feeling a little better...
I guess that maybe liz will be convincing Jon to house jazz for me. I just need to figure out what I am going to do with her for christmas break. Like I said before I cant take her with me to my dad's...so that's out of the question. But I thought maybe my sister? just for the winter break.
In other thoughts, I am really excited about my final projects for ceramics and drawing. I wasn't too excited about the drawing one but I started it today and it wasn't too bad. I really like my idea. And for ceramics I've decided to make a tea set. Tea party anyone?
School is finaly comming to a close, I dont know whats going to happen about next semester. Shit, might as well sell jazz to pay for it. But I dont know if I could live with myself if I did, just for school. I guess me and qui are going to go to L.A. for new years, should be fun but I really dont know that Iwill be feeling up to it. I mean, my sergery is scheduled for the 27th, so I dont know that I will be well enough to travel and party for new years. I hope I can though.
Have you ever had a point in your life where it seams everything is falling apart, when its really not? I cried myself to sleep last night, just with the cancer and losing jazz, and my dad being such a prick, and my mom hounding me for money to help her out, and my sister calling me and complaining about my dad not talking to her and my mom giving her shit. I just really dont understand how everyone can come to me for a scapegoat, but when I need someone to talk to no one is around to really listen. I love how people can just say you can talk to me! and then not listen to what you say. Or how you give your all to them when their having problems, and you finally come to them with one of your own and they dont give a shit. I love how people can just ignore your huge problems and talk about their own minute small drama shit problems.
I really dont give a shit about the problems you and friends and/or boyfriend/girlfriend are having. I wish everything would go back to when I was back in middle school, thats how long its been since I was really truly happy and it didn't seem like the whole world was agenst me and ready to drive my body and soul into the ground. Where did my life go? I have all these goals and wants and needs and yet it seems like they are so imposible to atain, yet so close and so easy for others.
I know it would be so much easier if this cancer just killed me. I wouldn't have to worry about any more shit in my life, and no one would have to worry about me. Dont worry, I would never off myself or anything, but sometimes it seems the easier thing to do. "suicide is just a permenent fix to a temporary problem". Then again, maybe I should just get qui...do a whole shit load of E over the weekend, and just forget about it...but then I think "drugs are just a temporary fix to a permenent problem".
Life is too hard, I dont want to do it anymore.
In other thoughts, I am really excited about my final projects for ceramics and drawing. I wasn't too excited about the drawing one but I started it today and it wasn't too bad. I really like my idea. And for ceramics I've decided to make a tea set. Tea party anyone?
School is finaly comming to a close, I dont know whats going to happen about next semester. Shit, might as well sell jazz to pay for it. But I dont know if I could live with myself if I did, just for school. I guess me and qui are going to go to L.A. for new years, should be fun but I really dont know that Iwill be feeling up to it. I mean, my sergery is scheduled for the 27th, so I dont know that I will be well enough to travel and party for new years. I hope I can though.
Have you ever had a point in your life where it seams everything is falling apart, when its really not? I cried myself to sleep last night, just with the cancer and losing jazz, and my dad being such a prick, and my mom hounding me for money to help her out, and my sister calling me and complaining about my dad not talking to her and my mom giving her shit. I just really dont understand how everyone can come to me for a scapegoat, but when I need someone to talk to no one is around to really listen. I love how people can just say you can talk to me! and then not listen to what you say. Or how you give your all to them when their having problems, and you finally come to them with one of your own and they dont give a shit. I love how people can just ignore your huge problems and talk about their own minute small drama shit problems.
I really dont give a shit about the problems you and friends and/or boyfriend/girlfriend are having. I wish everything would go back to when I was back in middle school, thats how long its been since I was really truly happy and it didn't seem like the whole world was agenst me and ready to drive my body and soul into the ground. Where did my life go? I have all these goals and wants and needs and yet it seems like they are so imposible to atain, yet so close and so easy for others.
I know it would be so much easier if this cancer just killed me. I wouldn't have to worry about any more shit in my life, and no one would have to worry about me. Dont worry, I would never off myself or anything, but sometimes it seems the easier thing to do. "suicide is just a permenent fix to a temporary problem". Then again, maybe I should just get qui...do a whole shit load of E over the weekend, and just forget about it...but then I think "drugs are just a temporary fix to a permenent problem".
Life is too hard, I dont want to do it anymore.