[Fic] Stop
Title: Stop
Author: mikhaella23
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Akame, Kokame, TaNaka
Genre: Angst (moderate…?),Romance
Disclaimer: nope...don't own them... XC
Summary: love square…too much pain…too much suffering…i can't take it makes me wish I was numb…you’re happy but not with me…it makes me wish I was blind…
Warnings: Shounen-ai. My muse just came back…it’s not good…but I guess it’s okay…too much usage of the word stop…un-beta’ed
READ A/N!
A/N: This is just a result of reading akirashock04 ’s angst fics and brighterlove ’s disappearance…my brain just worked for some reason…I’m just plain weird… =_=” oh! This is written in their POVS and the author’s POV…it’s only their thought though…it’s quite complicated…but I think it would be interesting…so…yeap…first time having kokame as a side pairing…never been a fan of lovey-dovey kokame…sorry…
Guide:
Jin- Red
Kame- green
Koki- blue
Maru- purple
All 4- pink
ME! And the actual things they said- black
Just for the heck of it…I thought it would be really cool if I have multiple colors…XDDDD
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
KAT-TUN eating yakiniku…
Jin just couldn’t help but stare at Kame, his bestfriend and the person he loves the most. He is sitting beside his lover, Koki, smiling happily while chatting with him.
Stop…stop…please stop…stop smiling at him…
It hurts…please…
Stop…stop holding his hands…
Please…it’s too painful…knowing you’re not mine…
It’s too much to see…
Stop…I can’t take it anymore…
I know you love him…but…I love you…
I know it’s wrong…but I just can’t stop it…
I’ve loved you all these years…but why can’t you see that?
Stop it. Please…stop looking at him…it makes me wish that I was him…
Jin went back to talking to Ueda when Kame looked at him cause Koki turned to Yuichi.
Stop…stop smiling like that…it will me make me fall for you more…
Stop…please stop…stop being jolly with them…it’s making me jealous…
I know I don’t have the right to…but I can’t help it…I love you too much…
Stop, please stop…stop looking at them like that…it hurts…so much…knowing we could never be the same…
I love you…but you’re so unfair…leaving me…
He looked at Koki…
Koki…
He never left me…
He was there when you left…
He was there when my world came crashing down…
He loved me with all his heart…
But why?
I can’t love him…
I tried…so hard…but I just couldn’t…
I’m happy he doesn’t see through my fake smiles…
I don’t deserve him…
How? How can I love you when I’m with him…
He gave me everything…but I just couldn’t do the same…
I love you…way too much…
I can’t let you go…
You have my heart with you…even when you don’t know you took it…
Jin and Kame’s eyes met accidentally. They just smiled and nodded at each other.
Stop…stop looking at me like that…
You always make me fall with those eyes…
Those beautiful deep, brown orbs always take me to another world…
A world that I have always dreamed of…but impossible to have…
Stop…please stop…
Why are you so cruel? Making me fall like that…
I could be happy with someone else…but it’s you my heart is longing for…
Why? Why can’t I say goodbye to you?
Ah! Stupid me...I know the reason…I know it all along…
I love you…so much…
You make me forget about everything with just one smile…
I tried…really, I tried…
I tried to let you go…but when I see you again…all my courage would come crashing down…
And I…I would be left in the darkness again…
Koki saw them…
Stop…stop looking at him like that…
I know I can see it clearly…I know you love him…
It’s okay already! I can see your eyes screaming ‘I love you JIN!’…so please…lower the volume down…
I don’t want to hear it…
You’re with me…but why can’t I be happy?
Oh yeah…you love him…not me…
I’m supposed to let you go…let you be happy with him…
I know…he loves you back…
But I’m also his friend…he doesn’t want to break my heart…
It’s ironic…
You’re with me…I’m hurt…
You’re with him…I’m hurt…
But in the first situation…you’re hurt, I’m hurt, he’s hurt…
But it in the second one…you’re happy, he’s happy, I’m hurt…
The second sounds better but what can I do? I’m selfish when it comes to you…
He deserves you…
He can be selfless for you…
He can sacrifice himself for you…
I can do that…I can sacrifice for you…
But I just can’t let you go…not now…
I’m still happy…
Please stop…stop looking at each other…
Stop longing for each other…it hurts…
While Koki is looking at them…Yuichi…is hurting silently…
Stop…stop looking at him…
I know you love him…but please stop…
Every time you do that…it makes me wish that I was him…
WHY? Why can’t you let him go?
He doesn’t love you like I do…
Please…choose me…love me…
But I can’t force myself on you…
In your eyes, he’s the only one deserving of your love…
But can’t you see…he doesn’t feel the same…
He loves Jin…
Jin is everything for him…
Let him go…
Be with me…
If you’re with me, you won’t be hurt…
I promise…I’ll protect you…
But it will still be him, right?
There’s nothing I can do about it…
I can just watch…
You’ll continue loving him…he’ll continue loving him, you know he loves him back…and I…I’ll continue loving you…even though it hurts so bad...
They deserve to be happy…
You know it’s true…but you’re too selfish to let him go…
I love you…I’ve loved you all along…why can’t you see that?
Why can’t you be happy with me?
They continue eating, thinking of what might have been, what should’ve been, what could’ve been…
Too much pain…
Too much suffering…
I can’t take it…
It makes me wanna wish I was numb…
You’re happy…
But not with me…
It makes me wish I was blind…
When will this end?
It’s too much…my heart can’t take it anymore…
Stop…stop loving him…
It's unfair...
His pain is my pain...
His happiness is also my pain...
Stop...please stop...i don't want to be left in tears anymore...
I'm too tired...please...help me stop...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**
Kame excused himself from the table but before he could leave, Koki grabbed his wrist and smile at him. He kissed Koki on the cheek.
Stop…I know you love each other…you don’t have to show me…
Stop…stop…it makes me long for those soft lips…
Those sweet kisses that I know aren’t for me…
Please stop…it’s too painful…
Jin excused himself from the table too. Koki got suspicious so minutes after Jin left he followed. He saw Jin enter the toilet. Koki just stayed outside and listened to the things happening inside.
This will be the last time…I promise…
I’ll stop loving you…
Everything will be the way it should be…
I’ll finally be happy…
I just don’t want to regret anything…
I just want you know how I feel…
After that…
I promise…
I’ll stay away and leave you be…
Kame was washing his hands when he saw Jin behind him.
Jin…
Stop…stop staring at me like that…
It makes wanna hug you and leave Koki…
Why? Why are your eyes filled with sorrow?
Regret?
Longing?
Don’t…I can’t leave him…I don’t want to hurt him…
He loves me…
Please…I don’t want to think that the reason is me when I know I am not…
Just one last time…
I’ll forget about you after this…
“Kame…” he started. Kame hesistantly turns to look at Jin.
“I just don’t want to regret something.” He leaned down and placed a soft peck on Kame’s lips.
He stared at Kame, who looked at him with a shocked expression.
“I’ve loved all these years, Kame…but seeing you don’t feel the same, I kept it from you, thinking that it is better to love you from inside my heart. I want to be happy. Just for once, I want to be happy, forget about you and start anew. It’s gonna be hard but It’s just too much for me...”By now tears are continuously running down his cheeks. “Be happy with him.” He peck Kame’s forehead and went out the door and out of Kame’s life.
It’s done…I can finally move on…
I’ll forget about him…
But why?
Why do my tears keep on falling?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inside the Men’s room, Kame released the tears he’s been trying so hard to suppress.
Why? Why now?
Please don’t…don’t move on…
Not now…not now that I know you feel the same way I do…
Please stop…I can’t live without you…
He laughed bitterly…
I can’t leave him…
I wanted to stop you from leaving but…
What about him?
I can’t leave him…
I want to be selfish but…
I just can’t hurt him…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
( part 2... )