(no subject)
i am stumbling through sleep,
i sought and still seek.
i am sinking in the sweep,
i suffered and still speak.
so disneyworld was great. took 8 rolls of film. two of the rolls had a special thing where they actually had another half roll on them so basically i took 9 rolls. getting them developed next week. about 2/3rds of the pictures probably will not turn out or will be bad pictures but that's why i took so many. i'm in the midst of writing a very detailed trip report. for some reason i want this trip logged and commemorated. all around the trip was amazing. we had great timing and we did a lot of odd ball crazy cool things i didn't think would work due to scheduling. i made some sacrifices and it all turned out to our liking.
i really want to go back. as spoiled as it sounds, i don't like the real world. i want more of that themed psudo-perfect reality. i want my wants to go away. the weekend's we're almost too good. i know suffer this back lash. i'm so turned off and passionless. i have nothing left to plan and research. i'm sure i'll get back into my music. already have played some video games but even that distraction left me feeling disenfranchised.
people wax and wane, wane and whine. the world prattles on. bizarre that i could find so much substance and real meaning in something so less real. or is it? could it be that all these themes and arche-itectural-types become something more lasting then the drudging on of everyday, and that in their surreal clean compressed nature they can become solid and smooth? just because they are iconified and mass produced doesn't mean it can't leave a positive individual reaction. just because it's an illusion doesn't mean it can't be the telling of something true.
i feel like i have relocated a pleasurable synapse and now i need more of it. except i can't have more of it. the only long lasting side effect being the severe loss of money. so i go through my with drawls and bide my time until the next fix. i don't like feeling this needy. i had almost kicked that habit. then i started dreaming again. in that dreaming and when the need was meet i found a lot of peace and comfort. i found this weird thing like bliss. so i can't just say "forget need! lets go nihilism!" just need to find balance.
i find my self much less reliant on others. yet i find myself much more confined to my solace. another weird balance.
and the lights... go out.
‡-x
i sought and still seek.
i am sinking in the sweep,
i suffered and still speak.
so disneyworld was great. took 8 rolls of film. two of the rolls had a special thing where they actually had another half roll on them so basically i took 9 rolls. getting them developed next week. about 2/3rds of the pictures probably will not turn out or will be bad pictures but that's why i took so many. i'm in the midst of writing a very detailed trip report. for some reason i want this trip logged and commemorated. all around the trip was amazing. we had great timing and we did a lot of odd ball crazy cool things i didn't think would work due to scheduling. i made some sacrifices and it all turned out to our liking.
i really want to go back. as spoiled as it sounds, i don't like the real world. i want more of that themed psudo-perfect reality. i want my wants to go away. the weekend's we're almost too good. i know suffer this back lash. i'm so turned off and passionless. i have nothing left to plan and research. i'm sure i'll get back into my music. already have played some video games but even that distraction left me feeling disenfranchised.
people wax and wane, wane and whine. the world prattles on. bizarre that i could find so much substance and real meaning in something so less real. or is it? could it be that all these themes and arche-itectural-types become something more lasting then the drudging on of everyday, and that in their surreal clean compressed nature they can become solid and smooth? just because they are iconified and mass produced doesn't mean it can't leave a positive individual reaction. just because it's an illusion doesn't mean it can't be the telling of something true.
i feel like i have relocated a pleasurable synapse and now i need more of it. except i can't have more of it. the only long lasting side effect being the severe loss of money. so i go through my with drawls and bide my time until the next fix. i don't like feeling this needy. i had almost kicked that habit. then i started dreaming again. in that dreaming and when the need was meet i found a lot of peace and comfort. i found this weird thing like bliss. so i can't just say "forget need! lets go nihilism!" just need to find balance.
i find my self much less reliant on others. yet i find myself much more confined to my solace. another weird balance.
and the lights... go out.
‡-x