WEDNESDAY SHOW PREP: Viagra could help jet lag!
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained.
"She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
****
Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day
Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper. A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Altizer, West Virginia man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head! The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday. Amazingly he did not suffer any life-threatening injuries. Though he is recuperating in the hospital this morning.
****
Officer Hancock's police blotter:
A man ran his truck through the wall of a liquor store after his prosthetic leg became jammed between the accelerator and brake pedal. Martin Nehls had parked his Chevy Silverado in the liquor store parking lot in Beloit, Wisconsin. Police say when he put the truck into drive on Saturday morning, his prosthetic leg slipped off the brake and hit the gas. Then it got stuck between the two pedals, causing the truck to move forward and hit the building. Nehls was not injured. Police cited him for operating a motor vehicle without a valid driver's license.
This is Officer Hancock. Remember, there are a lot of wackos out there! And if you have a prosthetic leg, please make sure it is securely fastened while driving.
****
Rich's thought to ponder:
Wisdom comes with age. Death comes with age. Therefore, wisdom is dangerous.
****
Incoming email:
Rich,
Here's Things You Will Never Hear In Church...
"Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!"
"I was so enthralled, I never even noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime."
"I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV Evangelists."
"I'll volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class."
"Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do!"
"Since we're all here, let's start the service early!"
...and last but not least...
"Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas."
Email Rich
****
Rich's quote of of the day:
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
****
Flash From The Hancock News Service!
New research reveals cheap cialis could be used to help people flying eastwards recover from jet lag. A team of Argentine scientists found the drug helped hamsters recover up to 50% faster from forward shifts in their daily time cycles. However, the drug only worked in conjunction with light therapy, and only in one time direction - the equivalent to flying eastbound. Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, said the drug should only be used in accordance with the approved labelling.
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained.
"She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
****
Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day
Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper. A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Altizer, West Virginia man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head! The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday. Amazingly he did not suffer any life-threatening injuries. Though he is recuperating in the hospital this morning.
****
Officer Hancock's police blotter:
A man ran his truck through the wall of a liquor store after his prosthetic leg became jammed between the accelerator and brake pedal. Martin Nehls had parked his Chevy Silverado in the liquor store parking lot in Beloit, Wisconsin. Police say when he put the truck into drive on Saturday morning, his prosthetic leg slipped off the brake and hit the gas. Then it got stuck between the two pedals, causing the truck to move forward and hit the building. Nehls was not injured. Police cited him for operating a motor vehicle without a valid driver's license.
This is Officer Hancock. Remember, there are a lot of wackos out there! And if you have a prosthetic leg, please make sure it is securely fastened while driving.
****
Rich's thought to ponder:
Wisdom comes with age. Death comes with age. Therefore, wisdom is dangerous.
****
Incoming email:
Rich,
Here's Things You Will Never Hear In Church...
"Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!"
"I was so enthralled, I never even noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime."
"I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV Evangelists."
"I'll volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class."
"Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do!"
"Since we're all here, let's start the service early!"
...and last but not least...
"Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas."
Email Rich
****
Rich's quote of of the day:
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
****
Flash From The Hancock News Service!
New research reveals cheap cialis could be used to help people flying eastwards recover from jet lag. A team of Argentine scientists found the drug helped hamsters recover up to 50% faster from forward shifts in their daily time cycles. However, the drug only worked in conjunction with light therapy, and only in one time direction - the equivalent to flying eastbound. Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, said the drug should only be used in accordance with the approved labelling.