Disaster
I’m such a disaster right now. I can’t stop crying. Yes, that’s right, I’m actually crying, and at school of all places, too. (I don’t think I’ve ever cried at Mount Holyoke before.) I just can’t deal with these thoughts and feelings anymore. No, I’m not going to kill myself (although I am feeling damn near suicidal right now), but the thoughts are really scaring me.
I emailed my therapist to explain how I felt about out appointment, and I feel awful about it. What if she thinks I’m a jerk? I probably am a jerk…a jerk who doesn’t deserve any help.
Sorry. I’m just in distress, and I don’t know what to do when I’m like this. I suppose I’ll cut (bad, I know, but I feel like I have to) and then go to bed. I have work to do for tomorrow, but I’m in no state of mind to do it right now. I’ll get up an hour early tomorrow morning and do it then…hopefully.
Is this how my life is always going to be? Is this as good as it gets?