My latest 30_kisses Knives x Vash fic: "Scream For Me"
Theme: "17. kHz (kilohertz)"
Title: Scream For Me
Fandom: Trigun
Pairing: Knives x Vash primary, Knives x Legato, references to Wolfwood = Vash and Midvalley = Wolfwood
Word count: 1833
Rating: 16 up
Warnings: Knives first-person POV, yaoi lime, graphic violence, references to sex, references to rape, angst, animeverse with manga elements.
xposted to: 30_kisses and to other locations.
"Scream For Me"
I love the sound of your screams. Yes, it is quite true that I have heard many screams in my lifetime, normally that of a dying human in the half-second between my angel blade hatching and their worthless body being severed into so many pieces. Nevertheless, their screams of pain don't reach that place within me that yours do, my brother, my only love. When you cry, I feel, even if it is only more anger, more hatred at your helplessness before me. No matter how loud their screams are, I can only laugh.
Remember how you screamed when you found the body of the man you almost killed crucified in the desert, along with that female insect from Jeneora Rock? That last part was Chapel's touch, as I sent him along with Hornfreak to kill those worthless excuses for humans. You hate me for killing, your very own flesh and blood, yet you loved him. Will you hate him now as well? I should hope so, from the sound of your pitiful screams. For a few moments, I wish I was my slave, so I could somehow telegraph the images of his sickening congress with that manwhore into your mind. Would you see it as betrayal, as I would, as I did? Would you act as I did when my slave cheated on me, with the same man no less?
You would not, because you have abandoned our minds, our emotions, to become like a human. Like a worthless human, like those creatures that try to grind you into the dust of this planet for the price on your head. You appear to hate me so much for what I have done to you, but you do not understand that the humans do this to you and to each other. I am simply giving these insects known as the Gung Ho Guns the impetus for their actions. If they were like the self you deny exists, if they were like me or even like the sisters, they would refuse my orders and help you. Instead, they provide examples of human failings.
The Gale, an example of isolation and misdirected rage, as is so common to these humans you so adore. The Cyclops, an example of sheer avarice, as motivates their chasing after the bounty and their pitiful robberies of each other. Mine, an example of the futility of aging, of wanting to establish a legacy in even being a slaughterer of his fellow insects. The Blade, an example of the futility of obsession and of searching for meaning in experience, yet another failing of these pitiful vermin. And of course, the men with no names, one because he is too precious for a name, yet I cannot tell him so lest he become prideful, and the other because he is too expendable for a name until he takes the place of his mentor, whom I cannot trust enough.
Legato is the perfect example of the human failing of needing something higher, something better, something to look up to and offer worship and sacrifices to forestall wrath. You don't know what it's like, brother, to be worshiped, to be treated as the angel god you are. I, unlike you, know this delight of punishing a man until he is almost broken, then giving him just enough that he won't rebel, won't dare to challenge me.
The second Chapel, on the other hand, is a fine example of human futility and failure. The man cannot even keep the beliefs that he was charged to believe above all else, in me, and has even planned to kill me. Imbecile, he does not even know that I know this fact about himself and about his lover. After all, my mind is above humans' feeble minds. He doesn't even completely devote himself to you, as Legato has devoted himself to me and as all humans should devote themselves to us, to a higher species of life that they may have created, but that now deserves to win out in the struggle of living.
I cannot understand, my brother, my only love, why you prefer the company of filthy humans to my company and that of the sisters. It is as if a human suddenly abandoned the company of his or her fellows to commiserate with roaches and botflies, destructive, dangerous insects that only serve the purpose of spreading filth and disease as they procreate, soiling the world in which they live, and harming any species who dares entangle themselves so closely.
Of course I have heard your challenges to this pure, true logic that only our higher brains, and that of my very own slave, can completely process and accept. You say that I killed your beloved Rem. I cannot deny that I did, but I did it for you! You once wanted to kill her yourself, before she brainwashed you to accept that humans kill us, and I simply realized she was driving a wedge between us. You convince yourself, dear brother, that I have raped you and forced you to do things you never wanted. You don't even understand what you want, and I do, so it is only logical that I compel you.
You claim that I made you destroy the city of July. Again, I only compelled you to discover the heights of your being as a Plant Angel. It was your fault for meeting me within the city. You should have known what I was going to do for you then, but you lived every day of your life in the denial of your feelings toward me, in rage over what I did to that filthy spider who tried her best to make you human.
Even as of late, I could hear you when my slave connected our minds, brought us together despite your wishes to close us out. You blame me for the deaths in Von Dreke, for Monev, for the massacres in Jeneora Rock, for Dominique, and for my show of the force I have collected. Are you that foolish, that deceived, my little brother? You do not understand that had you used that skill of yours in the way that you should, to kill these filthy lice sucking life from our species and their own, only one bullet to the right location, and it would have been only they that died? You are responsible for every single death that I have orchestrated, because of your refusal to act in the capacity of judgment. You've abdicated your responsibility as a higher being, so it is my responsibility to force you to accept what you deny.
I do wonder, though, my love, where you have gone, as the last time I heard your precious screams were as you blasted the hole into the fifth moon that I look upon nightly, as my servant, against my wishes and out of his worthless human emotions, forced you to destroy another city as well. Do not get me wrong, brother, if you are still alive out there, for I have punished him. I attempted to crush his body into nothing, yet, due to that arm I grafted onto him, due to our blood running in his veins, he somehow has healed already, only one year from the incident.
You have not spoken to me, have not even tried to reach out to me or even to him in two years, now. It is as if you have forgotten that I exist! How could you even think of doing such a thing to me, to your own twin brother! I had so many other gifts I was going to give you, in each town, until you finally returned to me. Yet you run, as a mouse runs from the cat, as a fish avoids the net into which it will inevitably fall. You hide, like the wanted criminal the humans made you, the specter of doom rather than the angel that you are.
I ponder, in my darkest of hours, if you are dead, if someone out there has brought harm upon you. I was assured that this was not true, yet, the very thought haunts me. I have Legato, yes, but he is a poor substitute for you at best. Most human men of my persuasion would adore the thought of a man who looked up to them as Legato does to me, who have absolute dominance, would they not? Nevertheless, you are me, and I am you, and you are my life, my only love. I cannot live without you, my beloved brother, and I will do anything to bring you back to me, to feel your flesh against mine, to take us both over the edge of reason.
You cannot be dead. You are alive out there somewhere, living in your delusions and sorrows of loneliness. You have rejected me, rejected yourself, and therefore I must again bring punishment upon you. When I find you, I will make you pay for what you have done. I will make you wish you never leave my side again, and I will make you suffer. You apparently did not realize it, but I have more of these humans who are willing to be non-commensal organisms against the virus that is their own species. There is still Leonof, if I can tear him away from all of his puppets long enough to fight. There is Hoppered, if I could only get him to stop whining about his girlfriend. I have dwarves and a robot, and a possessed child who can control nature itself. If all else fails, I will turn your own new human lover against you, just to make your betrayal that much worse for you, to impress the lesson even deeper that I am your only equal. You will cry in my arms at that, won't you? If I can't have you, no one will, my beloved brother, and I will do anything to convince you that you, in every way, are mine.
For now, I will rest once more, resisting the urge to cry over the thought of never seeing you again, of never experiencing the heights of our unions ever again. I must not seem as weak, as lovesick as your loss has made me, and I must not allow my slave to think that, just a little, I am replacing you with him, hedging my bets, so to speak in the parlance of the spiders. Nevertheless, when he kisses me, it is not in the slightest comparable. It is much like being licked by a dog as opposed to being kissed by the man you truly love.
You may ask, someday, why a superior being such as myself sees fit to log my own thoughts on paper, which will die before we ever will. I do it so, for the life of my words, you can remember the depth of my love for you.
-log entry, Millions Knives, stardate 131.