I wish there was a band-aid big enough for this wound...
I realize now that all i have done in my life is run away from everything... I have never actually faced a problem. I guess there is a first for everything. I know i need to face this... i just dont know how... i guess i thought it would help... help me feel better... im still running...hopefully i will stop. I just dont want to fall on my face.
I know its gonna take time... i just wish it were here now... i hate the way i feel. I DO throw myself pitty parties... i dont like it... i just hurts so bad... and i know he is not sitting at home feeling bad like i am right now... i think that hurts me worse than what he did. I dont know how to go about not thinking about it... i know not to dwell on the situation, but where do you draw that line...
I guess i just feel like nothing is in my control and thats something i hate... i dont think i have ever not been in slight control of the situations in my life.
i thought i had something really great... something really REAL. Its like having the best dream in your life...you have the same dream every night for over a year and a half... and then you dont have that dream anymore... something you had so much faith in, something you thought was so true, just disappears.
I know now what i didnt... I loved him way more than he loved me... he USED TO care about me... now no. I am giving him what he wants... not like i have a choice. I really hope that he is happy with the decision he has made. It is all in the hands of God. I just hope that he doesnt let us slip through his fingers.
But what do I WANT? What can I do for myself?
i want self respect... i want to look at myself and not think negatively. I want to learn how to love myself before i love anyone else. I want to appreciate the things i have. I have so many wonderful people in my life...my friends are wonderful people... i hope that they understand if i dont want to hang out with them for a while. i just need to think. I lost who i am... i am not me lately. I know for a fact that i am not myself and that i wont be myself until i get some things straightened out... dont ask me what those things are... just please be patient.
I dont want to be broken hearted anymore. I dont want to fell like i am not in place when for so long ive had first place in his heart. I hear that time heals all wounds... i just dont want to go through the pain... the heartache... the hurt. I always tend to take the easy way out... thanks for catching me before i did something really stupid, Laken. I am truly blessed to have a friend like you in my life. I hope you all dont think of me as conceided... i dont want to be a bitch... i am just very bitter at heart right now...
I lost my love and a best friend... i guess that it wasnt worth it in the end. I dont know... i just need to find myself... find who i want to become. I dont want to be this non version of myself that i have been for a week now... i KNOW im not myself... just hang in there with me.
ALL i have to do is
Sing with my head up, with my eyes closed, not because i love the song... because i love to sing...
Because i love to sing...
No matter what happens... I love you all...
Thank you
Lisa Bigall
I know its gonna take time... i just wish it were here now... i hate the way i feel. I DO throw myself pitty parties... i dont like it... i just hurts so bad... and i know he is not sitting at home feeling bad like i am right now... i think that hurts me worse than what he did. I dont know how to go about not thinking about it... i know not to dwell on the situation, but where do you draw that line...
I guess i just feel like nothing is in my control and thats something i hate... i dont think i have ever not been in slight control of the situations in my life.
i thought i had something really great... something really REAL. Its like having the best dream in your life...you have the same dream every night for over a year and a half... and then you dont have that dream anymore... something you had so much faith in, something you thought was so true, just disappears.
I know now what i didnt... I loved him way more than he loved me... he USED TO care about me... now no. I am giving him what he wants... not like i have a choice. I really hope that he is happy with the decision he has made. It is all in the hands of God. I just hope that he doesnt let us slip through his fingers.
But what do I WANT? What can I do for myself?
i want self respect... i want to look at myself and not think negatively. I want to learn how to love myself before i love anyone else. I want to appreciate the things i have. I have so many wonderful people in my life...my friends are wonderful people... i hope that they understand if i dont want to hang out with them for a while. i just need to think. I lost who i am... i am not me lately. I know for a fact that i am not myself and that i wont be myself until i get some things straightened out... dont ask me what those things are... just please be patient.
I dont want to be broken hearted anymore. I dont want to fell like i am not in place when for so long ive had first place in his heart. I hear that time heals all wounds... i just dont want to go through the pain... the heartache... the hurt. I always tend to take the easy way out... thanks for catching me before i did something really stupid, Laken. I am truly blessed to have a friend like you in my life. I hope you all dont think of me as conceided... i dont want to be a bitch... i am just very bitter at heart right now...
I lost my love and a best friend... i guess that it wasnt worth it in the end. I dont know... i just need to find myself... find who i want to become. I dont want to be this non version of myself that i have been for a week now... i KNOW im not myself... just hang in there with me.
ALL i have to do is
Sing with my head up, with my eyes closed, not because i love the song... because i love to sing...
Because i love to sing...
No matter what happens... I love you all...
Thank you
Lisa Bigall