Thing still arent better
Well my babies - hello. Another depressing post from yours truly.
Well - I still haven't heard from Josh - go figure. I really dont think that he cares. The other night, me and his sister were in Keokuk and he came over there to race his car. Well, it ended up raining. So me and Jennifer (his sis) were sitting at the "park" by the river and he came there (along with Oskie, AJ, Wes, Jeremy, Danielle, and Steve) So earlier that day I had bought Josh a card and on the front it said "I love you this much" and it had a little person with their arms out. Then below it it said "No, I love you this much" then the persons arms were stretched further. Then below that it said "I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH" and his arms were stretched as far as they would go. Inside it said "What I am trying to say is that I love you alot". Below that, I wrote him a note that said "Josh, I am not writing this because I want you back. I am writing you this so that you know my true feelings for you. To hear from you would mean the world to me. Love, Ash". Well, I gave it to him in front of everyone and he sat on his car and read it. A card that should take 1 minute tops to read took him like 5 minutes. I think that he was thinking about it, but I dont know. So, then last night, I call his brother and Josh answers the phone. Well, I thought it was Jeremy, so I was like "What are you doing???" all happy and he was like "this is Josh" and I said in a bitcy tone "Put your brother on the phone." So I was talking to Jeremy and I asked him to ask Josh if he would talk to me. He said that he was busy working on a motor. So I asked if he was gonna talk to me again, and he said "Not right now, I'm busy" and then I said EVER? and he said "Sometime". What the hell does that mean? I cant take this anymore. Josh is the only guy EVER that has made me forget about Jon. I can't lose that because that is something special to me. I just dont know what to do. I know Katie says that "We are better than guys", but I dont feel that I am better then anyone or anything. I just keep wondering to myself "What is so wrong with me?" "What do I do wrong?" Maybe I just choose the wrong guys. Maybe there IS something wrong with me. I dont know and maybe I never will. All I want is to find the man of my dreams. I thought I had and I think I still have, but why can't he feel the same. And if he does, then why cant he say anything. Everyone, including his parents, said that even if he does feel the same, he wont call me. They said he is too stubborn. WTF?!?!? If you love someone and you know that they are hurting, can't you put your stubborness aside for like 2 minutes to give them a glimpse of hope??? I can't take this and it is only making this whole ordeal harder for me. Maybe he is hurting, I dont know. Maybe he doesnt care, I dont know. I guess he still isn't acting like himself, but if he is sad, WHY WOULDNT HE CALL?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??! Ahhhhh. Maybe when I go home, this will make everything better. Maybe not though, being so far away may break both of us apart even more. Maybe the distance is going to make us never talk again.....I dont know.
Well - I still haven't heard from Josh - go figure. I really dont think that he cares. The other night, me and his sister were in Keokuk and he came over there to race his car. Well, it ended up raining. So me and Jennifer (his sis) were sitting at the "park" by the river and he came there (along with Oskie, AJ, Wes, Jeremy, Danielle, and Steve) So earlier that day I had bought Josh a card and on the front it said "I love you this much" and it had a little person with their arms out. Then below it it said "No, I love you this much" then the persons arms were stretched further. Then below that it said "I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH" and his arms were stretched as far as they would go. Inside it said "What I am trying to say is that I love you alot". Below that, I wrote him a note that said "Josh, I am not writing this because I want you back. I am writing you this so that you know my true feelings for you. To hear from you would mean the world to me. Love, Ash". Well, I gave it to him in front of everyone and he sat on his car and read it. A card that should take 1 minute tops to read took him like 5 minutes. I think that he was thinking about it, but I dont know. So, then last night, I call his brother and Josh answers the phone. Well, I thought it was Jeremy, so I was like "What are you doing???" all happy and he was like "this is Josh" and I said in a bitcy tone "Put your brother on the phone." So I was talking to Jeremy and I asked him to ask Josh if he would talk to me. He said that he was busy working on a motor. So I asked if he was gonna talk to me again, and he said "Not right now, I'm busy" and then I said EVER? and he said "Sometime". What the hell does that mean? I cant take this anymore. Josh is the only guy EVER that has made me forget about Jon. I can't lose that because that is something special to me. I just dont know what to do. I know Katie says that "We are better than guys", but I dont feel that I am better then anyone or anything. I just keep wondering to myself "What is so wrong with me?" "What do I do wrong?" Maybe I just choose the wrong guys. Maybe there IS something wrong with me. I dont know and maybe I never will. All I want is to find the man of my dreams. I thought I had and I think I still have, but why can't he feel the same. And if he does, then why cant he say anything. Everyone, including his parents, said that even if he does feel the same, he wont call me. They said he is too stubborn. WTF?!?!? If you love someone and you know that they are hurting, can't you put your stubborness aside for like 2 minutes to give them a glimpse of hope??? I can't take this and it is only making this whole ordeal harder for me. Maybe he is hurting, I dont know. Maybe he doesnt care, I dont know. I guess he still isn't acting like himself, but if he is sad, WHY WOULDNT HE CALL?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??! Ahhhhh. Maybe when I go home, this will make everything better. Maybe not though, being so far away may break both of us apart even more. Maybe the distance is going to make us never talk again.....I dont know.