Adventures of a Crossdressing Knight [13/30]
Title: Such Stuff as Dreams are Made on
Author: Miki-hime
Rating: T, may change to M if I feel up to it.
Characters/Pairing: Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lancelot (in the beginning), Merlin/Freya, Merlin/Morgana
Word Count: 80,469 (Total)
Genre: AU, Adventure, Romance
Disclaimer: This is purely for fun, not for profit. Don't sue me, it's a waste of your time.
Summary: For Gwen, being a girl was hard enough. Being a girl pretending to be a man to get enlisted into the army? Impossible.
Author's Note: I've decided to make this 30 chapters instead of 40 because I don't want the story to drag on too long. I'm aiming for 120,000 words. If inspiration really hits, and soon, I'll make it 40 chapters. Any comment or review you can offer is greatly appreciated!
Such Stuff as Dreams are Made On
Gwen had never felt this empty before. Her body was a shell, her chest a vessel for the fragments of her emotions. It was as though her heart had shattered and the shards had been carried out with her tears.
She'd long since stopped crying and picked herself off of Arthur's cold floor. Her thighs were still numb and she stumbled while she walked, but she didn't care.
No one could see her.
She didn't even have to speak to her sword for it to make her invisible. Somehow it just knew. If it had been any other day, she would have been amazed but her heart couldn't muster up the feeling.
Arthur had ordered her to leave, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. In her heart, she still hadn't accepted that her dream was dead forever. She still held out hope that Arthur would see reason. She was a woman, yes, but there was no doubt she was an excellent fighter, on par with the rest of the recruits.
So, with that thought in her heart, she listlessly followed Arthur around the castle keeping a reasonable distance between them.
"MERLIN!" Arthur growled as Gwen followed him into his room. "You still have not prepared my clothes for the feast tonight. My bed is a mess and my swords need sharpening!"
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "What's got you all riled up? Got into a fight with your boyfriend-"
Gwen cringed as Arthur's hand connected with Merlin's cheek, wiping the smile off his face. She felt the room crackle with Merlin's magical energy, which she was just barely able to sense.
She walked over and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her hand to his wounded cheek.
Merlin froze and she could feel his anger quell.
"Don't talk to me about that despicable man," Arthur growled, staring down at him. "Just do what I ask. That's what you're here for after all."
"Yes master," Merlin said, slipping out of Gwen's hold and narrowing his eyes at him.
He angrily stalked past him, slamming the door behind him. Gwen had never seen him this angry and her heart reeled at the destruction her betrayal was causing.
Arthur kicked the sword that was leaning against his desk and scattered all the papers with his hands. He knocked over his dressing divider and threw the potted plant into his wall. It shattered into thousands of pieces against his wall.
Gwen rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He dropped his hands and slid out of her grasp, falling to his knees.
"How could he do this to me?" Arthur whispered.
Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead that were now sliding down his face, mimicking tears.
Gwen was immobilized above him. The tears in her eyes were real. She hated herself for wanting more from this man who she'd hurt so much. She didn't deserve to become a knight. She'd been wrong to think she should appeal to him for forgiveness. She deserved her punishment.
There was a hesitant knock on the door.
"Come in," Arthur said, standing up.
Gawain's handsome face poked through the door.
"Rough night?" he said, winking as he assessed the damage in the room. "Who's the lucky woman?"
His eyes scanned the room and landed on her. For one horrifying moment, she thought Gawain could see her, but he turned back to Arthur with the same silly grin.
"Fine, don't tell me." He leaned against the doorframe. "Your father wishes to see you. He's says he's sent servants all over the castle to search for Prince Gwyddno. He wants to know if you've heard from him."
Gwen stiffened.
"I'll be right there."
Arthur's voice suddenly sounded different. His back had straightened and there was almost no trace of the anguish in his voice. He had found his resolve.
"Poor Merlin," Gawain said, shaking his had as he looked around the room. "The boy may be slow-witted, but even he does not deserve this kind of treatment!"
He closed the door behind him.
Arthur waited a few moments before he stalked after him. Gwen had to walk twice as fast to keep up. The fear in her heart increased as they got closer to the council room.
The double doors opened as Arthur nodded to the guards. Gwen stopped just in front of the doors. She wanted to keep her distance from the explosion which was undoubtedly about to happen.
"Father," Arthur said, sounding as composed and confident as usual, "you require my presence?"
Uther sat on the throne, swirling red wine in a crystal goblet, the very vision of an idle king. However, despite all of Uther's tyranny, Gwen couldn't deny that he had more regality in his little finger than she had in her entire body.
"Have you seen the young prince?" Uther asked, getting straight to the point. "It's Gawain's birthday, if you recall. The prince should be in attendance at the feast. His father never could throw a decent one since his mother died."
"Father," Arthur said, after clearing his throat. "I think there's something you should know about Prince Gwyddno."
Gwen's breath caught in her throat suddenly. This was it. He was going to tell him and her life would never be the same again.
"He…" Arthur paused as though he was mulling it over. "He was called on a mission in Cameliard a few days ago and… he won't be back for another few days."
"Pity." Uther pressed the glass to his lips and took a long sip before continuing. "I wanted to give the boy something to brag about."
Gwen couldn't believe it. Arthur was giving her an out. Her heart lightened just a little. Her cover was not completely blown! She wouldn't have to be on the run for the rest of her life.
Arthur looked conflicted, but he seemed to have made up his mind about the matter.
"If he doesn't return in a few days," Arthur continued. "I think we should send a search party after him. I have a bad feeling…"
"Arthur, you know how I feel about that," Uther said, looking disgusted. "Leave things like that to Gaius. The boy is strong. However, if it will make you feel better, I suppose we could spare a few knights."
"Thank you father," Arthur said. "I shall take my leave."
"Be sure to look your best tonight," Uther said, smiling a little. "There will be many beautiful young girls there. It's still early yet, but you should at least let me know which ones you are interested in."
Gwen felt a twang of jealously in her heart, but it quelled when she realized she really didn't have the right to have a hold on Arthur any longer. He was a free man and she was a now a free woman. It was time to say her goodbyes.
When Arthur left the room, she did not follow him. Instead, she went to her own room, where Lancelot would no doubt be tidying up.
The sword tapped into her feelings again and the cloak of invisibility vanished around her. Lancelot looked up almost immediately.
"You have not been in your chambers all night, Gwyn," he said reproachfully. "Where have you gone?"
"That's not important right now," Gwen said. "I will not be Gwyn for much longer. I must go. I don't know where I'll be heading. Maybe home. Maybe in the forests with the elves or the faeries."
"Come live with me," Lancelot said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I'll take care of you. I don't make much money, but I make enough to provide for you. It won't be what you're used to."
"I can't," she said sadly. "I can't go back to that kind of life now that I've had a taste of this one. I want to learn. I want to fight. I want to protect. If I can't do it as a knight, I'll do it on my own."
"Then I'll come with you," he insisted. "I'll follow you wherever you go. We can do it together."
He leaned in to touch her cheek. She backed away and he dropped his hand.
"Lancelot," she said firmly, looking him straight in the eye. "I refuse to be cruel to you. Even though I must sever my ties with Arthur, I still have feelings for him. It would be wrong for us to be anything more than friends when we both know this."
"I understand," he said, sighing. "I can't help that I still love you. I fear I always will, no matter what happens. I don't care if you don't feel the same way. If traveling with you means I can be near you, then I will. And maybe, one day, you can grow to love me too."
"Lancelot-"
He reached out to touch her cheek and, this time, she let him.
"I know I've hurt you," he said, running his finger over her cheek, "but you've returned the favor a thousand times over. I have to watch him look at you. I have to watch him touch you, and you touch him. Haven't you tortured me enough, Gwyn?"
"It's Gwen," she said, removing his hand and holding it in her palm. "It's Gwen, now."
They stood there in the middle of the room for a moment, his hand in hers.
The door opened and Gwen released his hand immediately, prompting her sword to cloak her once more.
It was Elaine. She stood there, cheeks flushed, looking just as innocent and beautiful as ever.
"Oh!" she said, smiling as she caught sight of Lancelot. "I didn't know you'd be here this early."
Gwen couldn't help giving the girl a swift once over. She wanted to hate her. After all, she was the woman Arthur had almost-slept-with. However, when she saw the way the woman looked at Lancelot, she couldn't help but smile.
She was Morgana's clothing in a basket in her hand. It was obvious she knew Lancelot would be in the room. She had no business being there otherwise.
"Well, now that you're here," she said, smiling, "would you mind helping me sweep the main corridor. I was supposed to ask Winfrey, but she's really lazy and does an poor job of it every time."
"Well," Lancelot began to say. Gwen gave him a gentle nudge in Elaine's direction, "I don't really have much to do here. I suppose I'll come when I've finished."
"Excellent," she said, looking delighted. "I'll be waiting."
She rushed out of the room and Gwen became visible again.
"She seems lovely," Gwen said, smiling.
"I know what you're thinking," Lancelot said, narrowing his eyes at her. "You can't just push me in the direction of another woman. I'm coming with you. I'll meet you at the stables at sunset."
"Alright," she said.
She watched him as he left the room. If this woman could make Lancelot happy, then Gwen was not going to try to stand in her way. She could no longer remember the anger she felt at him. Her heart would always beat a little faster when he was near, but the feelings the reaction was nothing compared to the feelings she'd once felt for the man.
He deserved to be happy and she had no intention of meeting him at sunset. By then, she'd already be gone.
She went to Arthur's room and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized he wasn't there. Instead, it was Merlin who was muttering under his breath and scrubbing the floor vigorously.
"Merlin," she said softly. "I've come to say goodbye. This may be the last time I ever see you. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me thus far."
Merlin looked up and Gwen had to stop herself from giggling. He had soapsuds all over his face. It lightened her heart considerably.
"What on Earth do you mean?" Merlin said.
"Arthur's found out about me, Merlin." She wiped her eyes as the tears were coming back. "I'm pretty sure he never wants to speak to me again. I don't blame him, really. I'm horrible."
"Hey," Merlin said, soothingly. He stood up and enveloped her in his arms. "Why would you say a thing like that. You know it's not true."
"You didn't hear the way he spoke to me," she said, her voice muffled by his layers of clothing. "He was so angry. I hardly recognized him. I mean, I knew this day would come, but I never estimated just how horrible it would make me feel in the end."
"You can't just give up now after all you've been through, Gwen," Merlin said, holding her even tighter. "Arthur loves you, even though he doesn't know it yet."
"I doubt that," she said skeptically. "He hates me."
"He can see you, Gwen," he said, moving back so he could see her at arms length. "Arthur does not have an once of magic in his blood so it could only mean that he loves you. He wouldn't be so angry otherwise and I doubt you'd still be here."
"He doesn't know me," she said, wiping her tears and feeling very much like a child. "Even if he did love me, he doesn't any more. He fell in love with someone that was never real."
"I wish you'd just listen to me, but you're just as hard headed as Arthur!" Merlin claimed in exasperation. "I just know that you can't give up. You must make him see reason if you really care about your dream."
"I care about Arthur more," she said, realizing it as the words came out of her mouth. "I can't ask anything more of him."
Merlin couldn't argue with that. Instead he sighed, holding his hands up in defeat.
"Keep him safe," she said, kissing him on the cheek.
"I will even if I don't want to," he said, rolling his eyes. "You must do the same for yourself."
"I will," she said, tears shining in her eyes again. "Goodbye Merlin. You and Arthur are going to do great things one day, I'm sure of it. No matter what happens, I have the utmost faith in you."
"I won't say goodbye," Merlin said stubbornly. "I have faith in you too and I know you're stronger than this. You'll be back."
She walked away without looking back, feeling less resolved than she had a few moments ago.
In her hurry to leave, she bumped into Morgana's shoulder and images upon images began to flow through her head. Gawain at the feast being confronted by a knight in bright green armor and angrily accepting the challenge on behalf of his sister. Gawain riding to a dark, marble castle alone. Gawain being surrounded by five knights in different colored armor.
It was the final image of the knight bleeding out on the ground that alarmed her the most.
Morgana stopped and began looking around. She must have felt the images being transferred.
Gwen tried to calm down, but couldn't get the image of Gawain out of her head. Did Morgana know what was going to happen? Or was she the only one who had seen it?
Judging by the look on Morgana's face, she didn't know what had just transpired.
Gwen took off running. One thing was absolutely certain. She had to find Arthur. This wasn't just about her anymore. Gawain's life was in danger.
She ran out of the castle and to the training grounds where she saw Arthur practicing his swordsmanship. His form was sloppy, a rookie mistake. She could tell he was still angry.
Taking a deep breath, she willed the cloak to disappear, revealing herself to him in the dull glow of the setting sun. She didn't have much time.
"Arthur," she said.
Her turned to face her and immediately tensed when he realized just who was standing before him.
"Why are you still here?" he asked after a moment.
He started to swing his sword around again, childishly and she blew the hair out of her face in exasperation.
"Will you stop acting like a child for one moment and listen to me!" she exclaimed. "I have to tell you something important."
"There's nothing you could possibly tell me that could compel me to listen to you," he said, still refusing to stop. "I told you to leave this place."
"Gawain is in trouble," she said, resisting the urge to retort in anger. "Tonight at the feast, Freya will be kidnapped. A knight in green armor will challenge him. Gawain will be killed if he leaves this castle. You have to help me-"
"I am done with you," he said, surprising her with the venom in his voice. "I won't help you do anything anymore. You're dead to me."
His words were yet another arrow in her heart and she had to take a few moments to recover from them.
"This isn't about me!" she shouted. "This is about Gawain. If you love your cousin, you must put a stop to it."
"I don't believe you," he said, narrowing his eyes.
"Please, Arthur, I'm begging you," she said, softening a bit. "I don't want him to get hurt. I'm sure you don't want him to either. You're a prince, Arthur. You have to put whatever feelings you have to put away whatever feelings he have towards me and perform your duty-"
"Get out," he hissed. "You've saved my life once before. That is the only reason I haven't dealt with you myself. If I see you in the castle or Camelot again, I'll have you locked in the dungeons and my father will decide your fate."
He left her alone in the training grounds. She stood there for a few moments, feeling dejected and hurt at his words. He was lost to her, in some place she couldn't reach and it was time for her to let him go.
"Goodbye, Arthur," she whispered to the wind.
It was all up to her now. She would save Gawain or die trying.
The feast was a spectacular event. Arthur had never seen the place look so vibrant. He knew his father was doing it to show off, but it was still very impressive nonetheless.
His eyes centered on Gawain, the star of the evening. He was drinking ale by the gallon it seemed. Arthur was always jealous of his tolerance. The knights always referred to him as "one pint Pendragon".
The lightheartedness of the evening made him feel reassured. Freya had just stepped out, but he hadn't seen any "Green Knight" lurking around. He had made the right decision after all. The woman was probably trying to draw him into some kind of trap.
Even as he was saying it, he felt a twinge of regret. She had looked so pained when he'd insulted her, so earnest when pleading for his help. He'd almost foolishly believed her.
Though she was now a woman, he recognized some of Gwyn's trademark characteristics in her face and demeanor. She had the same texture of hair, the same tanned skin, the same smattering of freckles. She had also retained that ability to make him second-guess himself.
She was pretty, too. Not just her face or her body, even. Hers was a beauty that seemed to radiate from within and enhanced the way his eyes viewed her.
Not that this mattered at any rate. She was a traitor. She was wrong and he wouldn't think about her any longer.
"Where's Gwyn?" Morgana asked from her position beside him. "Shouldn't he be here?"
So much for that.
"Morgana," he said, rolling his eyes. "I've already told you. He's been called away."
"What did you say to him?" Morgana said, narrowing her eyes.
Arthur gawked. "Why is it always my fault!"
"I can tell when you're lying," she answered, eyes still narrowed. "Your eye twitches."
"You just made that up!"
As the two continued to argue, the girl in question slipped into the room with ease, keeping her eyes out for a flash of green. She snuck around the tables and stood right behind Gawain and ran over her plan in her head several times whist fingering the vial in her pocket in her nervousness.
This was a suicide mission, she was sure. There was no way she could face off the five knights that had ambushed Gawain in her vision. She was confident in the skills she'd learned so far, but she was not powerful to hold them off.
Instead of Gawain, it would be her bleeding out into the ground. No one else had to get hurt.
She pulled the vial out of her pocket and poured a few drops in Gawain's goblet, watching with a grim sort of satisfaction as he downed the glass.
Just then, the sound of shattering glass resounded in the room. The knights stood up and unsheathed their swords, standing in front of the table where their king was seated.
The room got deathly silent as a knight with green armor and a gigantic green axe dismounted his horse and stood imposingly in front of them. He removed his gauntlet and threw it on the ground with a resounding clang.
"Gawain!" he said, his voice booming through the large room. "I have taken your sister, Freya. If you wish her returned to you safe and sound, you will accept my challenge."
The knights opened a path for Gawain and he began to walk forward. Within in seconds, he began to sway and finally fell backwards in Sir Leon's arms.
Gwen knew she only had a few seconds. She jumped over the table and rushed in front of the knights, still cloaked in invisibility. She willed the sword to make her visible and audible only to the green knight and stood before him. The magic she'd been using that day began to take a toll on her body and her legs felt like lead as she approached him
She picked up the gauntlet and stared up at the knight, pushing her fear back into the recesses of her mind.
"I will take the challenge in Sir Gawain's place," she said unwaveringly, tucking the gauntlet into her pouch.
"You?" the knight asked. "I could crush you in an instant."
"Don't underestimate me," she hissed. "I will face you. You will leave Gawain alone."
"As you wish," said the knight, yielding. "I reside in the castle of Dietrid, a day and a half's distance from here on horseback through the Valley of Shadows. I will be waiting for you."
The crowd looked on in amazement as the knight seemed to talk to the air. However, they all heard the details of the challenge loud and clear.
"I'll be ready for you," she said, gazing the place where his eyes must be.
"You arrogant little fool," said the knight as he turned away. "You think you're doing this out of free will, but you're playing right into her hands. I will find pleasure in watching you fall."
The knight turned away and disappeared, leaving deathly silence behind him.
She stole a glance at Arthur. He was stunned. For a moment, he looked right at her, as if he could see her. There was regret in his eyes, she could tell. Did he know what she'd done?
He lowered his eyes and she realized he was just looking through her at the place where the knight once stood.
The room erupted, the shock overflowing and leaving nothing but chaos in its wake. Gwen took this moment to quietly sneak out of the room.
It was time to go. There was nothing left for her here.
Arthur,
When this reaches you, I don't know where I'll be, but it'll be far from here. I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you for I have done many despicable things. I should have just told you, but I didn't know how to react. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything to-I suppose not. You're a prince, after all. You can have anything.
I, on the other hand, am not so lucky. My name is Guinevere. I am a blacksmith's daughter. The only thing I could hope to become is a servant in your castle and I was fully prepared to become one. I still held out hope that I could become a knight. I wanted to protect people who have no one to defend them. I wanted to help make Camelot a safer place.
I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm asking you to understand why I did what I did. I wasn' t trying to harm you or your father. I made a deal with Prince Gwyddno. He's living in my house at the moment. You can have a word with him if you don't believe me. You two can have a long talk over smoked pheasant.
This is probably the last time I'll be able to say this, so I'll say it now. I hated you at first. You were nothing like the man I thought you'd grow to be. You were selfish and rude. You didn't seem to care about anyone but yourself. You snore like some wild animal (the walls are pretty thin).
As time went on, I realized you have a kind heart and you will become a great king, greater than your father. You're brave and courageous. You lead the army like a pro and are a wonderful teacher. And yes, you are incredibly handsome. You'll only hear it from me once, so it's safe to say.
I think I've fallen for you. In a big way. I didn't mean for it to happen. You were the last person I thought I could ever fall for, but I did. And it may be wishful thinking on my part, but while I was falling, I'd like to think you were falling right along with me.
You can tear up this letter if you would like. Use it for the fireplace if you'd like. In a few days, I will be nothing but a memory. All I ask is that, when I'm gone, you'll remember me for the good rather than the bad.
-Guinevere
Arthur put the letter down. He'd found it leaning against his pillow. The edges were still warm where her fingers had touched them and he could almost smell her on the paper.
He flopped onto his bed, not knowing what to think of the message and feeling drained from the days events. His heart was telling him to go after her, but a big part of him still stung from her betrayal.
"Get up."
Arthur raised an eyebrow into his pillow at the voice before sitting up in his bed.
"Merlin," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "What I have I told you about sneaking around in my room. There is nothing more terrifying-"
"We're going after her," Merlin said, reaching behind him to throw Arthur a pack.
"I don't know where you get off telling me what to do," Arthur said, still not moving. "And I don't know what you're talking about, Merlin. No one needs to be rescued."
"My God you're an idiot," Merlin seethed. "Gwen. Morgana and I are pretty sure she's gone off on her own to this castle out of some stupid need to be heroic. Sound familiar?"
"She?" Arthur asked, narrowing his yes suspiciously. "You mean both of you knew about her and didn't tell me?"
"Yes," Merlin said, refusing to deny it. "She's a kind person and I'm beginning to believe she's more than you could ever deserve."
"You can't hide something like this from me and then expect me to trust you," said Arthur. "How do I know you all aren't trying to fool me into getting myself killed?"
"If you knew how many times I've saved your life," Merlin said darkly, "You would think twice before you said anything to me about trust. "
"What the hell are you talking about, Merlin?" Arthur asked. "Why are you acting so strange?"
"It was my fault," said Merlin. "She was going to leave this place. I convinced her that you were still worth convincing. She must have seen something and come to you to plead for help. She's not reckless and wouldn't do something like this unless she felt she had to."
Arthur's heart sank as Merlin continued to glare at him.
"Well, she's a traitor," Arthur said, as if that settled the entire argument. "I don't care if she's your friend. She lied to me and my father. That's treason. She can go off and get herself killed for all I care-"
Merlin's fist was in his face before he could continue, returning the favor from earlier that morning.
"Do you know why she wanted to become a knight, Arthur?" Merlin asked, towering over him. "It was because of you."
Arthur, still reeling from the fact that Merlin had punched him, just listened in awed silence.
"She'd only seen you once before, which was why she didn't recognize you when she first showed up," Merlin continued. "But when she was nine …"
"Quit it!" Gwen called, jumping around helplessly. "That's mine!"
Three grown men had surrounded her, throwing her doll back and forth between them as she jumped and tried to reach it.
"You know," said one, catching the doll and admiring it. "This could actually be worth something! The face is pure porcelain. I think its dress may be spun with silk. We could melt the pieces and sell them!"
"Stop!" she said. "My mother gave that to me!"
"Your mother must have stolen it," said another, looking proud of himself. "From the looks of you, she was a two-bit whore-"
Gwen kicked the man in the shin as hard as she possibly could. The man cried out in pain and her doll flew into the air. She jumped up to catch it, but one of the other men jumped up and caught it before she could reach it.
"You little bitch!" he said once he recovered. He slapped her and she fell to the ground feeling the tears sting her eyes.
"Leave her alone."
There was a boy standing there, wearing a red tunic and white breeches, holding a sword in front of him. He was a teenager, she could tell.
"And what's a little boy like you going to do about it?" said the third who had been a silent observer.
They each reached for the swords at their waists.
"Two against one?" the boy asked. "That's hardly fair."
"There's three of us you idiot!"
The boy kicked one of them in the stomach and pressed down on his back with his elbow.
"You were saying?"
The two men were visibly shaken, but they weren't about to get beaten by a child.
They came at him, swords raised. He watched and waited. Gwen looked on in awe. She covered his eyes with her hands but couldn't help peaking between the cracks.
He kicked both swords out of their hands and caught them with one hand. The men still tried to rush at him, but he was more than a match for the two of them.
He dusted off his hands while the men groaned on the ground behind him. He knelt down and picked the doll of the ground.
"I believe this is yours?"
He handed her the doll and their hands touched for a brief moment. She looked up at him shyly.
"Thank you," she said. "That was really brave... but you really shouldn't put yourself in danger like that. It's stupid and you'll get yourself hurt."
"It's my job to protect people like you who can't fight back," he said, kneeling down so their faces were level. "Would you rather I had let them hurt you?"
"No," she admitted. "But how did you learn how to do all of this stuff? It was really cool!"
"It was cool, wasn't it?" The boy chuckled. "I'm training to be a knight of Camelot."
"Can I do that too?" she asked.
He hesitated for a moment before replying. "You're a girl. Right now, girls can't train to be knights."
Gwen looked like she was about to cry.
"Come here," he said, holding his arms out to her.
She sniffled and he held her in his arms.
"If you work hard you can do anything you want," he said. "Right now, you can't be a knight, but when I'm king, I'll change the rules so you can be one!"
She giggled. "You can't just become king, silly. You'd have to be a prince first."
"Prince Arthur!"
Arthur stood up as Leon approached, panting.
"Your father's been looking all over for you," he said, one he'd caught his breath.
"Try not to get into anymore trouble, okay?" Arthur said, touching her nose.
She watched as the prince and Leon ran away with a smile and a tiny blush on her cheeks.
"She's not evil," Merlin said, finishing his story. "I can't believe you would ever think that. I know she hurt you and she lied to you, but don't let her go to her death because of your pride!"
Arthur was stunned once more. He remembered her now, the cute little girl with the messy hair and the freckles. The first person he'd ever saved. The first person who'd made him feel like a hero.
He felt like he'd let her down.
"Let's go," Arthur said, standing up and grabbing the pack Merlin had prepared for him.
Merlin smiled and followed Arthur out the door. Arthur paused, turned around, and pointed a finger in Merlin's face.
"Punch me again for any reason at all and you die."
Merlin nodded vigorously, hardly hiding a smile.
Then, yet another fist landed on Arthur's jaw.
"Okay, that wasn't me," Merlin said, holding his hands up in defense.
This time, it was Lancelot that stood over him looking frighteningly angry.
"What did you say to her?" he said, growling. "She was going to leave this place behind. We were going to start a new life!"
"She?" Arthur looked up in agitation. "Did everyone know about this?"
"I don't know what she sees in you," Lancelot continued, ignoring him. "It doesn't matter anyway, she's gone."
"If only you'd come ten minutes ago," said Merlin who was nursing his wrist. "Then I wouldn't have had to punch him."
"No," said Arthur, standing up. "I suppose I deserved that."
He looked Lancelot up and down, sizing him up. "When she comes back, I'm going to have to get her another manservant. One with less prominent cheekbones."
Merlin grinned. "So you are letting her return, then?"
"I didn't say that," Arthur snapped. "Even if I do remember her, it doesn't change the fact that she practiced sorcery and lied. Even if it was for innocent purposes, she broke the law. I have to take all of these things into account after we rescue her."
Morgana ran down the hallway towards the, her dress rippling in the air.
"I can't believe you!" she said, rushing at Arthur, fist raised.
"We've taken care of it, Morgana," said Merlin, pointing towards Arthur's red cheek.
"Have you readied the horses, Merlin?" she asked, calming down a little. "She hasn't gone far. If we leave soon, we'll be able to catch up with her by the morning."
"How do you know?" Arthur asked her, narrowing his eyes.
"Does it really matter, Arthur?" she asked, aggravation evident in her cool tone. "I just knew this was your fault. If anything happens to her I swear I'll-"
"Don't worry," Arthur said, placing a hand on her shoulder to silence her. "We'll bring her back. But once we do, you two have quite a bit of explaining to do. There's some vital information I'm not privy to and I don't like it."
Morgana and Merlin looked at each other nervously.
"If we're facing what I think we're facing, I think you'll find out sooner than you think," said Merlin.
"We should head out before it becomes too late to travel," said Lancelot.
"Why are you coming?" Arthur asked.
"Because I love her," he said simply and unabashedly. "And when you decide her fate, I'm going to be here there to help her whether she becomes a knight or not."
He stared up at Arthur, daring him to say something else. To his surprise, the prince merely gave Lancelot a nod of respect before turning face all of them.
"Let's get our girl," he said.
Far away, in an obsidian castle, a woman looked into her rippling cauldron with delight. She watched as the four of them mounted their horses and rode off into the night.
She moved her hand and swiped the image clean, and another image rippled into view.
Gwen rode away on her white horse in the direction of the castle, her curls bouncing in rhythm with her horse. The woman reached into the caldron to touch her face, but the picture vanished.
"Lady Nimueh," the Green Knight said, bowing to her. "Everything is falling into place."
"So it is," she said, watching Gwen with delight. "So it is."
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148-158
A/N: The next chapter won't be up for quite some time. I'm starting my new job, so I won't have nearly enough time, but I'll try my best.
Please, please, please, don't forget to review if you have time. I love hearing what you guys think and I love that nifty review response thingamajig. It wasn't always here when I used to write under my other name and I love it! So please, let me know what you think. I tend to write faster when I know people are reading.
Anyways, sorry for the lack of Arwen in these last two chapters, but absence makes the heart stronger, as they say. Expect an Arwen EXPLOSION in the next few chapters. Eh. Maybe more like fireworks. Tee hee.
-Miki-hime
Author: Miki-hime
Rating: T, may change to M if I feel up to it.
Characters/Pairing: Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lancelot (in the beginning), Merlin/Freya, Merlin/Morgana
Word Count: 80,469 (Total)
Genre: AU, Adventure, Romance
Disclaimer: This is purely for fun, not for profit. Don't sue me, it's a waste of your time.
Summary: For Gwen, being a girl was hard enough. Being a girl pretending to be a man to get enlisted into the army? Impossible.
Author's Note: I've decided to make this 30 chapters instead of 40 because I don't want the story to drag on too long. I'm aiming for 120,000 words. If inspiration really hits, and soon, I'll make it 40 chapters. Any comment or review you can offer is greatly appreciated!
Such Stuff as Dreams are Made On
Gwen had never felt this empty before. Her body was a shell, her chest a vessel for the fragments of her emotions. It was as though her heart had shattered and the shards had been carried out with her tears.
She'd long since stopped crying and picked herself off of Arthur's cold floor. Her thighs were still numb and she stumbled while she walked, but she didn't care.
No one could see her.
She didn't even have to speak to her sword for it to make her invisible. Somehow it just knew. If it had been any other day, she would have been amazed but her heart couldn't muster up the feeling.
Arthur had ordered her to leave, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. In her heart, she still hadn't accepted that her dream was dead forever. She still held out hope that Arthur would see reason. She was a woman, yes, but there was no doubt she was an excellent fighter, on par with the rest of the recruits.
So, with that thought in her heart, she listlessly followed Arthur around the castle keeping a reasonable distance between them.
"MERLIN!" Arthur growled as Gwen followed him into his room. "You still have not prepared my clothes for the feast tonight. My bed is a mess and my swords need sharpening!"
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "What's got you all riled up? Got into a fight with your boyfriend-"
Gwen cringed as Arthur's hand connected with Merlin's cheek, wiping the smile off his face. She felt the room crackle with Merlin's magical energy, which she was just barely able to sense.
She walked over and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her hand to his wounded cheek.
Merlin froze and she could feel his anger quell.
"Don't talk to me about that despicable man," Arthur growled, staring down at him. "Just do what I ask. That's what you're here for after all."
"Yes master," Merlin said, slipping out of Gwen's hold and narrowing his eyes at him.
He angrily stalked past him, slamming the door behind him. Gwen had never seen him this angry and her heart reeled at the destruction her betrayal was causing.
Arthur kicked the sword that was leaning against his desk and scattered all the papers with his hands. He knocked over his dressing divider and threw the potted plant into his wall. It shattered into thousands of pieces against his wall.
Gwen rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He dropped his hands and slid out of her grasp, falling to his knees.
"How could he do this to me?" Arthur whispered.
Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead that were now sliding down his face, mimicking tears.
Gwen was immobilized above him. The tears in her eyes were real. She hated herself for wanting more from this man who she'd hurt so much. She didn't deserve to become a knight. She'd been wrong to think she should appeal to him for forgiveness. She deserved her punishment.
There was a hesitant knock on the door.
"Come in," Arthur said, standing up.
Gawain's handsome face poked through the door.
"Rough night?" he said, winking as he assessed the damage in the room. "Who's the lucky woman?"
His eyes scanned the room and landed on her. For one horrifying moment, she thought Gawain could see her, but he turned back to Arthur with the same silly grin.
"Fine, don't tell me." He leaned against the doorframe. "Your father wishes to see you. He's says he's sent servants all over the castle to search for Prince Gwyddno. He wants to know if you've heard from him."
Gwen stiffened.
"I'll be right there."
Arthur's voice suddenly sounded different. His back had straightened and there was almost no trace of the anguish in his voice. He had found his resolve.
"Poor Merlin," Gawain said, shaking his had as he looked around the room. "The boy may be slow-witted, but even he does not deserve this kind of treatment!"
He closed the door behind him.
Arthur waited a few moments before he stalked after him. Gwen had to walk twice as fast to keep up. The fear in her heart increased as they got closer to the council room.
The double doors opened as Arthur nodded to the guards. Gwen stopped just in front of the doors. She wanted to keep her distance from the explosion which was undoubtedly about to happen.
"Father," Arthur said, sounding as composed and confident as usual, "you require my presence?"
Uther sat on the throne, swirling red wine in a crystal goblet, the very vision of an idle king. However, despite all of Uther's tyranny, Gwen couldn't deny that he had more regality in his little finger than she had in her entire body.
"Have you seen the young prince?" Uther asked, getting straight to the point. "It's Gawain's birthday, if you recall. The prince should be in attendance at the feast. His father never could throw a decent one since his mother died."
"Father," Arthur said, after clearing his throat. "I think there's something you should know about Prince Gwyddno."
Gwen's breath caught in her throat suddenly. This was it. He was going to tell him and her life would never be the same again.
"He…" Arthur paused as though he was mulling it over. "He was called on a mission in Cameliard a few days ago and… he won't be back for another few days."
"Pity." Uther pressed the glass to his lips and took a long sip before continuing. "I wanted to give the boy something to brag about."
Gwen couldn't believe it. Arthur was giving her an out. Her heart lightened just a little. Her cover was not completely blown! She wouldn't have to be on the run for the rest of her life.
Arthur looked conflicted, but he seemed to have made up his mind about the matter.
"If he doesn't return in a few days," Arthur continued. "I think we should send a search party after him. I have a bad feeling…"
"Arthur, you know how I feel about that," Uther said, looking disgusted. "Leave things like that to Gaius. The boy is strong. However, if it will make you feel better, I suppose we could spare a few knights."
"Thank you father," Arthur said. "I shall take my leave."
"Be sure to look your best tonight," Uther said, smiling a little. "There will be many beautiful young girls there. It's still early yet, but you should at least let me know which ones you are interested in."
Gwen felt a twang of jealously in her heart, but it quelled when she realized she really didn't have the right to have a hold on Arthur any longer. He was a free man and she was a now a free woman. It was time to say her goodbyes.
When Arthur left the room, she did not follow him. Instead, she went to her own room, where Lancelot would no doubt be tidying up.
The sword tapped into her feelings again and the cloak of invisibility vanished around her. Lancelot looked up almost immediately.
"You have not been in your chambers all night, Gwyn," he said reproachfully. "Where have you gone?"
"That's not important right now," Gwen said. "I will not be Gwyn for much longer. I must go. I don't know where I'll be heading. Maybe home. Maybe in the forests with the elves or the faeries."
"Come live with me," Lancelot said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I'll take care of you. I don't make much money, but I make enough to provide for you. It won't be what you're used to."
"I can't," she said sadly. "I can't go back to that kind of life now that I've had a taste of this one. I want to learn. I want to fight. I want to protect. If I can't do it as a knight, I'll do it on my own."
"Then I'll come with you," he insisted. "I'll follow you wherever you go. We can do it together."
He leaned in to touch her cheek. She backed away and he dropped his hand.
"Lancelot," she said firmly, looking him straight in the eye. "I refuse to be cruel to you. Even though I must sever my ties with Arthur, I still have feelings for him. It would be wrong for us to be anything more than friends when we both know this."
"I understand," he said, sighing. "I can't help that I still love you. I fear I always will, no matter what happens. I don't care if you don't feel the same way. If traveling with you means I can be near you, then I will. And maybe, one day, you can grow to love me too."
"Lancelot-"
He reached out to touch her cheek and, this time, she let him.
"I know I've hurt you," he said, running his finger over her cheek, "but you've returned the favor a thousand times over. I have to watch him look at you. I have to watch him touch you, and you touch him. Haven't you tortured me enough, Gwyn?"
"It's Gwen," she said, removing his hand and holding it in her palm. "It's Gwen, now."
They stood there in the middle of the room for a moment, his hand in hers.
The door opened and Gwen released his hand immediately, prompting her sword to cloak her once more.
It was Elaine. She stood there, cheeks flushed, looking just as innocent and beautiful as ever.
"Oh!" she said, smiling as she caught sight of Lancelot. "I didn't know you'd be here this early."
Gwen couldn't help giving the girl a swift once over. She wanted to hate her. After all, she was the woman Arthur had almost-slept-with. However, when she saw the way the woman looked at Lancelot, she couldn't help but smile.
She was Morgana's clothing in a basket in her hand. It was obvious she knew Lancelot would be in the room. She had no business being there otherwise.
"Well, now that you're here," she said, smiling, "would you mind helping me sweep the main corridor. I was supposed to ask Winfrey, but she's really lazy and does an poor job of it every time."
"Well," Lancelot began to say. Gwen gave him a gentle nudge in Elaine's direction, "I don't really have much to do here. I suppose I'll come when I've finished."
"Excellent," she said, looking delighted. "I'll be waiting."
She rushed out of the room and Gwen became visible again.
"She seems lovely," Gwen said, smiling.
"I know what you're thinking," Lancelot said, narrowing his eyes at her. "You can't just push me in the direction of another woman. I'm coming with you. I'll meet you at the stables at sunset."
"Alright," she said.
She watched him as he left the room. If this woman could make Lancelot happy, then Gwen was not going to try to stand in her way. She could no longer remember the anger she felt at him. Her heart would always beat a little faster when he was near, but the feelings the reaction was nothing compared to the feelings she'd once felt for the man.
He deserved to be happy and she had no intention of meeting him at sunset. By then, she'd already be gone.
She went to Arthur's room and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized he wasn't there. Instead, it was Merlin who was muttering under his breath and scrubbing the floor vigorously.
"Merlin," she said softly. "I've come to say goodbye. This may be the last time I ever see you. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me thus far."
Merlin looked up and Gwen had to stop herself from giggling. He had soapsuds all over his face. It lightened her heart considerably.
"What on Earth do you mean?" Merlin said.
"Arthur's found out about me, Merlin." She wiped her eyes as the tears were coming back. "I'm pretty sure he never wants to speak to me again. I don't blame him, really. I'm horrible."
"Hey," Merlin said, soothingly. He stood up and enveloped her in his arms. "Why would you say a thing like that. You know it's not true."
"You didn't hear the way he spoke to me," she said, her voice muffled by his layers of clothing. "He was so angry. I hardly recognized him. I mean, I knew this day would come, but I never estimated just how horrible it would make me feel in the end."
"You can't just give up now after all you've been through, Gwen," Merlin said, holding her even tighter. "Arthur loves you, even though he doesn't know it yet."
"I doubt that," she said skeptically. "He hates me."
"He can see you, Gwen," he said, moving back so he could see her at arms length. "Arthur does not have an once of magic in his blood so it could only mean that he loves you. He wouldn't be so angry otherwise and I doubt you'd still be here."
"He doesn't know me," she said, wiping her tears and feeling very much like a child. "Even if he did love me, he doesn't any more. He fell in love with someone that was never real."
"I wish you'd just listen to me, but you're just as hard headed as Arthur!" Merlin claimed in exasperation. "I just know that you can't give up. You must make him see reason if you really care about your dream."
"I care about Arthur more," she said, realizing it as the words came out of her mouth. "I can't ask anything more of him."
Merlin couldn't argue with that. Instead he sighed, holding his hands up in defeat.
"Keep him safe," she said, kissing him on the cheek.
"I will even if I don't want to," he said, rolling his eyes. "You must do the same for yourself."
"I will," she said, tears shining in her eyes again. "Goodbye Merlin. You and Arthur are going to do great things one day, I'm sure of it. No matter what happens, I have the utmost faith in you."
"I won't say goodbye," Merlin said stubbornly. "I have faith in you too and I know you're stronger than this. You'll be back."
She walked away without looking back, feeling less resolved than she had a few moments ago.
In her hurry to leave, she bumped into Morgana's shoulder and images upon images began to flow through her head. Gawain at the feast being confronted by a knight in bright green armor and angrily accepting the challenge on behalf of his sister. Gawain riding to a dark, marble castle alone. Gawain being surrounded by five knights in different colored armor.
It was the final image of the knight bleeding out on the ground that alarmed her the most.
Morgana stopped and began looking around. She must have felt the images being transferred.
Gwen tried to calm down, but couldn't get the image of Gawain out of her head. Did Morgana know what was going to happen? Or was she the only one who had seen it?
Judging by the look on Morgana's face, she didn't know what had just transpired.
Gwen took off running. One thing was absolutely certain. She had to find Arthur. This wasn't just about her anymore. Gawain's life was in danger.
She ran out of the castle and to the training grounds where she saw Arthur practicing his swordsmanship. His form was sloppy, a rookie mistake. She could tell he was still angry.
Taking a deep breath, she willed the cloak to disappear, revealing herself to him in the dull glow of the setting sun. She didn't have much time.
"Arthur," she said.
Her turned to face her and immediately tensed when he realized just who was standing before him.
"Why are you still here?" he asked after a moment.
He started to swing his sword around again, childishly and she blew the hair out of her face in exasperation.
"Will you stop acting like a child for one moment and listen to me!" she exclaimed. "I have to tell you something important."
"There's nothing you could possibly tell me that could compel me to listen to you," he said, still refusing to stop. "I told you to leave this place."
"Gawain is in trouble," she said, resisting the urge to retort in anger. "Tonight at the feast, Freya will be kidnapped. A knight in green armor will challenge him. Gawain will be killed if he leaves this castle. You have to help me-"
"I am done with you," he said, surprising her with the venom in his voice. "I won't help you do anything anymore. You're dead to me."
His words were yet another arrow in her heart and she had to take a few moments to recover from them.
"This isn't about me!" she shouted. "This is about Gawain. If you love your cousin, you must put a stop to it."
"I don't believe you," he said, narrowing his eyes.
"Please, Arthur, I'm begging you," she said, softening a bit. "I don't want him to get hurt. I'm sure you don't want him to either. You're a prince, Arthur. You have to put whatever feelings you have to put away whatever feelings he have towards me and perform your duty-"
"Get out," he hissed. "You've saved my life once before. That is the only reason I haven't dealt with you myself. If I see you in the castle or Camelot again, I'll have you locked in the dungeons and my father will decide your fate."
He left her alone in the training grounds. She stood there for a few moments, feeling dejected and hurt at his words. He was lost to her, in some place she couldn't reach and it was time for her to let him go.
"Goodbye, Arthur," she whispered to the wind.
It was all up to her now. She would save Gawain or die trying.
The feast was a spectacular event. Arthur had never seen the place look so vibrant. He knew his father was doing it to show off, but it was still very impressive nonetheless.
His eyes centered on Gawain, the star of the evening. He was drinking ale by the gallon it seemed. Arthur was always jealous of his tolerance. The knights always referred to him as "one pint Pendragon".
The lightheartedness of the evening made him feel reassured. Freya had just stepped out, but he hadn't seen any "Green Knight" lurking around. He had made the right decision after all. The woman was probably trying to draw him into some kind of trap.
Even as he was saying it, he felt a twinge of regret. She had looked so pained when he'd insulted her, so earnest when pleading for his help. He'd almost foolishly believed her.
Though she was now a woman, he recognized some of Gwyn's trademark characteristics in her face and demeanor. She had the same texture of hair, the same tanned skin, the same smattering of freckles. She had also retained that ability to make him second-guess himself.
She was pretty, too. Not just her face or her body, even. Hers was a beauty that seemed to radiate from within and enhanced the way his eyes viewed her.
Not that this mattered at any rate. She was a traitor. She was wrong and he wouldn't think about her any longer.
"Where's Gwyn?" Morgana asked from her position beside him. "Shouldn't he be here?"
So much for that.
"Morgana," he said, rolling his eyes. "I've already told you. He's been called away."
"What did you say to him?" Morgana said, narrowing her eyes.
Arthur gawked. "Why is it always my fault!"
"I can tell when you're lying," she answered, eyes still narrowed. "Your eye twitches."
"You just made that up!"
As the two continued to argue, the girl in question slipped into the room with ease, keeping her eyes out for a flash of green. She snuck around the tables and stood right behind Gawain and ran over her plan in her head several times whist fingering the vial in her pocket in her nervousness.
This was a suicide mission, she was sure. There was no way she could face off the five knights that had ambushed Gawain in her vision. She was confident in the skills she'd learned so far, but she was not powerful to hold them off.
Instead of Gawain, it would be her bleeding out into the ground. No one else had to get hurt.
She pulled the vial out of her pocket and poured a few drops in Gawain's goblet, watching with a grim sort of satisfaction as he downed the glass.
Just then, the sound of shattering glass resounded in the room. The knights stood up and unsheathed their swords, standing in front of the table where their king was seated.
The room got deathly silent as a knight with green armor and a gigantic green axe dismounted his horse and stood imposingly in front of them. He removed his gauntlet and threw it on the ground with a resounding clang.
"Gawain!" he said, his voice booming through the large room. "I have taken your sister, Freya. If you wish her returned to you safe and sound, you will accept my challenge."
The knights opened a path for Gawain and he began to walk forward. Within in seconds, he began to sway and finally fell backwards in Sir Leon's arms.
Gwen knew she only had a few seconds. She jumped over the table and rushed in front of the knights, still cloaked in invisibility. She willed the sword to make her visible and audible only to the green knight and stood before him. The magic she'd been using that day began to take a toll on her body and her legs felt like lead as she approached him
She picked up the gauntlet and stared up at the knight, pushing her fear back into the recesses of her mind.
"I will take the challenge in Sir Gawain's place," she said unwaveringly, tucking the gauntlet into her pouch.
"You?" the knight asked. "I could crush you in an instant."
"Don't underestimate me," she hissed. "I will face you. You will leave Gawain alone."
"As you wish," said the knight, yielding. "I reside in the castle of Dietrid, a day and a half's distance from here on horseback through the Valley of Shadows. I will be waiting for you."
The crowd looked on in amazement as the knight seemed to talk to the air. However, they all heard the details of the challenge loud and clear.
"I'll be ready for you," she said, gazing the place where his eyes must be.
"You arrogant little fool," said the knight as he turned away. "You think you're doing this out of free will, but you're playing right into her hands. I will find pleasure in watching you fall."
The knight turned away and disappeared, leaving deathly silence behind him.
She stole a glance at Arthur. He was stunned. For a moment, he looked right at her, as if he could see her. There was regret in his eyes, she could tell. Did he know what she'd done?
He lowered his eyes and she realized he was just looking through her at the place where the knight once stood.
The room erupted, the shock overflowing and leaving nothing but chaos in its wake. Gwen took this moment to quietly sneak out of the room.
It was time to go. There was nothing left for her here.
Arthur,
When this reaches you, I don't know where I'll be, but it'll be far from here. I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you for I have done many despicable things. I should have just told you, but I didn't know how to react. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything to-I suppose not. You're a prince, after all. You can have anything.
I, on the other hand, am not so lucky. My name is Guinevere. I am a blacksmith's daughter. The only thing I could hope to become is a servant in your castle and I was fully prepared to become one. I still held out hope that I could become a knight. I wanted to protect people who have no one to defend them. I wanted to help make Camelot a safer place.
I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm asking you to understand why I did what I did. I wasn' t trying to harm you or your father. I made a deal with Prince Gwyddno. He's living in my house at the moment. You can have a word with him if you don't believe me. You two can have a long talk over smoked pheasant.
This is probably the last time I'll be able to say this, so I'll say it now. I hated you at first. You were nothing like the man I thought you'd grow to be. You were selfish and rude. You didn't seem to care about anyone but yourself. You snore like some wild animal (the walls are pretty thin).
As time went on, I realized you have a kind heart and you will become a great king, greater than your father. You're brave and courageous. You lead the army like a pro and are a wonderful teacher. And yes, you are incredibly handsome. You'll only hear it from me once, so it's safe to say.
I think I've fallen for you. In a big way. I didn't mean for it to happen. You were the last person I thought I could ever fall for, but I did. And it may be wishful thinking on my part, but while I was falling, I'd like to think you were falling right along with me.
You can tear up this letter if you would like. Use it for the fireplace if you'd like. In a few days, I will be nothing but a memory. All I ask is that, when I'm gone, you'll remember me for the good rather than the bad.
-Guinevere
Arthur put the letter down. He'd found it leaning against his pillow. The edges were still warm where her fingers had touched them and he could almost smell her on the paper.
He flopped onto his bed, not knowing what to think of the message and feeling drained from the days events. His heart was telling him to go after her, but a big part of him still stung from her betrayal.
"Get up."
Arthur raised an eyebrow into his pillow at the voice before sitting up in his bed.
"Merlin," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "What I have I told you about sneaking around in my room. There is nothing more terrifying-"
"We're going after her," Merlin said, reaching behind him to throw Arthur a pack.
"I don't know where you get off telling me what to do," Arthur said, still not moving. "And I don't know what you're talking about, Merlin. No one needs to be rescued."
"My God you're an idiot," Merlin seethed. "Gwen. Morgana and I are pretty sure she's gone off on her own to this castle out of some stupid need to be heroic. Sound familiar?"
"She?" Arthur asked, narrowing his yes suspiciously. "You mean both of you knew about her and didn't tell me?"
"Yes," Merlin said, refusing to deny it. "She's a kind person and I'm beginning to believe she's more than you could ever deserve."
"You can't hide something like this from me and then expect me to trust you," said Arthur. "How do I know you all aren't trying to fool me into getting myself killed?"
"If you knew how many times I've saved your life," Merlin said darkly, "You would think twice before you said anything to me about trust. "
"What the hell are you talking about, Merlin?" Arthur asked. "Why are you acting so strange?"
"It was my fault," said Merlin. "She was going to leave this place. I convinced her that you were still worth convincing. She must have seen something and come to you to plead for help. She's not reckless and wouldn't do something like this unless she felt she had to."
Arthur's heart sank as Merlin continued to glare at him.
"Well, she's a traitor," Arthur said, as if that settled the entire argument. "I don't care if she's your friend. She lied to me and my father. That's treason. She can go off and get herself killed for all I care-"
Merlin's fist was in his face before he could continue, returning the favor from earlier that morning.
"Do you know why she wanted to become a knight, Arthur?" Merlin asked, towering over him. "It was because of you."
Arthur, still reeling from the fact that Merlin had punched him, just listened in awed silence.
"She'd only seen you once before, which was why she didn't recognize you when she first showed up," Merlin continued. "But when she was nine …"
"Quit it!" Gwen called, jumping around helplessly. "That's mine!"
Three grown men had surrounded her, throwing her doll back and forth between them as she jumped and tried to reach it.
"You know," said one, catching the doll and admiring it. "This could actually be worth something! The face is pure porcelain. I think its dress may be spun with silk. We could melt the pieces and sell them!"
"Stop!" she said. "My mother gave that to me!"
"Your mother must have stolen it," said another, looking proud of himself. "From the looks of you, she was a two-bit whore-"
Gwen kicked the man in the shin as hard as she possibly could. The man cried out in pain and her doll flew into the air. She jumped up to catch it, but one of the other men jumped up and caught it before she could reach it.
"You little bitch!" he said once he recovered. He slapped her and she fell to the ground feeling the tears sting her eyes.
"Leave her alone."
There was a boy standing there, wearing a red tunic and white breeches, holding a sword in front of him. He was a teenager, she could tell.
"And what's a little boy like you going to do about it?" said the third who had been a silent observer.
They each reached for the swords at their waists.
"Two against one?" the boy asked. "That's hardly fair."
"There's three of us you idiot!"
The boy kicked one of them in the stomach and pressed down on his back with his elbow.
"You were saying?"
The two men were visibly shaken, but they weren't about to get beaten by a child.
They came at him, swords raised. He watched and waited. Gwen looked on in awe. She covered his eyes with her hands but couldn't help peaking between the cracks.
He kicked both swords out of their hands and caught them with one hand. The men still tried to rush at him, but he was more than a match for the two of them.
He dusted off his hands while the men groaned on the ground behind him. He knelt down and picked the doll of the ground.
"I believe this is yours?"
He handed her the doll and their hands touched for a brief moment. She looked up at him shyly.
"Thank you," she said. "That was really brave... but you really shouldn't put yourself in danger like that. It's stupid and you'll get yourself hurt."
"It's my job to protect people like you who can't fight back," he said, kneeling down so their faces were level. "Would you rather I had let them hurt you?"
"No," she admitted. "But how did you learn how to do all of this stuff? It was really cool!"
"It was cool, wasn't it?" The boy chuckled. "I'm training to be a knight of Camelot."
"Can I do that too?" she asked.
He hesitated for a moment before replying. "You're a girl. Right now, girls can't train to be knights."
Gwen looked like she was about to cry.
"Come here," he said, holding his arms out to her.
She sniffled and he held her in his arms.
"If you work hard you can do anything you want," he said. "Right now, you can't be a knight, but when I'm king, I'll change the rules so you can be one!"
She giggled. "You can't just become king, silly. You'd have to be a prince first."
"Prince Arthur!"
Arthur stood up as Leon approached, panting.
"Your father's been looking all over for you," he said, one he'd caught his breath.
"Try not to get into anymore trouble, okay?" Arthur said, touching her nose.
She watched as the prince and Leon ran away with a smile and a tiny blush on her cheeks.
"She's not evil," Merlin said, finishing his story. "I can't believe you would ever think that. I know she hurt you and she lied to you, but don't let her go to her death because of your pride!"
Arthur was stunned once more. He remembered her now, the cute little girl with the messy hair and the freckles. The first person he'd ever saved. The first person who'd made him feel like a hero.
He felt like he'd let her down.
"Let's go," Arthur said, standing up and grabbing the pack Merlin had prepared for him.
Merlin smiled and followed Arthur out the door. Arthur paused, turned around, and pointed a finger in Merlin's face.
"Punch me again for any reason at all and you die."
Merlin nodded vigorously, hardly hiding a smile.
Then, yet another fist landed on Arthur's jaw.
"Okay, that wasn't me," Merlin said, holding his hands up in defense.
This time, it was Lancelot that stood over him looking frighteningly angry.
"What did you say to her?" he said, growling. "She was going to leave this place behind. We were going to start a new life!"
"She?" Arthur looked up in agitation. "Did everyone know about this?"
"I don't know what she sees in you," Lancelot continued, ignoring him. "It doesn't matter anyway, she's gone."
"If only you'd come ten minutes ago," said Merlin who was nursing his wrist. "Then I wouldn't have had to punch him."
"No," said Arthur, standing up. "I suppose I deserved that."
He looked Lancelot up and down, sizing him up. "When she comes back, I'm going to have to get her another manservant. One with less prominent cheekbones."
Merlin grinned. "So you are letting her return, then?"
"I didn't say that," Arthur snapped. "Even if I do remember her, it doesn't change the fact that she practiced sorcery and lied. Even if it was for innocent purposes, she broke the law. I have to take all of these things into account after we rescue her."
Morgana ran down the hallway towards the, her dress rippling in the air.
"I can't believe you!" she said, rushing at Arthur, fist raised.
"We've taken care of it, Morgana," said Merlin, pointing towards Arthur's red cheek.
"Have you readied the horses, Merlin?" she asked, calming down a little. "She hasn't gone far. If we leave soon, we'll be able to catch up with her by the morning."
"How do you know?" Arthur asked her, narrowing his eyes.
"Does it really matter, Arthur?" she asked, aggravation evident in her cool tone. "I just knew this was your fault. If anything happens to her I swear I'll-"
"Don't worry," Arthur said, placing a hand on her shoulder to silence her. "We'll bring her back. But once we do, you two have quite a bit of explaining to do. There's some vital information I'm not privy to and I don't like it."
Morgana and Merlin looked at each other nervously.
"If we're facing what I think we're facing, I think you'll find out sooner than you think," said Merlin.
"We should head out before it becomes too late to travel," said Lancelot.
"Why are you coming?" Arthur asked.
"Because I love her," he said simply and unabashedly. "And when you decide her fate, I'm going to be here there to help her whether she becomes a knight or not."
He stared up at Arthur, daring him to say something else. To his surprise, the prince merely gave Lancelot a nod of respect before turning face all of them.
"Let's get our girl," he said.
Far away, in an obsidian castle, a woman looked into her rippling cauldron with delight. She watched as the four of them mounted their horses and rode off into the night.
She moved her hand and swiped the image clean, and another image rippled into view.
Gwen rode away on her white horse in the direction of the castle, her curls bouncing in rhythm with her horse. The woman reached into the caldron to touch her face, but the picture vanished.
"Lady Nimueh," the Green Knight said, bowing to her. "Everything is falling into place."
"So it is," she said, watching Gwen with delight. "So it is."
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148-158
A/N: The next chapter won't be up for quite some time. I'm starting my new job, so I won't have nearly enough time, but I'll try my best.
Please, please, please, don't forget to review if you have time. I love hearing what you guys think and I love that nifty review response thingamajig. It wasn't always here when I used to write under my other name and I love it! So please, let me know what you think. I tend to write faster when I know people are reading.
Anyways, sorry for the lack of Arwen in these last two chapters, but absence makes the heart stronger, as they say. Expect an Arwen EXPLOSION in the next few chapters. Eh. Maybe more like fireworks. Tee hee.
-Miki-hime