Pessimism...nangbabyFebruary 21 2011, 18:59:27 UTC
I hadn't been paying attention to my LiveJournal, so I didn't see this until now.
A very long time ago, I knew someone online who was an ALT. She liked the job, but IIRC she mentioned that it was a lot more difficult than expected, because you actually have to be a teacher. Teaching is a calling, and while I know you'd be good at it because you apply yourself...I'm not sure if you'd like it. Remember, you would not just be dealing with just adults, but kids, and kids in any culture can be difficult to work with.
I'm not sure how precisely doujin stuff works in Japan in terms of a publication. If it's anything like the printed entertainment scene (I'm assuming doujinshi, and not doujin games) in America, then breaking in would be extremely difficult to say the least. And from what little I know about the Japanese gaming industry, I'm sure breaking into an actual video game company would be next to impossible if you moved overseas.
It's clear you know what you want and you are certainly capable of taking the steps toward your overall goals, but I'm worried that the goals themselves might be too lofty. I'm also concerned the reason behind your goals might be a bit too personal. How do you know that these friends won't stop being your friends in the time that you spend over there? What will you do when you find yourself alone in foreign country -- not just temporarily, but permanently -- with no one to turn to?
Plus...what if despite all that do, you never get comfortable with your Japanese language skills? I guess my concern is if you're chasing a goal you may seriously never catch, is it worth turning your life upside down?
Long reply Part 1miludaFebruary 23 2011, 00:29:56 UTC
(Any information I write below about ALTs is related to being an ALT in Japan only. Things change with the country.)
Teaching won't be a permanent career for me (at least that is my current decision--life may change in the future.) As for teaching, I don't mind it. I personally think I'd rather enjoy it. I've done plenty of training for new hires and taught people various things in various topics. Sure, being an ALT is different from that, but no one can simply "teach well" without messing up the first few times.
Also, depending on the placement, if you're put in an elementary school, chances are pretty high that the actual teacher for that class may just sit back and let you teach the class. For Junior High, most of them seem to make you a tape recorder. High School, it's similar to Junior High. It really depends on the teacher you get paired up with-- some teachers are so strict with what is taught that they'd prefer to be the one teaching, even if it's incorrect English. Some don't want to bother teaching and give you the roll call sheet and have you teach the entire year. So, it really depends on the situation that I'm given. In any case, I am willing to do it all.
I am not trying to become an ALT because it is easy. That is not the point. I need a way to maintain myself while studying Japanese and I am willing to work to stay in the country. Being an ALT is considered an entry-level job and through those kinds of jobs do you get experience. The best thing is to improve the skills I have. That's what is the most important part. You can't simply do something without skills, but you cannot create skills if you don't have it. Like art. I've done it for years and I've improved so much. I had to start making shitty art somewhere and from then on improve as much as I can.
Don't worry about doujin stuff. As you have said, you have not read LJ recently. I have already released doujin work in Japan. Also, it is nothing like USA's scene. At all. Japan has a wonderful self-publishing culture compared to the US. It's much easier for a relatively unknown artist to publish things & sell it at comic market events provided they have the time and money to invest in it. That's what I find so beautiful about the self-publishing market in Japan.
I should have been more specific-- my dream career would be to work in the video game industry. I don't care where it is-- Japan, UK, America, etc.
This isn't for the "romantic reasons." I see that you've read the comments above and based a lot of your thoughts on them... they were assumptions the poster above made.
It's not for the friends. I am going for the sake of learning Japanese-- a goal that is for me and only me. If these friends stop talking to me, it won't change the goal I am trying to complete-- studying Japanese. I am not afraid to lose friends. I have lost plenty of friends over the years and gained even more than those that I have lost.
I have studied Japanese endlessly for two years now and I feel there is a better chance for my Japanese to improve in the country because after I visited for just two weeks, I started speaking conversational Japanese. Imagine what it'll do for me if it was one year! It wasn't like I was trying super hard or anything in those two weeks. Yet, I improved.
I truly appreciate that you are concerned but I am not worried at all. The reason I am going for is purely for myself. The other factors, while they may suck if my friends stop talking to me, will not kill me in the long run. In fact, I did not even think about that. Why think about something that has not happened yet? Why focus on "failures" when they haven't happened yet? It is not the time to worry about if you will have a house in 20 years if you are simply starting out now. It is not the time to worry about what happens about your car you just purchased in 20 years when you have not driven it for 20 years yet.
Took me forever to write this...nangbabyMarch 3 2011, 19:46:44 UTC
I've read your LJ, but it seems I didn't understand precisely what you were writing about. I thought you were translating doujin work and other mangas, not actually creating them yourself. Now I see why you're so popular on Twitter. ;)
The reason why I was concerned, though, was because it sounded from your entry that your primary motivation for becoming more proficient in Japanese was to improve communications with your friends, not your career. (I've also forgotten that you learned English as a second language...for someone not comfortable in it, you use it a lot better than my monolingual self.) In your replies you make it a lot clearer the professional reasons are just as important and you've planned this out. I apologize for the mistaken assumptions on my part.
I suppose I'm biased because I've been hurt by friends. I had friends -- not just Internet friends, but face-to-face friends who I've known for a decade -- and almost invariably, every last one of them have turned on me at one point or another. Heck, I've known magnus-samma about as along as I've known you, and you see what happened there. If I had decided to move to another country, even Canada, a country that shares the same language and much cultural history as the United States, then I would be stuck and disillusioned if my Canadian friends pulled the same junk. I couldn't even fathom living in Japan given the vast cultural differences.
Then again, staying in my hometown didn't get me ahead either. Being a clerical worker was supposed to be my ticket in to organization I work for. Five years later, I have the same job title with more work to do and am still in the entry level position. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for having a job and I don't despise my work, but it rendered all that work I did studying for naught.
I guess, speaking from personal experience, you do have to worry about failure or else you won't have a back up plan. For instance, if you think you can buy a house and go for it, it might not work out. You don't want to wind up with house which is costing you too much money to maintain, but won't sell because the housing market is slow and it's not in sellable condition. I mean, if you think you will succeed, then it makes it all the more devastating when you fail.
I suppose I can't understand because there are countless activities I've tried, put time and effort into, but to no avail. Typically, I don't get better, and in some cases, I get worse. Furthermore no one cares about anything else I write, or say, or do, or make, so I guess I have a different perspective than you on life in general. If you work toward getting better, but end up failing for one reason or another, pretty soon you realize that all that work was for nothing. I'm sorry for projecting my failings onto you.
Re: Took me forever to write this...miludaMarch 9 2011, 07:50:01 UTC
I just don't see it as failure. I see it as another path to somewhere else. It's hard to call something a failure because that means it's the end... life's not over yet.
If I think I will succeed and I didn't make it, at least I tried. It's better than not trying, which is truly the end of that. Onward to something else after that.
I don't think of things as failures. I think of things as opportunities... and perspective changes a lot. Do you see yourself as a failure? How about the things you've done? I see things as mistakes. You learn from mistakes. If you don't, then it's just stupidity... you can learn from everything.
I think to improve oneself you have to focus on the right thing. Maybe what you've done so far is addressing the wrong issue?
It's not like I haven't been hurt by friends. I've been hurt, I've been lied to, bridges were burned, and some were rebuilt. In this life, people come and go... and nothing says you can't make new friends. I've had plenty of downs and I've had plenty of ups, and if I only focus on my downs, I don't think I would have gotten so many ups as I've had in my life so far. Focus is so important. If I'm going to spend all day crying about how something went wrong, nothing happens in that day except crying. Of course, it takes time to heal, but... if it's been a long time after it happened, maybe it's time to move on, stop the crying, and do something to change it.
People get along, people misunderstand, people solve things, people leave each other... all sorts of things happen with friends and family, but it doesn't mean that because bad things happened in the past that it'll happen again. If I think like that, I can only think that it'll definitely happen again and that's not the kind of life I want to live. I want to live a life where I can at least have some semblance of control, enough to give myself a stable, level-headed mindset to help me progress further, not backward.
When I was living during the most depressing time of my life, I put up with it thinking that it's really what was left. I thought I was stupid because she told me I was. I lived for her, and not for me. One morning, I woke up and the first thought was, "I don't want this anymore." And from than day on, something changed--I changed, and if things didn't change, I made the effort to try and change it...
What works for me may not work for everyone else, but I really do think perspective is important... I've been hurt so many times, I've been in mental situations that I think no person should ever be at, but if I were to live my life in fear of those things happening again, I'll never be able to climb trees anymore.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for having a job and I don't despise my work, but it rendered all that work I did studying for naught."
It's not over yet. You can change it. You can try to search for another job somewhere else, something more worthwhile, something not entry level, something that pays more. You have to work for that, though. I wouldn't suggest leaving your job until you find a new one. Most people who just start jobs always jump to other jobs after they get hired. There's always opportunity... you have to seek it.
Long reply Part 2miludaFebruary 23 2011, 00:34:04 UTC
I am not depending on them in anyway-- I will be getting my own apartment, I will be making new friends regardless, and I will be working to improve my Japanese. I have NO guarantee I would be placed near them anyway (also, they are all across Japan, being placed "near them" is an impossible feat if "near them" did not equate to "being in Japan") so I have already accepted that I may not even see them even if we are in the same country. The country may be small compared to the USA, but it is about the same size as California, and being in California, I know exactly how far Northern California and Southern California is. It's pretty darn far and we don't have a cool bullet train like they do!
I'm not going to Japan to play. I've already done that in the last few years on tiny trips. I'm going to Japan to study Japanese and improve my art. In my mind, I am only going for a year or two. Should I change my mind during that duration is up to me. I will be ready to make more changes if I decide to stay more permanently--however thinking about & worrying about that now is useless because I am not doing that.
I am not "moving" overseas permanently. I am also not going to Japan without securing a job position first. Going over there without a job is stupid especially without a proper visa.
I also can't get stuck there permanently. Let's say I lose my job and I can't find another one to sponsor/transfer my visa.
As an American citizen, I would be forced to return to my country since I would be without a proper visa to stay there. They will even send me back if I can't afford a way back (And probably banning me from entering the country for 5 years) but that won't happen because my parents can easily afford a plane ticket for my return. If I run out of money while even in the country (doubtful, as I have quite a bit saved and will only go to Japan after I have secured a job there) my parents can even send money until my visa runs out. Asians take in their family no matter what. Luckily for me, I actually have a very wonderful relationship with my parents.
No one to turn to? I actually know quite a bit of people in Japan, not just one or two. In fact, I can easily say I know about 150 people in Japan that I *actively* talk to and even more that I don't talk to on a daily basis, and even more through that network. I spend my weekends with them. I can also easily say that I know plenty of Americans in the country. If there is "no one to turn to" there is also the American embassy and my parents. It is not unheard of to make new friends and I been to the country before. Sure, losing friends sucks, but I am not going to die. My life is not over.
Why does everything have a limit or an "end"? If a person is clever enough, they will plan enough to make sure they at least have a back up plan. They find the way to get where they need to be. If luck is against their side, then that's what the back-up plan is for. If that fails, there is another back-up plan. There are plenty of things I didn't write in this entry--I don't think everyone needs to know my back-up plans and this and that.
Long reply part 3 (Final) wow character limit LJmiludaFebruary 23 2011, 00:46:14 UTC
"What if despite all that do, you never get comfortable with your Japanese language skills?"
I'm never "completely comfortable" with English and here I am using it. I am a second generation Taiwanese-American. I was born & raised by immigrant parents. I learned English on my own, as I could not ask my parents how English worked since they were not fluent speakers. I believe that language cannot be 100% mastered. The point of doing this is not because "I seek full comfort" in understanding Japanese. The point of doing this is to understand Japanese to an extent on which it can be a possible employable skill and improving it. The more I use it, the more "comfortable" I will be by using it. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy speaking Japanese at the same time. I use it everyday and I love using it to watch animation, play games, read comic books, and talk to my friends. I love learning about my Japanese friends through their own language. They often tell me that I have enough knowledge of the Japanese language to be "understood enough" and to "communicate enough" but I want to improve further. None of them can speak fluent English. We communicate using Japanese. We are friends because I studied Japanese to an extent that this is possible. Even if we can't speak the same language, we can still be friends in other ways. I have a friend in Korea (which is why I went recently, though you may have missed that entry) and she can't speak much English and I don't know much about Korean, but we have a common language-- art. Both of us are studying Japanese and it was a common link we used to create a friendship that has now surpassed our initial common interests.
Art is also the same deal. I don't think you can master art 100%. Skills like these are a life-long battle for improvement. If I give up thinking I will never become "comfortable" or "good enough" at something it definitely guarantees I won't. Because I won't be doing those things so I won't be improving. We are always going to suck in the beginning. The thing that matters is being fine with that suck and to keep on moving to improve it.
This is my small goal (Becoming an ALT + Improving Japanese + Releasing Doujins in Japan-- did the last two to an extent already) that is easily fulfilled in my opinion. I think I'm capable of doing this. I don't believe this is "turning my life upside down"-- I do believe it is quite a change and a big decision, but I don't feel my life is completely thrown sideways by this decision. I do believe I was slowly heading in this direction and have thought about it for quite some time. I personally feel my roads are pointing toward Asia, I've finally made that decision to listen to my wants and found paths where I am certain that can feasibly pull through.
I appreciate that you're worried about me! I want to let you know that I'm doing fine. If it ends up not fine somehow, I'm gonna make it fine, because as long as I'm still living, have a mind, have a heart, things are gonna be okay. I've gone through a lot of things in this life and feel I've gone through much, much harder things than this.
I remember when I was younger you'd often say that you were jealous of people who are better than you. In my mind, I think the reason why I excelled at so many things is because I didn't see the failure (or even think of it) and if they did happen, I kept going. Failure is not the end of it all. I make a mistake, I learn from it, and I improve. I move on. In my opinion, it's because you see these potential failures that you don't want to try... failure is scary for most, but when you're not afraid to fail, you'll go somewhere. I think you create a limit for yourself without realizing it and I think you can do better. That's why sometimes kids excel at things faster than adults. Adults are afraid of going to the hospital and think about the bills. Kids are not afraid to climb trees to find out what's up there.
If you have any more questions or worries, please let me know--I don't want you to worry about things that I may have already found my answer to. :) Thank you so much for worrying about me--you are definitely one of the longest friends I've known online next to Arturo. Sorry, this was long!
A very long time ago, I knew someone online who was an ALT. She liked the job, but IIRC she mentioned that it was a lot more difficult than expected, because you actually have to be a teacher. Teaching is a calling, and while I know you'd be good at it because you apply yourself...I'm not sure if you'd like it. Remember, you would not just be dealing with just adults, but kids, and kids in any culture can be difficult to work with.
I'm not sure how precisely doujin stuff works in Japan in terms of a publication. If it's anything like the printed entertainment scene (I'm assuming doujinshi, and not doujin games) in America, then breaking in would be extremely difficult to say the least. And from what little I know about the Japanese gaming industry, I'm sure breaking into an actual video game company would be next to impossible if you moved overseas.
It's clear you know what you want and you are certainly capable of taking the steps toward your overall goals, but I'm worried that the goals themselves might be too lofty. I'm also concerned the reason behind your goals might be a bit too personal. How do you know that these friends won't stop being your friends in the time that you spend over there? What will you do when you find yourself alone in foreign country -- not just temporarily, but permanently -- with no one to turn to?
Plus...what if despite all that do, you never get comfortable with your Japanese language skills? I guess my concern is if you're chasing a goal you may seriously never catch, is it worth turning your life upside down?
Reply
Teaching won't be a permanent career for me (at least that is my current decision--life may change in the future.) As for teaching, I don't mind it. I personally think I'd rather enjoy it. I've done plenty of training for new hires and taught people various things in various topics. Sure, being an ALT is different from that, but no one can simply "teach well" without messing up the first few times.
Also, depending on the placement, if you're put in an elementary school, chances are pretty high that the actual teacher for that class may just sit back and let you teach the class. For Junior High, most of them seem to make you a tape recorder. High School, it's similar to Junior High. It really depends on the teacher you get paired up with-- some teachers are so strict with what is taught that they'd prefer to be the one teaching, even if it's incorrect English. Some don't want to bother teaching and give you the roll call sheet and have you teach the entire year. So, it really depends on the situation that I'm given. In any case, I am willing to do it all.
I am not trying to become an ALT because it is easy. That is not the point. I need a way to maintain myself while studying Japanese and I am willing to work to stay in the country. Being an ALT is considered an entry-level job and through those kinds of jobs do you get experience. The best thing is to improve the skills I have. That's what is the most important part. You can't simply do something without skills, but you cannot create skills if you don't have it. Like art. I've done it for years and I've improved so much. I had to start making shitty art somewhere and from then on improve as much as I can.
Don't worry about doujin stuff. As you have said, you have not read LJ recently. I have already released doujin work in Japan. Also, it is nothing like USA's scene. At all. Japan has a wonderful self-publishing culture compared to the US. It's much easier for a relatively unknown artist to publish things & sell it at comic market events provided they have the time and money to invest in it. That's what I find so beautiful about the self-publishing market in Japan.
I should have been more specific-- my dream career would be to work in the video game industry. I don't care where it is-- Japan, UK, America, etc.
This isn't for the "romantic reasons." I see that you've read the comments above and based a lot of your thoughts on them... they were assumptions the poster above made.
It's not for the friends. I am going for the sake of learning Japanese-- a goal that is for me and only me. If these friends stop talking to me, it won't change the goal I am trying to complete-- studying Japanese. I am not afraid to lose friends. I have lost plenty of friends over the years and gained even more than those that I have lost.
I have studied Japanese endlessly for two years now and I feel there is a better chance for my Japanese to improve in the country because after I visited for just two weeks, I started speaking conversational Japanese. Imagine what it'll do for me if it was one year! It wasn't like I was trying super hard or anything in those two weeks. Yet, I improved.
I truly appreciate that you are concerned but I am not worried at all. The reason I am going for is purely for myself. The other factors, while they may suck if my friends stop talking to me, will not kill me in the long run. In fact, I did not even think about that. Why think about something that has not happened yet? Why focus on "failures" when they haven't happened yet? It is not the time to worry about if you will have a house in 20 years if you are simply starting out now. It is not the time to worry about what happens about your car you just purchased in 20 years when you have not driven it for 20 years yet.
Reply
The reason why I was concerned, though, was because it sounded from your entry that your primary motivation for becoming more proficient in Japanese was to improve communications with your friends, not your career. (I've also forgotten that you learned English as a second language...for someone not comfortable in it, you use it a lot better than my monolingual self.) In your replies you make it a lot clearer the professional reasons are just as important and you've planned this out. I apologize for the mistaken assumptions on my part.
I suppose I'm biased because I've been hurt by friends. I had friends -- not just Internet friends, but face-to-face friends who I've known for a decade -- and almost invariably, every last one of them have turned on me at one point or another. Heck, I've known magnus-samma about as along as I've known you, and you see what happened there. If I had decided to move to another country, even Canada, a country that shares the same language and much cultural history as the United States, then I would be stuck and disillusioned if my Canadian friends pulled the same junk. I couldn't even fathom living in Japan given the vast cultural differences.
Then again, staying in my hometown didn't get me ahead either. Being a clerical worker was supposed to be my ticket in to organization I work for. Five years later, I have the same job title with more work to do and am still in the entry level position. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for having a job and I don't despise my work, but it rendered all that work I did studying for naught.
I guess, speaking from personal experience, you do have to worry about failure or else you won't have a back up plan. For instance, if you think you can buy a house and go for it, it might not work out. You don't want to wind up with house which is costing you too much money to maintain, but won't sell because the housing market is slow and it's not in sellable condition. I mean, if you think you will succeed, then it makes it all the more devastating when you fail.
I suppose I can't understand because there are countless activities I've tried, put time and effort into, but to no avail. Typically, I don't get better, and in some cases, I get worse. Furthermore no one cares about anything else I write, or say, or do, or make, so I guess I have a different perspective than you on life in general. If you work toward getting better, but end up failing for one reason or another, pretty soon you realize that all that work was for nothing. I'm sorry for projecting my failings onto you.
Reply
If I think I will succeed and I didn't make it, at least I tried. It's better than not trying, which is truly the end of that. Onward to something else after that.
I don't think of things as failures. I think of things as opportunities... and perspective changes a lot. Do you see yourself as a failure? How about the things you've done? I see things as mistakes. You learn from mistakes. If you don't, then it's just stupidity... you can learn from everything.
I think to improve oneself you have to focus on the right thing. Maybe what you've done so far is addressing the wrong issue?
It's not like I haven't been hurt by friends. I've been hurt, I've been lied to, bridges were burned, and some were rebuilt. In this life, people come and go... and nothing says you can't make new friends. I've had plenty of downs and I've had plenty of ups, and if I only focus on my downs, I don't think I would have gotten so many ups as I've had in my life so far. Focus is so important. If I'm going to spend all day crying about how something went wrong, nothing happens in that day except crying. Of course, it takes time to heal, but... if it's been a long time after it happened, maybe it's time to move on, stop the crying, and do something to change it.
People get along, people misunderstand, people solve things, people leave each other... all sorts of things happen with friends and family, but it doesn't mean that because bad things happened in the past that it'll happen again. If I think like that, I can only think that it'll definitely happen again and that's not the kind of life I want to live. I want to live a life where I can at least have some semblance of control, enough to give myself a stable, level-headed mindset to help me progress further, not backward.
When I was living during the most depressing time of my life, I put up with it thinking that it's really what was left. I thought I was stupid because she told me I was. I lived for her, and not for me. One morning, I woke up and the first thought was, "I don't want this anymore." And from than day on, something changed--I changed, and if things didn't change, I made the effort to try and change it...
What works for me may not work for everyone else, but I really do think perspective is important... I've been hurt so many times, I've been in mental situations that I think no person should ever be at, but if I were to live my life in fear of those things happening again, I'll never be able to climb trees anymore.
Reply
It's not over yet. You can change it. You can try to search for another job somewhere else, something more worthwhile, something not entry level, something that pays more. You have to work for that, though. I wouldn't suggest leaving your job until you find a new one. Most people who just start jobs always jump to other jobs after they get hired. There's always opportunity... you have to seek it.
Reply
I'm not going to Japan to play. I've already done that in the last few years on tiny trips. I'm going to Japan to study Japanese and improve my art. In my mind, I am only going for a year or two. Should I change my mind during that duration is up to me. I will be ready to make more changes if I decide to stay more permanently--however thinking about & worrying about that now is useless because I am not doing that.
I am not "moving" overseas permanently. I am also not going to Japan without securing a job position first. Going over there without a job is stupid especially without a proper visa.
I also can't get stuck there permanently. Let's say I lose my job and I can't find another one to sponsor/transfer my visa.
As an American citizen, I would be forced to return to my country since I would be without a proper visa to stay there. They will even send me back if I can't afford a way back (And probably banning me from entering the country for 5 years) but that won't happen because my parents can easily afford a plane ticket for my return. If I run out of money while even in the country (doubtful, as I have quite a bit saved and will only go to Japan after I have secured a job there) my parents can even send money until my visa runs out. Asians take in their family no matter what. Luckily for me, I actually have a very wonderful relationship with my parents.
No one to turn to? I actually know quite a bit of people in Japan, not just one or two. In fact, I can easily say I know about 150 people in Japan that I *actively* talk to and even more that I don't talk to on a daily basis, and even more through that network. I spend my weekends with them. I can also easily say that I know plenty of Americans in the country. If there is "no one to turn to" there is also the American embassy and my parents. It is not unheard of to make new friends and I been to the country before. Sure, losing friends sucks, but I am not going to die. My life is not over.
Why does everything have a limit or an "end"? If a person is clever enough, they will plan enough to make sure they at least have a back up plan. They find the way to get where they need to be. If luck is against their side, then that's what the back-up plan is for. If that fails, there is another back-up plan. There are plenty of things I didn't write in this entry--I don't think everyone needs to know my back-up plans and this and that.
Reply
I'm never "completely comfortable" with English and here I am using it. I am a second generation Taiwanese-American. I was born & raised by immigrant parents. I learned English on my own, as I could not ask my parents how English worked since they were not fluent speakers. I believe that language cannot be 100% mastered. The point of doing this is not because "I seek full comfort" in understanding Japanese. The point of doing this is to understand Japanese to an extent on which it can be a possible employable skill and improving it. The more I use it, the more "comfortable" I will be by using it. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy speaking Japanese at the same time. I use it everyday and I love using it to watch animation, play games, read comic books, and talk to my friends. I love learning about my Japanese friends through their own language. They often tell me that I have enough knowledge of the Japanese language to be "understood enough" and to "communicate enough" but I want to improve further. None of them can speak fluent English. We communicate using Japanese. We are friends because I studied Japanese to an extent that this is possible. Even if we can't speak the same language, we can still be friends in other ways. I have a friend in Korea (which is why I went recently, though you may have missed that entry) and she can't speak much English and I don't know much about Korean, but we have a common language-- art. Both of us are studying Japanese and it was a common link we used to create a friendship that has now surpassed our initial common interests.
Art is also the same deal. I don't think you can master art 100%. Skills like these are a life-long battle for improvement. If I give up thinking I will never become "comfortable" or "good enough" at something it definitely guarantees I won't. Because I won't be doing those things so I won't be improving. We are always going to suck in the beginning. The thing that matters is being fine with that suck and to keep on moving to improve it.
This is my small goal (Becoming an ALT + Improving Japanese + Releasing Doujins in Japan-- did the last two to an extent already) that is easily fulfilled in my opinion. I think I'm capable of doing this. I don't believe this is "turning my life upside down"-- I do believe it is quite a change and a big decision, but I don't feel my life is completely thrown sideways by this decision. I do believe I was slowly heading in this direction and have thought about it for quite some time. I personally feel my roads are pointing toward Asia, I've finally made that decision to listen to my wants and found paths where I am certain that can feasibly pull through.
I appreciate that you're worried about me! I want to let you know that I'm doing fine. If it ends up not fine somehow, I'm gonna make it fine, because as long as I'm still living, have a mind, have a heart, things are gonna be okay. I've gone through a lot of things in this life and feel I've gone through much, much harder things than this.
I remember when I was younger you'd often say that you were jealous of people who are better than you. In my mind, I think the reason why I excelled at so many things is because I didn't see the failure (or even think of it) and if they did happen, I kept going. Failure is not the end of it all. I make a mistake, I learn from it, and I improve. I move on. In my opinion, it's because you see these potential failures that you don't want to try... failure is scary for most, but when you're not afraid to fail, you'll go somewhere. I think you create a limit for yourself without realizing it and I think you can do better. That's why sometimes kids excel at things faster than adults. Adults are afraid of going to the hospital and think about the bills. Kids are not afraid to climb trees to find out what's up there.
If you have any more questions or worries, please let me know--I don't want you to worry about things that I may have already found my answer to. :) Thank you so much for worrying about me--you are definitely one of the longest friends I've known online next to Arturo. Sorry, this was long!
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