[100 fic challenge] #79 - The Same Old Thing.
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Eeteuk/Yesung (Yesung centric)
Notes: --- This is what I come up with at 2AM. -___-; I dunno, I've wanted to write something about this since I found out that Yesung actually did it didn't do it - Thanks Rasinah. <3, so I dunno. Muaha. It fitted with the challenge here. Hope you enjoy! <3 -- yes, Café Junior is coming up. I have the next chapter half done. >w<
It was always the same now. They would go to practice, they would do group interviews and they would do performances - just like any other group in the entertainment business. Yesung watched his fellow bandmates laugh and talk vividly to the MCs as if they owned the show. They had that certain spark about them that drew your attention immediately.
Yesung didn't have that.
Instead, he stayed in the background - not by choice though. He just never knew what to do when it came to these things.
When he read internet articles about their debut performance, he was happy. Truly happy for his brothers but just couldn't deny that little feeling in the back of his mind that told him that they were just a little bit better than him. He tried his hardest at vocal practice, but even then someone outshone him. Kyuhyun's vocals were hard to deny and Yesung put on another fake smile as he patted the magnae's back and told him he was jealous.
Ryeowook was exactly the same. He'd feel goosebumps crawl along his arms and legs whenever he heard the two sing and he suddenly felt completely helpless. If he didn't have singing, what else did he have?
He watched as each of his bandmates grew, as entertainers and people. He watched them go on more and more variety shows, interviews and felt his heart being ripped to pieces every time. He was happier than ever for them, but... he could only take so much.
A few months after, Yesung tried it for the first time. It hadn't been hard to get a hold of - you could get it anywhere if you just knew where to look. He stood in the bathroom, staring himself down in the mirror with his hands braced on either side of the pearly white sink. His eyes were bloodshot and he had bags under his eyes - bags he would hide the next day with makeup and a pretty smile. It was all it took.
Yesung bit his lip and looked down at the small line of white powder that looked so inviting as he stood there - giving in to all of his destructive thoughts and emotions.
They're all better than you.
He leaned down, closing his dark eyes and lightly pushed his right nostril closed and heaved in a deep breath through his nose - sniffing in the white powder with force he hadn't imagined possible. Immediately after, he shot up and felt his head spin. He felt nauseous and had to brace himself against the sink again to keep from falling. A hand shot up to his mouth but before he knew it, he was against the toilet seat - throwing up everything and anything that he held inside of him. His throat burned and his stomach churned violently as he felt tears sting his eyes. Tears that soon started streaming down his cheeks with unpracticed fashion.
He felt sweat roll down his forehead as he held himself up against the toilet bowl, his forehead resting against the marble surface, cooling him down as he panted hard - unable to think any coherent thoughts - but knowing that something was terribly wrong.
The second time he tried it, it wasn't as bad. He didn't throw up but felt a rush of adrenalin shooting through his body instead. The feeling of dizziness subsided a lot sooner and he could act up a little bit more at the afternoon interview - causing a pleasent surprise to his fellow bandmates who took the bait and acted as silly as himself.
And suddenly, it had become a daily thing. Twice a day, maybe four or five if he was especially tired that day. 'A little bit more won't hurt.' He would think and he would once again stand in front of the mirror, wiping away any trace of white that might've been left behind. He found that it was a wonderful feeling to be in the spotlight - being noticed as one of the best singers in the group and being one of the 'wackiest' members. He'd settle for that for now, because it gave him attention. Attention he craved so deeply that it overshone anything else in his mind.
But when it started to get out of hand, Yesung didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to keep from slipping out to the bathroom during rehearsals, getting another quick fix to help him get through the next few hours and go back, lively as ever. He lost control over his actions and soon it had become a routine. A routine he knew would kill him some day.
But he just couldn't stop.
And finally, when Leeteuk found him in the bathroom one day - nearly knocked out and slouching against the side of the toilet with blood running from his nose and the side of his mouth, he knew something had to be done. Leeteuk was horrified at the sight and stood in the door, his grip on the doorknob tighetening so his knuckles burned white. Yesung only noticed his prescence ten minutes later and as he turned his head, he noticed that everything was blurry... 'Hyung.' He called out, tears starting to stream down his face once again as they'd done the first time with a smile across his face. 'There's something wrong with me.'
He could see Leeteuk was doing everything he could so as to not burst into tears as he fell onto his knees beside him and pulled him into a tight hug. Yesung felt his heart break as he leaned into the embrace, his sobs violently cutting through the silence of the bathroom. Leeteuk shushed him with a choked voice and stroked his raven colored hair, holding him as tightly as he could.
'You're going to be okay Jongwoon. Shh. It's okay. I love you, we all love you. No, I won't leave you - don't worry. We're going to help you, okay? We'll take care of you.'
Yesung nodded against his hyung's shoulder and simply couldn't hold back all of his unshed tears, but in the back of his mind he couldn't have been happier. He knew he shouldn't have been jealous of them, they'd always be there for him when he needed them. He just needed to realize it sooner. He cried for several hours and Leeteuk brushed his fingers through the younger one's hair when he'd finally fallen asleep and sighed, whispering - 'It's going to be okay.'
And since then, the routine has been broken.
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Eeteuk/Yesung (Yesung centric)
Notes: --- This is what I come up with at 2AM. -___-; I dunno, I've wanted to write something about this since I found out that Yesung actually did it didn't do it - Thanks Rasinah. <3, so I dunno. Muaha. It fitted with the challenge here. Hope you enjoy! <3 -- yes, Café Junior is coming up. I have the next chapter half done. >w<
It was always the same now. They would go to practice, they would do group interviews and they would do performances - just like any other group in the entertainment business. Yesung watched his fellow bandmates laugh and talk vividly to the MCs as if they owned the show. They had that certain spark about them that drew your attention immediately.
Yesung didn't have that.
Instead, he stayed in the background - not by choice though. He just never knew what to do when it came to these things.
When he read internet articles about their debut performance, he was happy. Truly happy for his brothers but just couldn't deny that little feeling in the back of his mind that told him that they were just a little bit better than him. He tried his hardest at vocal practice, but even then someone outshone him. Kyuhyun's vocals were hard to deny and Yesung put on another fake smile as he patted the magnae's back and told him he was jealous.
Ryeowook was exactly the same. He'd feel goosebumps crawl along his arms and legs whenever he heard the two sing and he suddenly felt completely helpless. If he didn't have singing, what else did he have?
He watched as each of his bandmates grew, as entertainers and people. He watched them go on more and more variety shows, interviews and felt his heart being ripped to pieces every time. He was happier than ever for them, but... he could only take so much.
A few months after, Yesung tried it for the first time. It hadn't been hard to get a hold of - you could get it anywhere if you just knew where to look. He stood in the bathroom, staring himself down in the mirror with his hands braced on either side of the pearly white sink. His eyes were bloodshot and he had bags under his eyes - bags he would hide the next day with makeup and a pretty smile. It was all it took.
Yesung bit his lip and looked down at the small line of white powder that looked so inviting as he stood there - giving in to all of his destructive thoughts and emotions.
They're all better than you.
He leaned down, closing his dark eyes and lightly pushed his right nostril closed and heaved in a deep breath through his nose - sniffing in the white powder with force he hadn't imagined possible. Immediately after, he shot up and felt his head spin. He felt nauseous and had to brace himself against the sink again to keep from falling. A hand shot up to his mouth but before he knew it, he was against the toilet seat - throwing up everything and anything that he held inside of him. His throat burned and his stomach churned violently as he felt tears sting his eyes. Tears that soon started streaming down his cheeks with unpracticed fashion.
He felt sweat roll down his forehead as he held himself up against the toilet bowl, his forehead resting against the marble surface, cooling him down as he panted hard - unable to think any coherent thoughts - but knowing that something was terribly wrong.
The second time he tried it, it wasn't as bad. He didn't throw up but felt a rush of adrenalin shooting through his body instead. The feeling of dizziness subsided a lot sooner and he could act up a little bit more at the afternoon interview - causing a pleasent surprise to his fellow bandmates who took the bait and acted as silly as himself.
And suddenly, it had become a daily thing. Twice a day, maybe four or five if he was especially tired that day. 'A little bit more won't hurt.' He would think and he would once again stand in front of the mirror, wiping away any trace of white that might've been left behind. He found that it was a wonderful feeling to be in the spotlight - being noticed as one of the best singers in the group and being one of the 'wackiest' members. He'd settle for that for now, because it gave him attention. Attention he craved so deeply that it overshone anything else in his mind.
But when it started to get out of hand, Yesung didn't know how to stop. He didn't know how to keep from slipping out to the bathroom during rehearsals, getting another quick fix to help him get through the next few hours and go back, lively as ever. He lost control over his actions and soon it had become a routine. A routine he knew would kill him some day.
But he just couldn't stop.
And finally, when Leeteuk found him in the bathroom one day - nearly knocked out and slouching against the side of the toilet with blood running from his nose and the side of his mouth, he knew something had to be done. Leeteuk was horrified at the sight and stood in the door, his grip on the doorknob tighetening so his knuckles burned white. Yesung only noticed his prescence ten minutes later and as he turned his head, he noticed that everything was blurry... 'Hyung.' He called out, tears starting to stream down his face once again as they'd done the first time with a smile across his face. 'There's something wrong with me.'
He could see Leeteuk was doing everything he could so as to not burst into tears as he fell onto his knees beside him and pulled him into a tight hug. Yesung felt his heart break as he leaned into the embrace, his sobs violently cutting through the silence of the bathroom. Leeteuk shushed him with a choked voice and stroked his raven colored hair, holding him as tightly as he could.
'You're going to be okay Jongwoon. Shh. It's okay. I love you, we all love you. No, I won't leave you - don't worry. We're going to help you, okay? We'll take care of you.'
Yesung nodded against his hyung's shoulder and simply couldn't hold back all of his unshed tears, but in the back of his mind he couldn't have been happier. He knew he shouldn't have been jealous of them, they'd always be there for him when he needed them. He just needed to realize it sooner. He cried for several hours and Leeteuk brushed his fingers through the younger one's hair when he'd finally fallen asleep and sighed, whispering - 'It's going to be okay.'
And since then, the routine has been broken.