[THOR] Here is the Deepest Secret Nobody Knows, Thor/Loki, part 1
Note: Title taken from I carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings.
I saw this amazing prompt in norsekink by lostinhellfire.
I was immediately inspired that the first thought came across my mind was “Inception!” but I have to remind myself that Thor is not Mr. Charles going to plant an idea, he is just going to be prowling around but heeeeeey the possibility is there.
I want to thank my darling beta, silverlynxcat, who made this fic possible and for your lovely notes throughout the story. You are the most delightful person to ever exist in this world! Other mistakes are mine.
Summary: Thor travels into Loki’s subconscious mind to seek his downfall. But what he finds is Loki’s deepest desire.
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Here is the Deepest Secret Nobody Knows
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“You must only observe, and hinder yourself from interacting with anyone in his mind lest you and he forget this existent.”
“A part of yourself will be planted inside his mind.”
“As you stay longer, the both of you will eventually cease to exist.”
Thor wants to scoff at the three Norns who cannot stop prattling incredulous words at him. Why would he want to stay longer inside a deranged mind? Though he loves his brother, this Loki is not the brother he knew, thus he has no affection towards this Loki. He is a wicked monster whose existence only brings disaster and chaos into peoples’ lives. This Loki was not the boy who used to sneak into his bed in the middle of the night, who caused mischief for the fun of it and who had sometimes offered a tender smile that had belonged only to Thor.
His beloved brother had died in the abyss. For many years Thor had blamed himself for all the pain and sadness that he had inflicted on Loki. He had ached for him, mourned for him with such profoundness that the moment he realized there was nothing left of his Loki in this monster, Thor had almost wanted to throw himself into the abyss and, perhaps, find his Loki in there; because this violent monster could never be his brother.
This monster wears his Loki’s face, and Thor is prepared to ride into his head, seek his downfall and put an end to his life.
“I have heard all your warnings. Now prepare me for the journey.”
Thor cannot remember exactly how he gets there, but he is aware that he is no longer in the real word and this is Loki’s mind, inside the monster’s lair. His gaze falls on high golden pillars and golden floors and he is momentarily surprised to find himself back in Asgard. Thor rolls his eyes. Of course Loki would think of Asgard. Perhaps he shall find Loki gloating on Hlidskjalf at this very moment. Thor sneers at that thought.
The palace looks exactly like the one Thor left behind. There is the occasional appearance of servants and guards and Thor is grudgingly impressed by how precise and defined Loki’s mind of Asgard is; and how enchantingly bright it stands, even the real Asgard is not as lively as this. Thor was expecting darkness and violence but this is an unexpected revelation. Thor imagines that this is how Asgard shall look in the height of its Golden Age.
Does Loki think he is the key to the prosperity of Asgard, that he is the one to lead the Aesir to their opulent livelihood?
Perhaps his Loki would think that way, but not the mind of a monster.
“I will not repeat myself so I will tell you just this once, you are a wise King.”
Thor turns his head to Loki’s voice and there he sees Loki and himself walking next to each other along the golden corridor. Thor is astonished to see his other golden self, looking so regal and beautiful, and Loki- his Loki - appearing so incredibly stunning and lovely at his side.
Thor watches himself laughing brightly as he slings his arm around Loki’s shoulders. “And I shall tell you always how pleasantly charming you are.”
A small tender smile, the kind of smile that Thor had been longing for from his brother for so long, graces Loki’s lips. He is almost envious of his other self for managing to accomplish such feat but his mind immediately catches on to the scene that is happening in front of him.
The fact that he sees himself as the King of Asgard and Loki perceives him as wise, it is a startling revelation to witness in Loki’s mind. Thor quickly reminds himself that this is not his Loki but a monster’s mind and perhaps this is simply a trick.
Thor turns his gaze away as he feels revulsion at such treachery. The moment his gaze falls to the ground he sees green grass and feels the light breeze whispering over his skin. He raises his head and finds himself in the garden. Sitting on the bench is Loki, looking genuinely peaceful with the world and Thor feels his heart throb painfully again. How long has it been since the last time he witnessed such look from him? Thor keeps aching for this Loki, always missing him since the fall.
He watches as Loki hums to himself and raises his right hand to lay it on his stomach. Thor almost gasps in surprise when he realizes that Loki is swollen with child. Who is the other father of the child? He wonders. His eyes linger on Loki’s profile, trying to figure out if perhaps he has stumbled into a memory. He is aware of his brother’s other children, though he’d never had the opportunity to meet them properly, just a glimpse of them on one of those rare occasions, except for Sleipnir.
Thor turns away from the scene, disappointed with himself so far because this is not the purpose of his journey.
Just as he feels the change of his surroundings, he hears the voice of his other self in the vicinity, “So this is where you have been all this time? I miss you and our child.”
Our child?
Thor immediately turns to look back at the scene, to see if that is really his other self saying that to Loki, but there is no one there as he finds himself no longer in the garden. His sight lands on bookshelves lined with tomes with some stacked one on top of another. The palace’s library, he figures. He retreats his thought back to what had occurred a moment ago. Has he gone crazy? Perhaps he had imagined his own voice? But why would he conceive such words if he never thought of Loki that way.
It is irrefutable that Loki is beautiful, like a delicate flower in a desert. If not for his black thorns protruding sharply to anyone who wishes to touch him Loki would have probably been courted by everyone in the nine realms. However Thor is completely amazed with himself when he is not repulse with the thought of having that kind of relationship with his brother. All this time Thor has never really tried to deduce what exactly he felt for Loki, other than brotherly love.
His train of thought is interrupt when he hears the voice of his other self speaking softly behind the bookshelf. “Are you still awake, Loki?”
“My eyes may be closed but I’m still listening. Keep going.”
Thor walks to the other end of the bookshelf and tilts his head to take a peek at the other side. He sees his other self sitting on the floor, reading out loud with a thick book in his hand. Loki is next to him laying his head on his brother’s shoulder with his eyes closed, and Thor notices two pale hands wrapped around the other’s arm. It is a sight to behold because, honestly, this is a situation that could never happen. Thor, who was never fond of books, even when reading one for someone else, would never find himself in the library, surrounding himself with ancient tomes, and Loki would never be as affectionate as he was right now.
Something stirs within him, like a closed chest that has been recently opened and a flood of strange emotions swallows him up. It frightens Thor because it has been too long since he felt this way. But one of those feelings was familiar to him.
Hope.
As soon as Thor feels it, he holds onto it and this time he will be damned if he let it go. No matter how much Thor wants to deny it, this is his Loki’s subconscious mind, his brother’s deepest desire, and this mind does not belong to a monster. Thor assumes that all this time his violence is just a farce, a wall that Loki built to shield himself from being hurt and betrayed further.
‘Why?’ Thor wonders. Why so hostile? Why commit unforgivable crimes?
“Thor…”
He and his other self, who immediately pauses in his reading, turn to look at Loki whose eyes are still shut to the world, but there is a gentle smile adorning his cherry lips.
“Do you think we could stay this way forever?”
And right at that moment, Thor’s heart grips painfully. Guilt.
“Yes,” he whispers but the scene in front of him already disappears and replaces with an oppressed-looking city that Thor suspects to be New York City if it goes through an apocalypse. The buildings are in shambles and black dust clogs the air, blanketing the city to look even more grim and forbidding.
Not far from where he stands Thor sees a dark silhouette, slouched on his knees with his body bowing so low that his head almost touches the ground. He is shaking terribly, quivering like a child that has been abandoned to his own misery and bleak future. The filthy ground under him is already enveloped with dark crimson blood, and more of the blood leaks and drips everywhere. There is the tearing sound of flesh, a muffled choke of pain, and Thor is instantly horrified at the scene before him. The hair on the back of his neck rises. Thor is distressingly aghast as he watches the bits and pieces of skin and flesh falls to the ground.
It is terrifying and appalling. His Loki, in his frost giant form, butchering himself with his own razor-sharp nails.
Thor cries out in terror. “LOKI!”
Watching this awful sight, the warning with which the Norns had cautioned him completely vanished from his mind. Thor runs to Loki, falls to his knees and reaches for Loki’s hands, gripping his brother’s wrists tightly in his fists as he snarls angrily, “Stop hurting yourself, Loki!”
Red eyes look at Thor with effulgent anguish and desolation. His face is a mess of gore and Thor has to repress himself from growing frantic. Loki needs him but there is just too much blood and his brother will surely die from the loss.
“I’m a monster.”
“Wh-”
“I’m a monster, Thor. I’m a frost giant!”
“Loki-”
“I hate myself! I’m a monster!”
Thor pulls Loki to his chest and wraps his arms tightly around the trembling figure, feeling the blood soaks his tunic as he listens to his despairing woe.
“They will never accept me! I’m not an Aesir! They will not let me be with you because I’m a monster!”
Thor gathers Loki closer to him and buries his face into his brother’s hair as he breathes in the blood and sweat and pure Loki. “You’re not a monster. Aesir or not, you are my Loki. My brother. Even though you are a frost giant, you are never a monster. Please, Loki! Do not hurt yourself further because it pains me to see you like this.”
Red eyes gradually turn green, his scarred blue arms change to his smooth, pale skin, yet half of his face remains blue as the flesh tries to heal the wounds that Loki had inflicted on himself. Thor pulls away and witnesses a change in his brother, like the air of bleakness around Loki is suddenly gone and replaced with something delicate and bright; his emerald eyes gaze at Thor with something akin to a glimmer of hope.
Thor smiles at him remorsefully. “Let’s go home, shall we? I promise that I shall take care of you.”
*
“I’m sorry.”
Loki turns his gaze to him and he repeats, “I am very sorry.”
Thor is apologizing for all the pain that Loki had went through in the past, for all the scorn he received, for the dismal loneliness that he had had to endure, for being blind to the real Loki who was still seeking acceptance.
His brother simply smiles at Thor, as if that small curve of his lips conveys his forgiveness, and turns his gaze back to the book that he has occupied himself with for the past hour.
They are in the garden, sitting under a tree as Thor lies on the ground, his eyes lingering on Loki’s lovely profile. His brother looks serene, Thor observes, and it suddenly reminds him of a dream that he had a long time ago, a dream of Loki humming to himself in the garden. But Thor cannot remember anything more than that so he lets go of the thought.
Three years have passed peacefully and Thor is still amazed at how many things have changed. His bond with his brother does not chafe; instead they become more attached to each other every day. It was difficult in the beginning, but a year of constantly proving to Loki that he was accepted and that no Aesir would dare defy his place in Asgard, his brother eventually relents.
Since then his affinity for his brother has continued to grow and Thor finds himself thinking of Loki a lot more than usual. His brother has been quite coy around him lately, and Thor wonders if this has anything to do with the recent development of their relationship. It is unexpected actually, when he finds himself attracted to Loki. But despite this, Thor, with the subtlety of a chivalrous man -as he should be- decides to court him.
“I wonder what you perceive every time you look at me.”
“Does it disturb you?”
Loki snorts. “Was I disturbed? Chivalry is not your thing, Thor.”
Thor promptly sits up and watches the other man for a moment as he gathers his courage. There is something that he has desired for quite some time and Thor is seeking Loki’s consent.
Loki closes his book and this time turns his full attention to Thor. “Alright, you seem to look like you need something of me.”
“I want to kiss you!” Thor blurts out immediately, and as soon as he realizes the words that have escaped him his face abruptly turns a shade red. Loki stares at his brother disbelievingly, looking at Thor as if he has grown another head, but there is an obvious flush adorning his cheeks.
“May I?” Thor adds in an after-thought. Loki simply nods his head and Thor closes the distance between them in an instant.
The kiss is chaste but precious and Thor wants to press deeper, wants to push his tongue between those lips and taste Loki. But he does not and pulls away instead; he watches Loki with blue eyes, searching for anything that would suggest Loki wants more of his kiss. However, what he sees is a glare. Thor is dumbfounded and wonders if he has done something wrong, if perhaps he is suppose to kiss Loki on the cheek instead and not his lips.
“You are the most infuriating oaf I have ever fallen for. I have been waiting for years for you to kiss me and that’s all you offer-”
Thor silences him with another kiss, and this time it is passionately sweeter, tongues stroking each other, intense and longer than their first.
*
“I’m a monster!”
Thor snaps his eyes open. Five years have passed since that fateful day and he has never been more grateful that he was there to rescue his brother from his woeful tragedy. Their lives so far had been filled with bliss and contentment, like an eternal season of summer love.
But sometimes Thor feels like there is something odd, like the peculiar taste of his food and drink. This odd incident never truly bothers him though. He is happy that Loki finally found his peace and that is all that mattered.
He turns his head and watches Loki sleep; his long midnight hair covers half of his face, making him look like a fair maiden. Thor grins at that thought and pulls himself closer to Loki to lay a kiss at the side of Loki’s lips, then he tenderly trails his mouth to his cheek, then to the tip of his ear and then traces a gentle trail from his neck to his shoulder. He grazes his teeth over the skin there and feels Loki stirs under him.
Two hands grasp his head and Thor lets himself be pulled up to kiss Loki ardently. They are already huddling naked on the bed so Thor pushes the fur blanket aside and exposes their bodies to the cold draft that creeps easily into the room from the open balcony.
Heat blooms in the pit of his stomach. Thor wants Loki, wants to take everything of Loki, wants to fuck him and defile him. Thor dives lower; wet and warm tongue licking and nipping one of Loki’s nipples. Loki gasps at the ministrations, one hand clutching the bed sheet beneath him while the other grasps Thor’s hair. Thor maps Loki’s chest to his abdomen with his lips, biting and pinching some of the skin there before he plunges his tongue into his naval which emits another soft groan from Loki.
Thor reaches his erect length and squeezes it in his fist. A gasping moan escapes as Loki instinctively spreads his leg. He studies Loki, his flushing face, clouded eyes, the tracks of saliva and teeth marks all over him; Loki is genuinely perfect. So Thor tells him, and before Loki could give any response Thor presses one dry finger into the slit of his hole. “Thor- ah!”
Thor leans to the other side of the bed, his free hand searching for the small pot on the nightstand. It magically appears in his hand and he gives Loki a grateful grin. He pulls out his finger and dips his hand into oil and carefully place the lid back on the pot. The knowledge of what is to come causes Loki to nudge Thor’s thigh with his foot as he grows impatient at the slow pace.
He tsks at Loki first before he prods his first finger in and grips Loki’s dick with his other hand, sliding and squeezing it. Then his second and third finger follows and he curves them slightly inside his hole which elicits a throaty moan from Loki.
“Thor,” Loki sobs, his pupils are full blown and Thor has to kiss him, tracing the inside of his mouth with his tongue. He pulls away just as he extracts his fingers. He coats his dick with oil and aligns it. He thrusts in and Loki whimpers, then he pushes back so that Thor’s dick buries itself deep inside him and Thor groans at the sudden tightness.
“Move!” Loki growls at him.
“Always so impatient.” Thor starts pounding into the pliant body. “And demanding,” he manages to groan out.
As it becomes intense, Loki wraps his legs tighter around Thor and his two arms come to wind tightly around his shoulder as Loki buries his face into Thor’s neck, riding out their frenzied tryst.
“Ah- fuck! Th-Thor- I- ah-”
He comes hard, soiling their abdomens and chests as Thor reaches his own climax two thrusts later, biting Loki’s shoulder and marking him there before Loki pushes his mouth to Thor’s, caressing their swollen lips.
“I love you,” murmurs Loki.
Thor kisses him once more.
*
“Fandral is ecstatic that he is going to be a godfather to Sif’s child. Well, we are all going to be the child’s godfathers.”
“It’s a wonder that Fandral is the only one who isn’t attached to anyone. Hogun is married to that Vanir maiden and Volstagg is currently wooing that-”
“Don’t say it, Loki. She is still a maiden,” Thor warns him, but with an amused look. Loki smirks at him cheekily.
Then Thor speaks of the recent dealings that have taken up most of his time in Gladsheim, the meeting hall in the palace. On these occasions Thor would find himself mostly arguing with the Diars. There are times when Thor thinks that all twelve of the Diars are as shrewd as Loki himself, and it feels like he is debating with twelve Lokis.
It was an arduous task in the beginning when he had first taken his stand as Asgard’s King four years ago, but it had become easier because he learnt so many things; like not to use brute force and to always try and think of an alternative way without any bloodshed. There has been no war thus far, so Thor has never been away from Asgard since the day he brought in a wounded Loki. Odin and Frigga have moved to their own palace in the northern part of Asgard. Frigga visits them occasionally while Odin rarely does.
So Thor has always sought counsel with his brother. Loki has been his greatest advisor; always offering a sensible point of view and for that Thor is immensely grateful for his brother.
“I believe that you will make the right choice.”
Thor sighs. “I am not as wise as you, Loki. I cannot make up my mind if the Duergar should be considered immigrants. The Dark Alfar has never been bothered by their inhabitancy on their land before.”
They step into another hallway and Loki tells him, “I will not repeat myself so I will tell you just this once, you are a wise King.”
Thor bursts out laughing. It is a pleasant surprise that he finds himself to be told by Loki that he is wise. His brother even says it with a serious face. He slings his arms around Loki’s shoulders and responses merrily, “And I shall tell you always how pleasantly charming you are.”
Loki smiles at him tenderly and Thor experiences a sudden sense of déjà vu. He lets go of Loki and pauses in his step. His brother continues to walk ahead of him for a moment before realizing that Thor is no longer beside him and turns around.
“Thor?”
The peculiar feeling disappears as he is instantly distracted when his eyes rests on his brother. The sun is shining through the open ceiling of the palace and the golden pillars in the corridor shimmer enchantingly. Some of the lights settle upon Loki and Thor finds it to be a lovely sight to behold.
Thor remembers the thought that had been floating around in his mind for the past week. He feels a sudden anxiousness and the fluttering in his stomach makes it worse. If he keeps this to himself any longer he might explode, or he might not have the courage to do it at all.
He boasts himself as the Mighty Thunderer, but this proposal is a very significant matter in his life. Looking at Loki right now, Thor immediately makes up his mind. This is the time that Thor should ask him.
“Will you do something for me?” He asks Loki who still stands several yards in front of him.
“Certainly.”
“Will you marry me?”
There’s a long pause and Thor becomes restless as seconds turn into minutes.
Then Loki promptly vanishes on the spot and appears right in front of him with a big grin and pulls Thor down to meet his lips.
Part two
I saw this amazing prompt in norsekink by lostinhellfire.
I was immediately inspired that the first thought came across my mind was “Inception!” but I have to remind myself that Thor is not Mr. Charles going to plant an idea, he is just going to be prowling around but heeeeeey the possibility is there.
I want to thank my darling beta, silverlynxcat, who made this fic possible and for your lovely notes throughout the story. You are the most delightful person to ever exist in this world! Other mistakes are mine.
Summary: Thor travels into Loki’s subconscious mind to seek his downfall. But what he finds is Loki’s deepest desire.
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Here is the Deepest Secret Nobody Knows
0
“You must only observe, and hinder yourself from interacting with anyone in his mind lest you and he forget this existent.”
“A part of yourself will be planted inside his mind.”
“As you stay longer, the both of you will eventually cease to exist.”
Thor wants to scoff at the three Norns who cannot stop prattling incredulous words at him. Why would he want to stay longer inside a deranged mind? Though he loves his brother, this Loki is not the brother he knew, thus he has no affection towards this Loki. He is a wicked monster whose existence only brings disaster and chaos into peoples’ lives. This Loki was not the boy who used to sneak into his bed in the middle of the night, who caused mischief for the fun of it and who had sometimes offered a tender smile that had belonged only to Thor.
His beloved brother had died in the abyss. For many years Thor had blamed himself for all the pain and sadness that he had inflicted on Loki. He had ached for him, mourned for him with such profoundness that the moment he realized there was nothing left of his Loki in this monster, Thor had almost wanted to throw himself into the abyss and, perhaps, find his Loki in there; because this violent monster could never be his brother.
This monster wears his Loki’s face, and Thor is prepared to ride into his head, seek his downfall and put an end to his life.
“I have heard all your warnings. Now prepare me for the journey.”
Thor cannot remember exactly how he gets there, but he is aware that he is no longer in the real word and this is Loki’s mind, inside the monster’s lair. His gaze falls on high golden pillars and golden floors and he is momentarily surprised to find himself back in Asgard. Thor rolls his eyes. Of course Loki would think of Asgard. Perhaps he shall find Loki gloating on Hlidskjalf at this very moment. Thor sneers at that thought.
The palace looks exactly like the one Thor left behind. There is the occasional appearance of servants and guards and Thor is grudgingly impressed by how precise and defined Loki’s mind of Asgard is; and how enchantingly bright it stands, even the real Asgard is not as lively as this. Thor was expecting darkness and violence but this is an unexpected revelation. Thor imagines that this is how Asgard shall look in the height of its Golden Age.
Does Loki think he is the key to the prosperity of Asgard, that he is the one to lead the Aesir to their opulent livelihood?
Perhaps his Loki would think that way, but not the mind of a monster.
“I will not repeat myself so I will tell you just this once, you are a wise King.”
Thor turns his head to Loki’s voice and there he sees Loki and himself walking next to each other along the golden corridor. Thor is astonished to see his other golden self, looking so regal and beautiful, and Loki- his Loki - appearing so incredibly stunning and lovely at his side.
Thor watches himself laughing brightly as he slings his arm around Loki’s shoulders. “And I shall tell you always how pleasantly charming you are.”
A small tender smile, the kind of smile that Thor had been longing for from his brother for so long, graces Loki’s lips. He is almost envious of his other self for managing to accomplish such feat but his mind immediately catches on to the scene that is happening in front of him.
The fact that he sees himself as the King of Asgard and Loki perceives him as wise, it is a startling revelation to witness in Loki’s mind. Thor quickly reminds himself that this is not his Loki but a monster’s mind and perhaps this is simply a trick.
Thor turns his gaze away as he feels revulsion at such treachery. The moment his gaze falls to the ground he sees green grass and feels the light breeze whispering over his skin. He raises his head and finds himself in the garden. Sitting on the bench is Loki, looking genuinely peaceful with the world and Thor feels his heart throb painfully again. How long has it been since the last time he witnessed such look from him? Thor keeps aching for this Loki, always missing him since the fall.
He watches as Loki hums to himself and raises his right hand to lay it on his stomach. Thor almost gasps in surprise when he realizes that Loki is swollen with child. Who is the other father of the child? He wonders. His eyes linger on Loki’s profile, trying to figure out if perhaps he has stumbled into a memory. He is aware of his brother’s other children, though he’d never had the opportunity to meet them properly, just a glimpse of them on one of those rare occasions, except for Sleipnir.
Thor turns away from the scene, disappointed with himself so far because this is not the purpose of his journey.
Just as he feels the change of his surroundings, he hears the voice of his other self in the vicinity, “So this is where you have been all this time? I miss you and our child.”
Our child?
Thor immediately turns to look back at the scene, to see if that is really his other self saying that to Loki, but there is no one there as he finds himself no longer in the garden. His sight lands on bookshelves lined with tomes with some stacked one on top of another. The palace’s library, he figures. He retreats his thought back to what had occurred a moment ago. Has he gone crazy? Perhaps he had imagined his own voice? But why would he conceive such words if he never thought of Loki that way.
It is irrefutable that Loki is beautiful, like a delicate flower in a desert. If not for his black thorns protruding sharply to anyone who wishes to touch him Loki would have probably been courted by everyone in the nine realms. However Thor is completely amazed with himself when he is not repulse with the thought of having that kind of relationship with his brother. All this time Thor has never really tried to deduce what exactly he felt for Loki, other than brotherly love.
His train of thought is interrupt when he hears the voice of his other self speaking softly behind the bookshelf. “Are you still awake, Loki?”
“My eyes may be closed but I’m still listening. Keep going.”
Thor walks to the other end of the bookshelf and tilts his head to take a peek at the other side. He sees his other self sitting on the floor, reading out loud with a thick book in his hand. Loki is next to him laying his head on his brother’s shoulder with his eyes closed, and Thor notices two pale hands wrapped around the other’s arm. It is a sight to behold because, honestly, this is a situation that could never happen. Thor, who was never fond of books, even when reading one for someone else, would never find himself in the library, surrounding himself with ancient tomes, and Loki would never be as affectionate as he was right now.
Something stirs within him, like a closed chest that has been recently opened and a flood of strange emotions swallows him up. It frightens Thor because it has been too long since he felt this way. But one of those feelings was familiar to him.
Hope.
As soon as Thor feels it, he holds onto it and this time he will be damned if he let it go. No matter how much Thor wants to deny it, this is his Loki’s subconscious mind, his brother’s deepest desire, and this mind does not belong to a monster. Thor assumes that all this time his violence is just a farce, a wall that Loki built to shield himself from being hurt and betrayed further.
‘Why?’ Thor wonders. Why so hostile? Why commit unforgivable crimes?
“Thor…”
He and his other self, who immediately pauses in his reading, turn to look at Loki whose eyes are still shut to the world, but there is a gentle smile adorning his cherry lips.
“Do you think we could stay this way forever?”
And right at that moment, Thor’s heart grips painfully. Guilt.
“Yes,” he whispers but the scene in front of him already disappears and replaces with an oppressed-looking city that Thor suspects to be New York City if it goes through an apocalypse. The buildings are in shambles and black dust clogs the air, blanketing the city to look even more grim and forbidding.
Not far from where he stands Thor sees a dark silhouette, slouched on his knees with his body bowing so low that his head almost touches the ground. He is shaking terribly, quivering like a child that has been abandoned to his own misery and bleak future. The filthy ground under him is already enveloped with dark crimson blood, and more of the blood leaks and drips everywhere. There is the tearing sound of flesh, a muffled choke of pain, and Thor is instantly horrified at the scene before him. The hair on the back of his neck rises. Thor is distressingly aghast as he watches the bits and pieces of skin and flesh falls to the ground.
It is terrifying and appalling. His Loki, in his frost giant form, butchering himself with his own razor-sharp nails.
Thor cries out in terror. “LOKI!”
Watching this awful sight, the warning with which the Norns had cautioned him completely vanished from his mind. Thor runs to Loki, falls to his knees and reaches for Loki’s hands, gripping his brother’s wrists tightly in his fists as he snarls angrily, “Stop hurting yourself, Loki!”
Red eyes look at Thor with effulgent anguish and desolation. His face is a mess of gore and Thor has to repress himself from growing frantic. Loki needs him but there is just too much blood and his brother will surely die from the loss.
“I’m a monster.”
“Wh-”
“I’m a monster, Thor. I’m a frost giant!”
“Loki-”
“I hate myself! I’m a monster!”
Thor pulls Loki to his chest and wraps his arms tightly around the trembling figure, feeling the blood soaks his tunic as he listens to his despairing woe.
“They will never accept me! I’m not an Aesir! They will not let me be with you because I’m a monster!”
Thor gathers Loki closer to him and buries his face into his brother’s hair as he breathes in the blood and sweat and pure Loki. “You’re not a monster. Aesir or not, you are my Loki. My brother. Even though you are a frost giant, you are never a monster. Please, Loki! Do not hurt yourself further because it pains me to see you like this.”
Red eyes gradually turn green, his scarred blue arms change to his smooth, pale skin, yet half of his face remains blue as the flesh tries to heal the wounds that Loki had inflicted on himself. Thor pulls away and witnesses a change in his brother, like the air of bleakness around Loki is suddenly gone and replaced with something delicate and bright; his emerald eyes gaze at Thor with something akin to a glimmer of hope.
Thor smiles at him remorsefully. “Let’s go home, shall we? I promise that I shall take care of you.”
*
“I’m sorry.”
Loki turns his gaze to him and he repeats, “I am very sorry.”
Thor is apologizing for all the pain that Loki had went through in the past, for all the scorn he received, for the dismal loneliness that he had had to endure, for being blind to the real Loki who was still seeking acceptance.
His brother simply smiles at Thor, as if that small curve of his lips conveys his forgiveness, and turns his gaze back to the book that he has occupied himself with for the past hour.
They are in the garden, sitting under a tree as Thor lies on the ground, his eyes lingering on Loki’s lovely profile. His brother looks serene, Thor observes, and it suddenly reminds him of a dream that he had a long time ago, a dream of Loki humming to himself in the garden. But Thor cannot remember anything more than that so he lets go of the thought.
Three years have passed peacefully and Thor is still amazed at how many things have changed. His bond with his brother does not chafe; instead they become more attached to each other every day. It was difficult in the beginning, but a year of constantly proving to Loki that he was accepted and that no Aesir would dare defy his place in Asgard, his brother eventually relents.
Since then his affinity for his brother has continued to grow and Thor finds himself thinking of Loki a lot more than usual. His brother has been quite coy around him lately, and Thor wonders if this has anything to do with the recent development of their relationship. It is unexpected actually, when he finds himself attracted to Loki. But despite this, Thor, with the subtlety of a chivalrous man -as he should be- decides to court him.
“I wonder what you perceive every time you look at me.”
“Does it disturb you?”
Loki snorts. “Was I disturbed? Chivalry is not your thing, Thor.”
Thor promptly sits up and watches the other man for a moment as he gathers his courage. There is something that he has desired for quite some time and Thor is seeking Loki’s consent.
Loki closes his book and this time turns his full attention to Thor. “Alright, you seem to look like you need something of me.”
“I want to kiss you!” Thor blurts out immediately, and as soon as he realizes the words that have escaped him his face abruptly turns a shade red. Loki stares at his brother disbelievingly, looking at Thor as if he has grown another head, but there is an obvious flush adorning his cheeks.
“May I?” Thor adds in an after-thought. Loki simply nods his head and Thor closes the distance between them in an instant.
The kiss is chaste but precious and Thor wants to press deeper, wants to push his tongue between those lips and taste Loki. But he does not and pulls away instead; he watches Loki with blue eyes, searching for anything that would suggest Loki wants more of his kiss. However, what he sees is a glare. Thor is dumbfounded and wonders if he has done something wrong, if perhaps he is suppose to kiss Loki on the cheek instead and not his lips.
“You are the most infuriating oaf I have ever fallen for. I have been waiting for years for you to kiss me and that’s all you offer-”
Thor silences him with another kiss, and this time it is passionately sweeter, tongues stroking each other, intense and longer than their first.
*
“I’m a monster!”
Thor snaps his eyes open. Five years have passed since that fateful day and he has never been more grateful that he was there to rescue his brother from his woeful tragedy. Their lives so far had been filled with bliss and contentment, like an eternal season of summer love.
But sometimes Thor feels like there is something odd, like the peculiar taste of his food and drink. This odd incident never truly bothers him though. He is happy that Loki finally found his peace and that is all that mattered.
He turns his head and watches Loki sleep; his long midnight hair covers half of his face, making him look like a fair maiden. Thor grins at that thought and pulls himself closer to Loki to lay a kiss at the side of Loki’s lips, then he tenderly trails his mouth to his cheek, then to the tip of his ear and then traces a gentle trail from his neck to his shoulder. He grazes his teeth over the skin there and feels Loki stirs under him.
Two hands grasp his head and Thor lets himself be pulled up to kiss Loki ardently. They are already huddling naked on the bed so Thor pushes the fur blanket aside and exposes their bodies to the cold draft that creeps easily into the room from the open balcony.
Heat blooms in the pit of his stomach. Thor wants Loki, wants to take everything of Loki, wants to fuck him and defile him. Thor dives lower; wet and warm tongue licking and nipping one of Loki’s nipples. Loki gasps at the ministrations, one hand clutching the bed sheet beneath him while the other grasps Thor’s hair. Thor maps Loki’s chest to his abdomen with his lips, biting and pinching some of the skin there before he plunges his tongue into his naval which emits another soft groan from Loki.
Thor reaches his erect length and squeezes it in his fist. A gasping moan escapes as Loki instinctively spreads his leg. He studies Loki, his flushing face, clouded eyes, the tracks of saliva and teeth marks all over him; Loki is genuinely perfect. So Thor tells him, and before Loki could give any response Thor presses one dry finger into the slit of his hole. “Thor- ah!”
Thor leans to the other side of the bed, his free hand searching for the small pot on the nightstand. It magically appears in his hand and he gives Loki a grateful grin. He pulls out his finger and dips his hand into oil and carefully place the lid back on the pot. The knowledge of what is to come causes Loki to nudge Thor’s thigh with his foot as he grows impatient at the slow pace.
He tsks at Loki first before he prods his first finger in and grips Loki’s dick with his other hand, sliding and squeezing it. Then his second and third finger follows and he curves them slightly inside his hole which elicits a throaty moan from Loki.
“Thor,” Loki sobs, his pupils are full blown and Thor has to kiss him, tracing the inside of his mouth with his tongue. He pulls away just as he extracts his fingers. He coats his dick with oil and aligns it. He thrusts in and Loki whimpers, then he pushes back so that Thor’s dick buries itself deep inside him and Thor groans at the sudden tightness.
“Move!” Loki growls at him.
“Always so impatient.” Thor starts pounding into the pliant body. “And demanding,” he manages to groan out.
As it becomes intense, Loki wraps his legs tighter around Thor and his two arms come to wind tightly around his shoulder as Loki buries his face into Thor’s neck, riding out their frenzied tryst.
“Ah- fuck! Th-Thor- I- ah-”
He comes hard, soiling their abdomens and chests as Thor reaches his own climax two thrusts later, biting Loki’s shoulder and marking him there before Loki pushes his mouth to Thor’s, caressing their swollen lips.
“I love you,” murmurs Loki.
Thor kisses him once more.
*
“Fandral is ecstatic that he is going to be a godfather to Sif’s child. Well, we are all going to be the child’s godfathers.”
“It’s a wonder that Fandral is the only one who isn’t attached to anyone. Hogun is married to that Vanir maiden and Volstagg is currently wooing that-”
“Don’t say it, Loki. She is still a maiden,” Thor warns him, but with an amused look. Loki smirks at him cheekily.
Then Thor speaks of the recent dealings that have taken up most of his time in Gladsheim, the meeting hall in the palace. On these occasions Thor would find himself mostly arguing with the Diars. There are times when Thor thinks that all twelve of the Diars are as shrewd as Loki himself, and it feels like he is debating with twelve Lokis.
It was an arduous task in the beginning when he had first taken his stand as Asgard’s King four years ago, but it had become easier because he learnt so many things; like not to use brute force and to always try and think of an alternative way without any bloodshed. There has been no war thus far, so Thor has never been away from Asgard since the day he brought in a wounded Loki. Odin and Frigga have moved to their own palace in the northern part of Asgard. Frigga visits them occasionally while Odin rarely does.
So Thor has always sought counsel with his brother. Loki has been his greatest advisor; always offering a sensible point of view and for that Thor is immensely grateful for his brother.
“I believe that you will make the right choice.”
Thor sighs. “I am not as wise as you, Loki. I cannot make up my mind if the Duergar should be considered immigrants. The Dark Alfar has never been bothered by their inhabitancy on their land before.”
They step into another hallway and Loki tells him, “I will not repeat myself so I will tell you just this once, you are a wise King.”
Thor bursts out laughing. It is a pleasant surprise that he finds himself to be told by Loki that he is wise. His brother even says it with a serious face. He slings his arms around Loki’s shoulders and responses merrily, “And I shall tell you always how pleasantly charming you are.”
Loki smiles at him tenderly and Thor experiences a sudden sense of déjà vu. He lets go of Loki and pauses in his step. His brother continues to walk ahead of him for a moment before realizing that Thor is no longer beside him and turns around.
“Thor?”
The peculiar feeling disappears as he is instantly distracted when his eyes rests on his brother. The sun is shining through the open ceiling of the palace and the golden pillars in the corridor shimmer enchantingly. Some of the lights settle upon Loki and Thor finds it to be a lovely sight to behold.
Thor remembers the thought that had been floating around in his mind for the past week. He feels a sudden anxiousness and the fluttering in his stomach makes it worse. If he keeps this to himself any longer he might explode, or he might not have the courage to do it at all.
He boasts himself as the Mighty Thunderer, but this proposal is a very significant matter in his life. Looking at Loki right now, Thor immediately makes up his mind. This is the time that Thor should ask him.
“Will you do something for me?” He asks Loki who still stands several yards in front of him.
“Certainly.”
“Will you marry me?”
There’s a long pause and Thor becomes restless as seconds turn into minutes.
Then Loki promptly vanishes on the spot and appears right in front of him with a big grin and pulls Thor down to meet his lips.
Part two