Fic: There and Gone
Title: There and Gone
Characters/Pairings: Sirius/Remus, James, Peter
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and bring no profit.
Word Count: ~1,300
Notes: Thank you sec38 for the edits and for suggesting I post this excerpt from a longer WIP.
“
“You all right?” James wheezed frantically, pulling Sirius up from the ground.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. At least I think I am,” Sirius responded, taking a quick survey of his limbs. His adrenalin was racing so furiously that he knew he could be injured and not feel it yet. He bent down and retrieved his wand and winced slightly at the burn on his leg - not even worth mentioning. “You hurt?”
“Just some scratches. I barely dodged a killing curse,” James shuddered, “What the bloody hell happened?”
“I don’t know. Find Moody.” Sirius said, the hair on the back of his neck still standing up.
“Where’s Peter?” James barked out suddenly, “I thought I saw him just before they ambushed us.”
“There!” Sirius exclaimed with relief and pointed towards the figure of Peter stepping out of the woods. He looked frightened and dazed but otherwise completely intact.
Satisfied that everyone was still in one piece, they moved into the clearing where they had intended to meet Moody and the others.
“Where’s Remus?” Peter asked casually.
“He wasn’t coming tonight. He had another job,” Sirius said slowly, a sick feeling spreading in his body. He added quickly, “For the Order…Dumbledore.”
“Oh…” Peter frowned and walked away.
Sirius felt his knees give way and he paused a moment to regain control before moving to follow the others. Remus could not have done this. He had seen Remus step in front of a Death Eater to save someone he did not even know. It could not be Remus.
But Remus was edgy lately, secretive. Sirius and James told each other some of what they were up to. It was safe. They would never tell anyone else, even under torture. Neither of them was a spy... nor was Remus. He was just following the rules more accurately than they were; obeying Dumbledore.
That was Remus’s way.
He was private. He had always been private. He had become a private person out of necessity…because he had something to hide.
It can’t be Remus.
“Anyone fancy a drink?” Peter asked. Peter’s question summoned him back to the clearing and he saw that everyone was already dispersing.
“No, have to go home,” James and Sirius answered simultaneously. Peter looked almost as angry as he did disappointed. Sirius felt sorry for him for a moment. Peter had no one waiting for him at home.
“Let’s meet at the pub tomorrow night. We’ll have dinner,” Sirius said kindly and he turned to leave. He decided to drive home. He needed to think.
None of them had voiced it and Sirius was fairly sure that James was not even thinking it, because James would say. No, because James would not think it.
Peter, on the other hand, he was certain Peter suspected Remus. Sirius went over the reasons he imagined Peter would give and catalogued the comments he had made.
Remus was often on a mission alone.
Remus never told any of them a thing about what he did for the Order.
Peter had hinted that he had seen Remus in some strange places with some people he did not recognize.
Remus seemed nervous lately and even paler and more drawn than usual.
That was all.
First off, Remus was a powerful wizard who could work well alone. Why wouldn’t Dumbledore use him as such?
Second, covered that already. Remus kept secrets better than anyone. It had always been a matter of life and death for him.
Third…so? Was crawling in the mud being ambushed by Death Eaters on a Friday night not a strange place to be?
Finally, they were all nervous. They were losing a war. People were dying and disappearing every day. There was a spy among their ranks. And Peter wasn’t looking so hot either.
He breathed in deeply as the wind rushed by his face and whipped back his hair. Resolved, the mere idea that Remus was a spy was absurd.
But something was different. Something was wrong. Sirius longed for the Remus of before, even of a few months ago. He longed for the times when the biggest strife or argument was about…what did they even have to argue about before? Even their past fights now seemed warm and bright in his memory.
He pulled up outside their flat and longed for the time when he would bound up the stairs two at a time and this uneasy pit in his stomach was a flutter of anticipation. When Remus would meet him with a kiss and say, “I missed you,” no matter how long they had been apart.
Instead he sat frozen on his bike as the sounds of the park across the way filled his head. Sirius sighed loudly and allowed himself to wish futilely for one moment that he could just ask Remus. But these days Remus was always asking him what was wrong.
In a manner of speaking, Sirius felt like he lived with Remus now, the Remus that strangers and acquaintances saw. Remus was still there but Moony was gone.
Sirius swung his leg over the bike and bounded up the stairs two at a time, determined to find Moony.
Remus was sitting on the couch reading by a dim light. He jumped when Sirius came in and looked frightened and surprised. Sirius felt a groundswell of doubt that threatened to throw him off balance and push him away from his pursuit. Why would Remus react that way when he thought Sirius had just been to a meeting? Then Sirius remembered that his robes were covered in mud and a long ragged strip hung askew to show an angry burn on his leg.
“Oh, dear g…” Remus paused, “Are you…what happened?”
Sirius paused and realized he didn’t know how to accomplish his task. He wouldn’t find him by talking. He knew that from last week. He certainly wouldn’t find him by standing here and staring.
So Sirius crossed the room and, grasping him about the waist, searched for Moony on his lips. He parted his own and surveyed Remus’s mouth and teeth and tongue.
He looked for Moony on the soft skin of his throat and behind his ear. He sought him out with determined fingers on his back and still could not find him through all the clothes. He thought he might find him if his hands could explore his chest and stomach.
Sirius hunted for Moony in the scent and taste and texture of his skin. He listened for Moony in the soft sounds escaping his lips and felt for him in the way his body began to move against his.
He looked for him when he lowered Remus on to the couch and bent to search the slim hips with his lips. They were close to finding each other when Remus’s hands moved gently but urgently over the planes and angles and curves of his body.
He suspected he had found Moony again when he felt him arching up against him, urging him to push inside. Their bodies melded and he heard Moony moan.
He knew for certain they had rediscovered each other when Moony kissed him eagerly and he heard himself shudder and breathlessly cry, “Moony.”
Sirius collapsed onto Moony’s chest and kissed and kissed, unwilling to break the contact. He rubbed his cheek against the soft skin and tried to catch his breath.
“Wha…” Remus gasped, panting and running his hands over Sirius’s body. He paused for a moment and pressed their bodies together even tighter with an embrace and whispered, “what was that for?”
Sirius raised himself back up and kissed him deeply. The search was complete. He knew his eyes were sparkling with unshed tears, but so were Moony’s. He whispered onto the beloved lips, “I missed you.”
It can’t be Remus.