Tuesday... Wednesday... Today.
Ok, so most of you know from FB that i got fired on Tuesday, went through a minor breakdown, etc. What most of you don't (well none of you) know is that i went out on a limb with a social situation also-- roses left on the doorstep. Went off under the radar. Awesome. Would've hated that, um, explanation. Had a nice txt conversation-- warm, appreciative, open-ended. I just don't think it's enough. We're (stuck) at that point of go hard or go home. And, of course, i'm totally afraid of where i'll be going.
I don't want to look at china patterns. (sorry, i LOVE that phrase) I just want a date-- a real date. Maybe a few dates. Not realistic to look beyond that. Can't look beyond that. Sure, i know what i want and where i would like things to end up; but i can't really make any plans or goals-- haven't even been on one date. Things might not click.... Who am i kidding? Of course they will. All this tension and build up and flirting can't be purely harmless fun and mind games. There's something physical or emotional to it.
And i'm scared. I don't know how to act. I don't remember how all this works. I can't make the first move. Scared it's been too long since i've been close to someone. Scared of the answer. Scared the fantasy will end. But, something has to give. I have to know if there's anything real there. Doesn't have to be permanent... just real. And everything is telling me that today is the day to find out. Like Drea said, sometimes you just have to jump.
I don't want to look at china patterns. (sorry, i LOVE that phrase) I just want a date-- a real date. Maybe a few dates. Not realistic to look beyond that. Can't look beyond that. Sure, i know what i want and where i would like things to end up; but i can't really make any plans or goals-- haven't even been on one date. Things might not click.... Who am i kidding? Of course they will. All this tension and build up and flirting can't be purely harmless fun and mind games. There's something physical or emotional to it.
And i'm scared. I don't know how to act. I don't remember how all this works. I can't make the first move. Scared it's been too long since i've been close to someone. Scared of the answer. Scared the fantasy will end. But, something has to give. I have to know if there's anything real there. Doesn't have to be permanent... just real. And everything is telling me that today is the day to find out. Like Drea said, sometimes you just have to jump.