a grown up's thoughts
i've been feeling reminiscient lately. it's something about this house, i think. i'm entering my second year of living back at home (boomerang-style) and i guess it's bringing back all of these high school memories and wonderings cause that's the last time i was home for this long.
i miss the summer after high school. by far my most favorite summer and it wasn't just the summer romance. if that's what it was. i miss making plans the day of. calling melissa and rose and just hanging out. i hate how everything i do has to be planned in advance, even if just by a day. i hate that i have this planner i have to consult everytime i want to do something. i miss when the only thing i kept track of on a daily basis is what i wore to school (so i could make sure i wore it at least 2 weeks later and not a day sooner).
i've been having weird dreams. one with aliens, one with a frisbee. both with rose, melissa, and sam. half the dream would be just the four of us hanging out like its 2002. the other half would be running away from aliens trying to hack off our heads or trying to reach a frisbee on the edge of a cliff.
childhood is really over. i commute, i work, i have benefits, i am insured. i get memorial day off but not columbus day. i think childhood was slowly on its way out starting in 2004. and it just shut the door last month and i'm left pressing my face up to the window wondering when its coming back. i'm really confident about who i've become and looking forward to the next phases of my life, but sometimes for unexplainable reasons i just miss things/friends. and i'd feel foolish if i was the only one who missed those things.
i'm happy now, but i don't know if i'm making memories as solid and longlasting as i used to. i replayed josh's and my first kiss a dozen times today in my head and it was like it just happened last week, it felt so fresh. and i remember this past paul revere day and marikapalooza and glassblowing, but will those stand the test of time four years later? why do i draw a blank when anyone asks me how i've been? i have so many memories from 2002-2006 but why are they so few and far between post-graduation? is this what a rut feels like or is this feeling normal for grown ups?
i have got to start posting regularly. somewhere. here, in a real journal, or on canvas. i need a visual record of who i am when i am so i know where and why i am when i am what i am later. i think.
i miss the summer after high school. by far my most favorite summer and it wasn't just the summer romance. if that's what it was. i miss making plans the day of. calling melissa and rose and just hanging out. i hate how everything i do has to be planned in advance, even if just by a day. i hate that i have this planner i have to consult everytime i want to do something. i miss when the only thing i kept track of on a daily basis is what i wore to school (so i could make sure i wore it at least 2 weeks later and not a day sooner).
i've been having weird dreams. one with aliens, one with a frisbee. both with rose, melissa, and sam. half the dream would be just the four of us hanging out like its 2002. the other half would be running away from aliens trying to hack off our heads or trying to reach a frisbee on the edge of a cliff.
childhood is really over. i commute, i work, i have benefits, i am insured. i get memorial day off but not columbus day. i think childhood was slowly on its way out starting in 2004. and it just shut the door last month and i'm left pressing my face up to the window wondering when its coming back. i'm really confident about who i've become and looking forward to the next phases of my life, but sometimes for unexplainable reasons i just miss things/friends. and i'd feel foolish if i was the only one who missed those things.
i'm happy now, but i don't know if i'm making memories as solid and longlasting as i used to. i replayed josh's and my first kiss a dozen times today in my head and it was like it just happened last week, it felt so fresh. and i remember this past paul revere day and marikapalooza and glassblowing, but will those stand the test of time four years later? why do i draw a blank when anyone asks me how i've been? i have so many memories from 2002-2006 but why are they so few and far between post-graduation? is this what a rut feels like or is this feeling normal for grown ups?
i have got to start posting regularly. somewhere. here, in a real journal, or on canvas. i need a visual record of who i am when i am so i know where and why i am when i am what i am later. i think.