More Meaning of Life
I've finished my tenure at Pisco sin Fronteras now. I'm planning to be there another day or two before I skip the country, partially so I can properly earth those water heaters like I always said I would, and partially so I can visit the family I built the baño for, and see how it works when the City finally connects water to their property.
I have a better vision now of what I want my 40s to look like. It will have more stuff like this, and for longer than a month and a bit. And I don't just mean humanitarian work, humanitarian work like this, with lots of room for initiative, and flexibility to do the things that are important to me. Most of the stuff PsF does are wouldn't it be cool if... ideas that were nurtured and encouraged. It's the most yes-focused organisation I've ever seen. And they're just starting to reach out to the 1500-odd people in 37 countries that have passed through, to help them organise similar do-gooder operations in other parts of the world. Given how many so-called volunteer organisations are blatant rip-offs, this is something I could get behind.
I'm feeling good about how 2010 and 2011 have gone. I saved a quarter of my 2010 income, and I'm living off it now. I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I'm only spending about a fifth of my travel time doing humanitarian work, but this is also a time for me to make connections and develop skills to do more. I'm planning to spend a week in Suriname, where I can speak the language. There's honestly not all that much sight seeing there, so I'll be searching for future volunteer opportunities, ones I didn't manage to find online. Or maybe I'll just see something that needs doing. Or maybe I can find a few budding geeks and find a way to give them opportunities to develop their skills, the kind of opportunities I took for granted.
And frankly, 2010 and Q1 2011 were fun. Despite saving aggressively and helping people out financially, I still splurged from time to time, and the parties, and especially my love life, are things I miss. I kept telling myself, this can't last, so live it up, and I did. But my partners have told me that they're open to continuing relationships without me being there full-time. Time will tell how possible this really is, on a case-by-case basis. And of course, like every poly person, I still dream of some kind of intentional community that allows my partners, my metamours and I to be close geographically... I think that's the only thing that I could 'settle down' for... although my version of settling down would still involve a good chunk of time abroad, much more than the average American, and even more than the average Australian or European.
But I am completely over doing this alone. When I went to Africa a few years ago, I was already writing about how sick I was of the seat next to mine being empty, or occupied by a stranger. That's not happening so much on this trip; cyan_blue is sitting beside me right now, and when I went to the Amazon last month, I had a new friend to accompany me. I'm really excited about meeting laughingstone and traumentwerfer in Amsterdam next month, too, and the many wonderful people I'm planning to see on that continent and North America over the northern summer. Some of them are lovers, too, and after a celibate month of volunteer work, that's particularly appealing.
But I really miss travelling with partners. hopeforyou and I have shared so many travel experiences, and I want more-hopefully her health will be up for a trip up the coast, maybe as far as British Columbia, after Burning Man. Natasha and oddiofile have already said we're welcome to visit. And I'm thrilled about doing the Burn with hypatia156 and gypsika this year, and possibly even Kealani, but I'm hoping I get at least a daytrip or weekend away with them around that time as well. whimsywanderer, too. But I can't imagine ever again travelling as long as I am this year without one or more of these people, or somebody who I feel as connected with. And if that means doing shorter, cheaper trips while waiting for us to save enough to pool together, so be it.
I said that this is what I want my 40s to look like. I don't always get what I want-hell, out of the three things I really wanted today, seeing the Nazcar Lines, bussing first class and getting a photo of that mermaid status in Huachachina for hopeforyou while still making this bus in Ica, I only got one. But I've found that by thinking big and taking mostly sensible risks, I do get a remarkable chunk of it, and I continue to work through the esteem issues that get in the way of having even more. My life, as gailmom says, is win. And helping bring fortune to others' lives makes it feel even more so.