Missed Chances - Part 22
Title: Missed Chances
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 22
Pairing: Ryan MillerxZdeno Chara (Ryan’s POV)
I jerked up suddenly from my sleep, one of the few times I could sleep for a long time. And I had to just wake up, one thing I knew for sure, it was not from the insomnia.
Bringing my hands up to my face, I rubbed my eyes and laid back down. Taking a quick glance at my clock on the night stand, hissing out in anger at the time only being 1 am. I just wanted to take the clock and throw it out the window, so that I never had to see it again.
And yet I could not bring myself to do it, because that would mean having to go out buy a new alarm clock. So that I would wake up in time for practice, instead of being overly late, like some players were at times.
Rolling back over, I closed my eyes and hugged the covers tightly to my body. As if suddenly all the heat left the room, and my body. Causing for me to shiver from nothing, and causing me to not fall back to sleep.
Even after almost an hour of tossing and turning, I still could not fall asleep, and I could not even begin to think of what to do to help me fall asleep. Grabbing the tv remote, I turned it on, hoping for something that would make me fall asleep. But even as I flipped through the stations, there was nothing on.
This time I grabbed the phone, hoping that the one person that I felt the need to talk to, would not be angry for me waking him up. Dialing the all too familiar number, I pressed it against my ear as I sat there.
Getting a sleep laced version of a hello, told me that I had woken Zdeno up. “Sorry…didn’t mean to wake ya.” I just wanted to say that I would call him back in the morning, but before I could do that…
“Ryan, what’s wrong?” A yawn could be heard in between some of those words, and it made me feel kind of guilty for waking him up.
“J-just could not sleep…”
Bringing my knee’s up to my chest I held back a sigh, wrapping one arm around my knee’s. Hearing the faint ‘its okay’ I could not help but smile softly as I shook my head.
“No Zee, its not okay…I did not mean to wake you…really I just did not know who else to call.”
“Insomnia?”
“Nightmare…”
It was the honest truth, but I did not feel like telling him what it was about. I mean, I don’t think he would take it all to kindly to find out what said nightmare was about.
“Care to share?”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I shook my head but forgot that he could not see me. I was so use to just being there with him, and having him see when I nodded, or shook my head. “No…I can hardly remember it myself.”
“Are you sure?” Worry could be heard in the tone of Zdeno’s voice, and I could not help but smile as I heard it. It still made me feel special and loved everytime I heard that worry tone in his voice.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Sorry for waking you. I’ll call you in the morning.” Nibbling on my lower lip, I smiled softly as he agreed and we said our good-byes, and quick love you.
Setting my phone down after I closed it. I curled up into the blankets, closing my eyes. Hoping for sleep to take over and let me rest peacefully now.
-month skip…I want to get a move on things-
Fuck, I did not know what this kid was doing to me, everytime I saw him. My heart would skip a beat, and it was killing me. Because the only one I wanted to love was several hours away, and was the only one I should be in love with.
Standing out in the hallway, I turned towards the wall and punched it. Not caring for the fact of my own hand, or the fact that the wall was going to win in this fight. I did not even care if someone saw me, at the moment I had so much going through my head. And I just wanted to let all this anger out, all this frustration, and the guilt for not telling Zdeno about all this.
“Ryan?”
Flinching at the sound of the voice, I knew who it was right away. Whoever found this amusing, sure did love to torment me so.
Turning my head to look at the rookie, one eyebrow raising in question as I brought my hand back to my body.
“Yes?” Tilting my head to the side as I rubbed the knuckles on my now injured hand.
Cursing under my breath about people should not worry about me injuring myself at the moment. Other’s seemed to do that more than what I did, but still kept my eyes on Tyler. Trying to figure out what the rookie wanted.
-
We stood there for what felt like forever, until he decided to finally speak. “Why did you just pu…” I knew right where this was going, and I rolled my eyes and chuckled softly.
“’Cause I felt like it.” With that, I walked pass him, my arm bumping into his. Making me think of other things, so that I did not do anything that I would sooner or later regret. Hell I was regretting the fact for ever meeting the kid, because of what he was doing to me.
Fuck my life at the moment, at least I had managed to get back to the locker room without doing something I would regret. Letting out a low sigh, I threw my bag into the stall. This was going to be one long game tonight. I could just feel it throughout my whole body.
Jumping when I felt a hand clasp my shoulder, I looked to my right as Mike smiled brightly at me. “So, you ready for the first game this season?” His smile, it had to some type of disease, because I now find myself smiling back at him.
I just wanted to say yes, that I was ready for this first game of the season. But something inside kept telling me that I was not to sure, that I did not know if I was fully ready for the first game.
Taking in a deep breath and letting out a soft chuckle, I turned to look at Mike. “Yeah, I guess you can say I am.”
“You don’t sound it Mills.”
“Eh, just having a few doubts on if I’m ready. Trust me I’m fine.”
Giving off another quick smile, before I went to work on changing and getting my gear on. I cast one look around the locker room, listening to the banter, and the talk coming at me from all angles. Sighing softly, I shook my head and fixed my gaze onto getting my gear on.
This was going to be one hell of a game.
-after the game-
Anger filled every pore in my body, I was not angry at my teammates, I was not angry at the coaches, and I was not angry at the fans. I was angry with myself, angry that I let that goal in, I could of stopped it. But yet, I did not stop it.
Slamming my stick into the stall that was my locker, I took off and nearly threw all my stuff into the right spots. Once I was down to just my under armor, I sat down and gripped my hair tightly in my hands. Taking in a few deep breaths, I sighed and shook my head.
Not realizing the quick worried looks, or glances that were sent my way. Deciding on skipping the shower, I pulled on my jeans and shirt. I muttered a quick bye and stalked out of the locker room.
Hearing a few of my teammates call out, asking me if I was alright. I just shrugged it off, hopefully I would be better soon. Hopefully I will have this all resolved before anything major happens.
And yet at the moment, my hope was at a all time low.