INFJ
I lurk on a few different message boards and I recently came across a thread that was titled "INFJ." I thought to myself, hey, I'm an INFJ, I wonder that's about. If you don't know what I am referring to it is the Myers Briggs Personality test. You can read more about it here: http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html
So anyway, I opened the thread and looked over the description a little bit, and I was blown away. Ok, so I have done the Myers Briggs test at least twice for work stuff, and I knew my personality type based on that, but the descriptions were always pretty vague and used for work stuff that doesn't really mean anything to me so I didn't give it much thought. But when I looked over the description that was linked from that thread I couldn't get over it, I felt so validated!
As I read the description I kept thinking, "Yes! that is so me, and this explains why I am the way I am!" My husband totally doesn't get me, which probably shouldn't be a surprise since he is an ESTJ, but I made him read the description so he would know that I am not crazy, I am just one of the less than 1% of the population that fits into this personality bracket.
Here are some excepts from the personality description:
They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives.
This is so me! I feel like I am constantly trying to define and balance myself, I have always been that way, but since becoming a mother it has escalated to a point where I am almost obsessed with it.
"INFJ is a perfectionist, who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right."
Again, so me!!
There are some things about me that really bother me, and I feel like this whole personality profile makes me see that I am not the only one that is this way, and not only that, but it makes sense. For instance...I love people,I love to people watch, I love my message boards and getting to read posts and interact with people...but when it comes to real life, in person stuff, I suck at being a person. I never call anyone, and if my phone rings, unless it is someone I know and am 100% comfortable with, I won't answer it. I don't even call my best friend unless I absolutely have to. I love to communicate through email and IM, but force me into a real honest to goodness human interaction, and I am clammy and uncomfortable. I have always hated this about myself, but that is me, and I guess it makes sense.
I want to be well liked, I want to be popular, I want to be successful and important, I just don't actually want any of that. Clear as mud, huh?
This is the part that really got to me:
"
What does Success mean to an INFJ?
People with the INFJ personality type are intense and perfectionistic. They have deep insights into many aspects of life, and usually have very high standards for their own understanding and accomplishments, as well as those of others. They are service-oriented and empathetic to other individuals. The INFJ strives for the ideal in every aspect of their life. An INFJ's feeling of success is centered around their own level of understanding and accomplishment, their usefulness or service to others, and the condition of their personal relationships. The INFJ feels successful when they have used their very deep understanding of something to do a real service for someone. We often see INFJ personality types as counselors and teachers, or in the medical and health fields. "
Wow. I have been feeling and thinking for a long time that I know I am not where I should be professionally. I am successful, I have a good job, but it doesn't fill my inner needs. I tell my husband that I wish I felt like I was contributing to the greater good of mankind and he looks at me like I am crazy.
I really think that I would like to be a counselor, but I can't afford to quit my job, and even if I could manage to afford that, I can't afford to go back to school. Maybe this is why I have been in such a foul mood lately. It sucks to know you are in the wrong place to feel like you are in many ways stuck with it.
I feel like I have been waiting to read a book that speaks to me, I keep having ideas of what that book should say, and I have yet to find it...maybe I am supposed to write it instead. Maybe that is my cheap way into feeling good about myself. I just want to pour some things out of my mind and my heart because they weigh me down, but whenever I get something out, I look it over and realize, "nope, that wasn't really it." No wonder I am so frustrated all the time!