blah blah blah for February
Here's the art for this post.
Working always leaves me really tired at the end of the day, so sometimes I take a nap when I get home and sometimes I don't--but it never really seems to change the fact that I wake up very tired and it's difficult to get out of bed. If only there was some super drink that would wake me up and get me ready... oh, so that's what everyone uses coffee for. I don't drink coffee, though!
I've finally let go of a lot of clothing that I never wear. They've always been sitting in my wardrobe for one reason or another, such as sentimental attachment or that I *really* liked that shirt or this or that. A lot of them were really worn down and that was the main reason why I just didn't wear it anymore. A lot of the clothing I wore during high school / college were finally donated. During that time there was someone who always picked out my clothes, so a lot of them are gone now. I know that I won't need to wear them and some of them don't even fit anymore. Clothes should be meant to be worn and if they can be worn by someone else, then all the power to donating them.
I was actually in a really difficult emotional spot a month or two ago-- let's say about December/January. I didn't want to go into the details so I didn't talk about it at all and I still don't really want to go into it. I fought my internal battle. I won. I'm much better now and ever since I've decided to try to make better choices toward my future I feel better and better about letting things go. A smartphone might be nice, but when my brother suggested that we could get a family plan and have smartphones, I gave a different response from before. I don't need a smartphone to live, as much as it'd be fun, but I guess it could be because the novelty of having an iPod Touch has worn off and I know that it's pretty much similar to having a smartphone (without the phone.) Or maybe I really don't feel that need to have a smartphone! I won't ever know! The reason's not so important compared to the outcome. But he can have a smartphone. I don't need one right now.
Here's the decision I've made: I want to improve my Japanese. Even though I know quite a bit of Mandarin, without the motivation or interest, improving it is very difficult. My Japanese is still elementary/conversational at best and there's still a lot of work I need to do to get it to my level of Mandarin, but I have a lot of inspiration. My friends in Japan are always very understanding when I'm using my broken Japanese, but I want to be able to speak to them. It gets very frustrating sometimes because it's like an adult that lost their skill to speak fluently. I know what I want to say, yet I can't say it or say it incorrectly... even though it feels really discouraging, I'm going to keep on trying.
Which comes to my next point: without the constant exposure to Japanese, my Japanese won't improve. Everyday, I've been trying to use Japanese in chats and this and that... I've listened to music, watched shows, read comics... on the weekends, I try playing games with my Japanese friends or have a voice chat to improve my hearing comprehension. Sure, this constant exposure has helped my Japanese greatly and I've learned so much vocabulary. But it's not enough. I'm sure everyone knows that even with English, there are times were we can't really express ourselves and can be misunderstood. I don't think language can be truly mastered, but we can become fluent enough to communicate. Knowing this, I convince myself that I have to keep it up or all my studies would be lost.
The time zone difference is too great and I often find myself at work when everyone is free... the same happens when they're at work/school/awake and I'm asleep, and of course when I wake up to go to work they are free/sleeping. The fact that they can't speak English forces me to use Japanese... when I was staying with my friend in Japan, it was very much a home stay. If I didn't say what I wanted, nothing would ever change, so I started to speak Japanese. The longer I stay in the US, the more difficult it is to try and speak Japanese. I went without a period of speaking it and when I was put in a Japanese Skype conversation, I fumbled so much in the beginning.
My conclusion was I need to get out of the country, at least for a little. I wasted my chance during university to not try for a study abroad program and the older I get the harder it may be to move around. I've always played around with the thought of teaching English in another country but never really took it seriously until now.
At first, I thought maybe I could go to Korea to teach English. Being in the same time zone, I could spend more time together with my Japanese friends. It's right next to Japan and I could visit it very often. I could improve my Korean. Korean grammar is very similar to Japanese according to a friend that speaks both, and since it's a much cheaper standard of living along with housing paid for, I could save a lot of money. I think the experience would have been very good for me, but the problem was that I didn't speak any Korean and would be learning nearly from scratch. My current knowledge of Korean is very spotty at best. I'm pretty sure that if I stayed in Korea I could get some semblance of Korean understanding after a year, but I came to the point where I should probably go to a place focusing on my existing languages, no matter how cushy the Korea job seemed. They paid for housing, you don't need experience, paid the travel fees, plane ticket, this and that...
How about Taiwan? I still have family there. I understand the language pretty well, even though I'm out of practice to speak it. Taiwan is about two hours away from Japan and I could visit it whenever I felt like it. I could get an Overseas Chinese passport and teach English there. Somehow I didn't feel too thrilled about that. As much as I love Taiwan, I'm not sure I want to do this yet. I made this my backup plan.
I decided the best way to improve my Japanese would be to actually be in the country for a long period of time. So what if I could make more in Korea? This isn't about money, right? How about try getting a masters in Japan? It would be way too expensive for me and the entrance exams are really tough. I really can't afford that. Working Holiday Visa? That doesn't apply to us Americans.
A company job? I'm not sure what kind of company job would risk the chance of hiring someone who is currently overseas or someone who can't speak Japanese to a business level and haven't taken any level of the JLPT. I haven't cut this choice out, though--there is a small chance that they may need someone that speaks fluent English and hopefully someone who can also do entry level work. News had gone out recently of quite a few companies changing their official company language to English and you have a room of Japanese businessmen using the best English they can muster during company meetings. Elementary schools are going to make English class a requirement as well. This would be difficult, but if I can search in the right place, I'm sure I could find it...
The next one would be to teach English in Japan. At it's current state, you only need to be a citizen of certain English speaking countries, lived there all your life (12 years of English study/school), and have a bachelor's degree. Japan costs more all around. The cost of living is very expensive in the cities but even in the rural areas it'll cost more than Korea's or Taiwan's equivalent. They don't need those with teaching experience or certificates, but they help you get paid more. There's private conversation schools and assistant language teachers for private or public schools.
The private conversation schools (eikaiwa) seem to prefer teachers that only speak English during class and I've also read that in many of them you're not only a teacher, but also a salesperson for their books and materials. Their hours are later than the assistant language teachers (ALT) and they get paid a little more...
ALTs get placed in actual schools and range from being a human-tape recorder to teaching the actual class. They get paid much less especially if it's from a private dispatch company--JET is very competitive and is losing contracts with Board of Educations across Japan because they're also really expensive compared to private dispatchers. Not counting the money portion, it's enough for one person to get by if you know how to manage your money and it's a much more cultural experience compared to an eikaiwa. And if you speak Japanese you're not going to be penalized for it.
Both ALTs and eikaiwa jobs can get hired overseas.
This is the easiest choice. If I can be in Japan, it'll be easier for me to work on my doujin work as well. I could probably build a portfolio of comic books and illustrations this way. In a sense, for my friends helping me with my Japanese, I could be possibly helping someone else with their English.
Well, whatever I do, I need to learn how to properly market myself. All I know is that in the future I'd like to work for the gaming industry... Japanese may help, improving my art may help, but sometimes I wish I had more confidence in my own abilities to move myself forward. Should I study 3D? Would that help me? Do I want to work in the industry as an artist? Something else? My current job is building my HR skills...
I've done so much thinking about this but I just don't know, is there something I'm not seeing? I almost wish I had a mentor of some sort who could help guide me but life isn't that simple and easy.
I'm always constantly trying to improve my art and those who have followed this journal for years (and are still hanging around LiveJournal) probably could see that my art has improved. I just don't feel it's enough, but that's another topic. Perhaps for another day. Let's aim for going overseas in 2012.