seperate that from myself, and I just wonder, how can I live in a world that is so full of unfairness and hurt and sadness? I don't mean this in a suicidal way, I guess it is more of a question of God. What is there in store for us to make this all worthwhile?
My husband thinks I am depressed and should medicate my questions away. Sometimes I wonder if he is right...I mean, I can name hundreds of wonderful things about Earth...the feeling of my baby's soft skin on mine, the spring flowers that bring renewed life every year, food...I could go on, but for me, the point is..how can I enjoy those things knowing that not everyone can. Some parents pass away before they get to watch their children grow, some never have the priviledge of being parents. What about those people? Should I really selfishly enjoy the perks of my life when other people can't? I guess the answer to that question has to be yes. I guess I just need to learn to deal with that.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross bring an interesting perspective on death, but I am personally more interested in hearing about what this is all for. I want to know that parents that pass away before their babies get to remember them are not disconnected from their lives. I just can't imagine not getting to see my baby's smiles, and hug her close to me. What can Heaven have to offer that would make giving that up not hurt like hell?
Next on my reading list is a book called Heaven. It is supposed to be a book that answers questions about heaven from the bible. I am sure that it will inspire me to spew out more of my unanswerable questions and speculations.
I am hoping that at some point I will be writing some profoundly good shit. Not yet though.
I My blog is about my daughter. I get to share all of the pictures of my princess as she grows and talk about all of the cute things that she does. I do have to say that she is the highlight of my life, and so it only makes sense that she is the highlight of my writings as well.
Sometimes I have have these thoughts that I want to put out there, but I don't necessarily want them to be associated with my daughter.
I just finished reading the book "Death: The Final Stage of Growth" by Elisabeth Kubler Ross. It was a gift from my Maternal Grandmother, who knew Ms. Ross personally. Grandma could sense my discomfort and uncertainty about life and death. My Paternal grandmother recently passed away unexpectedly, leaving me with my first real taste of first hand loss. I wouldn't necessarily recommend the book...it wasn't bad, but it just didn't address my concerns or feelings. I mean, if we were all give a death sentence and 6 months to process, say goodbye and prepare for our death...maybe death wouldn't be what it is to me. I guess we will never know, not that it matters since that is not the way of this world.
Sometimes I read the news and I am so overwhelmed by the happenings on Earch that I just can't fathom moving on. I find myself obsessed with the heartache of others, and completely unable to seperate that from myself, and I just wonder, how can I live in a world that is so full of unfairness and hurt and sadness? I don't mean this in a suicidal way, I guess it is more of a question of God. What is there in store for us to make this all worthwhile?
My husband thinks I am depressed and should medicate my questions away. Sometimes I wonder if he is right...I mean, I can name hundreds of wonderful things about Earth...the feeling of my baby's soft skin on mine, the spring flowers that bring renewed life every year, food...I could go on, but for me, the point is..how can I enjoy those things knowing that not everyone can. Some parents pass away before they get to watch their children grow, some never have the priviledge of being parents. What about those people? Should I really selfishly enjoy the perks of my life when other people can't? I guess the answer to that question has to be yes. I guess I just need to learn to deal with that.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross bring an interesting perspective on death, but I am personally more interested in hearing about what this is all for. I want to know that parents that pass away before their babies get to remember them are not disconnected from their lives. I just can't imagine not getting to see my baby's smiles, and hug her close to me. What can Heaven have to offer that would make giving that up not hurt like hell?
Next on my reading list is a book called Heaven. It is supposed to be a book that answers questions about heaven from the bible. I am sure that it will inspire me to spew out more of my unanswerable questions and speculations.
I am hoping that at some point I will be writing some profoundly good shit. Not yet though.