all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg
WARNING: AS PER USUAL, THE FOLLOWING IS JUST A RAMBLE. REMEMBER: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO READ IT; I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO, SO I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR "but tommy, you can't think like that" NONSENSE. BRING UP AN OPPOSING POINT OF VIEW IF YOU WISH, BUT DON'T PREACH ON MY MOTHA' FUCKIN' JOURNAL
let's see how this goes. as usual, it's been forever since i opened up this entry page, yet i still check my livejournal friends page every day. if you read this, comment, just so i can know who else still reads these things.
i'm moving back down to south florida at the end of july. i'm not really sure how it's gonna go; of course i have mostly good thoughts about it, except for not being able to smoke inside, or drink at the house, but those are sacrifices i'm willing to make. through the almost year i've lived in Gainesville, i've done absolutely nothing. i don't feel like my mind has been opened anymore, i don't feel i've grown...at this moment it feels like a waste of a year. if anything, i feel i've grown even more apathetic and become even more of a pessimist. looking on the bright side doesn't work so well when that bright side is pretty dim itself. i think of the idea of having fun, and i can't think of many things that are fun to me. i kinda just hang out, smoke weed, drink occasionally, and a lot of it is because i can't think of much else i'd rather be doing. the most excitement i get is when i hear a friend is coming to town, and this revelation was a contributing factor to me moving back home. i'm gonna be doing what i thought i'd never do, and that's go to college. if there's one thing i am happy about my experience up here, it's that i've accepted "giving in". the thought of the normal 9-5 with a wife and kids is now something i long for, rather than loathe. it kinda sucks because what i'm going to be going to school for isn't something i particularly enjoy, but like i said, there's not much i do enjoy. ideally, i think being a house-husband would be my dream job. my plans for the next four years as of now are to go to broward community college for two years and get an AA in liberal arts, and then transfer to the university of miami on account of it being free and getting a bachelor's in computer science. i figure if we're still alive to grow old, computers are a safe bet in regards to not being irrelevant 20-30 years down the road. with a degree like that, i could just keep learning as new things come out, as i'd be forced to, or i wouldn't have a job. seems kinda good in that i'd always have a job, and be up on technology. that's pretty cool to think about, if it plays out that way. the scenery and overall life in south florida is not a thing i'm looking forward to returning to, that's for sure. i am excited to have close friends again, and a band to play in. i guess i'd say i'm more sad than happy, but i feel more like i'm just floating along; and that's why i get sad. there's nothing i have passion for. everything is jaded. i hate the scene, i hate the fashion, i hate most of the music, i hate the world, i hate society, i hate more than i like. i think what bugs me is how much people and things are changing. is it internal that one decides they don't like these clothes or bands anymore, and they're going to move on, or is it just because that's what's in? i've been wearing the same clothes for the past five years, had the same haircut for the last 3, and been listening to what i want to for as long as i can remember. it's not so much that i'm afraid of change (that's a good chunk of why i moved to gainesville), i just like what i like. if one day i wake up and decide i wanna wear a leather jacket and grow out my hair or start listening to Bjork, i will. am i that weird? it seems pretty logical to me, but then again, i'm sure everyone makes sense to themselves. i'm comfortable in my skin, and i don't wanna try on yours. i suggest you give me a bite of that burger.
let's see how this goes. as usual, it's been forever since i opened up this entry page, yet i still check my livejournal friends page every day. if you read this, comment, just so i can know who else still reads these things.
i'm moving back down to south florida at the end of july. i'm not really sure how it's gonna go; of course i have mostly good thoughts about it, except for not being able to smoke inside, or drink at the house, but those are sacrifices i'm willing to make. through the almost year i've lived in Gainesville, i've done absolutely nothing. i don't feel like my mind has been opened anymore, i don't feel i've grown...at this moment it feels like a waste of a year. if anything, i feel i've grown even more apathetic and become even more of a pessimist. looking on the bright side doesn't work so well when that bright side is pretty dim itself. i think of the idea of having fun, and i can't think of many things that are fun to me. i kinda just hang out, smoke weed, drink occasionally, and a lot of it is because i can't think of much else i'd rather be doing. the most excitement i get is when i hear a friend is coming to town, and this revelation was a contributing factor to me moving back home. i'm gonna be doing what i thought i'd never do, and that's go to college. if there's one thing i am happy about my experience up here, it's that i've accepted "giving in". the thought of the normal 9-5 with a wife and kids is now something i long for, rather than loathe. it kinda sucks because what i'm going to be going to school for isn't something i particularly enjoy, but like i said, there's not much i do enjoy. ideally, i think being a house-husband would be my dream job. my plans for the next four years as of now are to go to broward community college for two years and get an AA in liberal arts, and then transfer to the university of miami on account of it being free and getting a bachelor's in computer science. i figure if we're still alive to grow old, computers are a safe bet in regards to not being irrelevant 20-30 years down the road. with a degree like that, i could just keep learning as new things come out, as i'd be forced to, or i wouldn't have a job. seems kinda good in that i'd always have a job, and be up on technology. that's pretty cool to think about, if it plays out that way. the scenery and overall life in south florida is not a thing i'm looking forward to returning to, that's for sure. i am excited to have close friends again, and a band to play in. i guess i'd say i'm more sad than happy, but i feel more like i'm just floating along; and that's why i get sad. there's nothing i have passion for. everything is jaded. i hate the scene, i hate the fashion, i hate most of the music, i hate the world, i hate society, i hate more than i like. i think what bugs me is how much people and things are changing. is it internal that one decides they don't like these clothes or bands anymore, and they're going to move on, or is it just because that's what's in? i've been wearing the same clothes for the past five years, had the same haircut for the last 3, and been listening to what i want to for as long as i can remember. it's not so much that i'm afraid of change (that's a good chunk of why i moved to gainesville), i just like what i like. if one day i wake up and decide i wanna wear a leather jacket and grow out my hair or start listening to Bjork, i will. am i that weird? it seems pretty logical to me, but then again, i'm sure everyone makes sense to themselves. i'm comfortable in my skin, and i don't wanna try on yours. i suggest you give me a bite of that burger.