(Untitled)

[bring_a_sponge]

A Man in Black is coming through the Door glowering at a digital readout screen in his hands, which is how the Door manages to slam shut behind him before he looks up to see:

"Ah, shitHe stomps over to Bar and brutally takes a seat. (No, really, 'brutally' is just the word

Comments

[doyousmellfudge]

"Did you seriously expect to get a good response from that?" says a pudgy, sixtysomething man who's nursing a whiskey sour a few stools down from Zed's position.

[bring_a_sponge]

"Sometimes I think this pile of shit exists just to fuck with me," Zed rumbles, not actually disagreeing with the man.

[doyousmellfudge]

"Little self-centered of you, don't you think?" says Artie lightly.

(Pot, meet kettle.)

[bring_a_sponge]

"No," Zed growls.

"But I'll allow for it screwing with other people's heads too. When I'm not here."

[doyousmellfudge]

"I'm sure the sentient furniture in the dimensional nexus has nothing better to do than harass random people."

A beat.

"That sounded more convincing in my head."

[bring_a_sponge]

"Exactly," Zed agrees. "The only reason this dump is around is to make our lives hell."

"And if I ever manage to get my hands around the neck of that Big Bastard in charge, I'll be sure to let him know I understand that. Before I start squeezing."

Zed isn't always so violently inclined, but the Landlord has a way--.

No, wait, actually Zed is often so violently inclined.

[doyousmellfudge]

"Yeahh, good luck with that," says Artie. "I'm not convinced this so-called 'Landlord' actually exists."

[bring_a_sponge]

"Somebody is responsible for all this bullshit," Zed insists.

The only thing worse then Milliways existing in the first place is Milliways existing without somebody to blame for it.

[doyousmellfudge]

"Oh? What makes you so sure?"

[bring_a_sponge]

"Look around," Zed gestures. "You think all this fucked itself up by itself? There has to be some maniac behind it."

Zed knows a thing or two about how the multiverse works, after all.

[doyousmellfudge]

Artie huffs an incredulous laugh.

"Youuuu have no idea what I do for a living, do you."

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed gives the man a good squint. "Can't say as I do."

Then again, that means he won't know what Zed does either.

He puts out a hand. "Agent Zed."

[doyousmellfudge]

He shakes the offered hand. "Agent Nielsen. Secret Service. Extremely secret service."

[bring_a_sponge]

"You don't say," Zed replies, giving him another look.

He thumbs at himself. "Man in Black. In charge of a bureau that monitors, polices, and licenses alien activity on Earth. Several of them, in fact."

"Earth Delta-Prime A in my case."

[doyousmellfudge]

...well, hell. If we're laying our cards on the table...

"I work for Warehouse 13. We secure and store objects with properties that don't conform to the laws of physics as they're currently known."

[bring_a_sponge]

"Mmmm, work for the Warehouse, eh?" Zed replies thoughtfully. Apparently, he's heard of the place.

"Say, you guys wouldn't have a spare Antikythera Mechanism lying around, would you? I let the damn Centauri borrow one of ours, and those sonsuvbitches never return anything on time."