(Untitled)

[themouthbreathr]

He woke up this morning predictably disoriented in a strange bed, in a strange room. There may have been screaming. It took him thirteen minutes to remember why he was not in his own house, why he was still wearing his uniform, and why he had not taken off his shoes

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[morbid_midweek]

Wednesday usually isn't the most social of people, but he looks miserable. And as far as she's concerned, misery deserves to be enjoyed. At least by her.

"Are you all right?" Please, ignore the large blue spider in the carry-case.

[themouthbreathr]

"She's gonna demote me," the Mouthbreather moans. "She's gonna demote me, and then? She's gonna fire me. And then Jaye Tyler is going to throw a party."

He peeks through his fingers at her. His mouth hangs open, as per usual.

"Is that a real spider?"

[morbid_midweek]

"Yes. His name is Cicero." As if to prove the point, the spider scuttles to one side of the case.

"What did you do wrong?"

[themouthbreathr]

"Is he poisonous?" The Mouthbreather asks.

He eyes the spider critically.

"I didn't show up for work today. Because I'm stuck here," Alec whines. "And I didn't call in. Because I'm stuck here. And that's ground for termination."

[morbid_midweek]

"He's a tarantula. They're all poisonous."

Wednesday sits in a chair at the table, the spider in her lap. "You're going to get fired for being bound and Jaye is going to throw a party?"

[themouthbreathr]

His lips twitch up momentarily. His mouth remains open. This makes for a very strange and specific facial expression.

"Wiiiiicked," he declares, leaning forward on his elbows. His attention snaps back up to her face.

"That's the basic gist."

He narrows his eyes.

"She's always been jealous of me."

[morbid_midweek]

"Why?" She looks him over. "They probably won't even know you're here, you know."

[themouthbreathr]

He scoffs.

"I'm pretty sure they'll notice. I am the assistant manager, after all."

Alec taps his little plastic badge, which he's still wearing. He's still wearing his gaudy yellow Wonderfalls vest too. It's something of a security blanket.

In vest form.

[morbid_midweek]

It is a truly horrifying colour. As such, Wednesday can't help but approve, despite the sunniness of it.

"I've never been bound, but supposedly time doesn't pass while you're here." She tilts her head at him. "But maybe it will for you."

[themouthbreathr]

It has been manufactured specifically to strip employees of any remaining shreds of dignity. Alec does not seem to have gotten this memo.

"Oh, it will," he counters.

He can picture it all now: Tyler: waltzing in an hour late. Waltzing out two hours early. Customers not being greeted in a timely manner. The floors completely un-swepted. And snipers! Snipers everywhere!

...

The snipers are from an unrelated fantasy sequence. They sneak in sometimes. It's always nice to see them.

Snapping out of it, Alec asks:

"Where did you get a spider? Did you catch it?"

[morbid_midweek]

"If you're unlucky." She nods and then looks at him in a way that if you know Wednesday, may be recognizable as mild amusement.

"My parents gave him to me. My last one died. I had him stuffed and mounted on a plaque."

[themouthbreathr]

"Oh," Alec says. Because it would be cooler if she had caught it. Like shoplifters, it's about the thrill of the hunt.

"Do you have that one with you too?"

[morbid_midweek]

"He's hanging on a wall in my apartment." Cicero's case is set on the table.

"What kind of store is it?"

[themouthbreathr]

Alec nods. That's where he'd keep his giant, taxidermy-ed spider if he had a giant, taxidermy-ed spider. Or an apartment.

"Wonderfalls Gift Emporium is your one stop shopping spot for Niagara Falls and Maid of the Mist souvenirs, memorabilia, et all," Alec parrots. "I'm Alec, and I'll be your assistant manager."

His face darkens.

"Until they fire me."

[morbid_midweek]

"'Former assistant manager' has a nice ring to it. Although you'll have to give up the vest." She shrugs.

"I'm Wednesday. Has anyone ever died there?"

[themouthbreathr]

"Yes!" Alec says, enthusiastically. "There was this bank robber who shot a cop, and he held me and some other people who aren't important hostage. With a gun. And when he tried to get away he got pulverized by an ambulance. In a related story, my friend Wade's heart exploded? And they did a heart transplant on him with the bank robber's heart. So now he has the heart of a cop killer! And a really cool scar."

Alec looks inexplicably triumphant.

"Also this one lady threw a baby once, but it was fine."