(Untitled)

[shinymetal_ass]

Oh, no.

Where did he get THAT? And does it really matter?

Somehow, The Door has opened for a Bender on the run. A Bender on the run, carrying a slot machine. And then slammed in the officers' faces.

"Haha! Take that, suckers! You couldn't catch the Great Bender if I was made of lead!" It's just now that Bender looks around. "Oh, hey! Here this

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[obiwanedyou]

Andy has seen much stranger things than a horribly familiar robot running through a bar at the end of the universe carrying a slot machine.

Oh ... oh, no, he hasn't.

He's spilt his JD & Coke all over his shirt, but hasn't noticed because he's too busy staring.

[shinymetal_ass]

Bender has just turned around in time to observe the spillage. "Hey, meatsack, that's valuable booze your wasting there! There's robots starving all over Earth, ya know!"

There is the briefest of pauses. "Which reminds me." Bender opens the door in his torso, pulls out two beers. "Bottoms up!" Seconds later, both bottles have been emptied. "Ah, much better."

[obiwanedyou]

Andy's eyes widen even more; he quickly rights his glass and looks down at his shirt.

"Oh, man, I'm gonna have to-- did you just pull beer out of yourself?"

Beat.

"Did you just drink beer? Aren't you a freakin' robot?"

[shinymetal_ass]

"What, your eyes not working or something? Yes, I did. And robots--wait a minute." Bender's eyes roll again. "When are you from, chump? And do you know anything about robots at all?"

Bender might even answer the stupid question. After he antagonizes the crap outta this guy, of course.

[obiwanedyou]

"Guthrie, Oklahoma," Andy says. He adds, a little awkwardly, "Earth."

He's grabbed a napkin by now and is wiping at the spill. He hopes it doesn't stain; he likes this shirt.

"I know robots are, uh, made of metal. I've never actually met one," he admits.

[shinymetal_ass]

"I know where Oklahoma is, moron. I'm from New New York." He sighs deeply. "But if that's all you know about us, then you need to know a couple more really important things. Robots, being about 10 times smarter and stronger than your best human, should totally be in charge of this spinning ball. And we need alcohol to power our systems. Without it, we're basically screwed. So I always keep beer with me. Got it?"

With a shake of his head he adds, "Geez, what year are you livin' in?"

He means it rhetorically, of course. but Bender keeps forgetting that here... that's actually a pretty valid question.

[obiwanedyou]

"New New--? Oh, right."

Yeah, Andy's decided it's good he doesn't have cable TV anymore. Maybe he'll stop meeting people who should be fictional.

"Got it," he adds with a thumbs-up. "You should totally team up with Artoo Detoo or somethin', man. I don't think he drinks beer though. And I'm from 2006."

(Rhetorical questions: not Andy's strong point.)

[shinymetal_ass]

"2006??? Man, you mighta known Fry, then! He was the dirtbag who probably delivered a pizza to you--if you were ever in Old New York. He's my favorite human." Pause. "Then again, that's not saying a whole lot." A light clicks on in his mind. "Uh, by the way, whatever you do... don't let anyone elect Arnold Schwarzennegger to any sort of public office. Just trust ol' Bender on this one, 'kay?"

"By the way, R2's a chump. Met him in person once, an couldn't understand a word. Anyone that needs a giant golden dork walking around with him to translate what he says isn't worth keepin' around." Bender snorts. "Relics."

[obiwanedyou]

Andy is in awe. Awe! Everything Bender said has been instantly forgotten (too bad about Arnie), except:

"You met Artoo? I guess he's not--" He giggles, slightly. "Not the droid you're lookin' for, then."

[shinymetal_ass]

"News flash: he ain't even a droid. Just some meatsack pretending to be one. Only one explanation for that--he's gotta be jealous of our robot magnificence."

[obiwanedyou]

"That's-- that's gotta be it."

Andy tilts his head. This is all rather bewildering.

"But if you're so magnificent, how come you're not in charge of Earth already?"

[shinymetal_ass]

"Hey! We're lazy! It's not our fault that you humans don't recognize the unlimited nature of our greatness!" Bender is reminded of one more reason why he hates these big bonebags: too many questions!

[obiwanedyou]

"You should make signs," Andy suggests. "That's easy enough. Hey, I'd offer to help, but no robots to really rule the world in 2006. You're kinda on your own in your time."

[shinymetal_ass]

"Yeah, well, all I'd really need is to get Calculon behind me, and wham! I'm in." He pauses to think about that for a moment. "Course, he'd never do it--he'd want the job for himself before he'd stump for me. Unless he didn't know he was backing my campaign..."

Oh no. Bender's thinking.

Zoidberg and Fry should be in a corner shuddering somewhere, since usually this means they have to do something...

[obiwanedyou]

Andy nods along enthusiastically, already ordering himself another JD & Coke.

He glances at his tab, then Bender thoughtfully, but he's pretty sure Jedi Mind Tricks don't work on droids themselves. That's some pretty awesome circular thinking, though. If you told Artoo and Threepio that they weren't the droids they were ... no, this is going to hurt his head if he dwells on it; he drags his attention back to Bender.

"Sketch paperwork, that's what you need." He nods again. "Put in a little clause or somethin', yeah? You'll be set."