[Fic] I Will Carry You - FFVII, Zack Cloud & Aerith
This is - not a request fic, exactly, since I couldn't get her to actually GIVE me a request, but a reward fic for elict, in return for this awesome pic from 'Permission to Touch'. I have no idea if it's what she'd have wanted, but it was what decided to be written. I don't argue with the muses if I can avoid it. *sweatdrops*
The opening and ending lines are from 'I Will Carry You', by Clay Aiken (download is from yousendit). As far as I can tell, whoever wrote the song must have been a Zack/Cloud fan, because DAMN. The lyrics really fit them perfectly. It's a little eerie, actually. It's the first song on the playlist I use when writing Zack/Cloud stuff, always.
Also someone told me once that officially the voice Cloud hears in his head during the game is actually himself, his younger self - but I'd always believed it was Zack and that's the assumption that still drives me.
The end conversation is from this game script from gamefaqs.com.
Title: I Will Carry You
Series: Final Fantasy VII
Pairing: Gen - Zack, Cloud & Aerith
Rating: uh, PG-13, maybe? PG?
Warnings: some angst
Length: 9246
Summary: Zack promised Cloud he would be there for him, and not even death can stop Zack from keeping a promise.
When your world breaks down,
And the voices tell you turn around,
When your dreams give out,
I will carry you.
"Cloud! Run!"
Dying, it turned out, wasn't nearly as hard as Zack had been afraid it would be. Oh, it hurt like a son of a cactuar, no doubt about that. The bullets tearing through his chest burned like they'd been coated with a Fire 3 spell.
But he'd felt worse, over the years. A lot worse, a couple of times in Wutai. Somehow, though, this pain felt final in an 'ain't enough Revive materia in the world to wake you from this' kind of way.
In the end, his biggest regret was that he hadn't made it that one last measly mile between him and his goal. To die this close was infinitely worse than dying just as he reached Aerith would have been. At least then he'd have had the comfort of knowing he hadn't failed Cloud.
Cloud. Gods. The blond was the only thing he could see now, his vision slowly fading into static. The boy - not a boy any longer, not really - hadn't moved, hadn't so much as blinked those eerie, glowing eyes. Zack hadn't truly expected him to. Cloud hadn't moved under his own power in almost a year, after all. But Zack hadn't been accused of being an eternal optimist in the past without reason.
Even he couldn't see a way out of this one, though. Not short of a miracle, anyway, and in Zack's experience those tended to be distressingly thin on the ground.
"Sorry, kid," he whispered, the words bubbling up through the blood filling his lungs. He couldn't even feel the pain any more, his body cold and numb. "I tried."
The next breath refused to come, and a scant handful of heartbeats later it was over.
In fact, dying seemed to be a great deal like becoming a SOLDIER. It hurt like a mother for a few minutes, then you passed out and found yourself flooded by a cacophony of images, thoughts, and emotions that weren't yours. So it's true after all, the small part of Zack that was still coherent marvelled. The Lifestream really is made of mako.
If he'd let it, it would have torn him apart in an instant. But the stubborn will and sense of self that had allowed him to go all the way to 1st Class at such a young age kicked in first.
Zack knew how to deal with mako. You dug in, clung to every bit of yourself that you could find, and rode out the storm with gritted teeth until the worst of it had passed and you found your way back to your body. And if you lost a few unimportant details along the way, well, that was the price you paid to be the best of the best.
He'd often thought with a certain amount of morbid humour that the psych exams Shinra put them all through were not so much to weed out the weak-minded, but to find those crazy enough to voluntarily subject themselves to the process a second and third time.
The problem was, this time there was no end to the storm in sight, and no body to go back to. Even Zack's incredible willpower would fray apart eventually, with nothing to anchor him against the tide of constantly flowing energy. It was only a matter of time.
He knew it was inevitable, that he was dead and there was no point in fighting it... but if he'd been the type of person who could ever give up on a fight, for any reason, he'd never have made it into SOLDIER in the first place. So he struggled to hold himself together, battled the seductive pull of the Lifestream, and searched frantically for something to anchor himself with.
And, to his shock, he found it in the form of a familiar and desperately missed voice calling his name. Screaming it, more like, and it was only barely more coherent than the other voices around him, but it was there. Zackzackzackzack! Oh gods don't leave me here don't leave me don't leave me alone Zack please don't go you have to help me Zackzackzack!
Cloud? His own thoughts seemed both to echo endlessly and to tear into shreds even as it left him, becoming just one more bit of babble amidst the chaos. Cloud, it's Zack, I'm right here!
Reaching out, he somehow managed to connect to the stream of thought that was Cloud, and he hung on to his friend with all his strength. So he'd been right all along; Cloud was still in there somewhere, buried too deeply to find his way out but clinging to life with all that stubborn will Zack had seen in the boy.
Cloud, it's okay, we'll get out of this, I promise, Zack assured him fiercely. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to keep that promise, since he was dead after all was said and done, but he had to do something. Otherwise Cloud was going to die up on that cliff right along with him, and that was simply unacceptable.
Zack? Zack! Help me please help me don't let go please help me! Cloud was only marginally coherent, and Zack could feel how weak his grip on himself had become. Too much had been eaten away by the time he'd spent lost in the mako haze, leaving gaping holes in his memories and his psyche.
I won't let go, Zack promised him. I swear, Cloud, I won't let go. Now, we have to get you out of here before Shinra comes back!
Using Cloud as the anchor he'd needed, Zack searched for the connection that had to exist somewhere between Cloud and his body. If it had dissolved entirely the boy would have long since been destroyed, but he was still here so the connection must be as well. If Zack could find it, maybe he could lead Cloud back along it and wake him up at last.
There! Triumphant, Zack lunged for the lifeline and followed it back out of the swirl of the Lifestream. C'mon, Cloud! Let's get you out of here!
To his dismay, Cloud didn't try to follow him, cringing away and staying right where he was. Nononono, it hurts I won't go back I won't go back it hurts...
Swearing to himself, Zack debated whether he should force the issue somehow. If he tried to bully or shove Cloud back into his body, the boy might flee so deep he would lose himself entirely. But Zack didn't have the time to coax him right now, not if he wanted Cloud to survive physically and not end up right back in the lab.
That last thought decided him, because that was so obviously exactly what Cloud was terrified of. He would get Cloud out of danger first, and then worry about coaxing the blond back into his own body.
Zack had no idea if it was possible to do what he was about to attempt. To the best of his knowledge there had never been a situation like this before. The specific combination of events that had left the two of them in this state couldn't be something that happened often. But Zack had always been of the opinion that anything could be done if you just tried hard enough, and the philosophy had worked well for him so far in life.
So he threw himself at Cloud's body, and didn't let himself think about the possibility of failure. Whether through luck or sheer determination, somehow it worked. After a gut-wrenching moment of disorientation he found himself looking out at the world again.
It took him a long minute to adjust to the way that Cloud saw things. Everything was different in the strangest ways; colours weren't quite what he expected them to be, images had an oddly different focus to them than what he was used to. Once he adjusted, he found it very weird to realize he was looking at his own dead body, sprawled out over the ground just within Cloud's line of sight.
There was no time to think about that now. He forced Cloud to his hands and knees, crawling forward awkwardly but gaining a better sense of control with each inch of ground he covered. By the time he reached his body he was fairly certain he could manage to walk, but it felt like being in a set of clothes that had been put on inside out and backwards. Nothing quite fit, and he couldn't get it to move exactly the way he wanted it to.
First things first... he reached for the sword that was still strapped to his body, the materia in the slots gleaming green. That was one colour that hadn't changed, strangely enough. The unlevelled Fire and Bolt materia he'd salvaged from a dead trooper hadn't done him much good up to this point, but it just might make a difference in getting Cloud out of here.
He half expected to find the sword too heavy to lift properly, but he should have known better. Cloud had been stronger than he looked even as a trooper, and now he had all the enhancements of a SOLDIER and then some. Zack was able to lift it easily, and used it to help him stand upright. Once he was sure he was steady on his feet, he slung the sword onto his back.
That was everything useful he'd be able to take from his body, so now it was time to get the fuck out of here. A small part of him wished he could bury himself, or at least set up a cairn of rocks or something to keep the monsters away, but it wasn't like he needed the body any more. Taking the time to deal with it might well mean getting Cloud caught, and there was no way it was worth the risk.
Deliberately, he turned his back on it and surveyed the ground between where he'd fallen and Midgar. He couldn't go straight, that was for sure. Not unless he was courting broken bones, and without a Restore or any potions that was just suicidal.
So he'd just have to find a way around, and hope he didn't run into any patrols before he got the hang of moving in a body that wasn't his. Grimly Zack set out to his left, heading for a spot where it looked like the cliff dropped down to a more reasonable height.
As he walked he talked softly, just as he had throughout the rest of this insane escape. "Okay, Cloud, I'm getting you out of here, just like I promised," he murmured, feeling very bizarre when his words came out in a deeper, slightly distorted version of Cloud's voice. "Now you've gotta work with me, buddy, because I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this up without putting one or both of us in danger. I don't want to end up kicking you out of your own body by accident, you know."
Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought he heard a faint mutter, and it encouraged him. "That's right, so you're just going to have to follow me back into your own head. Once you've got control again, we'll be laughing. No problem."
Again the soft sound, and Zack did his best to project reassurance at Cloud to coax him out. "I mean, come on, do you really want to risk leaving me in control of your body for any length of time?" he asked, the grin feeling odd on a face that wasn't his. "You have no idea what I might do with it. You know I'd never hurt you... but I would dress you up in embarrassing outfits and go out in public, if I thought it would get you to respond." Had the distant murmur grown stronger in protest? It was hard to tell, but he thought maybe it had.
Getting them over that last mile to the walls of Midgar was a lot tougher than it would have been if he'd still been in his own body and dragging Cloud along. They did run into another patrol just outside the city; Zack managed to take care of them all, but only barely. It turned out that moving too fast caused him to lose his grip on the body, sliding away briefly until he managed to readjust himself again. Each time it happened Cloud picked up another bruise or cut, and Zack was cursing steadily by the time they were all down and not moving any more.
"Okay, no more of that," he announced, trying for cheerful and mostly ending up sounding grim. He couldn't quite feel where and how badly Cloud was injured, he realized. Just one more reminder that this wasn't his body. "Let's get inside before anybody else comes out to play, shall we?"
To his extreme joy, Cloud's murmur was definitely louder and more coherent this time, though still just on the far side of understandable. Zack could almost feel the younger man there with him, like an invisible presence looking over his shoulder.
"C'mon kid, take over from me already," he murmured as he limped towards the walls. "Heh, guess I should stop calling you 'kid', huh? Don't worry, I'll find something else. And you'll probably hate it even more."
For a brief moment they stumbled, as Cloud tentatively tried to fit himself back into his body and Zack reflexively fought the intrusion. Cloud pulled away again immediately, and Zack cursed himself for his own clumsiness. "Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to do that," he apologized hastily. "Warn me when you're gonna try that, okay? I'll get us propped up somewhere we won't fall over, and then I'll let you have it. Come back, kid."
There was no answer, and he sighed. He'd just have to stay alert for any indication that Cloud was going to try again. At least it was an encouraging sign. It meant Cloud believed him when he reassured the younger man that it was safe to come out now, and the sooner Cloud returned to himself the less would be lost to the mako.
The closest gate was the one into sector 7. Zack would have preferred the one into 5 or even 4, but he'd take what he could get. He didn't really want to try to walk through Wall Market, but they could catch the train at the sector 7 platform and ride it around to 5, that way they wouldn't have to go through 6.
Of course that meant limping all the way through sector 7, stumbling past the inhabitants while dressed in a uniform they had good reason to hate and fear. Zack - Cloud - was going to look like a drunken SOLDIER who'd wandered into the wrong area of town, and that might be a target too tempting to resist for some people.
Zack didn't really want to hurt anyone if he could avoid it, but he would fight to the death if he had to in order to protect Cloud. Whether it was a trooper or a Turk, a SOLDIER or a civilian, it didn't matter.
Sure enough, the scrape of a mostly muffled footstep behind him warned Zack that someone was following them when they were about three quarters of the way to the station. This part of sector 7 was a maze of twisted construction equipment and abandoned train cars, the ideal place for an ambush.
Zack pretended he hadn't heard, making no move to go for his sword, but he kept his ears strained. A big sword like the Buster would be worse than useless in close quarters like this place, too long and wide to swing in the narrow corridors between train cars. He didn't need to have it in hand to use the materia, though, as long as it was on him.
When he heard a grunt and a sudden rush of footsteps, he spun as fast as he dared and summoned the power of the materia to him without thinking. The Bolt spell was only a first level, but on the kind of untrained thugs that would be wandering around in this area it should be enough. Lightning cracked down from out of nowhere, striking the first of the thieves squarely and dropping him with a pained cry. Zack summoned a second spell with the speed of thought, and discharged it at the second person in the little group that was rushing him. That man dropped as well, though he was injured rather than unconscious or dead.
That left three people coming at him, and now they were too close for spells. Zack balanced himself as best he could in the unfamiliar body and lashed out at the first one, his fist connected solidly with the man's face. The sickening crunch of bones breaking echoed in the narrow space, and the man screamed and staggered back clutching at his face.
Dim light flashed off a glittering arc as the fourth man swiped at him, and Zack stumbled back with a curse as he realized the thief had a knife. He couldn't feel the sharp line of pain that had been left behind by the blade, but the blood trickling down his arm made his hand slippery and he could see the dark colour of it.
Ducking under the next strike, Zack came up with his bloody hand fisted and planted it squarely in the man's solar plexus. The thief doubled over, gagging and wheezing, and Zack rocked back on his right foot, lifting the left and snapping it out in a kick that probably shattered half the ribs in the man's chest.
Now there was just one more to deal with, but when Zack tried to turn to face his final assailant, Cloud's body twisted oddly in his grasp and he lost control. Cloud staggered one step before slumping slowly towards the ground, like someone falling unconscious in slow motion. Zack fought with everything he had, desperately scrabbling for any purchase he could get, but he'd moved too fast and thrown himself out of Cloud's head. It would take him a few precious seconds to regain control, and that was all the time the fifth man would need to knock him out or slit his throat.
Cloud! Zack screamed in his mind, frantic. After everything they'd been through, after all their struggling, it would be even worse to die here than out on the cliff.
Whether Cloud heard him and responded, or had just struggled close enough to awareness to take control for himself, Zack wasn't sure. Either way, just as Zack lost his last thread of control over the body, it suddenly stopped falling and flailed without any input from Zack, and he whooped as he realized Cloud had finally taken over.
Yeah, that's it! Go get 'em, kid! he silently cheered his friend on. The fifth bandit had backpedalled abruptly in surprise when his 'easy target' stood straight again. Zack couldn't tell what expression was on Cloud's face, but whatever it was it made the man turn white and start babbling something that might have been an apology, turning to run.
There was no point in chasing after him, not when the precarious stability Cloud seemed to have gained might fall apart at any moment. Cloud? Hey, buddy, you with me? Zack asked, worried when Cloud just stood there staring without making any move to head for the train station.
Chest heaving as he panted for air, Cloud gazed blankly into the distance and said nothing. Cautiously Zack eased himself closer, not trying to displace the boy but attempting to get a better connection to the body so he could figure out what was going on and help if he was needed.
Cloud. Come on, you need to get moving, he half wheedled, half ordered the boy. One foot in front of the other, you can do it. Yeah, that's it, he encouraged as Cloud took one unsteady step forward at last. Just like that, keep that up and we'll be there in no time. Another step, come on, yeah. Now turn left, see that ramp? Just head up there...
Step by painful step, Zack coaxed, cajoled, and coerced Cloud through the short remaining distance to the train station. It seemed to take hours, and frankly Zack was shocked they weren't attacked again on the way, but at least it was progress.
When he saw the lights of the train platform ahead, Zack would have cheered if he'd had a voice to cheer with. As it was his gleeful exclamation was heard only by Cloud. All right! Just a little further, then you can rest on the train. We'll ride two stops, get off in sector 5, and... Cloud?
Belatedly Zack realized that Cloud was slowing down, his motions becoming less coordinated. The blond staggered once, then twice, and finally stopped moving just beside the stairs that led up onto the platform. Cloud? Cloud! Stay with me, kid! Zack begged him desperately. They couldn't stop now, not when they were so close! Just a few more steps, you can do it! Cloud! Cloud? Aw, damn it!
Slowly Cloud sagged to the ground, his body sprawling in that boneless way Zack had become distressingly familiar with over the long trek from Nibelheim to Midgar. He wound up slumped over in a half-sitting position, his head tilted at an awkward angle that made it hard to see anything past his boots.
And there he stayed, no matter how much Zack begged and pleaded with him to get up. He even tried barking the order like an irate drill sergeant, a tone Zack had never taken with Cloud, but it didn't help. Cloud remained stubbornly unresponsive, staring blankly over his boots and never so much as twitching.
Worse, he was still occupying the space in his head, which meant Zack couldn't just take it over and get him moving again the way he had the first time. Or rather, he could, but it would involve shoving Cloud out of the way to make room for him. If he did that he might well tear the boy apart completely, causing him to lose his connection to his body for good.
Which left Zack sitting there helplessly, unable to get Cloud moving or even reach his friend in any meaningful way. He was getting only the faintest murmurs in response to his attempts to prod Cloud back out of his apathy, and they weren't growing any stronger no matter what he did.
Frantic, Zack considered his options and didn't come up with much. He couldn't risk pushing Cloud all the way out of his mind, couldn't get the boy to respond, and couldn't get him to move without one of the two. There was nobody else around the station at the moment, but that would change eventually, and Zack might well have to sit there while someone robbed or even killed Cloud.
There had to be something else he could do, some way he could get help for the boy. He couldn't leave it like this.
Nervously, it occurred to him that he might have one other option. He'd been pushing them towards Midgar all this time, not because he thought it would be the best place to hide from Shinra but because he'd been hoping he could find help for Cloud there. He had no idea if Aerith remembered him fondly or even at all - it had been five years since she'd last heard from him, after all.
Hades, for that matter, he'd only been acting on a desperate hunch that she could help at all. She'd never actually told him what it was that Hojo wanted her for, or how she managed to get flowers to grow in the depths of Midgar, or explained any of the other hundred and one odd things he'd noticed about her. He'd never asked, not wanting to push her and figuring she'd let him know when she felt comfortable enough.
Zack wasn't stupid, though. He'd been accused of being a lot of things over the course of his life, including stupid, but he could put two and two together and get five. Which, in this case, had to be the right answer, because four just didn't fit the observed facts. Aerith was an Ancient, or some relation to one; he was sure of it no matter how impossible it was. And they'd supposedly had a connection to the mythical Lifestream that let them do all kinds of crazy things.
If that was true... maybe she'd be connected enough to it to hear him if he called for help. It would mean throwing himself back into the chaos of the Lifestream, and if he'd guessed wrong and she couldn't hear him it would all be for nothing. The chances that he would lose his connection to Cloud were high, and he wouldn't last more than a few minutes on his own in there.
Still, it was that or leave things like this, and that was unacceptable. Bracing himself, Zack let go of most of his hold on Cloud and let the pull of the Lifestream wash him away again. He struggled to keep a thin line to his friend, but he didn't really believe he'd be able to keep it for more than a moment or two.
Gathering all his remaining strength, Zack shouted into the babble of voices. Aerith!
As she always did at this time of day, Aerith was tending the flowers in her garden at the church. This was the second largest concentration of living things in the entire city, her garden at home being the first. To be honest, she spent as much time here as she did mostly for her own sake rather than for the flowers. Only among green and growing things did she ever feel completely whole, and there was a desperate lack of such places in Midgar.
Sometimes she wished they could move out to the untouched country, where they could escape both the deadly drain of the reactors and the threat of Hojo. But the fact was that she was needed here in a way she wasn't in the country. The people needed her, and so did what was left of the life in the area. And, frankly, it would be more difficult for Shinra to cause her to disappear from here where so many people knew and looked out for her.
Besides... despite how long it had been, Aerith had to admit that she still clung to the faint hope that someday Zack might contact her again, and how would he find her if she left? He wasn't dead, she was certain she would know if he'd died, but beyond that she had no idea what had happened to him. It wasn't like him to simply vanish like that, and he must know she'd be worried about him. If he could, he would contact her eventually. She just had to be patient.
The flowers nodded as if a breeze had passed over them, though there was very little air movement in this part of the city. Distantly she thought she heard someone call her name, and she blinked. There wasn't anyone else nearby, she'd have sensed them. And it had sounded like Zack. Had thinking of him made her imagine that she'd heard him?
Ae..th... A..ith!
Jumping to her feet, Aerith stood in the flowers with her hands clasped over her heart, resisting the urge to look around wildly for the source of the voice. She knew it hadn't been physical, but this time there was no denying she'd heard it.
Was that it, then? Had he died at last?
"Zack," she murmured, and closed her eyes. Stretching her senses out in a way that was part instinct and part guesswork, she held a picture of him as she'd last seen him firmly in her mind. He'd been tall and strong, handsome and charming, just as he had been from the first moment she'd met him. Even five years later she'd never quite forgotten the way his smile could brighten a room as if the sun had come out, or the particular warmth in his eyes when he looked at her.
Aerith! This time it felt like he'd shouted from just behind her, and she reached out to him. Navigating the Lifestream was confusing and disorienting at best, and it was unbelievably difficult to hang onto one thought among the chaos. She'd never tried to do this before; normally she allowed the voices to speak to her as they felt was necessary, and didn't try to force or coax them.
He gripped her back with a strength born of desperation, and when she opened her eyes again she could almost see him there, standing amidst the flowers like a shining afterimage. "Zack," she murmured, one hand creeping up over her mouth as her eyes filled with sorrow. "Oh, Zack. I'm so sorry."
He looked different; older, thinner, and oddly haunted. The glow in his eyes was so bright it was obvious despite the washed-out quality of the image of him. At the same time he looked so much the same that it made her heart ache to see it.
Aerith, he exclaimed with obvious relief. Gods, I thought I'd get torn apart before I found you. Listen, you have to help me!
Biting her lip, she tried to find the right words. "Zack... there's nothing I can do," she murmured softly. "You're..."
Dead, I know, he cut her off, shaking his head. She blinked at him again, surprised. Don't worry about me, babe. I'll rest soon enough, I don't plan to haunt the world. But I left Cloud behind, and he needs help something awful.
Cloud? Oh, of course. The trooper Zack had thought so highly of, the young boy who'd failed the SOLDIER exams before Zack had taken him under his wing. Zack had spoken of him now and then, though Aerith had never met him. She did know they'd gone together on that last mission, along with Sephiroth - and none of them had ever come back.
"Where is he? How can I help?" she asked immediately, and the overwhelming gratitude in his expression was thanks enough in itself.
He's lost in the mako, mostly, Zack explained, trailing along at her side as Aerith hurried for the door of the church. I've been carrying him with me since we escaped, almost a year ago. I connected with him by accident when I died, and I've been pushing him to get him the rest of the way here all day. He collapsed just outside the sector 7 train station, and I couldn't get him to go any further no matter what I did. I was afraid to try any harder, for fear I'd knock him out of his mind completely.
"You merged with him?" Aerith asked, surprised. She'd heard of people being lost in the Lifestream from mako poisoning, but she'd never heard of them merging with a specific person like that. Then again, there wouldn't be many coherent personalities with Zack's strength of will floating about randomly out there.
Yeah, Zack looked grim. What was left of him. He's in bad shape, Aerith.
"I'll help him," she promised him, and meant every word. Whatever it took, she would help, because Cloud was Zack's friend. And, in a way, Zack's legacy.
It only took about ten minutes for her to run through the sectors, cutting through the playground south of Wall Market to reach sector 7. It was clear that every minute was a minute too long for Zack, though, as he fretted himself almost literally to pieces beside her. Hurry, he kept urging her. He's totally helpless out there. We have to get back to him, hurry!
At last the lights of the station came into view in the distance, and she picked up her pace. She burst out of the maze of the train graveyard and into the lit area in front of the platform, people giving her odd looks as she panted for breath and skidded to a halt. "Where?" she asked, uncaring that nobody else could see or hear the person she was speaking to.
Uh... Wide-eyed, Zack looked around, his expression growing frantic. He's gone! He was right here, right beside the stairs! There was no trace of him now, not so much as a snagged thread to show that anyone had ever sat in the spot where Zack was pointing.
Walking closer, Aerith studied the area thoughtfully. There were no signs of a scuffle, or of a body being dragged. Unless someone had actually picked Cloud up and carried him away, there should have been some indication of what had happened.
"Excuse me," she said politely to a nearby matron, carrying her meagre groceries home. "Did you happen to see what happened to a young blond boy - young man, I suppose - who was here a few minutes ago?"
"You mean the one in the Shinra uniform?" The woman shrugged dismissively. "I've no idea, and frankly couldn't care less. Serve him right if he got himself robbed."
"I saw him, ma'am," another man spoke up before Zack could work himself into a true frenzy. "He went off with a friend of his, not two minutes ago."
"A friend?" Aerith repeated, surprised. "Went off with them? You mean they carried him somewhere?"
"No, not at all," the man shook his head. "He seemed a bit ill, or perhaps drunk, but he left under his own power. It was a young woman who led him off, he seemed to know her. She called him 'Cloud', I believe."
Aerith gave Zack a questioning look, and he shrugged helplessly at her in return. I didn't think he knew anyone down here, but... who knows? Whoever it is, they obviously recognized him. Maybe seeing someone familiar jogged him out of his apathy again.
"It's possible," Aerith murmured, nodding at the man to thank him and turning away. "If you'd already gotten him partly awake, and then he saw someone he knew, that might have been enough of a jolt."
We have to find him, Zack insisted, as if he thought she might argue. They can't have gone too far!
"Of course," she agreed soothingly. "We'll search the sector, and then spread out if we don't see him. He should stand out like a sore thumb if he's wearing a Shinra uniform."
But no matter how far they searched, there was no sign of him. After the first few turns they took, there wasn't anybody who remembered seeing him pass, either. "She must have taken him inside one of the buildings in sector 7," Aerith finally concluded wearily. "Short of knocking on every door, I don't know how we're going to find him."
Zack couldn't really pace, because if he got too far from her he started to lose coherency. But it was obvious that he wanted to, the expression of frustration and despair in his eyes making her heart squeeze painfully. I can't just leave it at that! he persevered. I need to know he's okay!
"Then we'll keep coming back to search for him," Aerith soothed him, wishing badly she could reach out and hug him. If ever anyone had needed a hug, it was Zack in that moment. "I'll bring my flowers around here to sell them, and we can ask after him at the same time. He'll be memorable, with that bright hair of his. Don't worry, Zack. We'll find him in a day or two at most, I'm sure of it."
Unfortunately, despite her brave words more than just a day or two went by with no sign of Cloud. Aerith did her best to help Zack stay coherent and anchored against the pull of the Lifestream, but it was a battle they were destined to lose in the end. Maybe if Aerith had been a full Cetra, or even if she'd known more about her power and how to use it, she could have done more to help him. As it was she was forced to watch as he faded bit by bit, losing memories and pieces of himself. The more he lost, the harder he fought to cling to the remaining parts, and it was heartbreaking to watch the struggle when she knew he couldn't win.
"This isn't going to work," she finally said regretfully. She'd been working on the flowers, supposedly, but actually she'd just been watching Zack's ghostly form pace in the short arc around her that was as far as he could go. He'd faded to the point where even she could barely see him, and sometimes he looked distorted as if there was static interfering with the image. "Zack?" she prompted when he didn't say anything right away. It was sometimes difficult to get his attention these days.
Huh? Oh. I know, he growled in frustration. I'm falling apart and it's getting us nowhere. There's still no sign of Cloud. Damn it! There has to be something I can do!
"I'm out of ideas," she admitted sadly. "I'm so sorry, Zack. I wish there was more I could do." In another day or two, she was afraid Zack would stop being able to hear and respond to her completely, and once that happened it would only be a matter of hours until she looked up and discovered him gone. That he'd managed to hold himself together this long, even with her help, was a testament to his incredible strength of will. But even he couldn't keep going forever.
It's not your fault, he assured her, sighing. You've done everything you could, more than I had any right to ask for. Just... keep an eye out for him, will you? Once I'm gone?
"I will," she promised, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. She'd known he was dead, and had been trying to keep herself from getting attached to having him there with her, because she'd known she would lose him soon. It was easier to tell yourself something like that than it was to make your heart listen, unfortunately.
Looking out through the windows, Zack seemed to drift away in thought once again. When he did that, it was difficult to tell if he was thinking hard or just losing the battle to hold himself apart from the Lifestream. It surprised her when he spoke again without prompting from her. I'm going to try it, he declared abruptly. In a day or two I'll be lost anyway. If I go now, I've got a chance of holding myself together long enough.
"Long enough for what?" she asked, startled.
Long enough to find him, Zack said, turning to meet her gaze. He was more solid and real looking in that moment than he had been in days, and she could see the fire of determination in his eyes. Maybe I can find him again through the Lifestream. If not, all I've lost is a couple of days of only being half-aware of what's going on around me anyway.
Nodding, Aerith had to agree it was as good a plan as they could have at this point. For that matter, it would probably be better for him to lose himself more quickly, rather than fading away one painful piece at a time as he had been. She doubted he would be able to find Cloud, but then again Zack had been known for doing things nobody else believed he would be able to pull off.
"Good luck," she said softly, standing and reaching out one hand to him, though they couldn't truly touch.
He brushed his hand against hers, and she felt a tiny shiver work its way over her skin at the contact. If you find him and I don't, tell him I said I'm sorry for not being able to help more, he requested. Then, between one breath and the next, he was gone.
Aerith was left staring into empty space, biting her lip against the tears that wanted to come. She was certain she would never see him again. At least she'd gotten a chance to find out what had happened to him, and to say goodbye. That was more than she'd dared to hope for, and it would have to be enough.
It was the eyes that fooled her. Despite everything, Zack had never really had a chance to tell her everything that had happened - or maybe he'd purposely avoided the subject, since it didn't take an empath to tell it pained him to even think about the four years he'd spent in Hojo's care. So Aerith, knowing that Cloud had never made it into SOLDIER, didn't recognize him when she saw him because she hadn't expected his eyes to glow.
The handsome blond ex-SOLDIER who bought the flower from her caught her attention, of course. From the moment she first saw him standing there she was drawn to him, caught by a feeling that she should know him from somewhere. But the only SOLDIER she'd ever known well had been Zack, and he'd deliberately sheltered her as much as possible from the rest of Shinra.
Watching him as he took the flower, she thought maybe it was just that he moved the same way Zack did, all barely-restrained power and lethal grace. No normal person moved in quite that way, and to someone who knew what to look for it was just as distinctive a give-away as the tell-tale eyes.
It wasn't until he was walking away that she realized there was more to the resemblance than just that. As he vanished into the crowd, her lone flower clutched in his hand like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it, the barest ghost of Zack's presence grazed against her awareness. She jumped and looked around, reaching out for him, thinking that he'd somehow done the impossible and managed to hold himself together all this time and was now returning to her.
When she didn't feel the touch a second time, the truth finally hit her like a Bolt 3 spell. "Cloud!" she exclaimed, hurrying in the direction the blond had gone. It had to have been Cloud, there was no other explanation. Either Zack had managed to find his way back to his friend after all, or the time they'd spent merged in the first place had left behind the faintest trace of Zack in the blond.
Either way, she'd promised Zack that she would look out for Cloud, and now like a fool she'd let him just walk away from her. She pushed frantically through the crowds, but the showing of Loveless had just ended and people were exiting the theatre, blocking her path and slowing her down. By the time she made it to the other side of the mass of people he was long gone, and short of a miracle she had no hope of finding him.
Panting, she stared hopelessly out over the city streets, cursing herself for her own blindness. How could it not have occurred to her that the handsome stranger might be exactly the blond, blue-eyed man she was looking for? She'd even thought that he reminded her of Zack!
Well, there was no point in crying over spilled mako. Sighing, she turned back towards home. She'd run into him once by chance, so maybe it would happen again. And next time she would be more prepared.
That night she prayed as she always did; a plea to her mother's spirit, the fragments of souls of the Ancients remaining who watched over the Lifestream, and the very Planet itself. This time her prayer included a request for them to watch over Cloud, and Zack if there was anything left of him, and to guide her to them once again.
Resolutely, she refused to berate herself for her mistake any further. The world worked in mysterious ways, she'd long ago learned, and sometimes things happened because that was just the way they had to go. If she was meant to find Cloud again, she would, and that was the end of it.
In fact, she got her chance much sooner than she'd expected. It was the very next afternoon that she saw him again, though it was the absolute last way she'd ever thought she would encounter him again. She was working with her flowers as she always did, when he came crashing in on her.
Literally.
Shrieking more from astonishment than fear as the ceiling abruptly fell inwards, Aerith leapt back out of the way. The boards landed in the middle of the garden, and resting atop them was none other than the very man she'd been searching for.
"Cloud!" she gasped, and hurried forward. He lay sprawled out over the boards and flowers, his blue eyes open but staring unseeing up at the ceiling. Quickly she checked him over, but he didn't appear to be hurt at all. It wasn't just the eyes, then; he had a SOLDIER's incredible tolerance for damage as well.
"Cloud! Cloud?" she called, shaking his shoulder gingerly. She had no desire to startle him into a reflexive attack, but the way he was just lying there bonelessly worried her. It was like he was a puppet whose strings had been cut, leaving him little more than a lifeless doll.
No matter how she called or shook at him, he didn't respond. Despairing, she sat back and bit her lip, staring at him - and once again felt the barest touch of Zack's mind against hers.
"Zack?" she asked uncertainly, cautiously opening herself to the Lifestream. "Zack, are you there?"
At first all she got was the usual static of babbling thoughts, but slowly one particular voice became clearer. ...lost...an't wake u...ve to help h...
"Zack!" Concentrating fiercely, she took Cloud's limp hand in hers and closed her eyes.
Damn it! she heard, much more clearly this time. When she opened her eyes and looked around, she could see Zack's ghostly image once again, hovering over Cloud in concern. He's lost in his head again. Aerith, can you hear me?
"I hear you," she said, almost giddy with relief. Zack was still there. Somehow he'd done the impossible and not only found Cloud again, but continued to hold himself together against the pressure of the Lifestream.
Not very well, though. She'd been able to see through him from the very beginning, but he was more than just transparent now. There were great gaping holes in his image, as if he'd lost so much of himself that he couldn't even hang onto such a basic thing as what he looked like. "Oh, Zack," she whispered, one hand coming up to cover her mouth in horror.
Don't worry about me, he shook his head, accepting her concern but setting it aside as unnecessary. The important thing is we've got to wake him up. I've been with him, helping him keep himself together and prodding him when he starts to lose it, but this last bit... the fall was too much for him, the pain drove him back into hiding inside his own head.
Looking from Zack's ghost to Cloud's motionless body, understanding came to Aerith. "He's using pieces of you to fill in the holes in himself," she realized. No wonder Zack looked like Swiss cheese that had been nibbled by a dozen mice. Cloud was literally stealing bits of the older man, using those parts to hold himself together.
Yeah, Zack nodded with a grimace. He's been telling everyone he's a former SOLDIER, and he really believes it. He doesn't remember anything about the labs at all. I... haven't had the heart to try to remind him of the truth, he admitted. Not when thinking he lived my life lets him act with such confidence and belief in himself. I'm afraid it would break him completely to remember everything.
"It probably would, if it came all at once," Aerith sighed. "You might be able to nudge him a little bit at a time, jog his memory slowly, but it depends on how stubbornly he clings to what he wants to believe."
He's pretty damn stubborn, Zack half laughed, almost sounding proud of the younger man. More stubborn than I am, even. But if we don't get him to wake up fast, we're going to lose him. The further he retreats into himself, the more the mako pulls at him.
"The only one who can reach him is you," Aerith said, her eyes sorrowful as she looked at him. "But it will probably mean losing yourself to him entirely. Zack, you're literally fusing your souls. I don't know what this is going to do to you, either of you. Combining and confusing his memory is probably only the beginning of it. At a guess, I'd say you won't be able to be truly at rest in the Lifestream until he gives up the pieces of you that he borrowed - maybe not until he dies."
Heh. Is that all? Zack shook his head, his expression rueful but his eyes hard. I don't care if it means my soul will vanish completely and I don't get to join the Lifestream at all. He has to wake up. There are things coming, and things already happening, and I don't know what they mean but they worry me. When I went looking for him after I left you, I didn't find him right away. I found something worse. Sephiroth.
She couldn't imagine what could possibly have happened to put that incredibly bleak tone into his voice when he spoke the man's name. Zack had looked up to and trusted Sephiroth in a way that was the next thing to hero-worship, and she would have thought nothing could ever turn him against his general. "That's bad?"
That's worse than bad. And unless I'm very much mistaken, the only person on the face of the planet with the power to deal with him is going to be Cloud. Besides. His eyes darkened, and he looked down at Cloud as he threaded the ghostly fingers of one hand through the blond spikes. I promised him I'd be there for him, that I'd get him through it even if I had to carry him the entire way. I never break a promise to a friend, ever.
Her throat closed up again, and all she could do was nod. "I'll stay with him," she promised when she could speak again. "No matter what. Try to keep yourself as separate from him as you can. It will make it easier for him to remember the truth in the end, and you'll be better able to warn and guide him."
He reached out to brush his hand over her cheek, and this time he was so weak she didn't even feel the shiver of awareness his touch had brought before. There was nothing, not even the slightest whisper of air against her skin. He faded away, being absorbed slowly into Cloud even as she watched.
"Be careful," she whispered, her heart in her mouth. Then all that was left was for her to wait until Cloud woke, and do the best she could to gently remind him of the truth. If she could lead him to remember it for himself, he would be able to let go of Zack and allow the older man to rest at last.
But until then, she hadn't the slightest doubt that the former SOLDIER would keep his word and carry the blond as far as he needed to go.
Cloud was dreaming, lost in the black. The black was a good place to be, much better than shifting green that pulled and pulled and pulled at him until he hardly knew his own name. The black was safe, a place where nothing could hurt him and no one could reach him.
Except apparently someone could, because there was a strange voice in here with him sometimes. It had spoken to him before, briefly, warning and guiding him. This time it was stronger than ever.
...You all right? ...Can you hear me?
...yeah... Cloud's own voice was so faint he could hardly hear it, and he wondered if it was possible to hear yourself from a great distance.
Back then... You could get by with just skinned knees... the voice commented, a hint of a chuckle in the masculine tone.
...What do you mean by 'back then'? Cloud demanded.
What about now? Can you get up? it asked him, ignoring his question.
...What do you mean by 'back then'? ...What about now? Cloud was confused, and growing more so. Did he know the person speaking to him? Was it someone he recognized, or a stranger? Or his own voice, echoing back to him across the abyss? Who was this?
...Don't worry about me. You just worry about yourself now, the voice insisted, tone gentle and encouraging. Cloud had a feeling that was the best answer he was going to get. But why did it feel so important to him to remember whose voice that was?
...I'll give it a try.
His own voice was stronger now, closer to him. The blackness started to fade, and a third voice reached him. This one was female, and sounded startled. "Oh! He moved!"
...How about that? the first voice asked him. Take it slow now. Little by little...
"Hello?" the female voice asked, a gentle hand brushing against his forehead and calling him back to reality. Cloud strained against waking, one last question echoing in his mind that he desperately needed answered.
Hey... who are you?
His only answer was the female again, more insistently. "Hello!" Despite himself Cloud opened his eyes, and found what surely had to be some kind of angel leaning over him.
She smiled, the expression at once welcoming and full of sorrow, and her blue-green eyes seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages behind her guileless facade. "Are you okay?" she asked him gently, and after a moment he realized he was lying in a garden with her kneeling beside him. Not an angel after all, then... but why did it seem like he should know her?
Did he know her? Cloud strained for the memory, but it seemed farther away the harder he reached for it. Finally he gave up, deciding he must have imagined it in the first place.
...oh, wait, he remembered. It was the flower girl from the day before. That was all. And if her smile made him feel oddly like she knew something he didn't, something important that he'd forgotten and shouldn't have...
Well, that was ridiculous. What could he possibly have forgotten that would be that important? He was Cloud Strife, former SOLDIER 1st Class, and that was the only thing he needed to know.
You should know now that you're not alone,
Take my heart and we will find,
You will find
Your way home.
The opening and ending lines are from 'I Will Carry You', by Clay Aiken (download is from yousendit). As far as I can tell, whoever wrote the song must have been a Zack/Cloud fan, because DAMN. The lyrics really fit them perfectly. It's a little eerie, actually. It's the first song on the playlist I use when writing Zack/Cloud stuff, always.
Also someone told me once that officially the voice Cloud hears in his head during the game is actually himself, his younger self - but I'd always believed it was Zack and that's the assumption that still drives me.
The end conversation is from this game script from gamefaqs.com.
Title: I Will Carry You
Series: Final Fantasy VII
Pairing: Gen - Zack, Cloud & Aerith
Rating: uh, PG-13, maybe? PG?
Warnings: some angst
Length: 9246
Summary: Zack promised Cloud he would be there for him, and not even death can stop Zack from keeping a promise.
When your world breaks down,
And the voices tell you turn around,
When your dreams give out,
I will carry you.
"Cloud! Run!"
Dying, it turned out, wasn't nearly as hard as Zack had been afraid it would be. Oh, it hurt like a son of a cactuar, no doubt about that. The bullets tearing through his chest burned like they'd been coated with a Fire 3 spell.
But he'd felt worse, over the years. A lot worse, a couple of times in Wutai. Somehow, though, this pain felt final in an 'ain't enough Revive materia in the world to wake you from this' kind of way.
In the end, his biggest regret was that he hadn't made it that one last measly mile between him and his goal. To die this close was infinitely worse than dying just as he reached Aerith would have been. At least then he'd have had the comfort of knowing he hadn't failed Cloud.
Cloud. Gods. The blond was the only thing he could see now, his vision slowly fading into static. The boy - not a boy any longer, not really - hadn't moved, hadn't so much as blinked those eerie, glowing eyes. Zack hadn't truly expected him to. Cloud hadn't moved under his own power in almost a year, after all. But Zack hadn't been accused of being an eternal optimist in the past without reason.
Even he couldn't see a way out of this one, though. Not short of a miracle, anyway, and in Zack's experience those tended to be distressingly thin on the ground.
"Sorry, kid," he whispered, the words bubbling up through the blood filling his lungs. He couldn't even feel the pain any more, his body cold and numb. "I tried."
The next breath refused to come, and a scant handful of heartbeats later it was over.
In fact, dying seemed to be a great deal like becoming a SOLDIER. It hurt like a mother for a few minutes, then you passed out and found yourself flooded by a cacophony of images, thoughts, and emotions that weren't yours. So it's true after all, the small part of Zack that was still coherent marvelled. The Lifestream really is made of mako.
If he'd let it, it would have torn him apart in an instant. But the stubborn will and sense of self that had allowed him to go all the way to 1st Class at such a young age kicked in first.
Zack knew how to deal with mako. You dug in, clung to every bit of yourself that you could find, and rode out the storm with gritted teeth until the worst of it had passed and you found your way back to your body. And if you lost a few unimportant details along the way, well, that was the price you paid to be the best of the best.
He'd often thought with a certain amount of morbid humour that the psych exams Shinra put them all through were not so much to weed out the weak-minded, but to find those crazy enough to voluntarily subject themselves to the process a second and third time.
The problem was, this time there was no end to the storm in sight, and no body to go back to. Even Zack's incredible willpower would fray apart eventually, with nothing to anchor him against the tide of constantly flowing energy. It was only a matter of time.
He knew it was inevitable, that he was dead and there was no point in fighting it... but if he'd been the type of person who could ever give up on a fight, for any reason, he'd never have made it into SOLDIER in the first place. So he struggled to hold himself together, battled the seductive pull of the Lifestream, and searched frantically for something to anchor himself with.
And, to his shock, he found it in the form of a familiar and desperately missed voice calling his name. Screaming it, more like, and it was only barely more coherent than the other voices around him, but it was there. Zackzackzackzack! Oh gods don't leave me here don't leave me don't leave me alone Zack please don't go you have to help me Zackzackzack!
Cloud? His own thoughts seemed both to echo endlessly and to tear into shreds even as it left him, becoming just one more bit of babble amidst the chaos. Cloud, it's Zack, I'm right here!
Reaching out, he somehow managed to connect to the stream of thought that was Cloud, and he hung on to his friend with all his strength. So he'd been right all along; Cloud was still in there somewhere, buried too deeply to find his way out but clinging to life with all that stubborn will Zack had seen in the boy.
Cloud, it's okay, we'll get out of this, I promise, Zack assured him fiercely. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to keep that promise, since he was dead after all was said and done, but he had to do something. Otherwise Cloud was going to die up on that cliff right along with him, and that was simply unacceptable.
Zack? Zack! Help me please help me don't let go please help me! Cloud was only marginally coherent, and Zack could feel how weak his grip on himself had become. Too much had been eaten away by the time he'd spent lost in the mako haze, leaving gaping holes in his memories and his psyche.
I won't let go, Zack promised him. I swear, Cloud, I won't let go. Now, we have to get you out of here before Shinra comes back!
Using Cloud as the anchor he'd needed, Zack searched for the connection that had to exist somewhere between Cloud and his body. If it had dissolved entirely the boy would have long since been destroyed, but he was still here so the connection must be as well. If Zack could find it, maybe he could lead Cloud back along it and wake him up at last.
There! Triumphant, Zack lunged for the lifeline and followed it back out of the swirl of the Lifestream. C'mon, Cloud! Let's get you out of here!
To his dismay, Cloud didn't try to follow him, cringing away and staying right where he was. Nononono, it hurts I won't go back I won't go back it hurts...
Swearing to himself, Zack debated whether he should force the issue somehow. If he tried to bully or shove Cloud back into his body, the boy might flee so deep he would lose himself entirely. But Zack didn't have the time to coax him right now, not if he wanted Cloud to survive physically and not end up right back in the lab.
That last thought decided him, because that was so obviously exactly what Cloud was terrified of. He would get Cloud out of danger first, and then worry about coaxing the blond back into his own body.
Zack had no idea if it was possible to do what he was about to attempt. To the best of his knowledge there had never been a situation like this before. The specific combination of events that had left the two of them in this state couldn't be something that happened often. But Zack had always been of the opinion that anything could be done if you just tried hard enough, and the philosophy had worked well for him so far in life.
So he threw himself at Cloud's body, and didn't let himself think about the possibility of failure. Whether through luck or sheer determination, somehow it worked. After a gut-wrenching moment of disorientation he found himself looking out at the world again.
It took him a long minute to adjust to the way that Cloud saw things. Everything was different in the strangest ways; colours weren't quite what he expected them to be, images had an oddly different focus to them than what he was used to. Once he adjusted, he found it very weird to realize he was looking at his own dead body, sprawled out over the ground just within Cloud's line of sight.
There was no time to think about that now. He forced Cloud to his hands and knees, crawling forward awkwardly but gaining a better sense of control with each inch of ground he covered. By the time he reached his body he was fairly certain he could manage to walk, but it felt like being in a set of clothes that had been put on inside out and backwards. Nothing quite fit, and he couldn't get it to move exactly the way he wanted it to.
First things first... he reached for the sword that was still strapped to his body, the materia in the slots gleaming green. That was one colour that hadn't changed, strangely enough. The unlevelled Fire and Bolt materia he'd salvaged from a dead trooper hadn't done him much good up to this point, but it just might make a difference in getting Cloud out of here.
He half expected to find the sword too heavy to lift properly, but he should have known better. Cloud had been stronger than he looked even as a trooper, and now he had all the enhancements of a SOLDIER and then some. Zack was able to lift it easily, and used it to help him stand upright. Once he was sure he was steady on his feet, he slung the sword onto his back.
That was everything useful he'd be able to take from his body, so now it was time to get the fuck out of here. A small part of him wished he could bury himself, or at least set up a cairn of rocks or something to keep the monsters away, but it wasn't like he needed the body any more. Taking the time to deal with it might well mean getting Cloud caught, and there was no way it was worth the risk.
Deliberately, he turned his back on it and surveyed the ground between where he'd fallen and Midgar. He couldn't go straight, that was for sure. Not unless he was courting broken bones, and without a Restore or any potions that was just suicidal.
So he'd just have to find a way around, and hope he didn't run into any patrols before he got the hang of moving in a body that wasn't his. Grimly Zack set out to his left, heading for a spot where it looked like the cliff dropped down to a more reasonable height.
As he walked he talked softly, just as he had throughout the rest of this insane escape. "Okay, Cloud, I'm getting you out of here, just like I promised," he murmured, feeling very bizarre when his words came out in a deeper, slightly distorted version of Cloud's voice. "Now you've gotta work with me, buddy, because I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this up without putting one or both of us in danger. I don't want to end up kicking you out of your own body by accident, you know."
Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought he heard a faint mutter, and it encouraged him. "That's right, so you're just going to have to follow me back into your own head. Once you've got control again, we'll be laughing. No problem."
Again the soft sound, and Zack did his best to project reassurance at Cloud to coax him out. "I mean, come on, do you really want to risk leaving me in control of your body for any length of time?" he asked, the grin feeling odd on a face that wasn't his. "You have no idea what I might do with it. You know I'd never hurt you... but I would dress you up in embarrassing outfits and go out in public, if I thought it would get you to respond." Had the distant murmur grown stronger in protest? It was hard to tell, but he thought maybe it had.
Getting them over that last mile to the walls of Midgar was a lot tougher than it would have been if he'd still been in his own body and dragging Cloud along. They did run into another patrol just outside the city; Zack managed to take care of them all, but only barely. It turned out that moving too fast caused him to lose his grip on the body, sliding away briefly until he managed to readjust himself again. Each time it happened Cloud picked up another bruise or cut, and Zack was cursing steadily by the time they were all down and not moving any more.
"Okay, no more of that," he announced, trying for cheerful and mostly ending up sounding grim. He couldn't quite feel where and how badly Cloud was injured, he realized. Just one more reminder that this wasn't his body. "Let's get inside before anybody else comes out to play, shall we?"
To his extreme joy, Cloud's murmur was definitely louder and more coherent this time, though still just on the far side of understandable. Zack could almost feel the younger man there with him, like an invisible presence looking over his shoulder.
"C'mon kid, take over from me already," he murmured as he limped towards the walls. "Heh, guess I should stop calling you 'kid', huh? Don't worry, I'll find something else. And you'll probably hate it even more."
For a brief moment they stumbled, as Cloud tentatively tried to fit himself back into his body and Zack reflexively fought the intrusion. Cloud pulled away again immediately, and Zack cursed himself for his own clumsiness. "Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to do that," he apologized hastily. "Warn me when you're gonna try that, okay? I'll get us propped up somewhere we won't fall over, and then I'll let you have it. Come back, kid."
There was no answer, and he sighed. He'd just have to stay alert for any indication that Cloud was going to try again. At least it was an encouraging sign. It meant Cloud believed him when he reassured the younger man that it was safe to come out now, and the sooner Cloud returned to himself the less would be lost to the mako.
The closest gate was the one into sector 7. Zack would have preferred the one into 5 or even 4, but he'd take what he could get. He didn't really want to try to walk through Wall Market, but they could catch the train at the sector 7 platform and ride it around to 5, that way they wouldn't have to go through 6.
Of course that meant limping all the way through sector 7, stumbling past the inhabitants while dressed in a uniform they had good reason to hate and fear. Zack - Cloud - was going to look like a drunken SOLDIER who'd wandered into the wrong area of town, and that might be a target too tempting to resist for some people.
Zack didn't really want to hurt anyone if he could avoid it, but he would fight to the death if he had to in order to protect Cloud. Whether it was a trooper or a Turk, a SOLDIER or a civilian, it didn't matter.
Sure enough, the scrape of a mostly muffled footstep behind him warned Zack that someone was following them when they were about three quarters of the way to the station. This part of sector 7 was a maze of twisted construction equipment and abandoned train cars, the ideal place for an ambush.
Zack pretended he hadn't heard, making no move to go for his sword, but he kept his ears strained. A big sword like the Buster would be worse than useless in close quarters like this place, too long and wide to swing in the narrow corridors between train cars. He didn't need to have it in hand to use the materia, though, as long as it was on him.
When he heard a grunt and a sudden rush of footsteps, he spun as fast as he dared and summoned the power of the materia to him without thinking. The Bolt spell was only a first level, but on the kind of untrained thugs that would be wandering around in this area it should be enough. Lightning cracked down from out of nowhere, striking the first of the thieves squarely and dropping him with a pained cry. Zack summoned a second spell with the speed of thought, and discharged it at the second person in the little group that was rushing him. That man dropped as well, though he was injured rather than unconscious or dead.
That left three people coming at him, and now they were too close for spells. Zack balanced himself as best he could in the unfamiliar body and lashed out at the first one, his fist connected solidly with the man's face. The sickening crunch of bones breaking echoed in the narrow space, and the man screamed and staggered back clutching at his face.
Dim light flashed off a glittering arc as the fourth man swiped at him, and Zack stumbled back with a curse as he realized the thief had a knife. He couldn't feel the sharp line of pain that had been left behind by the blade, but the blood trickling down his arm made his hand slippery and he could see the dark colour of it.
Ducking under the next strike, Zack came up with his bloody hand fisted and planted it squarely in the man's solar plexus. The thief doubled over, gagging and wheezing, and Zack rocked back on his right foot, lifting the left and snapping it out in a kick that probably shattered half the ribs in the man's chest.
Now there was just one more to deal with, but when Zack tried to turn to face his final assailant, Cloud's body twisted oddly in his grasp and he lost control. Cloud staggered one step before slumping slowly towards the ground, like someone falling unconscious in slow motion. Zack fought with everything he had, desperately scrabbling for any purchase he could get, but he'd moved too fast and thrown himself out of Cloud's head. It would take him a few precious seconds to regain control, and that was all the time the fifth man would need to knock him out or slit his throat.
Cloud! Zack screamed in his mind, frantic. After everything they'd been through, after all their struggling, it would be even worse to die here than out on the cliff.
Whether Cloud heard him and responded, or had just struggled close enough to awareness to take control for himself, Zack wasn't sure. Either way, just as Zack lost his last thread of control over the body, it suddenly stopped falling and flailed without any input from Zack, and he whooped as he realized Cloud had finally taken over.
Yeah, that's it! Go get 'em, kid! he silently cheered his friend on. The fifth bandit had backpedalled abruptly in surprise when his 'easy target' stood straight again. Zack couldn't tell what expression was on Cloud's face, but whatever it was it made the man turn white and start babbling something that might have been an apology, turning to run.
There was no point in chasing after him, not when the precarious stability Cloud seemed to have gained might fall apart at any moment. Cloud? Hey, buddy, you with me? Zack asked, worried when Cloud just stood there staring without making any move to head for the train station.
Chest heaving as he panted for air, Cloud gazed blankly into the distance and said nothing. Cautiously Zack eased himself closer, not trying to displace the boy but attempting to get a better connection to the body so he could figure out what was going on and help if he was needed.
Cloud. Come on, you need to get moving, he half wheedled, half ordered the boy. One foot in front of the other, you can do it. Yeah, that's it, he encouraged as Cloud took one unsteady step forward at last. Just like that, keep that up and we'll be there in no time. Another step, come on, yeah. Now turn left, see that ramp? Just head up there...
Step by painful step, Zack coaxed, cajoled, and coerced Cloud through the short remaining distance to the train station. It seemed to take hours, and frankly Zack was shocked they weren't attacked again on the way, but at least it was progress.
When he saw the lights of the train platform ahead, Zack would have cheered if he'd had a voice to cheer with. As it was his gleeful exclamation was heard only by Cloud. All right! Just a little further, then you can rest on the train. We'll ride two stops, get off in sector 5, and... Cloud?
Belatedly Zack realized that Cloud was slowing down, his motions becoming less coordinated. The blond staggered once, then twice, and finally stopped moving just beside the stairs that led up onto the platform. Cloud? Cloud! Stay with me, kid! Zack begged him desperately. They couldn't stop now, not when they were so close! Just a few more steps, you can do it! Cloud! Cloud? Aw, damn it!
Slowly Cloud sagged to the ground, his body sprawling in that boneless way Zack had become distressingly familiar with over the long trek from Nibelheim to Midgar. He wound up slumped over in a half-sitting position, his head tilted at an awkward angle that made it hard to see anything past his boots.
And there he stayed, no matter how much Zack begged and pleaded with him to get up. He even tried barking the order like an irate drill sergeant, a tone Zack had never taken with Cloud, but it didn't help. Cloud remained stubbornly unresponsive, staring blankly over his boots and never so much as twitching.
Worse, he was still occupying the space in his head, which meant Zack couldn't just take it over and get him moving again the way he had the first time. Or rather, he could, but it would involve shoving Cloud out of the way to make room for him. If he did that he might well tear the boy apart completely, causing him to lose his connection to his body for good.
Which left Zack sitting there helplessly, unable to get Cloud moving or even reach his friend in any meaningful way. He was getting only the faintest murmurs in response to his attempts to prod Cloud back out of his apathy, and they weren't growing any stronger no matter what he did.
Frantic, Zack considered his options and didn't come up with much. He couldn't risk pushing Cloud all the way out of his mind, couldn't get the boy to respond, and couldn't get him to move without one of the two. There was nobody else around the station at the moment, but that would change eventually, and Zack might well have to sit there while someone robbed or even killed Cloud.
There had to be something else he could do, some way he could get help for the boy. He couldn't leave it like this.
Nervously, it occurred to him that he might have one other option. He'd been pushing them towards Midgar all this time, not because he thought it would be the best place to hide from Shinra but because he'd been hoping he could find help for Cloud there. He had no idea if Aerith remembered him fondly or even at all - it had been five years since she'd last heard from him, after all.
Hades, for that matter, he'd only been acting on a desperate hunch that she could help at all. She'd never actually told him what it was that Hojo wanted her for, or how she managed to get flowers to grow in the depths of Midgar, or explained any of the other hundred and one odd things he'd noticed about her. He'd never asked, not wanting to push her and figuring she'd let him know when she felt comfortable enough.
Zack wasn't stupid, though. He'd been accused of being a lot of things over the course of his life, including stupid, but he could put two and two together and get five. Which, in this case, had to be the right answer, because four just didn't fit the observed facts. Aerith was an Ancient, or some relation to one; he was sure of it no matter how impossible it was. And they'd supposedly had a connection to the mythical Lifestream that let them do all kinds of crazy things.
If that was true... maybe she'd be connected enough to it to hear him if he called for help. It would mean throwing himself back into the chaos of the Lifestream, and if he'd guessed wrong and she couldn't hear him it would all be for nothing. The chances that he would lose his connection to Cloud were high, and he wouldn't last more than a few minutes on his own in there.
Still, it was that or leave things like this, and that was unacceptable. Bracing himself, Zack let go of most of his hold on Cloud and let the pull of the Lifestream wash him away again. He struggled to keep a thin line to his friend, but he didn't really believe he'd be able to keep it for more than a moment or two.
Gathering all his remaining strength, Zack shouted into the babble of voices. Aerith!
As she always did at this time of day, Aerith was tending the flowers in her garden at the church. This was the second largest concentration of living things in the entire city, her garden at home being the first. To be honest, she spent as much time here as she did mostly for her own sake rather than for the flowers. Only among green and growing things did she ever feel completely whole, and there was a desperate lack of such places in Midgar.
Sometimes she wished they could move out to the untouched country, where they could escape both the deadly drain of the reactors and the threat of Hojo. But the fact was that she was needed here in a way she wasn't in the country. The people needed her, and so did what was left of the life in the area. And, frankly, it would be more difficult for Shinra to cause her to disappear from here where so many people knew and looked out for her.
Besides... despite how long it had been, Aerith had to admit that she still clung to the faint hope that someday Zack might contact her again, and how would he find her if she left? He wasn't dead, she was certain she would know if he'd died, but beyond that she had no idea what had happened to him. It wasn't like him to simply vanish like that, and he must know she'd be worried about him. If he could, he would contact her eventually. She just had to be patient.
The flowers nodded as if a breeze had passed over them, though there was very little air movement in this part of the city. Distantly she thought she heard someone call her name, and she blinked. There wasn't anyone else nearby, she'd have sensed them. And it had sounded like Zack. Had thinking of him made her imagine that she'd heard him?
Ae..th... A..ith!
Jumping to her feet, Aerith stood in the flowers with her hands clasped over her heart, resisting the urge to look around wildly for the source of the voice. She knew it hadn't been physical, but this time there was no denying she'd heard it.
Was that it, then? Had he died at last?
"Zack," she murmured, and closed her eyes. Stretching her senses out in a way that was part instinct and part guesswork, she held a picture of him as she'd last seen him firmly in her mind. He'd been tall and strong, handsome and charming, just as he had been from the first moment she'd met him. Even five years later she'd never quite forgotten the way his smile could brighten a room as if the sun had come out, or the particular warmth in his eyes when he looked at her.
Aerith! This time it felt like he'd shouted from just behind her, and she reached out to him. Navigating the Lifestream was confusing and disorienting at best, and it was unbelievably difficult to hang onto one thought among the chaos. She'd never tried to do this before; normally she allowed the voices to speak to her as they felt was necessary, and didn't try to force or coax them.
He gripped her back with a strength born of desperation, and when she opened her eyes again she could almost see him there, standing amidst the flowers like a shining afterimage. "Zack," she murmured, one hand creeping up over her mouth as her eyes filled with sorrow. "Oh, Zack. I'm so sorry."
He looked different; older, thinner, and oddly haunted. The glow in his eyes was so bright it was obvious despite the washed-out quality of the image of him. At the same time he looked so much the same that it made her heart ache to see it.
Aerith, he exclaimed with obvious relief. Gods, I thought I'd get torn apart before I found you. Listen, you have to help me!
Biting her lip, she tried to find the right words. "Zack... there's nothing I can do," she murmured softly. "You're..."
Dead, I know, he cut her off, shaking his head. She blinked at him again, surprised. Don't worry about me, babe. I'll rest soon enough, I don't plan to haunt the world. But I left Cloud behind, and he needs help something awful.
Cloud? Oh, of course. The trooper Zack had thought so highly of, the young boy who'd failed the SOLDIER exams before Zack had taken him under his wing. Zack had spoken of him now and then, though Aerith had never met him. She did know they'd gone together on that last mission, along with Sephiroth - and none of them had ever come back.
"Where is he? How can I help?" she asked immediately, and the overwhelming gratitude in his expression was thanks enough in itself.
He's lost in the mako, mostly, Zack explained, trailing along at her side as Aerith hurried for the door of the church. I've been carrying him with me since we escaped, almost a year ago. I connected with him by accident when I died, and I've been pushing him to get him the rest of the way here all day. He collapsed just outside the sector 7 train station, and I couldn't get him to go any further no matter what I did. I was afraid to try any harder, for fear I'd knock him out of his mind completely.
"You merged with him?" Aerith asked, surprised. She'd heard of people being lost in the Lifestream from mako poisoning, but she'd never heard of them merging with a specific person like that. Then again, there wouldn't be many coherent personalities with Zack's strength of will floating about randomly out there.
Yeah, Zack looked grim. What was left of him. He's in bad shape, Aerith.
"I'll help him," she promised him, and meant every word. Whatever it took, she would help, because Cloud was Zack's friend. And, in a way, Zack's legacy.
It only took about ten minutes for her to run through the sectors, cutting through the playground south of Wall Market to reach sector 7. It was clear that every minute was a minute too long for Zack, though, as he fretted himself almost literally to pieces beside her. Hurry, he kept urging her. He's totally helpless out there. We have to get back to him, hurry!
At last the lights of the station came into view in the distance, and she picked up her pace. She burst out of the maze of the train graveyard and into the lit area in front of the platform, people giving her odd looks as she panted for breath and skidded to a halt. "Where?" she asked, uncaring that nobody else could see or hear the person she was speaking to.
Uh... Wide-eyed, Zack looked around, his expression growing frantic. He's gone! He was right here, right beside the stairs! There was no trace of him now, not so much as a snagged thread to show that anyone had ever sat in the spot where Zack was pointing.
Walking closer, Aerith studied the area thoughtfully. There were no signs of a scuffle, or of a body being dragged. Unless someone had actually picked Cloud up and carried him away, there should have been some indication of what had happened.
"Excuse me," she said politely to a nearby matron, carrying her meagre groceries home. "Did you happen to see what happened to a young blond boy - young man, I suppose - who was here a few minutes ago?"
"You mean the one in the Shinra uniform?" The woman shrugged dismissively. "I've no idea, and frankly couldn't care less. Serve him right if he got himself robbed."
"I saw him, ma'am," another man spoke up before Zack could work himself into a true frenzy. "He went off with a friend of his, not two minutes ago."
"A friend?" Aerith repeated, surprised. "Went off with them? You mean they carried him somewhere?"
"No, not at all," the man shook his head. "He seemed a bit ill, or perhaps drunk, but he left under his own power. It was a young woman who led him off, he seemed to know her. She called him 'Cloud', I believe."
Aerith gave Zack a questioning look, and he shrugged helplessly at her in return. I didn't think he knew anyone down here, but... who knows? Whoever it is, they obviously recognized him. Maybe seeing someone familiar jogged him out of his apathy again.
"It's possible," Aerith murmured, nodding at the man to thank him and turning away. "If you'd already gotten him partly awake, and then he saw someone he knew, that might have been enough of a jolt."
We have to find him, Zack insisted, as if he thought she might argue. They can't have gone too far!
"Of course," she agreed soothingly. "We'll search the sector, and then spread out if we don't see him. He should stand out like a sore thumb if he's wearing a Shinra uniform."
But no matter how far they searched, there was no sign of him. After the first few turns they took, there wasn't anybody who remembered seeing him pass, either. "She must have taken him inside one of the buildings in sector 7," Aerith finally concluded wearily. "Short of knocking on every door, I don't know how we're going to find him."
Zack couldn't really pace, because if he got too far from her he started to lose coherency. But it was obvious that he wanted to, the expression of frustration and despair in his eyes making her heart squeeze painfully. I can't just leave it at that! he persevered. I need to know he's okay!
"Then we'll keep coming back to search for him," Aerith soothed him, wishing badly she could reach out and hug him. If ever anyone had needed a hug, it was Zack in that moment. "I'll bring my flowers around here to sell them, and we can ask after him at the same time. He'll be memorable, with that bright hair of his. Don't worry, Zack. We'll find him in a day or two at most, I'm sure of it."
Unfortunately, despite her brave words more than just a day or two went by with no sign of Cloud. Aerith did her best to help Zack stay coherent and anchored against the pull of the Lifestream, but it was a battle they were destined to lose in the end. Maybe if Aerith had been a full Cetra, or even if she'd known more about her power and how to use it, she could have done more to help him. As it was she was forced to watch as he faded bit by bit, losing memories and pieces of himself. The more he lost, the harder he fought to cling to the remaining parts, and it was heartbreaking to watch the struggle when she knew he couldn't win.
"This isn't going to work," she finally said regretfully. She'd been working on the flowers, supposedly, but actually she'd just been watching Zack's ghostly form pace in the short arc around her that was as far as he could go. He'd faded to the point where even she could barely see him, and sometimes he looked distorted as if there was static interfering with the image. "Zack?" she prompted when he didn't say anything right away. It was sometimes difficult to get his attention these days.
Huh? Oh. I know, he growled in frustration. I'm falling apart and it's getting us nowhere. There's still no sign of Cloud. Damn it! There has to be something I can do!
"I'm out of ideas," she admitted sadly. "I'm so sorry, Zack. I wish there was more I could do." In another day or two, she was afraid Zack would stop being able to hear and respond to her completely, and once that happened it would only be a matter of hours until she looked up and discovered him gone. That he'd managed to hold himself together this long, even with her help, was a testament to his incredible strength of will. But even he couldn't keep going forever.
It's not your fault, he assured her, sighing. You've done everything you could, more than I had any right to ask for. Just... keep an eye out for him, will you? Once I'm gone?
"I will," she promised, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. She'd known he was dead, and had been trying to keep herself from getting attached to having him there with her, because she'd known she would lose him soon. It was easier to tell yourself something like that than it was to make your heart listen, unfortunately.
Looking out through the windows, Zack seemed to drift away in thought once again. When he did that, it was difficult to tell if he was thinking hard or just losing the battle to hold himself apart from the Lifestream. It surprised her when he spoke again without prompting from her. I'm going to try it, he declared abruptly. In a day or two I'll be lost anyway. If I go now, I've got a chance of holding myself together long enough.
"Long enough for what?" she asked, startled.
Long enough to find him, Zack said, turning to meet her gaze. He was more solid and real looking in that moment than he had been in days, and she could see the fire of determination in his eyes. Maybe I can find him again through the Lifestream. If not, all I've lost is a couple of days of only being half-aware of what's going on around me anyway.
Nodding, Aerith had to agree it was as good a plan as they could have at this point. For that matter, it would probably be better for him to lose himself more quickly, rather than fading away one painful piece at a time as he had been. She doubted he would be able to find Cloud, but then again Zack had been known for doing things nobody else believed he would be able to pull off.
"Good luck," she said softly, standing and reaching out one hand to him, though they couldn't truly touch.
He brushed his hand against hers, and she felt a tiny shiver work its way over her skin at the contact. If you find him and I don't, tell him I said I'm sorry for not being able to help more, he requested. Then, between one breath and the next, he was gone.
Aerith was left staring into empty space, biting her lip against the tears that wanted to come. She was certain she would never see him again. At least she'd gotten a chance to find out what had happened to him, and to say goodbye. That was more than she'd dared to hope for, and it would have to be enough.
It was the eyes that fooled her. Despite everything, Zack had never really had a chance to tell her everything that had happened - or maybe he'd purposely avoided the subject, since it didn't take an empath to tell it pained him to even think about the four years he'd spent in Hojo's care. So Aerith, knowing that Cloud had never made it into SOLDIER, didn't recognize him when she saw him because she hadn't expected his eyes to glow.
The handsome blond ex-SOLDIER who bought the flower from her caught her attention, of course. From the moment she first saw him standing there she was drawn to him, caught by a feeling that she should know him from somewhere. But the only SOLDIER she'd ever known well had been Zack, and he'd deliberately sheltered her as much as possible from the rest of Shinra.
Watching him as he took the flower, she thought maybe it was just that he moved the same way Zack did, all barely-restrained power and lethal grace. No normal person moved in quite that way, and to someone who knew what to look for it was just as distinctive a give-away as the tell-tale eyes.
It wasn't until he was walking away that she realized there was more to the resemblance than just that. As he vanished into the crowd, her lone flower clutched in his hand like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it, the barest ghost of Zack's presence grazed against her awareness. She jumped and looked around, reaching out for him, thinking that he'd somehow done the impossible and managed to hold himself together all this time and was now returning to her.
When she didn't feel the touch a second time, the truth finally hit her like a Bolt 3 spell. "Cloud!" she exclaimed, hurrying in the direction the blond had gone. It had to have been Cloud, there was no other explanation. Either Zack had managed to find his way back to his friend after all, or the time they'd spent merged in the first place had left behind the faintest trace of Zack in the blond.
Either way, she'd promised Zack that she would look out for Cloud, and now like a fool she'd let him just walk away from her. She pushed frantically through the crowds, but the showing of Loveless had just ended and people were exiting the theatre, blocking her path and slowing her down. By the time she made it to the other side of the mass of people he was long gone, and short of a miracle she had no hope of finding him.
Panting, she stared hopelessly out over the city streets, cursing herself for her own blindness. How could it not have occurred to her that the handsome stranger might be exactly the blond, blue-eyed man she was looking for? She'd even thought that he reminded her of Zack!
Well, there was no point in crying over spilled mako. Sighing, she turned back towards home. She'd run into him once by chance, so maybe it would happen again. And next time she would be more prepared.
That night she prayed as she always did; a plea to her mother's spirit, the fragments of souls of the Ancients remaining who watched over the Lifestream, and the very Planet itself. This time her prayer included a request for them to watch over Cloud, and Zack if there was anything left of him, and to guide her to them once again.
Resolutely, she refused to berate herself for her mistake any further. The world worked in mysterious ways, she'd long ago learned, and sometimes things happened because that was just the way they had to go. If she was meant to find Cloud again, she would, and that was the end of it.
In fact, she got her chance much sooner than she'd expected. It was the very next afternoon that she saw him again, though it was the absolute last way she'd ever thought she would encounter him again. She was working with her flowers as she always did, when he came crashing in on her.
Literally.
Shrieking more from astonishment than fear as the ceiling abruptly fell inwards, Aerith leapt back out of the way. The boards landed in the middle of the garden, and resting atop them was none other than the very man she'd been searching for.
"Cloud!" she gasped, and hurried forward. He lay sprawled out over the boards and flowers, his blue eyes open but staring unseeing up at the ceiling. Quickly she checked him over, but he didn't appear to be hurt at all. It wasn't just the eyes, then; he had a SOLDIER's incredible tolerance for damage as well.
"Cloud! Cloud?" she called, shaking his shoulder gingerly. She had no desire to startle him into a reflexive attack, but the way he was just lying there bonelessly worried her. It was like he was a puppet whose strings had been cut, leaving him little more than a lifeless doll.
No matter how she called or shook at him, he didn't respond. Despairing, she sat back and bit her lip, staring at him - and once again felt the barest touch of Zack's mind against hers.
"Zack?" she asked uncertainly, cautiously opening herself to the Lifestream. "Zack, are you there?"
At first all she got was the usual static of babbling thoughts, but slowly one particular voice became clearer. ...lost...an't wake u...ve to help h...
"Zack!" Concentrating fiercely, she took Cloud's limp hand in hers and closed her eyes.
Damn it! she heard, much more clearly this time. When she opened her eyes and looked around, she could see Zack's ghostly image once again, hovering over Cloud in concern. He's lost in his head again. Aerith, can you hear me?
"I hear you," she said, almost giddy with relief. Zack was still there. Somehow he'd done the impossible and not only found Cloud again, but continued to hold himself together against the pressure of the Lifestream.
Not very well, though. She'd been able to see through him from the very beginning, but he was more than just transparent now. There were great gaping holes in his image, as if he'd lost so much of himself that he couldn't even hang onto such a basic thing as what he looked like. "Oh, Zack," she whispered, one hand coming up to cover her mouth in horror.
Don't worry about me, he shook his head, accepting her concern but setting it aside as unnecessary. The important thing is we've got to wake him up. I've been with him, helping him keep himself together and prodding him when he starts to lose it, but this last bit... the fall was too much for him, the pain drove him back into hiding inside his own head.
Looking from Zack's ghost to Cloud's motionless body, understanding came to Aerith. "He's using pieces of you to fill in the holes in himself," she realized. No wonder Zack looked like Swiss cheese that had been nibbled by a dozen mice. Cloud was literally stealing bits of the older man, using those parts to hold himself together.
Yeah, Zack nodded with a grimace. He's been telling everyone he's a former SOLDIER, and he really believes it. He doesn't remember anything about the labs at all. I... haven't had the heart to try to remind him of the truth, he admitted. Not when thinking he lived my life lets him act with such confidence and belief in himself. I'm afraid it would break him completely to remember everything.
"It probably would, if it came all at once," Aerith sighed. "You might be able to nudge him a little bit at a time, jog his memory slowly, but it depends on how stubbornly he clings to what he wants to believe."
He's pretty damn stubborn, Zack half laughed, almost sounding proud of the younger man. More stubborn than I am, even. But if we don't get him to wake up fast, we're going to lose him. The further he retreats into himself, the more the mako pulls at him.
"The only one who can reach him is you," Aerith said, her eyes sorrowful as she looked at him. "But it will probably mean losing yourself to him entirely. Zack, you're literally fusing your souls. I don't know what this is going to do to you, either of you. Combining and confusing his memory is probably only the beginning of it. At a guess, I'd say you won't be able to be truly at rest in the Lifestream until he gives up the pieces of you that he borrowed - maybe not until he dies."
Heh. Is that all? Zack shook his head, his expression rueful but his eyes hard. I don't care if it means my soul will vanish completely and I don't get to join the Lifestream at all. He has to wake up. There are things coming, and things already happening, and I don't know what they mean but they worry me. When I went looking for him after I left you, I didn't find him right away. I found something worse. Sephiroth.
She couldn't imagine what could possibly have happened to put that incredibly bleak tone into his voice when he spoke the man's name. Zack had looked up to and trusted Sephiroth in a way that was the next thing to hero-worship, and she would have thought nothing could ever turn him against his general. "That's bad?"
That's worse than bad. And unless I'm very much mistaken, the only person on the face of the planet with the power to deal with him is going to be Cloud. Besides. His eyes darkened, and he looked down at Cloud as he threaded the ghostly fingers of one hand through the blond spikes. I promised him I'd be there for him, that I'd get him through it even if I had to carry him the entire way. I never break a promise to a friend, ever.
Her throat closed up again, and all she could do was nod. "I'll stay with him," she promised when she could speak again. "No matter what. Try to keep yourself as separate from him as you can. It will make it easier for him to remember the truth in the end, and you'll be better able to warn and guide him."
He reached out to brush his hand over her cheek, and this time he was so weak she didn't even feel the shiver of awareness his touch had brought before. There was nothing, not even the slightest whisper of air against her skin. He faded away, being absorbed slowly into Cloud even as she watched.
"Be careful," she whispered, her heart in her mouth. Then all that was left was for her to wait until Cloud woke, and do the best she could to gently remind him of the truth. If she could lead him to remember it for himself, he would be able to let go of Zack and allow the older man to rest at last.
But until then, she hadn't the slightest doubt that the former SOLDIER would keep his word and carry the blond as far as he needed to go.
Cloud was dreaming, lost in the black. The black was a good place to be, much better than shifting green that pulled and pulled and pulled at him until he hardly knew his own name. The black was safe, a place where nothing could hurt him and no one could reach him.
Except apparently someone could, because there was a strange voice in here with him sometimes. It had spoken to him before, briefly, warning and guiding him. This time it was stronger than ever.
...You all right? ...Can you hear me?
...yeah... Cloud's own voice was so faint he could hardly hear it, and he wondered if it was possible to hear yourself from a great distance.
Back then... You could get by with just skinned knees... the voice commented, a hint of a chuckle in the masculine tone.
...What do you mean by 'back then'? Cloud demanded.
What about now? Can you get up? it asked him, ignoring his question.
...What do you mean by 'back then'? ...What about now? Cloud was confused, and growing more so. Did he know the person speaking to him? Was it someone he recognized, or a stranger? Or his own voice, echoing back to him across the abyss? Who was this?
...Don't worry about me. You just worry about yourself now, the voice insisted, tone gentle and encouraging. Cloud had a feeling that was the best answer he was going to get. But why did it feel so important to him to remember whose voice that was?
...I'll give it a try.
His own voice was stronger now, closer to him. The blackness started to fade, and a third voice reached him. This one was female, and sounded startled. "Oh! He moved!"
...How about that? the first voice asked him. Take it slow now. Little by little...
"Hello?" the female voice asked, a gentle hand brushing against his forehead and calling him back to reality. Cloud strained against waking, one last question echoing in his mind that he desperately needed answered.
Hey... who are you?
His only answer was the female again, more insistently. "Hello!" Despite himself Cloud opened his eyes, and found what surely had to be some kind of angel leaning over him.
She smiled, the expression at once welcoming and full of sorrow, and her blue-green eyes seemed to hold the wisdom of the ages behind her guileless facade. "Are you okay?" she asked him gently, and after a moment he realized he was lying in a garden with her kneeling beside him. Not an angel after all, then... but why did it seem like he should know her?
Did he know her? Cloud strained for the memory, but it seemed farther away the harder he reached for it. Finally he gave up, deciding he must have imagined it in the first place.
...oh, wait, he remembered. It was the flower girl from the day before. That was all. And if her smile made him feel oddly like she knew something he didn't, something important that he'd forgotten and shouldn't have...
Well, that was ridiculous. What could he possibly have forgotten that would be that important? He was Cloud Strife, former SOLDIER 1st Class, and that was the only thing he needed to know.
You should know now that you're not alone,
Take my heart and we will find,
You will find
Your way home.