(no subject)
After reading my friends post I feel obligated to post so that lj stops telling her she has no friends. But I warn you, it's not a pleasant one, maybe it will take an unexpected turn?
I am frustrated and depressed. Most of it can probably be blamed on the weather. But it also has a lot to do with the empty performance calendar staring me in the face. I know I'm starting recording in a few weeks so I have a good excuse but it sucks. I've sent so many emails, made so many cold calls, even sent demo cd's, and still can't get gigs. It shouldn't be this hard. For the quartet I understand, we need to get paid a decent amount for them to be willing to play. But for me? I'll play for tips!
And I know I complain about this a lot but, why don't my friends listen to my music? It's fine if they listen and decide they don't like it but they don't even give it a chance!
I have been reading a lot lately, which is good. Lots of dystopian YA novels=/ I should feel guilty for not challenging my brain more but a lot of my students read them and it gives us more to talk about=) That and I just devour them! So why deny myself something that makes me happy? Right now I'm on Ender's game, which is much better than a lot of the other's I've read lately. But I keep downloading books on my tablet and i really need to read the books i have or get rid of them! Too much weight, and someday, i will move. God. Damn. It.
It was nice to be home. This was the first time I really truly wanted to move back. It was painful to leave all that warmth and sunshine, especially with a snow doom to occur the day after i got back. I had a nice time with Mom, we did lots of yard work and went to Ace 3 times to give me time to flirt with the cute guy working there who flirted back, but not enough to give me the guts to give him my #. It just wasn't practical. I don't live there anymore. And I don't date.
Things with my sister went pretty well. She invited us over for dinner the night before i left and it went really well! Everyone helped with the cooking and there were no arguments. AND we hugged by and she wasn't tense, she gave me a real hug. Well, not the kind of full hug i give but the best i've probably ever got from her. And her fiance is a good man, and her dog is a sweetheart, and i'm glad she's happy. And I want to move back too!
Some friends are moving to the bay area in may and trying to convince me to go, i can't even move when my lease is up in July! I'm stuck here another year. If all goes well I will have my credit card paid off before the end of 2014, but that doesn't leave room for saving. And the recording project will be very expensive, so unless I make bank with the kickstarter there is no way i can move before summer of 2015. And then, to where? It sucks to be planning so far out and to know i'll have another winter here. I hate it. It has been so cold this week! We're supposed to be back up to the 30's and 40's by the weekend and that's warm?! Yeesh. It makes me grumpy.
So, Kev and i continued jamming when i got back. But after 2 weeks of not seeing each other and really good music making we finally slept together. Well, 2 1/2 years in the making and i resisted for that long, which for me is good. Really good. And that's pathetic i know. He's one of my best friends, but that's not something we should have done. I hope it doesn't get too weird, but i couldn't get into the jam tonight and i worry that's why.
My new year's resolution by the way, is to get rid of crap i don't need. That way when i do finally get to move it will be easier and i won't have to get rid of too much then. Now the question is, do i sell any of my instruments? I don't ever play my flute and i hardly ever pick up my guitar and bass... and i have a student model tenor sax i'll never play. I was hanging onto the tenor in case i ever had a student who needed it for a quartet or something i would run. Can I really part with instruments even if i don't ever play them and don't reaaaaally need them?
My application for Onebeat is due in a week. I have 1 question left. I don't expect to get in but i will still try my damnedest.
I'm looking up at my wall of happy. I put a lot of positive things on the curtains behind my desk. Mostly wonderful things from students and accomplishments/awards/posters from concerts i organized/played in. I hope it helps my mood because right now i fear there is no helping it.
I am frustrated and depressed. Most of it can probably be blamed on the weather. But it also has a lot to do with the empty performance calendar staring me in the face. I know I'm starting recording in a few weeks so I have a good excuse but it sucks. I've sent so many emails, made so many cold calls, even sent demo cd's, and still can't get gigs. It shouldn't be this hard. For the quartet I understand, we need to get paid a decent amount for them to be willing to play. But for me? I'll play for tips!
And I know I complain about this a lot but, why don't my friends listen to my music? It's fine if they listen and decide they don't like it but they don't even give it a chance!
I have been reading a lot lately, which is good. Lots of dystopian YA novels=/ I should feel guilty for not challenging my brain more but a lot of my students read them and it gives us more to talk about=) That and I just devour them! So why deny myself something that makes me happy? Right now I'm on Ender's game, which is much better than a lot of the other's I've read lately. But I keep downloading books on my tablet and i really need to read the books i have or get rid of them! Too much weight, and someday, i will move. God. Damn. It.
It was nice to be home. This was the first time I really truly wanted to move back. It was painful to leave all that warmth and sunshine, especially with a snow doom to occur the day after i got back. I had a nice time with Mom, we did lots of yard work and went to Ace 3 times to give me time to flirt with the cute guy working there who flirted back, but not enough to give me the guts to give him my #. It just wasn't practical. I don't live there anymore. And I don't date.
Things with my sister went pretty well. She invited us over for dinner the night before i left and it went really well! Everyone helped with the cooking and there were no arguments. AND we hugged by and she wasn't tense, she gave me a real hug. Well, not the kind of full hug i give but the best i've probably ever got from her. And her fiance is a good man, and her dog is a sweetheart, and i'm glad she's happy. And I want to move back too!
Some friends are moving to the bay area in may and trying to convince me to go, i can't even move when my lease is up in July! I'm stuck here another year. If all goes well I will have my credit card paid off before the end of 2014, but that doesn't leave room for saving. And the recording project will be very expensive, so unless I make bank with the kickstarter there is no way i can move before summer of 2015. And then, to where? It sucks to be planning so far out and to know i'll have another winter here. I hate it. It has been so cold this week! We're supposed to be back up to the 30's and 40's by the weekend and that's warm?! Yeesh. It makes me grumpy.
So, Kev and i continued jamming when i got back. But after 2 weeks of not seeing each other and really good music making we finally slept together. Well, 2 1/2 years in the making and i resisted for that long, which for me is good. Really good. And that's pathetic i know. He's one of my best friends, but that's not something we should have done. I hope it doesn't get too weird, but i couldn't get into the jam tonight and i worry that's why.
My new year's resolution by the way, is to get rid of crap i don't need. That way when i do finally get to move it will be easier and i won't have to get rid of too much then. Now the question is, do i sell any of my instruments? I don't ever play my flute and i hardly ever pick up my guitar and bass... and i have a student model tenor sax i'll never play. I was hanging onto the tenor in case i ever had a student who needed it for a quartet or something i would run. Can I really part with instruments even if i don't ever play them and don't reaaaaally need them?
My application for Onebeat is due in a week. I have 1 question left. I don't expect to get in but i will still try my damnedest.
I'm looking up at my wall of happy. I put a lot of positive things on the curtains behind my desk. Mostly wonderful things from students and accomplishments/awards/posters from concerts i organized/played in. I hope it helps my mood because right now i fear there is no helping it.