UPDATE!
My dear friends,
I apologize for not posting in so long.
Life was kinda a downer for a while, alot of transitions.
I am better now. I am happy, and healthy.
I had not excersized since I raced Catalina, all I did was massage, I got lazy, pudgy, and unmotivated, and then I eventually ( to th fault of birth control as well) developed a HELL of alot of insecurities and a general dislike of myself and my body.
HOWEVER, I learned something important. I learned that boys can be ass holes some times, and my feelings of animosity towards them is most often valid. I refuse to approach the reality of my feelings from a methodical point of view anymore, in order to avoind getting hurt, and to avoid making waves. The inner turmoil is NOT WORTH IT.
Eddie and I are doing great as of now. Our house is lovely, our cat is beautiful with his testicles growing their hair back (after his neutering).
We have gone crazy gardening, but we need to replant the lawn, and soon enough we will have lots and lots of flowers, inculding
sunflowers
foxglove
snap dragons
forget-me-nots
marigolds
dahlias
poppies
sweet peas
climbing roses in pink, and then a red and white mixture
gardenias
and some wierd treebushflower thingy from home depot
plumerias that we got from hawaii
moonflowers
lunairas
lupines
lily of the valley! one of my favorites!!! (if anyone ever got me a perfume that smelled exactly like the flower I would give them a million dollars!)
hawaiin white ginger
and a million other flowers that i can't remeber
we also planted
regular peas
corn
bell peppers
lettuce
pumpkins
watermelons
echinacia
chives
3 TOMATOE PLANTS
berries
cammomile
arugala
white sage for smudging!
hibiscus
and we are going to make a fake front fence out of this cool, reddy grass thats kinda asian looking.
Domestic bliss. Its nice. I've accepted the fact that I'm trying to replace what was taken from me in childhood, as is Eddie. Who cares? I'm fucking happy.
Me and Eddie got a gym membership at 24 hour fitness and 5 half hour sessions with a personal trainer each. My fist appointment is on the 17th of March.
I woke up at 6:15 today and walked about a mile. It was nice, you would never know it by driving but there are some fasinating back yards in my neighborhood.
Me and Eddie have been paddling 4 days a week and dammit I am SO OUT OF SHAPE. BUT! In just the last 2 weeks my muscles are firming up again and that feels great.
I will be ready for the racing season,
I will be in a bikini by the end of summer.
I want to be 130 pounds. For vanity. I like being strong, last years I was in the best shape of my life but not the thinnist. I want to be strong, I want 10 extra pound of muscle than the average girl of 120 pounds. I want to be 130 or 135 pounds, which is nice and average for my activity level.
175 minus 135 is 40 pounds. I can do it I can do it I can do it.
I eat well, I have a balanced diet and I eat lots of vegatables, and now I'm excersizing well. Changing my relationship with food will take longer, but I'm ready for it. 16 years of ballet is hard to forget.
I've completed me 9th clinic for my massage acredidation. 13 more to go. I still like it, I still like it. I need a massage SO BADLY. That! My friends is Massage Irony.
I took pregnancy massage at the begining or February. AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. Unfortuneately I don't have alot of pregnant people to work on, but I'm considering maybe volunteering at a maternity home (there are 2 in SB) and massaging pregnant teenagers who have no idea how to take care of themselves.
A look at my weekly schedual:
Monday- work for 8:00 to 4:00, gym, errands or gardening
Tuesday- work from 8:00 to 2:00, then paddling from 3:00 to 5:00, then massage clinics from 5:30 to 9:00, then bed.
wednesdays and fridays are the same as monday
thursdays are the dame as tuesdays
on Saturdays and Sundays I paddle from 10:00 until noon or later, and garden and go to the gym.
And, if I'm lucky, I get high and drink a nice cold glass of rich chocolate ovaltine milk. Sweet
TIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dIBIOW dIBILOW timmeh!!!!!!!
I'm a busy Girl!!!!!!! =)
Thats my life.
Probobly going up to san francisco to Infected Mushroom ( an ooper fabulous rave, I hear) and spending the week up there.
GET READY SAN FRAN!!!!!!!!!!!
My back hurts, I'm tired, I need a massage, and chocolate covered strawberries..
Chocolate covered Strawberries if you made it this far, unless you break out in hives in which case you get cookies or a massage =)
I love you all!
Oh, and I buy WAY to many books off amazon. My current list have 472 items on my wish list.
My birthday ins March 26th. I am an ambitious Aries who tends to forget things and never finish projects. I am imodest and blunt, I often come on to strong. I can hurt peoples feelings without intending too. I am loud, I am defensive, I hold grudges. I'm not as spontaneous as some but I am more than most people. I love life. I am fiery and optimistic and passionate about everything I do. I love deeply and without reservations and enjoy sex, ALOT. Red is my favorite color and I like spicy foods and chocolate and other "sinful " things that make life worth living.
I have the endurance of a mountain climber!
I am also calm and complacent. I can sit under a tree and meditate for hours, I can fall completely victim to the silence of the mountains in my city, and want to sleep at the bottom of the ocean because it is so still and encompassing, and dark.
I am theatrical and expressive and a firm believer in holistic medicine and a capitalist. I beleive in past lives and future lives and that all people are images of the divine. I beleive in the divine feminine, long an forgetten even by me and my past selves.
I am fucking awsome and this is MY journal and if anyone argues with me they can go work on their OWN self esteem.
this is my amazon wish list. I like used books. I don't know how to make a link thingy that says something cool, like CLICK HERE!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/registry.html/002-3428507-8764812?ie=UTF8&type=wishlist&id=3RV1H8GCYG8B3
I don't know if it works, but try.
I love you all.