Funerals
Well, we're home, and I feel the inevitable need to rant. For those who don't know, my Uncle Skip died of lung cancer last Thursday, the fifth family member we've lost to cigarettes. Four to lung cancer, one to emphysema. Who came up with that shit? Who was the first person to think.... hey, it's so much fun to asphyxiate during a house fire that I'll roll up a dried plant and light it to inhale that toxic smoke that nearly killed me! GENIUS!!!!!!
He was only 62. He'd been married to my Aunt for 10 years.... had three kids, four siblings, several grandkids, tons of friends. His mother is still living. He met my Aunt in AA, and the Serenity Prayer was the first thing they did at the memorial service. He'd been sober over 20 years - they had his chip from AA on the table with his ashes, along with his Marine Officer sword, and many other things he'd loved or achieved. As he was a decorated Vietnam Vet, they had full military honors - minus the 21 gun salute. They were ready to do it, but he wanted the service held on his high school ball field. The memorial was 11am, and the school was holding their terror drill at 11:59, so the gun salute was nixed.
I was holding okay until the bugle started playing taps, and by the time they handed my Aunt the flag, I was bawling.
I'm worried for her, obviously. And it just extra sucks, as he is the nicest person in our family. I will miss his kindness, his generosity, his positive outlook..... He had a profound impact on the dynamics of family events..... I used to schedule myself to work every holiday, as that was the only valid excuse for missing family drama. But his presence ensured folks would be on better behavior, for the most part. I still tried to avoid things when he had to work and couldn't make it, but if he would be there, I didn't mind going nearly as much.
I'm hoping Liam and I won't get sick.... turned on the furnace Sunday night, and forgot that I needed to open the house, aim the fans out, and leave for an hour while the furnace ran for the first time. *facepalm* Benadryled up to our gills is not the way to have to wake up and drive five hours on Monday. *sigh* Cold and rainy, calling hours at the funeral home, then hot DRY air in the hotel Monday night, then over an hour on a 45F ballfield for the memorial service itself, then the five hour home in drizzle.... Was a physically miserable time, and just seems unnecessarily punishing. If Liam and I are not sick in the next couple days, I'll be pleasantly shocked.
But it was what Skip wanted, weather not withstanding. They played his favorite Dylan, Beatles and Beach Boys songs, told stories about him, and served meatloaf, his favorite meal, after.
It just makes me angrier about self inflicted damage. Granted, my maternal Grandfather lived to 95, and smoked a pipe from the time he was 12. My Grandmother lived to 92, in the same house with his smoking. Both were vigorous and sharp as a tack to the end. My paternal Grandmother was 89 when she died, and had a martini every night. She worked until about a month before she died. *shrugs*
I know it's genes and a bit of sheer dumb luck that determines who gets lung cancer and who doesn't - not just smoking. Just as it's a lot more than sunscreen that determines who gets skin cancer. Doesn't make me any friendlier to the notion of inhaling toxic chemicals for fun.
On an ironical note.... my mother is smoking again. She'd quit a year and a half ago with help from Chantix, and she's smoking again. Liam covered his nose when she lit up out on my Aunt and Uncle's deck, and coughed dramatically to make his point... she just rolled her eyes and snapped at him to shut up. *sigh*
I'm exhausted, and hurting, and tired of it all. I'm starting back on my exercise program tomorrow.... I did better than I thought I would have, and I know it's because I keep moving. The bike, the stretching, it all helps. I've been working hard to keep weight on because Dr. Rackley thought she could have Topomax made for me, but it turns out they can't, so I can relax and let the weight go a bit. Granted, I'm only at 137, so I don't have a lot of wiggle room to lose, but... I'm just not going to worry about it anymore. I do better when I don't count calories to make sure I'm getting "enough".
Here's hoping everyone manages to keep flying, despite everything.
He was only 62. He'd been married to my Aunt for 10 years.... had three kids, four siblings, several grandkids, tons of friends. His mother is still living. He met my Aunt in AA, and the Serenity Prayer was the first thing they did at the memorial service. He'd been sober over 20 years - they had his chip from AA on the table with his ashes, along with his Marine Officer sword, and many other things he'd loved or achieved. As he was a decorated Vietnam Vet, they had full military honors - minus the 21 gun salute. They were ready to do it, but he wanted the service held on his high school ball field. The memorial was 11am, and the school was holding their terror drill at 11:59, so the gun salute was nixed.
I was holding okay until the bugle started playing taps, and by the time they handed my Aunt the flag, I was bawling.
I'm worried for her, obviously. And it just extra sucks, as he is the nicest person in our family. I will miss his kindness, his generosity, his positive outlook..... He had a profound impact on the dynamics of family events..... I used to schedule myself to work every holiday, as that was the only valid excuse for missing family drama. But his presence ensured folks would be on better behavior, for the most part. I still tried to avoid things when he had to work and couldn't make it, but if he would be there, I didn't mind going nearly as much.
I'm hoping Liam and I won't get sick.... turned on the furnace Sunday night, and forgot that I needed to open the house, aim the fans out, and leave for an hour while the furnace ran for the first time. *facepalm* Benadryled up to our gills is not the way to have to wake up and drive five hours on Monday. *sigh* Cold and rainy, calling hours at the funeral home, then hot DRY air in the hotel Monday night, then over an hour on a 45F ballfield for the memorial service itself, then the five hour home in drizzle.... Was a physically miserable time, and just seems unnecessarily punishing. If Liam and I are not sick in the next couple days, I'll be pleasantly shocked.
But it was what Skip wanted, weather not withstanding. They played his favorite Dylan, Beatles and Beach Boys songs, told stories about him, and served meatloaf, his favorite meal, after.
It just makes me angrier about self inflicted damage. Granted, my maternal Grandfather lived to 95, and smoked a pipe from the time he was 12. My Grandmother lived to 92, in the same house with his smoking. Both were vigorous and sharp as a tack to the end. My paternal Grandmother was 89 when she died, and had a martini every night. She worked until about a month before she died. *shrugs*
I know it's genes and a bit of sheer dumb luck that determines who gets lung cancer and who doesn't - not just smoking. Just as it's a lot more than sunscreen that determines who gets skin cancer. Doesn't make me any friendlier to the notion of inhaling toxic chemicals for fun.
On an ironical note.... my mother is smoking again. She'd quit a year and a half ago with help from Chantix, and she's smoking again. Liam covered his nose when she lit up out on my Aunt and Uncle's deck, and coughed dramatically to make his point... she just rolled her eyes and snapped at him to shut up. *sigh*
I'm exhausted, and hurting, and tired of it all. I'm starting back on my exercise program tomorrow.... I did better than I thought I would have, and I know it's because I keep moving. The bike, the stretching, it all helps. I've been working hard to keep weight on because Dr. Rackley thought she could have Topomax made for me, but it turns out they can't, so I can relax and let the weight go a bit. Granted, I'm only at 137, so I don't have a lot of wiggle room to lose, but... I'm just not going to worry about it anymore. I do better when I don't count calories to make sure I'm getting "enough".
Here's hoping everyone manages to keep flying, despite everything.