LJ Idol Season 11: Resolution
It's easy to make a resolution, to say you're going to change something. It's much harder to actually do it. I had resolved to go back to school, get my psychology degree, and become a therapist. I applied to and was accepted into my college of choice, and I was SO excited about the classes. Everything was going great.
And then I got the bill. My stomach dropped. I had known the school was expensive, but finding out how expensive was daunting. Still, they promised grants and student loans. After I applied, I found out how much the school would chip in and how much student aid I'd have to get. It was a large number. Larger than I'd expected, but I remained resolute. I went and applied for student loans... and I did not get nearly enough. I stared at the number they were willing to give me and my heart dropped clear through the floor. I'm "high risk," you see. Because I am disabled. They don't want to loan me money because I might not pay it back.
To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. I cried. And then I set about trying to figure out a way to do it. It had to work somehow. I tried everything I could imagine. I applied for scholarships, even ones I didn't really qualify for. Slowly, time ticked by. There was a deadline, after all. I had to have a financial aid package or I wouldn't be able to stay enrolled. I called the financial aid department a lot. They promised to work with me, and then... didn't. I started to feel really disillusioned. Even if I COULD have applied for a personal loan, my credit wasn't good enough to cover it.
And finally, slowly, I accepted it. That school was way too expensive. It may have been my first choice, but it clearly wasn't the right choice.
But...
I still need to follow my heart. I have been slowly getting over the disappointment and realizing I feel a genuine calling to help people. More and more, as I help my friends who have been going through grief and loss, it feels RIGHT to comfort them. And I want to do that professionally. I want to be a grief counselor. That's my path. And I want to follow it.
I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I've been researching another college and may apply there come spring. I am scared. Hell, if I'm honest, I'm terrified. The crushing disappointment I felt from the other school was the worst. I was heartbroken and spent almost a year feeling lost, useless, and unworthy. Do I really have the emotional fortitude to do that again?
...I guess I do.
I made myself a promise, and I am going to try to keep it. That's my resolution. Wish me luck.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. There are
comments there. You may comment there, or here.
And then I got the bill. My stomach dropped. I had known the school was expensive, but finding out how expensive was daunting. Still, they promised grants and student loans. After I applied, I found out how much the school would chip in and how much student aid I'd have to get. It was a large number. Larger than I'd expected, but I remained resolute. I went and applied for student loans... and I did not get nearly enough. I stared at the number they were willing to give me and my heart dropped clear through the floor. I'm "high risk," you see. Because I am disabled. They don't want to loan me money because I might not pay it back.
To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. I cried. And then I set about trying to figure out a way to do it. It had to work somehow. I tried everything I could imagine. I applied for scholarships, even ones I didn't really qualify for. Slowly, time ticked by. There was a deadline, after all. I had to have a financial aid package or I wouldn't be able to stay enrolled. I called the financial aid department a lot. They promised to work with me, and then... didn't. I started to feel really disillusioned. Even if I COULD have applied for a personal loan, my credit wasn't good enough to cover it.
And finally, slowly, I accepted it. That school was way too expensive. It may have been my first choice, but it clearly wasn't the right choice.
But...
I still need to follow my heart. I have been slowly getting over the disappointment and realizing I feel a genuine calling to help people. More and more, as I help my friends who have been going through grief and loss, it feels RIGHT to comfort them. And I want to do that professionally. I want to be a grief counselor. That's my path. And I want to follow it.
I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I've been researching another college and may apply there come spring. I am scared. Hell, if I'm honest, I'm terrified. The crushing disappointment I felt from the other school was the worst. I was heartbroken and spent almost a year feeling lost, useless, and unworthy. Do I really have the emotional fortitude to do that again?
...I guess I do.
I made myself a promise, and I am going to try to keep it. That's my resolution. Wish me luck.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. There are
comments there. You may comment there, or here.