Ever feel like you are nothing in this world and you were just put here to be hurt over and over?
So I think that my subject could be pretty self explanitory (sp). So, last night I went to where Josh works and he would not come out to talk to me what-so-ever. I didnt think much of it because I thought surely he would talk to me...eventually. So, he walks out with a bag of trash thinking that he would come back inside to talk to me....well was i wrong. So, I go outside and he is nowhere to be found and his car is gone. I then find out that he was in the kitchen saying that I was too clingy because I wanted to spend the 3 days that I am here (at the river) with him. He also said that if I thought that is what was gonna happen, I had another thing coming. So, I went to his house and sat on his bed and wrote him a note that said
Josh
I came and got my ring because I dont think that you deserve to have it. I am sick of you treating me like shit. I dont take you away from your car. I dont take you away from your friends. I am here 3 days a week and I live 80 miles away. How much more freedom could you ask for? The way that you tret me is truley amazing to me. You treat me like shit and I am sick of it. When you decide to get your priorities straight, give me a call. Until then, have a great fucking time.
-Ash
Does anyone think that that got a point across? I sure hope so. He tells his friends that he likes me alot and that he is trying with our relationship - but it seems to be that there is no effort being shown. Well, I took my ring and talked to his step-mom and she said that he is an ass hole and that I can do so much better - THE SAME THING EVERYONE ELSE TELLS ME. Problem is - He is the one person that I see myself with for the rest of my life. I have been praying that God will bring him back to me and I hope that it works. I think the problem is that he feels like we are getting too close and he is getting freaked out by it. His cousin told me that he is spooked. In our relationship, we were getting to a point where we could have started saying "I love you" and I think that freaked him out. He has never had a real girlfriend in his life, and I think that he is/was falling for me and doesnt know how to handle it. I dont know why. Everyone tells me to follow my heart and my heart tells me to stay with him, everything will get better. But my mind is telling me that he is nothing and is never gonna change. But I want to be the one to change him and I thought I could and for the most part - everyone else thought so too. I dont know what to do. I fell for him like no one ever in my life before. I think that may be why this is so hard. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just wish that I would die so that I didnt have to deal with this. The heartache and heartbreak. I have had my heart broken too many times, I cant handle this. I thought that me and Josh would be different. I thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I thought we were going to get married. I see us growing old together. Maybe I see the wrong things. Maybe there is a bigger picture here...maybe I am to learn a lesson...maybe, i dont know. I need something, someone, anything. I am so deeply hurt
Sometimes love is addiction
Sometimes it hurts like hell and
Sometimes you just can't get enough
You can't make me love you
Anymore than I do
But you can make me unreachable
_________________________________________________________________________
I wake up
The tear drops
They pour down like rain
_________________________________________________________________________
But in the morning I'm leavin
Making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hoped
That I would do just fine
And I dont see
How you could ever be
Anything but mine
_________________________________________________________________________
My bad dreams just dont seem the same
Baby without you
I wish you were willing to accept the blame
For all the shitty things you do
Nightmares just dont scare me now
Baby without you
I wish that I could find the words to tell
You to politely go fuck yourself
Now that it's over
Josh
I came and got my ring because I dont think that you deserve to have it. I am sick of you treating me like shit. I dont take you away from your car. I dont take you away from your friends. I am here 3 days a week and I live 80 miles away. How much more freedom could you ask for? The way that you tret me is truley amazing to me. You treat me like shit and I am sick of it. When you decide to get your priorities straight, give me a call. Until then, have a great fucking time.
-Ash
Does anyone think that that got a point across? I sure hope so. He tells his friends that he likes me alot and that he is trying with our relationship - but it seems to be that there is no effort being shown. Well, I took my ring and talked to his step-mom and she said that he is an ass hole and that I can do so much better - THE SAME THING EVERYONE ELSE TELLS ME. Problem is - He is the one person that I see myself with for the rest of my life. I have been praying that God will bring him back to me and I hope that it works. I think the problem is that he feels like we are getting too close and he is getting freaked out by it. His cousin told me that he is spooked. In our relationship, we were getting to a point where we could have started saying "I love you" and I think that freaked him out. He has never had a real girlfriend in his life, and I think that he is/was falling for me and doesnt know how to handle it. I dont know why. Everyone tells me to follow my heart and my heart tells me to stay with him, everything will get better. But my mind is telling me that he is nothing and is never gonna change. But I want to be the one to change him and I thought I could and for the most part - everyone else thought so too. I dont know what to do. I fell for him like no one ever in my life before. I think that may be why this is so hard. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just wish that I would die so that I didnt have to deal with this. The heartache and heartbreak. I have had my heart broken too many times, I cant handle this. I thought that me and Josh would be different. I thought that we were going to be together for a long time. I thought we were going to get married. I see us growing old together. Maybe I see the wrong things. Maybe there is a bigger picture here...maybe I am to learn a lesson...maybe, i dont know. I need something, someone, anything. I am so deeply hurt
Sometimes love is addiction
Sometimes it hurts like hell and
Sometimes you just can't get enough
You can't make me love you
Anymore than I do
But you can make me unreachable
_________________________________________________________________________
I wake up
The tear drops
They pour down like rain
_________________________________________________________________________
But in the morning I'm leavin
Making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hoped
That I would do just fine
And I dont see
How you could ever be
Anything but mine
_________________________________________________________________________
My bad dreams just dont seem the same
Baby without you
I wish you were willing to accept the blame
For all the shitty things you do
Nightmares just dont scare me now
Baby without you
I wish that I could find the words to tell
You to politely go fuck yourself
Now that it's over