Knocked Off Course (1/3)
Title: Knocked Off Course
Pairing: Banghim, Brotp!Himlo (+hinted Jonglo)
Rating: PG-15 for sexual content
Length: 15,000w
Type: Chaptered
Genre: Fluff, comedy, +Bodyguard au
Summary: It all started with a roll of tissue and a bottle of Chambertin.
Author's note/insignificant warnings: Extreme cringe-worthy humor attempts. (Junhong's the complete opposite of his actual personality) Lame vocabulary that are fitted in all the wrong places. And oh. Loose plot. Very loose plot. But hooray for bodyguard au!
{ PART I } { PART 2 } { PART 3 }
Himchan doesn't know what wakes him up first. The sun literally bursting into his bedroom through the suddenly drape-void windows or the explosive yelling audible from outside his room, over the stairs, most likely from the living room in the seating area. How his father manages to raise his voice to such an extreme volume enough to wake everyone up in the neighborhood, Himchan doesn't have an idea, but he rolls around in bed and groans to his pillowcase, attempting to drown out the noise for the amount time it takes for him just enough to properly arrive to his rising state.
"Hyung," someone says and Himchan doesn't have to look over to know that it's his brother-who's most presumably the reason why the blinds weren't covering the windows anymore and is most presumably sent in by his father to wake him up for such unnerving reasons that are yet to be discovered. "So are you going to lie on your face there the whole day or play the nice guy so dad could shut up?"
Himchan exudes another whine, outrageously flapping his legs on the sheets in manic dissent before groggily saying, "What does he want, what's he even saying."
"Um, something about you being a lazy ass little shit, him having a meeting in forty-five minutes and him setting your bed on fire and probably sending you off to Africa if you're not yet in the living room in a minute."
Himchan finally rouses up from bed with much needed effort, glowering (with his barely opened eyes) at Junhong standing at the doorway all dressed up in a tux. He spots the remote in the younger's hands and ambles toward him to snatch it away from him with a low mutter of, "You little rascal" that goes disregarded. He points the remote to the general direction of the windows, pushes a button and causing the blinds to fully lower down again to block off the sun-which, in what seems to be a very profound form of mockery by his very lovely father before this mansion's architecture, is facing right at Himchan's windows. Himchan clicks another button to light on the corner lamps.
Junhong shrugs. "It's the most effective way I know to wake you up."
Himchan makes a face as he saunters toward his walk-in closet to get a bathroom robe.
It goes without saying that one of the many things he especially loathes about his brother (other than the fact that they are brothers and with how Junhong talks so monotonously that makes him appear the bitchy person no one else but Himchan believes he is) is that the two of them are so vastly alike and similar in more ways than personality and logic. It's with their unconscious tendency to act so cocky. And while that may sound cool you've got superb genetics!, Himchan never thought that you can ever hate your own character when you see it in someone else like your brother.
"Wha's going on why're all dressed up?" Himchan mumbles, forcefully dragging the words out of his mouth as he blindly runs through the hanging rack.
"Dad's going to bring me to a meeting with his colleagues," responds Junhong. "Which, by the way, we're going to be late for if you don't hurry up and go downstairs because dad isn't going anywhere until you meet your ultimately important bodyguard."
Himchan narrows his eyes, waiting for his brain to fully soak in his brother's statement. "What..." Then his eyes widen. He flashes out of the closet, his robe barely fittingly shrugged in on his arms. "Bodyguard?!"
"Kim Himchan! Get the hell down here right now or I'll ban you from using your Maserati!"
It all started with a roll of toilet paper and bottle of Chambertin.
In further precise terms, it started with Himchan's stolid attempt of playing galley supervisor during one of his father's luxurious business social gathering inviting all administrators, engineers, executives, directors, chairmen, architects from far and wide on and across the globe. (And this, unfortunately, isn't an exaggeration.)
In Himchan's humble opinion; he's just been trying to cooperate with the flow of the gala by checking in on how things are going with the incoming buffet inside the kitchen hall. And everything's great, actually, until Himchan made the mistake of leaning back against one of the counter tops and knocking off not just a roll of toilet paper but an exquisite bottle of Chambertin as well onto the operating gas stove simultaneously setting the whole kitchen on fire.
Well, not really, but if the kitchen staff hadn't been too fast, Himchan would've had successfully roasted off not just half of the kitchen but the entity of the party hall as well.
Causing much outrage from his father because his guests had started to smell smoke and were assuming that the place was on fire, Himchan had mischievously attempted to hide himself from his father for the rest of the evening.
The thing about bodyguards is that Himchan doesn't exactly need one.
Well except for the necessary occurrences like whenever Himchan has to go out of the house in which case it's optional for him to take a few a buff guys from the Kim family's security team. But other than that, his father's basically just hired a bodyguard not to keep Himchan safe but to keep Himchan's surroundings safe from him.
The thought makes Himchan groan for the hundredth time that morning as he descends his way down the stairs toward the living room.
"Finally!" Mr. Kim bellows, jumping up from the couch in an instant.
"Dad, I swear to god." Himchan lands on the carpets, marching up toward his father as he bellows with just the same amount of intensity. "Can't we just do this another time, another day when it's not the break of dawn and when I'm no longer in my literal robe and pajamas?"
"Oh, come on, you're meeting your bodyguard it's not as if he wouldn't be seeing you in your literal robe and pajamas from now on."
"What does that even mean?" Himchan demands, eyebrows furrowing just as another (really tall, really lean) figure stands up from the couch next to his father-all in his suit and bow tie glory-with a features a bit placid but striking all the well. He glances at Himchan with an amused glint in his eye which Himchan dodges perfectly with a questioning look. "What's so funny?"
"This," Mr. Kim announces, patting a hand on the other man's shoulder, "Is your newly hired bodyguard-Bang Yongguk-twenty three, just like you! He's a white collar. I like him, his interview went gee-whiz."
Himchan's about put the word gee-whiz into interrogation as to whether if it's even a real word when the newly hired bodyguard-Bang Yongguk-exerts a tiny chuckle as he bows slightly at Mr. Kim's direction and Himchan thinks you did not just do that.
"This is my son," Himchan's father continues. "He's Kim Himchan, or young master, or-uh-anything actually, young master doesn't suit him anyway-"
"It's young master," Himchan intervenes, nodding sharply at Bang Yongguk.
"-there's really nothing much about him, he's great and smart and dependable and all, actually, save for the moments in which he finds it hard to coordinate his hands and brain."
"Dad," Himchan attempts to stress out again in hopes that he's perfectly conveying how aggressively stressed out he is about the situation even more this time. "This is supposed to be a professional suit-and-tie meeting, we're doing this at the wrong-"
"For what? He already signed the contract! There's nothing to assess. He's proficient."
Himchan snorts. "He doesn't look like he can even put up a fight to me." From the corner of his eye, he sees Yongguk smirk.
"He can hold a gun just fine, Himchan," Mr. Kim demands. "But if we're talking about capabilities such as being able to prevent you from setting objects on fire, he's pretty much overqualified."
"Dad!"
"Jeez, hyung, don't be such a girl." All their heads turn toward the direction of Junhong who's currently descending down the stairs with his hands buried deep in his pockets, smug but dull, as always. "Can't we just get this over with because, dad, we really have to go." He crosses the living room before making an exit toward the entry hall and Himchan flares.
"I hate that kid so much."
"Right, gotta jet. Have an appointment." Mr. Kim turns to gather his briefcase and a folder, claps Himchan on the shoulder with his free hand as he nods at him and Yongguk. "You kids acquaint, well, alright? Be nice because I'm not handling anymore fussing." He begins to head out toward the entrance. "And, Himchan, I need a copy of the publishing stocks so get ready for work!"
Himchan exudes another grunt and slouches his shoulders as he hears the main door closing shut. He spares another unjustified glance at Yongguk-his brand new bodyguard-who just grins at him when Himchan raises a brow.
This is going to be a disaster.
"Nice jammies, by the way."
"Shut it."
"Okay, let's get this straight." Himchan determinedly slams his hand down the edge of the large dining table, catching Yongguk's attention and causing him to stop mid-step from, quote: surveying the perimeters (which just principally means looking around the luxurious dining room because whoa I've never been in such a huge mansion before is that real gold?!) "How did my dad hire you?"
Yongguk offers him a brief are we seriously doing this look before shrugging and proceeding on with reaching for a remote on the corner table, clicking a random button and blinking in confusion when the yellow wall lamps suddenly turn white. "I signed myself up in the agency," he slowly sets the remote back down on the table and begins walking around again, "because I really needed a job and he sorta found me and I underwent an interview along with like twenty or fifteen others."
"Hey, we have to be specific here," Himchan says.
Yongguk grunts at Himchan's portrait painting. "His secretary collected our CVs in the agency and he called us for an interview like a week ago."
Himchan still isn't satisfied with his answer, but puts it aside. "What did he ask in the interview?"
Yongguk's now standing in front of the huge windows, peeking through the mustard drapes. "Well, you know, stuff like experience, if I know you well and if I'm ready for a job in which I'm forty percent a bodyguard and sixty percent a babysitter-all of which I answered no to. Probably why he liked me."
Himchan scowls stiffly, trying to control himself so his breathing won't come out of his ears because he hates his dad he hates his dad he hates his dad.
Yongguk shoves his hands inside his pockets as he turns to give Himchan a (very wide, very cute) beguiled grin. "Well the latter questions brought up much confusion since I thought I'm just going to be hired for general security but, your dad's really funny." His eyes fall on the dining table. "Hey why don't you have those complicated eating utensils of all sorts on the table they look really cool and... well, complicated, but mostly cool."
"They're kept in the cabinets, duh, if we leave them out here they're gonna be dusty. Why would you want to eat on dusty plates."
"Oh, I just see them in those richy rich movies all the time."
Himchan snorts. "This is a real house, not hollywood, Bang Yongguk." He shrugs, "Plus it's not like anyone ever eats here."
"Really?" Yongguk asks.
"Dad, Junhong and I are barely ever home all at the same time."
"Oh," Yongguk says again. "Well, I can eat with you here. Since I'm like your bodyguard now, right?"
The sympathy amuses Himchan. "Right. But that still doesn't make you eligible to dine with me."
"So you still observe division between workers and employers, huh? Real fairy tale-y."
Himchan rolls his eyes. "Why did you take the job, anyway? It seems shitty to me."
"Hey," Yongguk protests. "I was like, one out of two of your dad's favored choices, you know? If I wasn't there you'd be standing with a fifty six year old man right now."
Himchan sighs, placing a hand on his waist. "You didn't answer my question."
Yongguk raises a brow as he momentarily gives a thought. "You're always the talk of the town, you know. People always say you were really something." He leans back against the wall as he promptly crosses his arms in front of his chest. "I wanted to see what I was missing."
Yongguk, apparently, makes a good bodyguard.
Basically since all he has to do is to follow Himchan around everywhere as much as possible, to make sure things aren't out of place and to report to the head of security about ongoing situations. The amount of time it takes Himchan to get used to having someone else with him in his work room all the time consisted of a lot bickering and nagging and hurled office utensils until the moment Yongguk found something to entertain himself within the duration of Himchan's work hours other than pestering him with stuff about his life, his work or his past girlfriends orhow the heck did you even manage to set that kitchen on fire, dude (or rummaging through his stuff which resulted to him finding Himchan's iPad which resulted to him discovering)-Candy Crush.
This almost erupting into a fist fight because Yongguk snorted at the fact that someone as prim and proper and professional as Himchan has a Candy Crush game app on his tablet and Himchan protesting that Junhong's the one who downloaded it. But if that humiliation's the only thing he had to give in exchange for a serene workplace free of badgering bodyguards save for a few candy crushing sounds and occasional yelps of WHOO SCORE I PASSED THE LEVEL!, Himchan just had to sacrifice it.
(In all honesty, if it isn't for Himchan's unintentional reaction to detest whoever bodyguard he's going to have because of his father's provoking idea to get him a bodyguard, he would've found Yongguk a sweetheart during his first week of employment.
Aside from finding basically everything in the mansion either astonishing or confusing like why the heck do you have a remote for everything in this house are you guys that lazy to stand up from bed to open the door, Yongguk smiles a lot whenever he has the chance. He does this weird laugh-giggle-chuckle suppression each time Himchan does or says something dumb or stupid-like running into the transparent glass expanse of his office door because he's too busy scrolling through his phone messages-that, at one point in time, almost has Himchan laughing too but he remains to have his expression morphed into a hard glare just because he's supposed to be insulted.)
(In which he really isn't.)
(But all the fondness left Himchan's thoughts the moment Yongguk permanently finds his comfort zone next to Himchan-includes circumstances such as Yongguk propping his feet up the tiny coffee table in the office and Yongguk dozing off on the couch of Himchan's bedroom-when Himchan thinks how the fuck am I even going to deal with this person when he doesn't treat me as his boss.)
Yongguk makes a good bodyguard so far. But not a companion.
And, really, Himchan has never appreciated the distinct difference between the two.
Himchan doesn't expect to find his younger brother lounging in the grand balcony one particularly lazy Saturday work less afternoon. Furthermore, he doesn't expect to see him gaping across the railing down the lawn to a particular gardener who's currently trimming the lilies and dandelions by the flower bed clad in just a white wifebeater with his toned arms being unintentionally flexed as he works exposed for all the grasslands to witness.
Himchan finds him there anyway. (Because he's trying to get away from Yongguk and this is actually one of the most unexpected places in the mansion to find Himchan in so he thinks maybe he can hide for more than five minutes.)
Junhong hardly notices Himchan prop his elbows on top of the barrier next to him. "Nice view."
Junhong turns his head and blinks at him, questioning his presence. "Yeah..."
"Didn't know you have a thing for biceps," Himchan says-then stiffens, minutely realizing what just came out of his mouth. "I mean blooms. Blossoms. Flowers. Blooms."
Junhong's about to disclose this as just one of his brother's completely unnerving proneness to become absurdly incoherent but he tries to take a clear look at where Himchan's gaze is on and narrows his eyes in cognizance. He pushes Himchan away strong enough to have him stumbling aside. "I was trying to get some fresh air!"
Himchan comes up guffawing like a pig. "Yeah, right, you totally harbor in fresh breeze while staring so shamelessly at muscles being flexed."
"Go away," Junhong mumbles as he proceeds to lie his chin on top of his folded arms on the railings.
"Aw, come on," Himchan croons, as he nudges Junhong with his hip. "We don't get to have some brotherly time together anymore."
Junhong rolls his eyes. "You're just trying to get rid of your bodyguard."
"Okay, you have a point," Himchan says. "But believe me, you're so much better to hang out with, not that he's boring, which you are. But he's just so annoying he won't leave me for five seconds, hell he even made the mistake of following me to the bathroom once."
Junhong snorts. "You like it though, he technically leeches himself up to you."
"You are wrong. I, for one, favor my personal space very much."
"He's pretty much officially included in your personal space for three weeks now. And that came with a legal contract."
Himchan grunts. "I need another contract, though. One that allows me to form rules between us. Because he says that dad says that he can't follow my rules and I said I'm just justifying my basic human rights because he keeps on barging in the room without knocking and now I have to stand in guard by my literal doorway whenever I'm changing clothes because he might just break in anytime."
"Okay."
"Dad, like, encourages him with just about everything, he keeps telling him to make himself feel at home. Honestly, I don't know what witchcraft he had fed dad with."
"Yup."
"But he makes good coffee, and... he smiles as frequently as the sun shines and, um-"
"Yeah."
Himchan offers his brother a side long glance. "You are not listening."
"I am listening."
In actuality, Junhong has his eyes on the flower bed (the gardener), paying almost little to no attention to what's Himchan actually saying.
"You look dumb, you know," Himchan informs helpfully. "I think he's pretty much conscious that someone's gawking at him, I think he's flexing those 'ceps on purpose-"
"Shut up," Junhong mutters.
"-but don't get me wrong I like biceps too, totally empathizing you there-"
"Hyung."
"-you should ask his name. Do you know his name? 'Cause I don't. He's been working here for, what, three months? Should I ask his name? Do you want me to yell over, like-"
"Shut up!" Junhong yells at his brother, ready to lounge at him to perhaps hurl him over the balcony and never proceed to wake him up from the chances of unconsciousness, but their little commotion only causes Mr. Gardener-by-the-flower-bed to look up and take notice of their presence (and current position in which Junhong's hands are hovering on the air next to Himchan's neck.)
But it isn't just for that reason as to why Junhong feels his cheeks flush and his tiny adolescent heart to do numerous somersaults before finally plummeting down his toes, it's because Mr. Gardener's lips spread into the widest amused smile in the literal entity of the universe before carrying on to wave very cutely at their general direction before continuing with his pluming. And there's only one ongoing thought in Junhong's head:
AsgakdsgfjFwRGE????
"I think he just giggled at you," Himchan whispers harshly as he ploddingly pushes Junhong's arms away from him because the younger looks like he's still in a state of shock. "And waved."
When Himchan steps out of the mansion's threshold onto the driveway-in his best suit and tie attire-the first thing he notices is the man holding out the SUV's door for him-who's wearing aviator sunglasses.
And he's not just wearing any aviators. He's wearing Himchan's limited edition Gucci aviator sunglasses, a pair of which aside from being bought last summer, are something Himchan knows would only be found deep in the recesses of his walk-in closet.
Himchan strolls forward in careful steps, wondering if he's suddenly on the wrong side of the solar system.
"Are you going to come in or is it your usual thing to make your entourage wait all day?" Yongguk confronts airily and Himchan doesn't miss the way the rest of the bodyguards around them look amongst each other in confusion, vaguely taken a back at how informal Yongguk has been.
Himchan considers ripping the car door out of its hinges and slamming it on Yongguk's face but that's too brutal and his dad would be disappointed so instead, he steps closer toward the vehicle and directly faces Yongguk. "You are such an asshole," Himchan whispers as his finger reaches to smooth Yongguk's creased tie before tightening it enough to have Yongguk choking out a cough. "Those are my glasses, by the way." With that final assert, Himchan takes the aviators off Yongguk's ears in a flourish and he ducks inside the SUV before closing it shut.
With much required struggle, Yongguk successfully manages to loosen the knot of his tie and he places an arm by the side of the car to breathe, ignores the way the other securities were throwing funny looks at his general direction.
The darkly tilted car window next to him rolls down to reveal Himchan giving him a hostile glare. "Are you going to come in or is it your usual thing to make your boss wait all day?"
Yongguk attempts to glower back at him but flinches to rush toward the driver's seat when Himchan raises a threatening brow.
So much for a healthy professional relationship.
{ PART 2 }