phew
so...
i'm kind of at a loss of what to say right now.
i had an ok new years eve. i was actually proud of myself for not drinking myself into a stupor, but i did drink on wed night and regretted it. i hate how fattening alcohol is.
sugar! eek.
but it's such a release. such a bad habit.
a friend of mine who's a model has been on a fast for all of this week starting tuesday, she's lost 7lbs since she weighed herself last friday. it's the master cleanser that weird lemonade diet. at first i was like eh whatev let her do what she wants but now i'm feeling a little bit resentful of myself that i didn't start it with her. i could've been lighter :(
i've been feeling so sad and resentful of myself in general, my lack of willpower, lack of strength against alcohol, just feelings of dissapointment and shame. not to mention getting into the whole food thing. i've been off on a 'normal-eating habits binge' for quite a while.
so. today, i have to eat bc i'm at work and it's impossible to think clearly if i don't. but starting after lunch today, which is at 1 when i'll eat some soup (200cals) i'm going to start my fast. i think i'm skipping the lemonade one- even tho it's supposed to burn more- just bc i don't have time to go to the store. i'm going to do chicken broth and water. that one usually works wonders bc i'm anemic and have low blood sugar- for some reason the chicken stock really helps out with dizzyness.
so i'm going to try my hardest to continue this through to sunday. i know it's not a long fast but considerign i haven't done one in... over three years (yikes!) i think it's okay to start small.
small and humble. what a desire ;) i really do want to start working out and getting down very small again- this time while being in shape. before i did it without working out just bci wanted to drop lbs as fast as possible- it left me with lovehandles even tho i was a 0. so i want to get nice and tone and do the veggies/fruit/lean chicken diet, NO CARBS.
bu-bye, pizza. and alcohol (sniff)
but i know i can do this, i mean i know it's in me. i just have to stop being so f-ing pathetic and suck it up and commit already.
nothing in life is easy.. for me the only easy thing is being fat.
i'm kind of at a loss of what to say right now.
i had an ok new years eve. i was actually proud of myself for not drinking myself into a stupor, but i did drink on wed night and regretted it. i hate how fattening alcohol is.
sugar! eek.
but it's such a release. such a bad habit.
a friend of mine who's a model has been on a fast for all of this week starting tuesday, she's lost 7lbs since she weighed herself last friday. it's the master cleanser that weird lemonade diet. at first i was like eh whatev let her do what she wants but now i'm feeling a little bit resentful of myself that i didn't start it with her. i could've been lighter :(
i've been feeling so sad and resentful of myself in general, my lack of willpower, lack of strength against alcohol, just feelings of dissapointment and shame. not to mention getting into the whole food thing. i've been off on a 'normal-eating habits binge' for quite a while.
so. today, i have to eat bc i'm at work and it's impossible to think clearly if i don't. but starting after lunch today, which is at 1 when i'll eat some soup (200cals) i'm going to start my fast. i think i'm skipping the lemonade one- even tho it's supposed to burn more- just bc i don't have time to go to the store. i'm going to do chicken broth and water. that one usually works wonders bc i'm anemic and have low blood sugar- for some reason the chicken stock really helps out with dizzyness.
so i'm going to try my hardest to continue this through to sunday. i know it's not a long fast but considerign i haven't done one in... over three years (yikes!) i think it's okay to start small.
small and humble. what a desire ;) i really do want to start working out and getting down very small again- this time while being in shape. before i did it without working out just bci wanted to drop lbs as fast as possible- it left me with lovehandles even tho i was a 0. so i want to get nice and tone and do the veggies/fruit/lean chicken diet, NO CARBS.
bu-bye, pizza. and alcohol (sniff)
but i know i can do this, i mean i know it's in me. i just have to stop being so f-ing pathetic and suck it up and commit already.
nothing in life is easy.. for me the only easy thing is being fat.