(no subject)
it's these situations,
that create indignation.
you make my ears ring,
with your sniveling.
i have been trying to be for a lack of a better (bitter) word, zen lately.
but not zen exactly. i've been compiling my own experiences, thoughts, radomness, reflections and theories into my own philosophy less psycho babble, less hokus pokus, less 12 step program. more introspective. instead of "the way (Tao)" i have been focusing on "the path." everything happens for an exact and specific reason even if we don't immediately (or ever) see it. we are all connected in away. we all serve a purpose in the greater puzzle. we are all pieces it is not crucial to focus on the whole picture... which is impossible instead it is best to know your edges. find out what is relevant in your life and maximize that.
then there are times like these last two weeks that make me feel like my relevant place in the world is to pound some decency into the trash that crosses my "path". also, i feel like it's necessary to tell people in power (managers) that just because they run a (small) retail store, that doesn't mean they have to be greedy power hungry ignorant soulless trolls.
sometimes i don't understand why i have to tell someone something in plain english five times for them to still not get it. i am tired of others wasting my time. even if i'm going to waste the same time myself... its mine to waste, not theirs.
most times, i try to be a tolerant, polite, leveled, decent human being. i'm tired of that feeling like a disadvantage.
on a completely different note, i miss.... things. i miss the cites i know. i accept where i am at. i adore the reason i am here. at this point in my life, i know this is where i need to be. i really enjoy having a huge degree of stability in my life.
i miss, going to a club and just dancing. i hardly ever even talked to people, but i miss the option. i generally can't keep up with people. i need a certain amount of solace. with me it seems always an extreme. not ever being able to strike a balance is wearing me out. can't have everything right?
so i finally have a way to make music (computer.) now i barely have the time. and its really frustrating me. i have not been able to focus on it. i always have all this stuff in my head and when i finally get a chance to sit down to get it out i get stuck. or the computer can't do what i want it to. i need to translate better. i need to give myself much more time and organize things better. i program such exceedingly large obligations for myself and freak out when i can't met them. i just need to take it slower.
i'm sinking.
++
1
x
that create indignation.
you make my ears ring,
with your sniveling.
i have been trying to be for a lack of a better (bitter) word, zen lately.
but not zen exactly. i've been compiling my own experiences, thoughts, radomness, reflections and theories into my own philosophy less psycho babble, less hokus pokus, less 12 step program. more introspective. instead of "the way (Tao)" i have been focusing on "the path." everything happens for an exact and specific reason even if we don't immediately (or ever) see it. we are all connected in away. we all serve a purpose in the greater puzzle. we are all pieces it is not crucial to focus on the whole picture... which is impossible instead it is best to know your edges. find out what is relevant in your life and maximize that.
then there are times like these last two weeks that make me feel like my relevant place in the world is to pound some decency into the trash that crosses my "path". also, i feel like it's necessary to tell people in power (managers) that just because they run a (small) retail store, that doesn't mean they have to be greedy power hungry ignorant soulless trolls.
sometimes i don't understand why i have to tell someone something in plain english five times for them to still not get it. i am tired of others wasting my time. even if i'm going to waste the same time myself... its mine to waste, not theirs.
most times, i try to be a tolerant, polite, leveled, decent human being. i'm tired of that feeling like a disadvantage.
on a completely different note, i miss.... things. i miss the cites i know. i accept where i am at. i adore the reason i am here. at this point in my life, i know this is where i need to be. i really enjoy having a huge degree of stability in my life.
i miss, going to a club and just dancing. i hardly ever even talked to people, but i miss the option. i generally can't keep up with people. i need a certain amount of solace. with me it seems always an extreme. not ever being able to strike a balance is wearing me out. can't have everything right?
so i finally have a way to make music (computer.) now i barely have the time. and its really frustrating me. i have not been able to focus on it. i always have all this stuff in my head and when i finally get a chance to sit down to get it out i get stuck. or the computer can't do what i want it to. i need to translate better. i need to give myself much more time and organize things better. i program such exceedingly large obligations for myself and freak out when i can't met them. i just need to take it slower.
i'm sinking.
++
1
x