All's Well That Ends Well [HSnJ]
Title: All's Well That Ends Well
Fandom: High School no Jutsu (Naruto AU)
Characters: Itachi, Kisame, Sasuke
Word Count: 883
Rating: G
Summary: Ever wonder what kind of a drunk Itachi would be?
Author's Notes: Idea born of a random conversation between me and finis_omne. :D
"Show me th' way t' go hooooome/I'm tired 'n' I wanna go to beeeeeeed~"
Kisame rolled his eyes as the Boss tried to walk alone, failed, and stumbled against him.
"Kise-- Kima-- Kiki-- (fuggitt--) dude, I e'er tell you yer my BES' friend?" Itachi grinned as he pulled the taller boy into a tight hug.
Kisame wheezed. Drunk off his ass or not, Itachi was still stronger than that skinny body had a right to be. "Yeah, Boss," Kisame answered as he patted Itachi's back.
"Good." Itachi's nod of satisfaction nearly pitched him face-first onto the concrete sidewalk. Not just strong, but rubbery.
Deidara was going to be so freakin' dead.
"All y'all're my friends," the drunk Uchiha continued undaunted. "Goo', close friends. But you, Kiki, yer my bes' friend in this whole fuckin' world."
"...Thanks, Boss." So hard not to wince at the name-mangling. Only three more blocks, he told himself. Three more blocks. And then maybe, maybe Itachi would pass out and suffer a memory-blanking blackout.
Itachi, meanwhile, was happy as a clam, something terrifying in of itself. "I love you, man," he beamed, his bloodshot eyes failing to focus. "If I were in t' guys...oh the fun we'd have. Wheeeeeeeee~!"
Kisame glanced skyward as sweat beaded on his brow. God, I know we aren't on speaking terms, but for the love of you and all that's holy, PLEASE let him not remember any of this. He did not want to see the end results of Itachi embarrassing himself, because there would be damage and pain and other unspeakable things.
~~~
Itachi quieted down when they got to the last block. Kisame locked eyes on the Uchiha's front door with rapt fervor of a dehydrated pilgrim spotting a church's fountain. So close...
They made it to the door without incident. Not trusting Itachi to not puddle to the ground, he kicked the front door and tried to ignore the fresh new dents.
He kicked it again when there was no reply. The door opened before he could kick it third time to reveal a freshly-woke mini-boss. He woke up much faster when Kisame pushed Itachi into his arms.
"Sasuke~~!" Itachi sang joyfully as he glomped/fell on his little brother.
Okay, the look on the mini-boss's face was priceless. Kisame couldn't help but grin.
"What the hell!? Aniki!" Sasuke cried out, struggling to support his boneless brother.
"Boss got drunk. He needs to sleep it off," Kisame smiled. "I got him home, but I've still got Zetsu to help next."
Sasuke stared. "What the hell am I supposed to do with him?" he demanded, feeling all sorts of weird that Itachi was hugging him.
"You're a smart kid, you figure it out. Night!" So saying, Kisame turned on his heel and walked away.
~~~
Oh, God, Sasuke moaned inwardly as he struggled to get Itachi to some sort of upright. When that failed, he got Itachi to sag against the wall. He then peered into his brother's face, noting the uncharacteristic smile there. "Hey, Aniki, stay here while I close the door, 'kay?"
"Sure thing, otouto," Itachi replied with a weak wave of his hand. He started humming to himself, head lolling to the side.
Getting more worried, Sasuke quickly shut the door. He had seen Itachi sober, unfortunately. He had seen Itachi stoned. (Actually, he preferred Itachi that way.) But he had never, ever seen Itachi drunk. How did he get drunk? Usually he was so careful. "C'mon, Aniki, let's get you to bed, okay?" He grabbed Itachi's arm, and the front of his shirt, and started to haul him up
"I kinda wish I'd seen Bedknobs and Broomsticks, fer all that th' Wandering Murd'rer was in it," he commented.
"Huh? Wandering Murderer?"
Itachi laughed, loudly, and nearly unbalanced them. "Shit, yeah. Angela Lansbury. Th' chick from Murder, She Wrote. E'erywhere she goes, some schmuck gets killed. 'm surprised she wasn't tossed outta town."
"...Oh."
"Yer a goo' lil bro," Itachi mumbled and ruffled Sasuke's hair affectionately. "I love ya, too."
Sasuke's face went beet red even as something warmed. Still, he was guarded, if hopeful. "You really mean that?"
"Hells yes. Gotta look out for my otouto. Gotta make sure yer ready fer th' world," Itachi replied as the pair made their way down the hall toward Itachi's room.
"...By slamming me into lockers."
"You'll be able t' handle th' pain a' yer own stunts." Itachi gave Sasuke a squeeze. One that didn't leave Sasuke feeling bruised. "Yer a goo' actor-in-training, otouto. You'll make it yet. Prolly be better'n me, one day."
Sasuke couldn't help it. He grinned. "Thanks, Aniki," he said softly.
He managed to get Itachi to collapse on the bed, and pulled off Itachi's shoes. Itachi wriggled a bit to get more comfortable, then just flopped. "Hey. Otouto," he mumbled. "C'mere."
Sasuke went to his brother's side. "Yeah, Aniki?"
Itachi lifted a hand to pat Sasuke on the cheek, then put his index and middle fingers to Sasuke's forehead. "Yer no' there yet." He pushed Sasuke's head back, forcing Sasuke to take a step to balance. The hand simply dropped to the bed. "But you will be."
Sasuke rubbed his forehead out of habit, but for once... the forehead-poke hadn't hurt. He grinned. "G'night, Aniki."
"Night..."
/end
Fandom: High School no Jutsu (Naruto AU)
Characters: Itachi, Kisame, Sasuke
Word Count: 883
Rating: G
Summary: Ever wonder what kind of a drunk Itachi would be?
Author's Notes: Idea born of a random conversation between me and finis_omne. :D
"Show me th' way t' go hooooome/I'm tired 'n' I wanna go to beeeeeeed~"
Kisame rolled his eyes as the Boss tried to walk alone, failed, and stumbled against him.
"Kise-- Kima-- Kiki-- (fuggitt--) dude, I e'er tell you yer my BES' friend?" Itachi grinned as he pulled the taller boy into a tight hug.
Kisame wheezed. Drunk off his ass or not, Itachi was still stronger than that skinny body had a right to be. "Yeah, Boss," Kisame answered as he patted Itachi's back.
"Good." Itachi's nod of satisfaction nearly pitched him face-first onto the concrete sidewalk. Not just strong, but rubbery.
Deidara was going to be so freakin' dead.
"All y'all're my friends," the drunk Uchiha continued undaunted. "Goo', close friends. But you, Kiki, yer my bes' friend in this whole fuckin' world."
"...Thanks, Boss." So hard not to wince at the name-mangling. Only three more blocks, he told himself. Three more blocks. And then maybe, maybe Itachi would pass out and suffer a memory-blanking blackout.
Itachi, meanwhile, was happy as a clam, something terrifying in of itself. "I love you, man," he beamed, his bloodshot eyes failing to focus. "If I were in t' guys...oh the fun we'd have. Wheeeeeeeee~!"
Kisame glanced skyward as sweat beaded on his brow. God, I know we aren't on speaking terms, but for the love of you and all that's holy, PLEASE let him not remember any of this. He did not want to see the end results of Itachi embarrassing himself, because there would be damage and pain and other unspeakable things.
~~~
Itachi quieted down when they got to the last block. Kisame locked eyes on the Uchiha's front door with rapt fervor of a dehydrated pilgrim spotting a church's fountain. So close...
They made it to the door without incident. Not trusting Itachi to not puddle to the ground, he kicked the front door and tried to ignore the fresh new dents.
He kicked it again when there was no reply. The door opened before he could kick it third time to reveal a freshly-woke mini-boss. He woke up much faster when Kisame pushed Itachi into his arms.
"Sasuke~~!" Itachi sang joyfully as he glomped/fell on his little brother.
Okay, the look on the mini-boss's face was priceless. Kisame couldn't help but grin.
"What the hell!? Aniki!" Sasuke cried out, struggling to support his boneless brother.
"Boss got drunk. He needs to sleep it off," Kisame smiled. "I got him home, but I've still got Zetsu to help next."
Sasuke stared. "What the hell am I supposed to do with him?" he demanded, feeling all sorts of weird that Itachi was hugging him.
"You're a smart kid, you figure it out. Night!" So saying, Kisame turned on his heel and walked away.
~~~
Oh, God, Sasuke moaned inwardly as he struggled to get Itachi to some sort of upright. When that failed, he got Itachi to sag against the wall. He then peered into his brother's face, noting the uncharacteristic smile there. "Hey, Aniki, stay here while I close the door, 'kay?"
"Sure thing, otouto," Itachi replied with a weak wave of his hand. He started humming to himself, head lolling to the side.
Getting more worried, Sasuke quickly shut the door. He had seen Itachi sober, unfortunately. He had seen Itachi stoned. (Actually, he preferred Itachi that way.) But he had never, ever seen Itachi drunk. How did he get drunk? Usually he was so careful. "C'mon, Aniki, let's get you to bed, okay?" He grabbed Itachi's arm, and the front of his shirt, and started to haul him up
"I kinda wish I'd seen Bedknobs and Broomsticks, fer all that th' Wandering Murd'rer was in it," he commented.
"Huh? Wandering Murderer?"
Itachi laughed, loudly, and nearly unbalanced them. "Shit, yeah. Angela Lansbury. Th' chick from Murder, She Wrote. E'erywhere she goes, some schmuck gets killed. 'm surprised she wasn't tossed outta town."
"...Oh."
"Yer a goo' lil bro," Itachi mumbled and ruffled Sasuke's hair affectionately. "I love ya, too."
Sasuke's face went beet red even as something warmed. Still, he was guarded, if hopeful. "You really mean that?"
"Hells yes. Gotta look out for my otouto. Gotta make sure yer ready fer th' world," Itachi replied as the pair made their way down the hall toward Itachi's room.
"...By slamming me into lockers."
"You'll be able t' handle th' pain a' yer own stunts." Itachi gave Sasuke a squeeze. One that didn't leave Sasuke feeling bruised. "Yer a goo' actor-in-training, otouto. You'll make it yet. Prolly be better'n me, one day."
Sasuke couldn't help it. He grinned. "Thanks, Aniki," he said softly.
He managed to get Itachi to collapse on the bed, and pulled off Itachi's shoes. Itachi wriggled a bit to get more comfortable, then just flopped. "Hey. Otouto," he mumbled. "C'mere."
Sasuke went to his brother's side. "Yeah, Aniki?"
Itachi lifted a hand to pat Sasuke on the cheek, then put his index and middle fingers to Sasuke's forehead. "Yer no' there yet." He pushed Sasuke's head back, forcing Sasuke to take a step to balance. The hand simply dropped to the bed. "But you will be."
Sasuke rubbed his forehead out of habit, but for once... the forehead-poke hadn't hurt. He grinned. "G'night, Aniki."
"Night..."
/end