Missed Chances - Part 23
Title: Missed Chances
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 23
Pairing: Ryan MillerxZdeno Chara (Ryan’s POV)
-3 Month time skip just so we can get a move on with this plot. They are in Boston, for a game.-
Stretching out my back, I heard a few cracks before taking off the blocker glove. I turned my attention to Lindy as I heard him start to talk. It was the end of practice thankfully, and I could not wait to get out of here.
These past three months have been terrible on me, at times if I was a computer, I swore that my processor was going to be frozen permanently.
Once Lindy said that we could head to the locker room, I let out a soft sigh and followed my teammates into the locker room. Once I was at my locker, I started to pull off my gear, once that was all off I did not even bother with the shower. Anyways, I wanted to get out of here as soon as I could.
“Someone’s in a hurry…got a date?”
Flinching at those words, I turned to look at Kaleta, if I was a dog I probably would be snarling at him. “No, I just feel like heading home.” I snapped around, trying to hold back as much anger as I could.
Turning back to finish getting dressed, I heard a softly muttered ‘what the fuck crawled up his ass and die?’. Making a face at that, I pulled on my sneakers and grabbed my bag, shoving it into my locker.
“Its none of your business what I do.”
And with that, I walked out of the locker room, but not out towards the parking lot. Suddenly feeling a hand on my shoulder I turned quickly to get away from said hand, not wanting to really be touched at the moment.
Those blue eyes looked down at me as I raised one eyebrow, about ready to question what he was doing. “Ryan, what is going on? At first you talk to me, hell at times I even thought you flirted with me…”
I flinched at those words, they were something that I did not want to hear at the moment, especially because I was in a hurry.
“…and then next thing I know, your avoiding me. Why is it that you are doing this?” Biting my lower lip as I heard him say this words, I shook my head and looked for an escape route away from Tyler.
“Look, Tyler…its nothing against you. I…I just have a lot going on. And the truth is….I guess you can say I did start to flirt with you.” Running a hand through my hair, I thought I caught the flash of something moving behind Tyler. But I was not able to catch what it was in time.
“But, what I was doing is wrong. Its not fair to you, its not fair to…” I stopped myself as I dropped my head, my shoulders slumped as I tried to find the right words.
One large hand softly cupped my chin, lifting it to look up at him.
“Not fair to who?”
Shaking my head I pulled my face away from his hold and took a few times. “It does not matter, just I can’t be with you, even though you might think I do.” And with that I turned and quickly made my way down the hall, and out towards the stands to watch the Bruins practice.
I found a seat not to far from the ice, but still far enough that no one would really notice I was there. It felt good to be back in Boston, and felt good to see Zdeno again. To long I went without getting to actually see him, unless it was on the tv, or through pictures.
This was one of the few things I missed about being around during the playoffs. Watching him skate, and watching him do what he does best out there on the ice.
Shifting in my seat as I watched the team, drumming my fingers against the arm rest on both sides of the seat I was in. Before getting up and heading out towards where I knew the players parking lot was.
Once out there, I leaned against the wall and waited for when Zdeno’s practice would be over. Drumming my fingers on my left hand against my right arm, I could hear voices coming from the doorway I just exit from. Taking in a deep breath, I could feel my nerves getting the best of me, causing for nervous habits to break loose.
Looking up as I heard the door open, and a figure walked out. Sighing softly as Zdeno was the person who walked out, I stepped away from the wall and walked over towards Zdeno. A small smile on my face as he noticed I was there.
But the look on his face, caused the smile on my face to slip away, replaced by worry and fear. As I bit my lower lip, I tried to place a smile on my face.
“We need to talk…but not here.”
My heart dropped as he turned and headed towards where his car was parked, and quickly I went after him. Fear flickered in my eyes, as we got into the car. Taking in several deep breaths, my hands balled up into fist on my lap once I had my seat belt on.
A million scenarios played through my head, most of them not ending all to well. The thoughts were broken when I felt Zdeno’s hand on one of mine. Making me look up at him, a small smile played across those lips that I loved dearly. Trying to give a smile of my own, I just could not bring myself to do it.
Sighing softly, I returned my attention to look out the window, and pressed my forehead against the cool surface of it.
I was screwed if what was going to happen, played out like one of those not so good scenarios.
------
The car ride seemed so much longer than before, and when we finally had gotten to Zdeno’s home. My nerves were causing my hands to shake slightly, which I bet showed just how nerves and scared I was.
Following him into the home, where I had spent most of my summer/off-season. And now I was here with dreadful fear in my heart.
Once we were inside I took off my shoes, and took a seat in the living room on the couch. My eyes looking at the floor, as once more my hands clenched into fist, my finger nails digging into the palm of my hand. Trying so hard to just think of other things than what could happen at the moment.
“Ryan, look at me.”
I wanted, I really did. But I just could not do it, afraid to see the anger in his eyes, afraid to hear him say, after he got done with whatever he wanted to tell me, to leave.
“Ryan, please…”
Finally giving up, I lifted my head slightly to look up at him. Just waiting to hear what he had to say.
He knelt down in front of me, reaching out to lightly take my chin in his hand. So that I did look at Zdeno fully this time. Going to pull my chin away, his grip tightened just a little, not enough to hurt me but enough to hold me where I was.
“Tell me what’s going on between…”
“Nothings going on.”
Zdeno pinched the bridge of his nose, with his free hand. As a sigh left him, causing me to shrink back, trying to get away from what anger that might be coming.
“Will you let me finish Ryan?”
Biting my lower lip once more, all I did was nod, afraid that my words would betray me at the moment.
“What’s going on Ryan? I saw you today talking to the kid, I even heard what you said. Don’…”
I just wanted to die now, so I was right when I thought I saw something. Now all I wanted to do was curl in on myself, and just die. “Oh God…” was the only thing that came out as I pulled away from his hold. And moved way from him, to the other side of the couch and curled up there.
The start of tears in my eyes, as I tried to calm myself down. But the only thing I could think to say at the moment just seemed to spill out of me. The simple ‘I’m sorry…’ repeated over and over again.
It was only stopped when Zdeno’s hand covered my mouth, muffling my words completely. “If you don’t love me anymore, then why not tell me? Instead of going behind my back…for three months.” He was trying to keep himself from breaking down, or so it seemed. All I knew was that there was a slight edge to his voice that was not anger.
“Zee…” Finally moving, I got onto my knee’s and reaches out a hand to place it on his cheek. “W-would you really think…I would do that to you? Especially with someone my sisters age?”
“How should I know, he could be there for you though. Be there for you when I can’t be, you even said you liked him.”
“’Like’ I did not say I loved him Zee…these past three months, everytime I looked at Tyler…” I had to stop for a second and take a few breaths to calm myself down. Not really knowing what to say at the moment. “…I could not bring myself to just tell him that I don’t love him. I did not want to hurt him, like I had been hurt before…”
Stopping, I bowed my head and let out a low sigh. One hand running through my hair as I tried to get my thoughts straight. “I like him yes, but as a teammate and a friend, I don’t love him. I love you.”
To prove that, I placed both hands on either side of his face. Pressing my lips against his, before lightly tracing his lips with my tongue. Pulling away just before he could do anything about it, I pressed my forehead against his.
“Have I ever told you how my nose got messed up?”
Confusion swept through me as I heard these words, trying to figure out what Zdeno was trying to at.
“What's that have to do with anything?”
“It does trust me. Ever the hear the name Mariusz Czerkawski?”
That name, it did sound familiar, as if I even met the guy several years ago. But now that I thought on it Kip and Kevin, my cousins, did tell me about the guy. And yet I could not fully remember who he was.
“I’ve heard of him…my cousins mentioned the name once or twice. And saying some things that are not all to nice.” Honest truth right there, everytime they would even hear or mention the name. They would literally get this anger, pissed off look.
Watching him, I tilted my head as Zdeno rubbed the side of his face. As if he was debating on telling me what had happened to him.
“My rookie year, I was playing for the Islanders, at the same time Mariusz was there.” A small smile played across his lips as he looked at me. “Your cousin Kip was there as well.”
That I did not remember, but then again, I was probably at the time to busy doing whatever I was doing. Now I know who to go to when I need to get some info about Zdeno’s past.
“Mariusz had offered to let me stay at his home…so that I was not stay in a hotel.” Everytime he stopped, I noticed that it must be hard on him to tell me this. “What I did not expect was give him something for payment, that at the time. I was not very comfortable with.”
“When I went to leave I had my back turned to him, so he decided to run into my back….. Causing me to hit face first into the door way…which caused the way for my nose to look like.”
Wincing, I reached out a hand to lightly trace the contour of his nose. Smiling softly as he leaned into the touch, causing me to continue with the soft, light touch.
“You need to stop that…if you ever want to hear the end of this…” Pouting slightly, I pulled my hand way and smiled sheepishly at Zdeno.
“He used me for his own pleasure, and kept telling me for four years that he could ruin my career. That was probably one of the reason I stuck around, because I thought he would do it. But when I got the chance after my fourth season, to go play for the Senators. I took it, and left, still hearing the threats that he would ruin my career.”
I flicked at the first part, never thinking that he would ever have that happened to him. Watching his facial expressions, I had watched them throughout the whole thing, and just by the way his face went at times. This was not a good, or very pleasant memory for him to tell anyone.
“I never told anyone this before…” Zdeno ran a hand through his short hair, as he looked at me. As if he was waiting for some sort of reaction.
“Then why tell me?”
“Because I trust you, I trust that you won’t go around and tell everyone. And I love you.”
Blinking a few times, I knew he loved me, that was quite obvious. But I never thought he trusted me enough to tell me the one thing he never told anyone else, the one thing that must cause him such horrible memories to even just think about it.
Tears build up and blurred my vision, ducking my head I brought up one hand to wipe away the tears. But a few slipped by and left a trail down my cheeks to my chin.
“Ryan? Love are you okay?”
Looking up at him, I smiled and nodded my head before wrapping my arms tightly around him. Nuzzling my face against his neck as I did so, I could not help but kiss the skin there as I felt his arms wrapped around me.
“I’m fine, love you so much. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, I was scared, did not know what to do, and I was afraid you would leave me if I told you.” It was all the truth, I was so afraid that he would have left me if I told him.
Large hands softly ran over the top and back of my head, causing for me to smile and hum at the touch.
God I loved this man.