(no subject)
I have caught every fucking cold in the world this fall. EVERY FUCKING ONE.
Grad school apps are half done. I'm kind of disappointed in some of my work (particularly the portfolio aspects), but they're good enough, I think. And my writing isn't very special, anyway. Like, I know I can write fucking great pieces, but I haven't yet. I've written fairly average stuff. And I hope that gets across, in my applications, that I know I can do better work but I'm not there yet. And hopefully that's what they're looking for.
It's like, I want to write well, but it's out of my hands. I can sit down and write perfectly passable prose. Right now. I could write a very average short story, a very average novel (and yes, that's what my portfolio contains: mediocrity). How do I write something above average? Admittedly, there's a craft aspect to it. A craft aspect I don't fully possess yet. But even more so than that, it's that my life is very, very stable. There are few major positives or negatives. Nothing too good, or too bad, happens. I do things, and they are intellectually stimulating, but they are rarely *things*.
I've come to understand how an artist who makes something mind bogglingly brilliant can then make something so mediocre afterwards. There's an extra piece there, that comes and goes. The having something to write about besides good ideas. It's the difference between something punchy and something deeply profound. Something funny and something that cuts to the heart of human experience. I can easily do the former, but never the latter, because...there's no good situation for them.
I think, though, once I'm not sick, I'll actually try to write a novel. Seeing as there's no time like the present.
Grad school apps are half done. I'm kind of disappointed in some of my work (particularly the portfolio aspects), but they're good enough, I think. And my writing isn't very special, anyway. Like, I know I can write fucking great pieces, but I haven't yet. I've written fairly average stuff. And I hope that gets across, in my applications, that I know I can do better work but I'm not there yet. And hopefully that's what they're looking for.
It's like, I want to write well, but it's out of my hands. I can sit down and write perfectly passable prose. Right now. I could write a very average short story, a very average novel (and yes, that's what my portfolio contains: mediocrity). How do I write something above average? Admittedly, there's a craft aspect to it. A craft aspect I don't fully possess yet. But even more so than that, it's that my life is very, very stable. There are few major positives or negatives. Nothing too good, or too bad, happens. I do things, and they are intellectually stimulating, but they are rarely *things*.
I've come to understand how an artist who makes something mind bogglingly brilliant can then make something so mediocre afterwards. There's an extra piece there, that comes and goes. The having something to write about besides good ideas. It's the difference between something punchy and something deeply profound. Something funny and something that cuts to the heart of human experience. I can easily do the former, but never the latter, because...there's no good situation for them.
I think, though, once I'm not sick, I'll actually try to write a novel. Seeing as there's no time like the present.