(no subject)
I have many things to look forward to. Duranland has been super busy and I have another show to go to in December. Sara is going with for that one. I'm excited about my two shows. I'm thrilled with their upcoming TV appearances. I like how Duranies are coming out of the woodwork to join in at all of the excitement. It has definitely put me in a better frame of mind. Unfortunately, there is a dark cloud.
I miss my friend. I miss my best friend. We haven't talked much lately except for when the video for Falling Down came out last week. I don't quite know what to say to her. I don't really want to talk about her pregnancy, her marriage at the same time that it is the only thing I want to talk about. I'm desperate to talk to her and deathly afraid that I will say something so hurtful, so final. *heavy sigh* I want her to be sharing the excitement with me. She is supposed to do that, damn it. She's a Duranie. She's a ho-bag. She's my partner-in-crime. I'm sure that she doesn't want to talk with me, either. Maybe she is afraid of what I'll say. Maybe she's afraid of questions I might ask. Maybe she'll feel lonely. Maybe she will feel like I do. Maybe she is missing me, too. Maybe she's missing Duranland and being a bigger part of it.
Thus, while I look forward to my shows, they will not be the same. My partner won't be there. Bathroom stalls will be left alone. Menus will be sad. Press conferences will be missed. John Taylor won't be able to sing with us. Somehow, this is like the band, themselves. They have had a hard couple of years. They would love for it to be as it was with Astronaut as would the fans. Yet, it can't be. Too much has happened. We can't go back. We have to move forward. I will move on but I will still grieve.
I miss my friend. I miss my best friend. We haven't talked much lately except for when the video for Falling Down came out last week. I don't quite know what to say to her. I don't really want to talk about her pregnancy, her marriage at the same time that it is the only thing I want to talk about. I'm desperate to talk to her and deathly afraid that I will say something so hurtful, so final. *heavy sigh* I want her to be sharing the excitement with me. She is supposed to do that, damn it. She's a Duranie. She's a ho-bag. She's my partner-in-crime. I'm sure that she doesn't want to talk with me, either. Maybe she is afraid of what I'll say. Maybe she's afraid of questions I might ask. Maybe she'll feel lonely. Maybe she will feel like I do. Maybe she is missing me, too. Maybe she's missing Duranland and being a bigger part of it.
Thus, while I look forward to my shows, they will not be the same. My partner won't be there. Bathroom stalls will be left alone. Menus will be sad. Press conferences will be missed. John Taylor won't be able to sing with us. Somehow, this is like the band, themselves. They have had a hard couple of years. They would love for it to be as it was with Astronaut as would the fans. Yet, it can't be. Too much has happened. We can't go back. We have to move forward. I will move on but I will still grieve.