God is so amazing
God is so amazing! He is more faithful than anyone could ever imagine. He is always there, never ever letting us down. He never ignores us when we cry out to Him. I was broken, torn and tattered. my world was torn apart. i came to a point when i was totally lost. i was about to give up on something that would have thrown me completely off of the track that God has set for me. but i was still holding on. it was sooo hard. but i still persisted. just as i was about to slip, i went to my parents. my mom had dealt with similar issues as i have been dealing with (check last journal entry) and she was there for me to offer her advice. the final piece of advice that she gave was to go in my room and spend some time with God, crying out to Him and asking Him the tough stuff. to cry out to Him and not stop until i knew what God wanted me to do. so that is what i did. i ran up to my room and completely lost it. weeping like i havent done in years. completely laden, i was finally letting it all out. all of the pain, the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty, the doubt, all of it came out. i cried out to Him, completely broken before Him. in agony i poured out my heart. i asked the question that i needed to ask. it was hard, because i was afraid of the answer. it could have been really good, or it could have been the one thing that i absolutely did not want. but i went to Him, i knew this was the only way to stop this pain. i finally asked Him the question i had been dreading to ask Him, willing to accept whatever answer He gave. then i waited. lying in my bed i waited. then, after i dont know how long, i heard something. "Go and grab your Bible off of your desk and open it up, your answer will be in there." so that is what i did, trembling i opened up my Bible at random, and my eyes were drawn to a particular verse in Matthew. it knew that it was God. it was the answer that i had hoped for, but it had some attachments behind it. there was some stuff that i have to do on my part in order to have everything be all better. and i am currently taking care of that (pray for me in that by the way). i am getting better.
then, i started to doubt what He had told me. Satan started playing the game that he had gotten so good at in me the past month: making me doubt what i know to be true, what i hold dear. so i went before God again. this time i played a card i had never played before and wasnt even sure if i was "allowed" to play. i said to God, "if this is what you want, if what you said was true, then put this song (i was very specific in the song) on the radio when i am driving today." now, i dont know how much that pleased God. i was kind of like a doubting thomas, in order to believe God, i needed absolute proof that what i heard was from Him. He may not have preferred to do it this way, but boy did He pull through. i got in my car, and the radio was turned to 106.9, a radio station that i never listen to. my dad listens to it and he was the last person to drive the car and he had it on that station and forgot to turn it back. now, the song i wanted to hear is only played on that station. i knew that this would have to be from God if i heard it because i said that i was not going to change the radio to that station, God would have to work that out. and He did. that was the first thing. then i was going to get a job application on the way home, but for some reason i felt like i shouldnt. so i just went straight home. then, at the time when i would have been in the place getting an application, i heard a voice on the radio. it said this, "our normal dj is not in right now, so we will not be taking any requests like we normally do, but we will try to really play songs that apply to your heart and show you the right path to follow." then, the song came on. WOW!! it was like, i get it God; i know this is what you want for me. not only did He pull through on the whole song thing, He blew it out of the water. it was then that i finally believed Him. i was finally able to tune out Satan and believe the one who loves me. finally i had all i needed to come out of this funk. this all happened on sunday and monday, i love those days.
GOD, YOUR SO AMAZING. YOU NEVER LET YOUR CRYING CHILDREN DOWN. EVEN IF IT IS AN ANSWER WE DIDNT WANT, IT IS STILL THE BEST ANSWER. GOD, I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING YOU. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO, SHOWING ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR ME, BEYOND ALL DOUBT. I DONT THINK ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CAN DOUBT IF THAT WAS FROM YOU AND JUST SAY IT WAS A COINCIDENCE. I KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT FOR ME. I KNOW IT I KNOW IT I KNOW IT!!!! GOD, THANK YOU FOR GRIPPING MY HAND AND PULLING ME OUT OF THE SLIMMY PIT WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT (PSALM 40). GOD, YOU ARE AMAZING.
thank you guys who were praying for me. i needed it, and still do. im not done yet. i still have to carry through on what God said, and Satan is still trying to attack me with doubt. please continue to pray for me, but it looks like times will continue to get better. thanks.
Much LOVE in Christ,
Mike
then, i started to doubt what He had told me. Satan started playing the game that he had gotten so good at in me the past month: making me doubt what i know to be true, what i hold dear. so i went before God again. this time i played a card i had never played before and wasnt even sure if i was "allowed" to play. i said to God, "if this is what you want, if what you said was true, then put this song (i was very specific in the song) on the radio when i am driving today." now, i dont know how much that pleased God. i was kind of like a doubting thomas, in order to believe God, i needed absolute proof that what i heard was from Him. He may not have preferred to do it this way, but boy did He pull through. i got in my car, and the radio was turned to 106.9, a radio station that i never listen to. my dad listens to it and he was the last person to drive the car and he had it on that station and forgot to turn it back. now, the song i wanted to hear is only played on that station. i knew that this would have to be from God if i heard it because i said that i was not going to change the radio to that station, God would have to work that out. and He did. that was the first thing. then i was going to get a job application on the way home, but for some reason i felt like i shouldnt. so i just went straight home. then, at the time when i would have been in the place getting an application, i heard a voice on the radio. it said this, "our normal dj is not in right now, so we will not be taking any requests like we normally do, but we will try to really play songs that apply to your heart and show you the right path to follow." then, the song came on. WOW!! it was like, i get it God; i know this is what you want for me. not only did He pull through on the whole song thing, He blew it out of the water. it was then that i finally believed Him. i was finally able to tune out Satan and believe the one who loves me. finally i had all i needed to come out of this funk. this all happened on sunday and monday, i love those days.
GOD, YOUR SO AMAZING. YOU NEVER LET YOUR CRYING CHILDREN DOWN. EVEN IF IT IS AN ANSWER WE DIDNT WANT, IT IS STILL THE BEST ANSWER. GOD, I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING YOU. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO, SHOWING ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR ME, BEYOND ALL DOUBT. I DONT THINK ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CAN DOUBT IF THAT WAS FROM YOU AND JUST SAY IT WAS A COINCIDENCE. I KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT FOR ME. I KNOW IT I KNOW IT I KNOW IT!!!! GOD, THANK YOU FOR GRIPPING MY HAND AND PULLING ME OUT OF THE SLIMMY PIT WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT (PSALM 40). GOD, YOU ARE AMAZING.
thank you guys who were praying for me. i needed it, and still do. im not done yet. i still have to carry through on what God said, and Satan is still trying to attack me with doubt. please continue to pray for me, but it looks like times will continue to get better. thanks.
Much LOVE in Christ,
Mike