Neuter•Grain Bars
My mother recently bought me some Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars. I tried to explain to her that Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars were for girls, but she bought them anyway. Insult to injury, she bought them from Sam's Club, so they came in a giant box which contained three smaller, but still large, boxes. Inside each of the three inner boxes were 16 Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars. I was holding out on eating them, choosing the more masculine foods in my house- steak, hamburgers, Ramen, etc. But soon enough the Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars were the only food in the house, and I had to eat something. But I was determined to at least eat them manly. So I ripped open the Apple Cinnamon box and grabbed a noisy, shiny, green Apple Cinnamon Nutri•Grain Cereal Bar. Then I said aloud "there is no way this bullshit is going to satisfy my man-sized hunger" and I squeezed the Apple Cinnamon Nutri•Grain Cereal Bar until it was open. It was a little crumby when I finally did get it open by squeezing, and my dog ended up getting most of it. So I opened another, and let me tell you, it shut my mouth. And not just because of chewing and swallowing. It made me realize that Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars are not only for girls, men can eat them also. So I propose to the Nutri•Grain Cereal Bar folks down at Kellogg's® to change the name from Nutri•Grain Cereal Bars to Neuter•Grain Cereal Bars. Everyone knows that neuter is Latin for neither, and I have the perfect slogan: "Neuter•Grain Cereal Bars; are they for girls or men? Neither, they're for both." Just think of it Kellogg's®, you guys could be making twice as much money if you marketed to men as well.
On an unrelated note, my dog just got a new outfit, which is what she calls her collar. As it happens the new collar is green, which is the same color as the shirt I was wearing today. My dog is also black, which is the same color as the shorts I was wearing today. So there we were on our walk, when I realize that we match. It was a little embarrassing, and I just moved to this neighborhood. Therefore, I had to keep telling everyone I ran into that my dog talked me into doing it, and that I thought it was kind of gay. But that probably just makes me seem more gay.
On an unrelated note, my dog just got a new outfit, which is what she calls her collar. As it happens the new collar is green, which is the same color as the shirt I was wearing today. My dog is also black, which is the same color as the shorts I was wearing today. So there we were on our walk, when I realize that we match. It was a little embarrassing, and I just moved to this neighborhood. Therefore, I had to keep telling everyone I ran into that my dog talked me into doing it, and that I thought it was kind of gay. But that probably just makes me seem more gay.